Once they were alone, Trisha squeezed Alyssa’s hand. “Talk to me, Al. I want to know why you left. You may be able to avoid me over the phone but I warn you, you are not leaving this house until I know the truth.”
Alyssa removed her sweater and tossed it over the back of a chair then turned to Trisha and shrugged lightly. “I told you the truth. I wasn’t going anywhere at Schullers. Julia needed my help so I took her up on her offer of a job. It pays way better than Schullers and it's more satisfying.”
Trisha shook her head. “I’m not buying it, Al. We’ve known each other for years. You can’t fool me. Now start talking.”
Alyssa sighed. She knew this visit was going to be a challenge. Dropping heavily unto the sofa, she patted the seat beside her. “Okay, you win.”
Trisha sat down and looked at her with an expectant, determined-to-get-answers expression stamped on her face.
Time had healed the hurt enough that Alyssa was pretty sure she could speak the truth, part of it anyway, without falling apart. “Your brother and I discovered that a truce just wasn’t going to hold.” And still a sharp pain stabbed at her heart. Would there ever come a day when she could speak of Cole without feeling this horrible hurt?
Trisha frowned. “I don’t understand. You both seemed to be getting along just fine at the wedding.”
“Yeah, well appearances can be deceiving. Look, I don’t want to discuss it. Tell me what's been going on that you hadn’t gotten around to telling me about on the phone.”
Several hours later, after Alyssa's visit was over, Trisha sat gnawing at her thumbnail. Something was amiss. Alyssa's evasive answers about what went on while she and Jack were on their honeymoon told her she was missing some key information. Determined to get to the bottom of it, she reached for the phone and called Cole.
“I’m right in the middle of something, sis. Can it wait?”
“No, it can’t. You must come over right away.”
A half hour later he strode impatiently into her house, glancing at his watch as he did so. “This had better be good. I have a lot of work to do.”
Trisha greeted his impatience with calm deportment. “And hi to you too.” She watched him closely as she informed him of Alyssa's visit. “Cole, Alyssa is back.”
He went utterly still for a moment then shrugged off her news as if it didn't matter. When clearly it did. “So?”
“So, whatever happened between you two needs to be ironed out. I want you to talk to her.”
“No.”
“Cole! Be reasonable.”
“No.” He ran an agitated hand through his hair and resisted the urge to pace. “Why is she here anyway?”
“She came because of Paul.” Trisha sank dispiritedly on the sofa.
“Oh yes, of course she did.” He turned away and closed his eyes, wishing to quell the pain that still swelled his heart.
Surprised with Cole's animosity, Trisha frowned. How was she going to get her brother and her best friend to patch things up if he was so angry? As to that, what was he angry about? "Nothing would keep her away." Surely Alyssa's devotion to her friends meant something to him? "They've a lot to celebrate."
Cole felt something die inside. Had he really thought there was any hope of Alyssa returning home and working things out with him? Had he really believed they could patch up that last horrible fight? He'd been encouraged by the fact that when she fled town she'd also left Paul behind. Apparently he was wrong on that count. She hadn't left him at all. He now knew all he needed to know. “Are they getting married?”
For a moment Trisha thought she didn’t hear him right. “Is who getting married?”
He sliced an impatient hand through the air. “Al and Paul, Trisha. Who the hell else would I be asking about?”
Then it hit her. Trisha slapped a hand to her mouth and stared at her brother with wide, horrified eyes, aghast at what she’d forgotten to tell him. “Cole, Paul is married to God. Or…I think that’s what he’s done. He was ordained last weekend. Tomorrow is his first official sermon as a priest.”
Cole staggered back then grabbed a chair for support. Had he heard her right? “What?”
"It's true. He's a priest." When her brother's face went white, Trisha grew alarmed and ran to grab his arms.. “Cole? What is it? You are as white as a ghost.”
Paul was a priest? He fell into the chair and dropped his head into his hands. Good Lord, he’d punched a priest. No wonder Alyssa was so horrified. He let out a groan of remorse and shook his head, unable to believe what he was hearing and yet knowing it was true. Trisha would not lie about this. Though why she'd thought to withhold that valuable bit of information he couldn't even fathom.
