by T. J. Klune
“It’s okay,” I whispered in his ear, hugging him tightly. “I know there’s a lot of people in here and you need to keep pretending you don’t like everything about me. Do what you need to do. You and I know the truth.”
“Oh my gods, what are you talking about! I command you as the Prince of Verania: let me go this instant!”
“The more you fight it, the longer it goes,” Morgan said idly from somewhere behind us. “Trust me, I know that from experience.”
“The fact that you know that from experience makes me question the gods placing such a task on the shoulders of someone like him,” Randall said. “Actually, many things make me question their judgment in this.”
“What is dis?” Feng asked, voice low, accent clipped and blunt.
“This is how Sam says hello,” Mama said, silky smooth as always. “It’s quite charming, for the most part. As long as he doesn’t mess with wigs, makeup, or outfits, I allow it. He’s far too precious for this world. Which makes it all the more surprising that there are those who don’t quite understand his special brand of… existing.”
“Do not hug me,” Feng said.
“Don’t worry,” I told him, shuffling Justin and me around until I could see Feng over Justin’s shoulder, even as he squawked at me to let him go. “I only hug people I care about.”
“Sam,” Ryan said, “maybe don’t insult the guy who probably carries at least thirty different knives.”
“I’m not insulting him,” I said. “I’m just being honest.”
“Maybe we should get to why we’re really here?” Letnia said, pushing herself off the wall. Her cheeks hollowed, and the tip of her fat cigar sparked. A moment later, a thick plume of blue smoke poured from her nose.
“Right,” Mama said. “Let us discuss what you have brought down upon my house this time, Sam of Wilds.”
Well, shit.
Chapter 4: The Blood in the Veins of Verania
I PULLED away from Justin, who helped me by taking a step back and shoving me away. He straightened out his furred coat, the thin armor underneath clanking against his chest. He had a look of extraordinary distaste on his face, like he couldn’t believe I had done such a thing. He was a very good actor.
I turned toward Mama, who was already waiting, hand extended in my direction. I took it in mine, placing a kiss against her fingers.
“That’s better,” she said lightly. “Obviously you haven’t seen the Prince in some time, so I will forgive you just this once for entering my office and not addressing me first. Next time I will not be so generous, precious.”
I grinned against her hand. “Nor would I expect you to be. Today has certainly found you to be magnanimous. I fully expected threats of spankings.”
She sniffed delicately as she pulled her hand away. “Well, yes. It’s certainly been a trying time, I must say.” She turned to Moishe. “Are Gary, Kevin, and Tiggy being taken care of?”
Moishe bowed low. “They were in good hands before you summoned me here, my lady.”
“Good. See to it that they are fed with the finest meats. Except for Kevin, that is. Though I expect he is probably a little tired of produce at the moment. Bring him the tofu we had made shaped like a sheep. I dare say we don’t know when again we may be able to present it to him.”
Moishe bowed again before turning on his heels and heading toward the door. He glanced at me, an inscrutable expression on his face, before he closed the door behind him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked Justin. “You should be at the castle, especially if Darks are on their way.”
He scowled at me. “I’m here because I’m supposed to be. I will not stand by while those bastards attempt to infiltrate my kingdom.”
“He threatened us with incarceration unless we brought him with us,” Randall said dryly. “And for some reason, the King agreed. Something about idle hands and all that.”
“Your parents say hello,” Morgan added. “As does the King, all of whom wanted me to remind you that you should be eating healthy and changing your underwear daily. Strangely enough, that last bit came from the King. They’re all safe, by the way.”
“Yeah, thanks, I do all of that,” I said, distracted, still staring at Justin. “How did you get here with them? They’re magic. Randall can apparently do some super-secret teleporting thing that he uses just to fuck with me, and Morgan can probably do the same, because there’s still magic stuff they won’t tell me about, as they’re assholes.” I turned and glared at each of them in turn, letting them see just how displeased I was. They didn’t seem affected in the slightest.
