Every Last Breath

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  was striking enough, but throw in the work of art that was his face and eyes that shone like topaz jewels, he stole breath and hearts everywhere he went.

  He was wearing a long-sleeved dark blue thermal and even with the studded belt, his black jeans hung distractingly low. As he reached up to scrub his fingers through his hair, pushing the choppy lengths off his forehead, the thermal rose and I was greeted with quite the glimpse of golden skin and those two little indents on either side of his hips.

  Roth was grinning when I finally dragged my gaze to his. “You keep looking at me like that, Shortie, and you’re not going to be leaving this house anytime soon.”

  Heat flooded my cheeks as I toyed with the loop I’d made in my scarf. “I wasn’t looking at you in any particular way.”

  “How many times do I have to tell you what a terrible liar you are?”

  I wrinkled my nose at him. “Whatever.”

  He crossed the distance between us. Catching my hands, he pulled them away from the scarf, and then he started readjusting it himself. “You’re leaving to go talk to Zayne now?”

  “Yeppers.” I eyed him cautiously. I knew he wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of my heading off to meet up with Zayne, but he knew how much it meant to me, so he was basically—surprisingly—keeping his mouth shut about it.

  “Robin’s with you?” Fixing the scarf to his apparent satisfaction, which looked no different than how I’d done it, he then dropped his hands to my shoulders.

  I nodded just as the fox’s tail switched along the base of my spine. “On my back.”

  He frowned. “I still don’t like that idea of you going out there. I can—”

  “Roth,” I said, stretching up and placing my hands on his chest. “I’m going to be okay. You know that. I’m officially pretty badass.”

  “I’m not questioning your badassery, but just because the Lilin is gone and the Wardens are playing nice right now, that doesn’t mean everyone is puking rainbows out there.”

  Yuck. I could’ve done without the imaginary. “I know.”

  He studied me for a moment, and then sighed. “I’m being overprotective.”

  “Yeppers peppers.”

  His hands slid up my neck, eliciting a shiver from me. He cupped my cheeks. “It’s hard not to be, at least for a little while.”

  “Understandable.”

  “Text me when you’re done. I’ll meet you.” Guiding my chin down, he kissed my forehead, and I think he also kissed the top of my bun, which was really cute. “Okay?”

  “Okeydokey.” I was evidently in a rhyming kind of mood as I started to slip away, but he caught my hand and tugged me back. Badassery went right out the window, because I ended up pressed against his chest. “Roth—”

  Circling an arm around my waist, he bent me backward as he lowered his head. Roth kissed me, and he...wow, he kissed me like we’d never done it before, like it was his first time learning the curve of my lips, and he took his time doing so. The kiss was thorough. My pulse raced as I melted into him, wrapping one arm around his neck as I clutched his arm with my other hand.

  “Oh for the love of my innocent, virtuous eyes, could you guys not do that where I have to see it?” Cayman’s voice carried from the kitchen doorway.

  Roth lifted his head, and as he straightened, I watched in a daze as he grinned slyly at me. “Just want to make sure you don’t forget me.”

  Cayman snorted. “I don’t think she’s going to forget that anytime soon.”

  So true.

  Roth appeared rather pleased with himself. “Say hi to Stony for me.”

  I shot him a look, and he appeared completely unrepentant as he winked and then swooped down, kissing me once more before he let go. But there was a part of me that thought Roth wasn’t being a jerk when it came to his request, and that alone was kind of amazing.

  * * *

  Cold grass crunched under my boots as I crossed the lawn, heading for the bench. The temps had jumped over the past couple of days, melting the snow, and the sun was out, and even though it was still chilly, people were out everywhere on the National Mall.

  Sitting down, I immediately winced as the iciness from the wood seeped through my jeans and chilled my bum. I hunkered down in my sweater, squinting at the bright winter sun.

  Humans milled about, heading for the museums, some sitting on benches playing chess, others out jogging and being all healthy. Did any of them know how close they’d come to the legit end of the world, like the trumpets blaring and rivers running with blood kind of end of the world?

  I really didn’t even have to ask myself that question, because I already knew the answer. Even with the gargoyles awakening and wreaking havoc and even with all those poor people who’d seemingly dropped dead on the streets, mankind seriously had no idea what a near miss they’d had with the apocalypse.

  We’d saved the day. I’d saved the day, and they would never know.

  Man, it was kind of like being Batman, but without the cool cape.

  But if I were Batman would that make Roth, Robin, the Boy Wonder? Ah, no. I couldn’t see him being down for that, but the thought made me grin from ear to ear.

  The sound of footsteps drew my attention, and I looked up. Zayne was a few feet away from me, one of his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans and the other holding a square black bag. His shoulders were hunched, his chin dipped low. My stomach did a weird wiggle, not entirely pleasant. My familiar didn’t affect my ability to see auras like Bambi had, but now I almost wished it did. That would be better than having to see how...how dull the glow around Zayne had become. The antique white of his aura was a constant reminder of what I’d done to him.