Her face wreathed in worry, Trisha knelt down in front of him. “Cole, what is it?”
He looked at her and couldn't even drum up the energy it took to hide the agony he felt in his soul. He was pretty sure it was stamped all over his face. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this before?”
Trisha's eyes swelled with tears. “I…I forgot.”
He jumped up. His life was a mess because she forgot? She forgot? “My God, Trisha, do you know what your forgetfulness has cost me?” He paced around her as restless energy surged through him. He wanted to howl, roar, pound at something in fury. Christ, he felt like a caged beast. His soul was probably condemned to hell. He’d hit a priest. He’d treated Alyssa horribly. Unforgivably. Could things get any worse?
Trisha watched her brother with worried, tear-filled eyes and was grateful when Jack came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Grasping hold of his hands, she held them tightly, grateful for his support, and looked at Cole. “What is this all about, Cole?”
He stopped in front of them and the look on his face made Trisha think he was about to confess a grave sin. “Cole?"
"I hit a priest, Trisha. A priest! My God.”
Trisha shook her head in confusion. “What are you talking about, Cole?”
“I thought they were lovers for crying out loud.” He practically shouted the words at her though he was trying hard to control his emotions. He couldn't forget she was about to have a baby. But damn it all, how could she have forgotten to tell him that Paul was a priest?
Trisha shrugged in despair. “I…I don’t know what to say.”
“You should have told me. You knew damned well I was jealous.” He let out a groan that was more of a growl and grabbed at his head. “Oh my God, what have I done?”
Trisha was beginning to realize the extent of damage her forgetfulness had cost. “What happened while Jack and I were on our honeymoon, Cole?”
He sank into a chair and closed his eyes. “I thought Alyssa was playing me for a fool. I saw them together and lost it." He opened his eyes and looked at her with remorse and self-disgust. "I hit him, Trisha. I hit Paul.”
That would explain Alyssa’s irrational and hasty move to New York. It explained why her brother was driving himself into the ground with work and isolating himself from everyone. It explained a lot of things. Her quiet tears turned into sobs. This was all her fault. “Oh, Cole. I didn’t know. Neither one of you would talk to me.” She grabbed his hands and gave them a loving, encouraging squeeze. “You must go talk to her, Cole. You must tell Alyssa what you thought.”
Cole set her gently from him and stood up. “It’s too late for that, Trisha. What I did to her and Paul was unforgivable.” He turned and left the house, ignoring Trisha’s pleas to come back.
Not to be deterred, Trisha grabbed the phone and called Alyssa. “Al, you need to come back. Now.”
“Why? What's happened?"
“Oh, Al, I’ve done a horrible thing. You must come back over here. Please.”
Something in Trisha’s voice galvanized her into action. “I’ll be right over.”
Trisha was standing in the doorway waiting for her when she arrived. Alyssa rushed to her and was at once pulled frantically into the house where she found Jack pacing back and forth. The moment he
spotted her next to his distraught wife, he stopped and heaved a sigh of relief. The worry in his gaze, however, did not diminish.
Trisha squeezed Alyssa's hand to get her attention. “Al, I think I can explain about Cole. I can explain why he acted as he did before you left.”
Alyssa looked at Trisha and somehow managed a small smile. So that's what this was all about? If only it could be fixed with a few words of explanation. “There is no reason good enough to excuse his behavior.”
Trisha’s head bobbed in disagreement. “But there is, Al. I never told Cole about Paul being a priest.”
Alyssa’s heart skipped. For a moment she thought it may have even stopped. But then it began pounding. “Just the same, he had no right to be so horrible.”
Trisha gave Alyssa's arms a little shake for emphasis. “He thought you and Paul were lovers, Al. He was out of his mind with jealousy.”
Alyssa nodded slowly, denying that it mattered. She had to because she just couldn’t get her hopes up again. She wouldn’t survive another rejection. “I don’t believe that.”