And since Justin still hadn’t quite learned how to stop being a fucking jerk yet, he just smiled smugly and said, “Don’t know if I can tell you that. Top secret. Hush-hush. Certain eyes only. You’re an apprentice, after all, and I’m a prince. Of course I am allowed things that you are not. It’s the way things are, and far be it from me to not lord it over you every chance I get.”
“You’re lucky we’re almost best friends,” I told him seriously, “because that might be grounds for me not liking you a lot.”
“The thought alone is like you’re emotionally deconstructing my heart.”
“And you came here because you love me.”
“That’s not even a thing that exists.”
“Don’t front. Dude, I see right through that hard exterior to your moist center.”
He glared at me. “Are you seriously hitting on me? Again?”
“What? No!”
“Wait,” Ryan growled. “What do you mean again?”
“I’m not hitting on you! I’m just trying to point out that you are totally under my spell and that you love me terribly.”
“Better not be too terribly,” Ryan said, coming to stand next to me.
Justin rolled his eyes. “Yes, because I feel the need to downgrade to someone like Sam of Wilds.”
“Hey! I’m standing right here, in case you’ve forgotten. And what do you mean downgrade? That implies that there is someone that I would be a downgrade from. Are you butt-fucking someone? You tell me right now, Justin, I swear to the gods!”
“I’m not—”
“Is dis really what we’re here for?” Feng said to Mama.
I gaped at Justin. “It’s Dimitri, isn’t it! Oh my gods, I knew there was sexual tension between you and the fairy king!”
“As fun as this is—and it is fun,” Mama said, her tone a little icy, “I do believe there are more important matters that we must attend to aside from the Prince having sex with the king of fairies.”
“I’m not having sex with—”
Mama turned slowly to look at him.
Justin stopped speaking immediately.
It was amazing.
She was right, of course. I decided to let it go for now. But I would hold back teaching Justin the Best Friends Handshake until he spilled all the secrets he supposedly knew that I didn’t. He wouldn’t last very long in the face of such a threat.
Given all that had gone on, I decided to focus on the most important issue at hand. “Can someone please explain to me why we were fruited and what it has to do with my mortal enemy Lady Tina DeSilva?”
Mama grinned, razor-sharp. “I knew I liked you for a reason, precious. And I promise you if we find out who is responsible here in Meridian City, there will be swift… justice.”
“It wasn’t Lady DeSilva herself?” Ryan asked. “She’s the one who’s spearheading the We-Hate-Sam-A-Lot movement. Maybe she’s in the city. She does seem to have a rather unhealthy fascination with Sam.”
“People tend to get like that a lot with me,” I said with a frown. “I don’t know why I seem to make people crazy.”
“It truly is a mystery,” Justin said.
Morgan shook his head. “She was still in Lockes when we left. I checked. But it appears her message is starting to spread, farther and quicker than I would have thought. We may have underestimated her reach. Or the underlying tensions in V
erania toward Sam.”
Mama opened a drawer and pulled out a rolled parchment. She set it down on her desk and smoothed it out. The paper looked thick and expensive, the words printed across it in black ink. “It appears you’ve made enemies,” she said lightly. “Especially if they are now sending out propaganda. This and others like it are here in Meridian City. I don’t know that I’ve ever been prouder of you than I am right now. It truly takes an amazing person to piss off so many people in such a short amount of time.”
That… didn’t sound good. Mama slid the parchment over to me. The edges of it were curled. “Shit,” Ryan breathed as he started to read. I didn’t even have it in me to tell him yet again that knights were not allowed to curse.
!!!ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION!!!
NOW COMES THE TRUTH THE CROWN DOESN’T WANT YOU TO HEAR!
SAM OF WILDS IS UNFIT TO BE THE KING’S WIZARD!
You have heard of Sam of Wilds. You have heard of his incompetence. You have heard of his crimes. He got the Prince of Verania kidnapped by a dragon who possibly sexually molested our beloved Justin! He broke up the wedding of Rystin, the most powerful couple to have ever been coupled, undoubtedly by using some kind of magical spell! He has wormed his way into the King’s good graces and is poised to take over Crown and country! How long will it be before Morgan of Shadows has an “accident”? How long will it be before Sam of Wilds whispers his honey-pot poison into the King’s ear with nothing holding him back?