  And it hadn’t been the only thing.

  My grin weakened a bit, but I didn’t let it fade away, because despite everything, I was happy to see him.

  “Hey,” he said, and he smiled, but it didn’t reach those vibrant eyes. God, I missed that smile, how he did it with his face—his whole being. “You came.”

  I gave a little shake of my head. “Of course I came. I told you I would.”

  “Yeah, you did.” He sat beside me, placing the bag on the other side, and then shoved both hands in his pockets as he stared straight ahead. Several moments passed. “I just thought maybe you would’ve changed your mind...or something.”

  Understanding seeped in. “I wouldn’t change my mind, and Roth would never ask that of me.”

  Zayne’s head swung in my direction. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then tried again. “I... I like your hair like that.”

  “Oh.” I reached up, gingerly poking at my bun. “I honestly didn’t feel like doing anything with it.”

  “It’s different.” He glanced at me and then quickly averted his gaze. “Anyway, I wanted to see you, to tell you that I’m glad that you’re okay. I didn’t get the chance to tell you that when you showed up at the house. All of us were pretty shocked to see you.” The longer he spoke, the more some of the awkwardness fell by the wayside. “When we’d heard that the Lilin was dead, well...we knew what that meant. I knew what that meant.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. I realized that I’d been saying that a lot, but I still meant it. I just wished I could say something else.

  A quick grin appeared before vanishing. “I know you are. What you did was incredibly brave. Crazy, but brave. I’m not going to lecture you for it. I’m sure... I’m sure Roth has already done that.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “You know, you can’t doubt what you really are, anymore. Inside. You have to know. To make that kind of choice you made, you can no longer doubt your worth. I just... I just wanted you to know that.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a shaky breath. “I... Thank you.” That was all I could say, because he was right. I knew what I was on the inside. Being a demon or a Warden didn’t make me who I was. My decisions and my actions did. And I wasn’t perfect—and I wasn’t evil. I was just me.

  A breeze tossed a strand of
his blond hair across the chiseled line of his jaw. “Enough about me,” I said, and Zayne chuckled. “What?” I asked.

  He slid his hands out of his pockets as he leaned back against the bench, relaxing. “Layla-bug, you died and came back to life. Kind of hard not to focus on that.”

  At the sound of my nickname, I got a little giddy inside. “Okay. Good point...” I racked my brain for something to say and found it. “I’m going back to school next week. Roth and Cayman did their thing and the school officials think I’ve been out with mono or something. I can catch up and graduate on time.”

  “That’s good.” Sincerity clung to his voice. “What about college?”

  I shifted on the bench. “I think I’m going to apply for spring semester—to some of the colleges around here, but once I’m done with school, I kind of want to travel.” Thinking back to the conversation I’d had with Roth about seeing the world, I smiled. “I’ve never been anywhere and I want to see things—the beach, the mountains—a desert. I have time to do that. Lots of time.”

  “That’s right. I don’t know how I keep forgetting that you...you’re not going to age or anything.” His jaw tightened. “I think it’s good, though—the whole travel thing. You’ll have fun.”

  “Yeah.” It was weird and something I honestly didn’t obsess over, but I was forever going to look like this...unless someone managed to stab me in the heart or chop my head off. I really needed to change the subject again. “But really, enough about me. I want to know how you’re doing with everything.”

  He raised one broad shoulder. “Taking it day by day, to be honest. A couple of the nearby clans are coming in, to scope everything out. It’s nothing to worry about,” he added when I tensed. “It’s just procedural crap from what Nicolai and Dez have said.”

  “They’ve been a lot of help, haven’t they?”

  “Yeah. I’ve got a couple more years before I need to take over, and I know between the two of them, they will do things right. They’re going to bring about some of the change that is needed, especially with how close Nicolai and Danika are getting.”

  I grinned, still liking the idea of those two together. “Change is definitely needed. Things have been a bit...archaic.” If Danika had her way, and I couldn’t see her stopping until she did, then the females of the clan would have a heck of a lot more choices in the future. “But aside from your responsibilities to the clan, how are you?”

  His brows knitted together. “It’s hard some days,” he admitted quietly. “Talking to Stacey has been good. She...she understands, you know?” He paused while I nodded. “I know my father and I didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things toward the end, but he was my dad, and I loved him.” He glanced at me. “He loved you. You know that, right? Underneath it all, he did care for you.”

  Recalling the conversation Zayne and I had after Abbot died, I nodded. “I know.”

  “I miss him.”

  I started to reach over to squeeze his arm, but halted halfway. I wasn’t sure if he wanted that kind of comfort from me now.