“But it’s true, Al. I just now told him about Paul and he’s sick about it.”
Alyssa’s legs went weak. She sank into a chair and stared at Trisha’s tearful face. “But I asked you to tell him about Paul. Why didn’t you tell him? You said you would and I trusted you to do it.”
Trisha closed her eyes, unable to meet the pain she saw in her friend's gaze. “I knew Cole was jealous and I thought it would make him realize that he loved you.” She gave a shaky sigh and opened her eyes. “I was going to tell him about Paul but when we got back from the honeymoon you were sick and Cole had disappeared. He goes to our grandfather's hunting cabin up in the mountains when he wants to be alone. Don't you remember? I know I've mentioned it once or twice." When Alyssa just stared at her, she waved off the question. "By the time he came back, you had left. I was so upset that you were gone that I just forgot to tell him.” She looked at Alyssa and packed all her regret and apology in that gaze. “Can you ever forgive me, Al?”
With her mind thinking in warp speed and her body buzzing with energy, Alyssa stood and grasped hold of her friend’s arms. “Are you sure Cole was jealous? What about that girl I saw him with?”
Trisha frowned in confusion. “What girl?”
“I don’t know who she is, a pretty girl with short black hair and gray eyes.”
“You mean Cassie Klein?” Trisha’s expression cleared. “She’s a syndicated blogger. She did a blog post on Cole’s designs. It’s been great for his business.”
“But…they weren’t dating?” He’d sure tried to make her think as much.
Trisha shook her head. “No. When he met her she was already dating someone. I don’t think she’s with him anymore but I do know she is most definitely not dating my brother.”
“But she’s still around then?”
“She likes it here in Cove Falls and is looking for a place to live. Right now she's living in her sister's house in Manchester but it just sold and she's getting desperate. In fact, I was going to ask you about your place but then I was hoping you'd come back to it yourself." Glad to be discussing something besides the tragic relationship between her brother and friend, Trisha babbled on. "She’s actually really nice. I think you’d like her, Al. She’s done a couple other posts on Cole’s projects since that first one and she's even done a post about daycares and featured mine.” As if realizing that she was blabbering, Trisha shrugged her shoulders and smiled with reassurance that Cassie was no one she needed to worry about.
Al stared at her friend with dismay shooting through her. It made her go weak inside and robbed her legs of strength once again. She plopped down onto a chair and shook her head, afraid to accept what hope was offering. “Just because he isn’t dating this Cassie girl doesn’t mean he is interested in me.” But oh how she wanted it to be true.
When Trisha began to cry softly and was unable to answer her, Jack stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Cole hasn’t been the same since you left, Al. He's been holing up in his house and working himself ragged. He’s not eating properly. His very soul is tortured. You can see it clear as day when you look at him.” He knelt down in front of her and looked her in the eyes. “Trisha and I and his parents have been worried sick. Looking at you, I would say you haven’t fared any better.” He took Alyssa’s hands and squeezed them. “Do you love Cole, Alyssa?”
Tears fell unchecked down her cheeks. “I think I’ve loved him forever.”
Trisha broke into a sob. “Oh, Al, he loves you too. I know he does.”
Alyssa looked at them with hope pounding her heart and stirring life into her sluggish blood. The past few months she had merely existed. She ate, she slept, she worked. Now it felt as if she was coming alive. “I must go see him.” Unwilling to waste even one more second, she stood and hurried for the door.
Trisha beat her to it and opened it for her. “Good luck, Al.”
Alyssa gave her a quick hug. “It will be okay, Trisha. Don’t look so tragic.”
She rushed to her car, sending up frantic prayers as she did so. Please, God, don’t let it be too late.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Cole drove to his house in a state of shock. He’d lost the only woman he’d ever love because he’d acted without having all the facts straight. He should have known Alyssa wasn’t the type to go from one man to another like some wishy-washy airhead. He should have known.
