Tangled Up Hearts

by Hughes, Deborah

  “Who was at the door, Paul?” Alyssa came out of the bedroom with her hair mussed and her eyes drowsy with sleep.

  “Tell me something, Alyssa. Does Cole know that I am going to be a priest?”

  Surprised by the question, her eyes widened then lowered, her face reddening enough to show her guilt. “No, I hadn’t gotten around to telling him. Quite frankly, I didn’t think it was any of his business.”

  Paul sighed. “I wish you would tell him, Alyssa. Our relationship can be misleading to those who don't know that about me. It isn't fair to me or Cole.”

  Her expression changed to contrition and she put out a hand in apology. “You’re right, Paul. I’m sorry. I’ll tell Trisha this evening and ask her to let Cole know." She just couldn't do it herself and see the derision in his eyes for deceiving him.

  He nodded in approval. “Good." Seeing she was still distressed, Paul smiled and gave her a reassuring wink. "No more worries, okay? I ordered pizza. Why don't you go get freshened up and by the time you are done, it should be here.”

  “Great, I'm famished.” Thankful for his friendship and understanding, Alyssa gave him a hug. “You are truly a wonderful friend. Have I told you that recently?”

  “It’s been a few hours at least. I’m relieved to know that nothing has changed.”

  Laughing at his reply, she headed off to the bedroom to shower and change. Twenty minutes later she rejoined Paul in the living room and someone knocked on her door just as she did so. Glad for the timing she turned and headed for the door. "I think our pizza has arrived."

  It was while they were eating that she learned of Cole's visit.

  Aside from feeling bad about putting Paul in that awkward situation, she was worried as to what was going through Cole's mind. No doubt he'd arrived at the wrong conclusions and it made her all the more impatient to clear up the misunderstanding. After what happened between them the day before, it must be confusing him to think she was now in the arms of another man. She hoped the truth of it would ease some of the tension between them and clear the way for them to talk about what happened. Although his abrupt departure had devastated her at the time, she now believed that he'd done so because he felt guilty about losing control and making her cry. If that was the case...then it was possible there were other feelings going on where she was concerned. If he could admit that, then they could take it from there and maybe put their war behind them once and for all.

  * * *

  Cole drove away from Alyssa’s house with confusion clouding his thoughts and a heavy weight in his soul. The shock that drove through him when he realized Alyssa was in her bedroom with Paul had sliced through his heart like a knife. He wanted to drive his fist into Paul’s charming face when he saw him come quietly out of her room.

  His hands curled over the steering wheel and tightened until his knuckles turned white. Paul seemed like a decent enough guy yet he wanted to dislike him. It didn’t make sense. He should be glad Alyssa found someone who possessed some integrity. Anyone could clearly see Paul was an honorable man. It came through in the way he conducted himself and from the calm energy he projected. If only he knew a little more about him. What did he do for a living? What were his intentions towards Alyssa? He only cared because Trisha did. After all, whatever affected Alyssa, affected Trisha. Then again, Trisha liked Paul quite a bit and his sister was usually a pretty good judge of character. So how had she ended up with someone like Alyssa for a best friend?

  The moment that thought was out, he knew he had to recant it. No matter how bad their own relationship, Alyssa was a devoted, thoughtful friend to his sister. Hell, she was wonderful with everyone but him. Never him.

  Heaving a heavy, frustrated sigh, Cole ran an agitated hand through his hair. He’d gone to see her to make sure she was okay. Guilt had been eating at him since he left her house yesterday. Why was it that when it came to being in her company, he didn't even recognize himself? What on earth possessed him to react so roughly with her, kissing her in a manner meant to punish? Since when did he use kissing as a form of punishment?

  Once he noticed her tears, an entirely new emotion had taken hold. He'd wanted nothing more than to comfort her. Love her.

  Wait...love? No, he didn't mean to say that, did he? Of course not. He didn't love her. But he was beginning to lust after her. What man wouldn't feel that way after experiencing the kind of hot passion they'd surprisingly shared? He couldn’t get it out of his head. If he hadn’t left when he had, he would have carried her off to the bedroom or had her right there on the hallway floor. That would have been disastrous for both of them. But God help him, he’d wanted her so much the urgency to take her nearly consumed him beyond reason. Even now, just remembering it, his body tightened with desire. Heat sprung from within his very soul and sweat broke out on his brow.

  His body's responses confused him. They were enemies, he and Alyssa. They waged a personal war both of them seemed helpless to control. He’d meant what he said yesterday. He wanted peace. If they could somehow accomplish that, then perhaps they could get on with their lives and put the past behind them. Not that it was going to matter much if Alyssa remained preoccupied with Paul. Now that he was in the picture, she wouldn't have time to engage in their war, especially given the fact that he seemed to disapprove of their bad behavior in that regard.

  The very thought made his chest heave painfully. Did he really want Alyssa out of his life? They were friends once. He’d thought of her as a sister. Well, perhaps not a sister but he'd definitely had a fondness for her. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, it all ended. Alyssa changed the rules and he hadn't been prepared to accept them. She was too damn young for him back then and he couldn't give her the notice she seemed to want.