THESE ARE THE FACTS:
—Sam of Wilds was pulled from the slums and placed in the castle to potentially become one of the most powerful people in Verania, and yet no one has provided a birth certificate to show that he was ACTUALLY BORN IN VERANIA! Why haven’t we seen this? It is written into the laws of Verania that only a Veranian-born may hold positions considered that of royalty, INCLUDING THE KING’S WIZARD!!!! SHOW US THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!!!!!!!!
THESE ARE THE FACTS:
—Why did Prince Justin stand down so easily in the face of his BELOVED being torn from him on his wedding day? Prince Justin is one of the strongest, most bravest, and handsomest men in all of Verania. He would not have allowed the end of Rystin to happen unless he had been COERCED, either MAGICALLY or through THREATS OF VIOLENCE. It has been speculated by many people that Sam of Wilds threatened the life of the KING unless Justin relinquished his love to Sam of Wilds. And Justin and Ryan—their hearts breaking as they tearfully stared into each other’s eyes, remembering those mornings of waking up together and giving each other forehead kisses, and making slow, sweet, passionate love—had no choice but to comply, given the life of the King must be held above all others. SAM OF WILDS ENDED RYSTIN. It has been suggested that this other pairing, this “HaveHeart,” is actually a spell word that causes anyone who utters it to fall into Sam of Wilds’s trap! DO NOT DISCUSS HAVEHEART EVER BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN MIGHT GET SCRAMBLED WITH GROSS.
THESE ARE THE FACTS:
A prophecy. A destiny.
Rumors abound that the gods themselves have supposedly called upon Sam of Wilds to save the very fate of Verania from the clutches of Dark wizards. There are SPECULATIONS that Sam Haversford (IF THAT’S HIS REAL NAME) had a visitor to the castle: the GYPSY LEADER who he is supposed to be RELATED TO. We all know what the “gypsies” are good for: NOTHING. They do NOTHING to help the good, whiter people of Verania, and in fact TURN UP THEIR NOSES AT US. They also claim to have the “sight,” which we know is nothing but PARLOR TRICKS and SLEIGHT OF HAND. This gypsy leader came to our city and DEMANDED an audience with the King. She then allegedly told the King of a PROPHECY THAT WOULD SEE THE END OF VERANIA UNLESS SAM OF WILDS SAVED US ALL.
Now, does that suggest anything to you?
It should. It should EXPLICITLY SUGGEST THAT SAM OF WILDS CONCOCTED THIS ENTIRE THING. There is no PROPHECY. There is no DESTINY. DARK WIZARDS ATTACK ALL THE TIME. THEY DO IT BECAUSE THEY ARE ASSHOLES AND ARE MOST LIKELY COLLUDING WITH SAM OF WILDS.
Hear me, good people of Verania.
SAM OF WILDS IS A FRAUD.
All must be done to stop him.
WE MUST STOP HIM BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.
PAID FOR BY THE WHSAL FOR A SAM-FREE VERANIA
“So,” I said when I finished reading. “What you’re trying to say is that I was fruited because people believe I threatened to murder the King unless Justin gave me Ryan, and that I might not be qualified to become the King’s Wizard. Also, apparently there is a made-up prophecy because I’m in cahoots with Vadoma about the fate of Verania.”
Cahoots, Randall mouthed at Morgan, rolling his eyes.
“Sounds about right,” Justin said. “And you have to admit, there’s a kernel of truth to it. I mean, I can see how it’s believable. Especially the part where the only reason I caved so easily to you was because you were threatening me with my father’s life.”
“I never threatened you!”
Justin rolled his eyes. “I know that. I’m just saying, I see why people believe this so easily. It sounds like something you would do.”
“Babe,” I snapped at Ryan. “Hold me back so I don’t bitch-slap my newest best friend.”
“As adorable as you are,” Mama said, eyes flashing, “maybe don’t waste my time any more with your shenanigans.”