He pulled into his driveway and charged into his house as if chased by demons. What he’d done was unforgivable. He didn’t deserve her. Not anymore. He’d known Paul was different. He’d sensed it right away. But his foolish pride had prevented him from finding out the truth. He couldn’t blame this on Trisha. He should have asked Alyssa about Paul himself. Now his actions had cost him dearly. How on earth was he going to go through the rest of his life without her? She’d been in it for so long.
Memories of that Christmas when everything changed between them entered his mind. She was only sixteen at the time but he’d been bowled over that night. Staring at her all dolled up, he’d seen her for the first time as a man sees a woman. Although she was far too young, he’d wanted her. Unable to handle his feelings and worried she might guess at them, he began to tease her. She reacted first with hurt then with anger and retaliation.
They fell into a pattern after that which worsened over time. He even managed to convince himself that she no longer attracted him. Yet he was jealous of the boys she went out with, the men she dated. Telling himself he was only protecting her innocence because she was his sister’s best friend, he scared off anyone he didn't believe worthy of her. She took his actions all wrong of course. Like she always did. He wondered if she now knew about Jerry and the fact he was married. A discovery he'd stumbled onto when his wife tried to draw him into their fold. She'd hired him to design a guest house for their place in Boston and thought she'd get more than his professional services. Jerry and his wife engaged in an open marriage and as much as he disliked the idea of it, he knew Alyssa would be thoroughly disgusted. It would have devastated her if she’d found out only after falling in love with him.
His heart ached and he pressed a hand to his chest. So much wasted time. He should have come clean with her years ago. But he hadn’t even come clean with himself until Trisha forced them into that truce. A fine tangled up mess he was in now. The web of his life mangled beyond repair, destroyed by misperceptions and a deplorable lack of communication. His heart was just as tangled, perhaps beyond the hope of ever being repaired.
He threw some clothes into a suitcase and headed for his vehicle. He had to get out of there. It would be too hard on him to stick around knowing Alyssa was so close. Once she returned to New York, he would come back and somehow learn to live with his miserable self.
“Zeus. Here boy.” His dog came running and when Cole opened the door to his SUV, having traded in his truck a month after Alyssa left, Zeu
s jumped onto the front seat with tail-wagging excitement. The big oaf loved going on rides. If only people could be so easily pleased. He got in beside his slobbering companion and sped out of the driveway, kicking up a bit of dirt in the process. Story of my life, Cole thought, kicking up dirt.
As if aware of Cole's inner turmoil, Zeus settled down beside him and laid his head on his lap. Grateful for the comfort, Cole petted him with affection. They'd just disappear until Alyssa went back to New York. In the meantime, he needed the solace of his mountainside cabin. It was the one place on earth that was sure to provide some balm for the pain in his soul.
* * *
It was quite a letdown to arrive at Cole's house and find that he wasn't at home. His truck was gone and there were spun tire tracks in the dirt. He must have been in a pretty big hurry. Discouraged and disappointed, Alyssa parked in his driveway and rested her chin on the steering wheel. Trisha was so sure of his feelings that she'd come here with high hopes. Now reality was settling back in. The fact he wasn't home made her feel unsure about what to do. Obviously he hadn't gone to her parents' to see her or she'd have gotten a call by now. So where was he?
Regardless of Cole's reaction to Trisha's revelation, whether it mattered to him or not, they needed to resolve their differences. His feelings regarding her, be they good or bad, didn't change that. One way or another they would talk and she was not leaving the state again until they'd had a chance to do so. Since she didn't want to risk having something else go wrong between them, it was imperative that they talk as soon as possible. Up until now they had missed too many connections, misread too many signs and jumped to too many wrong conclusions. Given that, she needed to sit right there and wait until he came home.
Unless…what if he didn’t want to talk to her? With that one little question, the devilish voice of doubt began to plague her in earnest. After all, he didn’t come running to her once he found out the truth about Paul did he? No. But he did run and he'd been in quite the hurry if the spun tire tracks were anything to go by. Maybe he just wanted her to leave him alone. Maybe he'd taken off because he was worried that she'd do exactly what she did and come to his house.
Tangled Up Hearts Page 30