  Cole’s hand curled into a fist and he punched at the steering wheel. Damn it, Alyssa, it was too soon! Now it was too late. Too late for what, though? Cole shook his head to dispel the question. No, he wouldn’t go there. Not now. What he would do, however, was straighten things out with her. Tonight at the rehearsal. And, he added with quiet determination, he would work through these negative feelings towards Paul. One way or another he would do both.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “Haven’t you had enough of my company for one day?” Paul asked.

  Alyssa tugged at his jacket, stalling his departure. “I never tire of your company.” She made a face and added ruefully, “The truth is I don’t have a car and I thought you could drive me over there. Then after the rehearsal we could go for coffee or something.”

  “What’s happened to your car, Alyssa?”

  “Well I sort of had a run-in with a tree.”

  “What?” His eyes widening with concern, Paul took her hand and gave it a shake until she met his gaze. “When? What happened?”

  “It was the rabbit’s fault.” Knowing she wasn’t making any sense, she told him about the accident.

  “Alyssa! Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” He examined her closely as if to satisfy himself that there were no other hidden injuries. “Thank God you are okay.”

  “Yes, thank God. My car was totaled. Dad is going to help me find another one tomorrow.” She tapped his arm. “So, are you going to be the wonderful gentleman you are and offer me a lift?”

  “But of course. I do wish you had called and told me about this sooner.”

  She smiled, touched by his concern though she expected no less. “But why? I’m fine.”

  Paul helped her with her jacket. “No lingering nightmares or anything?”

  “None. I never really thought I was going to die, Paul. It was the strangest thing, but I was really quite calm during the whole thing. It was only afterwards that nerves set in.”

  Paul nodded in understanding and held the door open for her. “I think it is a gift from God that when faced with something horrible, he brings a feeling of peace to help you through it.”

  Once she settled comfortably in his car, she waited until he joined her before continuing their conv
ersation. “But I never thought I would die. Don’t you think that’s odd?”

  “Not really. I think in our soul we know when it is time to move on. Deep within your consciousness, you knew it was not time.”

  “I’m really quite grateful about that. I have some things to straighten out here first.” She thought about Cole, knowing he was the only loose end she couldn't leave as it was.

  Paul didn’t make any reply but a small smile played about his lips and when he caught Alyssa's eye, he gave her an everything-is-going-to-be-okay wink.

  Despite her resolve to straighten things out with Cole and start on a path to peace, she was a bundle of nerves as they walked up the front steps to the church. A glance at her watch told her she was late. Cole was sure to say something about it and already she was bubbling with ideas on what to say should he do so. Not a good way to carry on a truce to be sure.

  Since Paul was giving her curious glances, she pointed to her watch. “We’re a little late. Hopefully Trisha won't be too upset with me.”

  The relief flooding her friend's face as they rushed down the aisle toward the small group standing at the end of it told her that she hadn't quite gotten to the point of being upset. But she had been a little worried.

  “Al! Thank God. I thought you may have forgotten.” Trisha grabbed her arm and waved at Paul in greeting. “Hi, Paul. It’s good to see you again.” Giving Alyssa’s arm a tug, they joined Jack, Cole and Father Bowden near the alter.

  As Alyssa took her place next to Cole, she couldn't help but notice how he'd watched their approach, his stance stiff with tension, a muscle twitching in his cheek. No doubt something was going on behind those enigmatic eyes of his.

  Their gazes clashed and held. Alyssa’s stomach dipped so fast her breath hitched and she had to part her mouth in order to draw in more air. Everything that happened between them in the last few days passed through that glance. It was too much for her to face with so much going on. Now wasn't the time. Perhaps after the wedding they could talk and sort through it all.

  Somehow she managed to tear her gaze away from him and settle on Trisha. Not that it mattered where she looked for her brain replayed those wild moments in Cole's arms, making it impossible to focus on anything her friend was saying. She just couldn’t shake the feel of his mouth or the heated pressure of his body sliding against hers, making her ache with need. Oh how she hated it that she was yearning for his touch all over again.

  Hoping no one noticed the heat blooming in her cheeks, she kept her head lowered. More than anything, she did not want Cole to guess how profoundly he affected her.

  Wondering at Alyssa's strange behavior, Cole watched as his sister caught her up on what was going on and wondered about the look they'd just shared. He had the distinct impression she was searching for something in his gaze...questioning all that had transpired between them. His heart thudded hard in response and he'd almost gone to her. But then her eyes pulled away from his and she now refused to look at him.

  He stared at her bent head, willing her to look up. She didn't. What she did do was glance over at Paul.

  When Trisha turned to speak with Jack about something, Cole gave Alyssa a nudge, finally gaining her attention. “I'm surprised you remembered to join us. Last I heard, you were resting.” He spoke that last with such a snide undertone that even he cringed inside. Although he wished he'd just kept his big mouth shut, he thought for sure it would get her dander up. At this point he'd be happy to be on the receiving end of a sharp retort. But the ploy didn't work. Between that and the fact she'd brought her boyfriend along, he wanted to lash out his frustration and settled for lobbying a pot shot instead. The only thing he accomplished was a bout of self-disgust. Where had all his good intentions gone?