“Listen to her,” Ryan hissed at me. “You know how much she scares me.”
“This pleases me,” Mama said, eyeing him appreciatively.
“How the hell did they figure out about Vadoma and the prophecy?” I said, glaring down at the parchment. “This was supposed to be kept under wraps! No one was supposed to know anything about it so it didn’t cause bullshit panic like this. The last thing we need is rumors going around about it.”
“It wasn’t a secret that Vadoma was in Castle Lockes,” Morgan said, stroking his beard. “She was seen quite often during her stay. Castle staff, guards, the knights. She was even out in the City a time or two.”
“But that doesn’t explain the prophecy,” Ryan said with a frown. “Unless she was going around telling people about it, or unless someone spread the word from Mashallaha—”
“They wouldn’t do that,” I said. “There’s… a code in the clan. Whatever secrets the phuro gives, it stays within them unless otherwise dictated. They wouldn’t betray Vadoma like that.”
“Which means,” Justin said, “that if the leak came from anywhere, it came from the castle.”
“Motherfucker,” I groaned. “I’ve been betrayed!”
“There’s the drama queen,” Randall muttered. Then, “I don’t know that we have to worry about sending people into a panic. She’s clearly trying to pass it off as a hoax. If that’s what people believe, then that works in our favor, seeing as how any actions we take or movements we make will be seen as pushing the ruse forward instead of stopping the rising dark.”
“So,” I said slowly, “what you’re saying here is that we should allow her to continue doing what she’s doing. Huh. Randall? Please don’t take this the wrong way, but are you out of your fucking mind?”
He arched a large eyebrow at me.
I blanched. “And I mean that with the utmost respect.”
“Think about it, Sam,” Morgan said, not even having the decency to wince when I turned my glare to him. “It’s all smoke and mirrors. Sleight of hand. We’re able to use Lady DeSilva as a distraction. She’s giving us an opportunity here.”
“By smearing my name.”
“Not that it held much weight to begin with,” Justin said.
“See if I ever braid your hair again.”
“If you’ll recall, I never wanted you to do that to begin with.”
“You’re a liar who lies,” I said. “And I find it troubling that no one besides me has a problem with everyone talking crap about me.”
Silence.
“Ryan,” I said. “That was supposed to be your cue to step in and defend my honor.”
“Okay,” Ryan said. “And I totally would, but hear me out. I
can… kind of see where they’re coming from.”
I gaped at him. “You can what?”
“Look,” he said. “It’s like being on the battlefield, okay? It’s strategic. You need to calculate as many moves as possible beforehand. It takes out the element of surprise, reduces the unknown.”
“You can never get rid of the unknown,” I said. “And if you think you can, then it’s going to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.”
“Which is why I said reduce,” Ryan said. “Think about it, Sam. She thinks she has the upper hand here, right? But she doesn’t know that we’ll be using her as a smoke screen.”
“At the sake of my reputation.”
He looked frustrated. “I know you—”
“Can we focus here?” Letnia said, blowing smoke toward me. “There are more immediate issues than Sam’s ego. I don’t care about that. What I care about is why there’s a threat upon Meridian City.” Her one eye narrowed as she glared at Morgan and Randall. “And how you knew to be here.”
I didn’t think that was as important as my self-esteem right at the moment, but I decided to take the high road. “You know what? I’d like to know that too. I mean, when Myrin came for me—”
“Myrin,” Mama said sharply. I looked over at her. Her face had paled, her nails digging into the wood of the desk. She turned slowly to look at Randall, eyes blazing. “You never said this had anything to do with Myrin.”
I blinked. “You know who that is? How do you know that? Why didn’t I know that you knew that?” I frowned. “Is it possible I don’t know as much as I think I do?”
“Something I’ve been saying for years,” Justin muttered.
Mama ignored the both of us, eyes only on Randall. “Care to explain?” she said coldly.
“You saw him?” Randall asked me. He looked far older than I’d ever seen him. “You physically saw him? It wasn’t just another vision?”
“He… came for me. In Mashallaha. After the desert dragon.”