  Trisha spared him an uneasy glance. “Cole, you are going to remember where we are and what we promised, right?”

  Alyssa thought back to what Paul said about changing the pattern and decided to give it a go. “He has a point, Trisha. I was late and I’m very sorry.” She cast Cole a quick apologetic glance, her shoulders shrugging slightly as she waved a hand in appeal to Father Bowden. “I'm here now so let’s get the show started, shall we?”

  If the roof had caved in, Cole couldn’t have been more surprised. What was happening here? No sarcastic retorts? No subtle digs? His eyes traveled to Paul and narrowed with a speculation that didn't sit easy with him. No doubt he was the reason for her sudden change of behavior. Just as he had to be the reason she was late. Cole curled his hands into fists as he fought to remain calm. So a new phase in their relationship was about to unfold. Something told him he was going to care for this one even less.

  When the next half hour went by without the usual tension springing up between them, Alyssa had to admit that perhaps Paul was right. Her choosing not to toss back a sharp retort to Cole's annoyance over her being late had changed the playing field. Instead of volleying insults at one another, they were actually being quite amicable. A good thing since they were in church.

  Trisha and Jack wanted to incorporate mass into their wedding so there was a little more to the ceremony to remember. As the rehearsal progressed, a blooming sadness began to surge through Alyssa's soul. It was suddenly hitting home to her how different everything was going to be from this point on. Trisha's marriage was going to change a lot of things. With a husband and baby to occupy her time, she would not have as much of it to spend with her. The prospect made her feel lonely all of a sudden.

  Though her head was bowed and she was staring blindly at the maroon carpet, she somehow sensed that Cole was watching her and turned her head to see if that was truly the case. To her complete and utter surprise, he gave her an understanding smile, as if he understood what she was thinking. Alyssa’s heart surged, skipped a beat or two then settled into heavy thudding. The words Paul said to her earlier sprang into her thoughts.

  “If you change, Alyssa, Cole will be forced to do the same.”

  How true that was turning out to be. But was she ready for such a change? Could she handle it?

  “Well, I think we’ve covered everything.” Father Bowden smiled indulgently as he watched the two lovebirds “practice” their kiss.

  “So what’s the verdict, Jack? Are her tonsils really going to be okay?” Alyssa couldn’t help but tease them.

  “Tonsils is it? I thought he was verifying she still had all her teeth!” Cole grinned as the two broke apart and Trisha laughingly swatted at his arm.

  Alyssa’s smile grew until she, too, was laughing. Her amusement quickly faded, however, when Trisha, Jack and Cole looked at her as if she’d suddenly sprouted horns on her head. Her hand flew to her face. “What? Do I have a smudge or something?”

  Trisha gave her a warm hug, squeezing her tightly. “It’s good to hear you laugh,” she whispered in her ear. “And with Cole in the same room no less!”

  Alyssa pulled away from her, deciding now was the time to make good on her promise to Paul. “Trisha, I need to talk to you for a moment.”

  Intrigued, Trisha linked arms with her and they walked a short distance away in order to speak in private. “What is it, Al?”

  “I want to explain about Paul.”

  Trisha’s eyes lit with interest. “Yes?”

  “He’s studying to be a priest, Trisha. Paul and I are good friends, nothing more. I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

  Trisha just stood there and stared at her. Then she started to laugh. “A priest?” Shaking her head, she chuckled some more. “Well that explains it. He’s very polite, caring, and …” She shrugged. “You know what I mean. I had wondered.”

  “He’s a wonderful man. He’s going to make a wonderful priest someday, which is soon I believe.” She glanced toward the back of the church and waved. Paul smiled and waved back. “You’ll let Jack know … and Cole?”

  “Yes, yes of course. I don’t understand why you kept it such a secret, though.” She glanced back at Paul and wiggled her fingers. He nod
ded and waved back. Trisha sighed. “He’s so handsome, such a shame he’s to be a priest.”

  Alyssa laughed. “You say that as if it is such a terrible thing. Paul has a lot of love to give everyone. He’s very understanding. He’s going to be a wonderful priest and his parishioners are going to be very lucky to have him.”

  “I just can’t image going through life and never getting married or having kids.” Trisha lovingly rubbed her belly and glanced back at Jack who was talking with Father Morgan. He caught her glance and smiled, giving her a wink as well.

  Alyssa started back toward the men. “Paul says only those who are called to the priesthood can understand how they can go through life without marriage and children. They are married to the church, to God, and all the parishioners become their children.”

  As soon as they were close enough for the men to hear them, Alyssa dropped the subject. She didn’t want to be around to discuss Paul’s chosen profession when Trisha told them. She wasn’t sure how Cole was going to react and she didn’t want Paul around to witness it if he decided to be snide or condescending. “Listen, Paul and I are going for coffee. Would any of you like to join us?”

  Trisha and Jack nodded regretfully. “We have to stop by my parents’ tonight.” Jack leaned down to kiss her cheek. “But thanks for inviting us.”

  “Cole?” Alyssa forced herself to look at him.