  Zayne must have caught the movement out of the corner of his eyes, because he half turned, picking up the black bag. “I brought you something.”

  My brows flew up. “You did?”

  He nodded as he reached inside. “I thought you might be missing this.”

  Curious, I watched as his arm lifted and a raggedy, furry brown head came into view. I clasped my hands together, my mouth dropping open as Zayne pulled out an old, beat-up teddy bear that had seen better days. “Mr. Snotty,” I breathed, reverently.

  Zayne had given me Mr. Snotty the night Abbot had first brought me to the Wardens’ compound. I’d only been seven and terrified of the winged creatures with their hard, stone-like skin and jagged teeth. I’d rushed through the house, found a closet and hid in it until Zayne had coaxed me out of it, offering a once-pristine teddy bear.

  I’d loved that thing.

  As much as I loved Zayne.

  I took the bear, clutching it close as Zayne cleared his throat. “I know you’re not a little girl anymore. Heck, I know if push comes to shove, you could kick my ass now, but I thought...well, you could always use Mr. Snotty. He belongs to you.”

  Tears burned my eyes as I buried my face in the top of Mr. Snotty’s head and breathed in deeply. The scent of what used to be my home clung to the little bear, and I almost started sobbing right there. Hugging that bear, I wanted to go back in time just so I could get one more hug out of Abbot, before everything went downhill between us.

  Blinking back tears, I lifted my face to Zayne. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

  He closed his eyes briefly. “I miss you, Layla.”

  My chest squeezed like it was in a vise. “You don’t have to,” I whispered, angling toward him as I held the bear. And here we were, finally at the heart of the reason why we were sitting on the bench. “I’m right here. I miss you, Zayne. I want to be friends.”

  “I know. It’s just... I’m not ready for that,” he said, flipping his gaze to the sky. His chest rose with a deep breath. “I like to think that one day I will be. Well, I know I will. One day.”

  “I will be waiting,” I told him. “I mean it. I’ll be waiting for that day.”

  Some of the weight I carried around my heart eased as Zayne nodded slowly. Then he smiled as he looked over at me, really smiled that full-faced grin that I grew up adoring, and in that moment I knew that there really would be a “one day” to look forward to.

  thirty-two

  ZAYNE AND I chatted for a little while longer, and when it came time to leave, I was reluctant to part ways. I didn’t know when I’d see him again. I’d been so close to jumping on him and hugging him like I did with Mr. Snotty, but I knew it was still too soon for that.

  Teary-eyed, I watched Zayne head across the lawn and I hoped that “one day” became someday soon. I really did.

  I gently placed Mr. Snotty back in the bag and when I stood, I started across the lawn in the opposite direction, toward the museums. I was going to text Roth soon, but I needed a couple of minutes to sort through all I was feeling. I was happy that I got to see Zayne and to know he didn’t hate me, but I missed him something fierce. I wished it could be the way it was before he and I had gone down that road, but I couldn’t find it in myself to regret any of what he and I shared. We needed to experience everything we had for both of us to know where we really stood with each other. Although I wanted to force him to be my friend right now, I respected and cared for him too much to not give him all the time he needed. In the meantime, I could only be glad he had Stacey to talk to.

  I cut through the benches and tables, focusing on taking deep and even breaths as the bag holding Mr. Snotty swung gently at my side. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I spotted a familiar dark face. Stopping midstep, I turned to my right.

  Morris sat at one of the wooden tables, his bushy brows furrowed in concentration. One fingerless gloved hand was balled under his chin and the other hovered over black and white chess pieces that were strategically placed on the game board.

  I don’t know what shocked me more—the fact I was seeing Morris out and about when I hadn’t seen him at all since the night Abbot died, not even when I’d returned from the...well, from the dead, or the fact that he wasn’t alone. Across from him sat a raven-haired woman. Dark, oversize glasses covered most of her face, but from what I could tell from her seated position, she was tall and slender, the tawny skin of her hand as it moved over the chess pieces was flawless.

  Morris had friends? Lady friends? Lady friends who appeared much, much younger than him? Go, Morris...

  The woman moved one of her knights, taking what I guessed was a pawn of her opponent’s. As she scooped the dark piece, a thick cloud crept over the sun, blocking it out suddenly. Startled, I glanced up and frowned. It was so dark it was almost dusk.

  An odd shiver curled its way down my spine as I lowered my gaze to them. The shiver spread its chilly fingers ac
ross my shoulders. Robin grew restless, sliding off my back and crawling to rest just below my ribs.

  Morris glanced up, his soulful gaze finding mine. The skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiled widely. I raised my hand as the sun broke free from the inky cloud and I wiggled my fingers at him.

  This was weird.

  He shifted his attention back to the chess game, and I had a feeling that I was dismissed, which I was oddly okay with. I didn’t know what was going on there, but I’d started to walk past them, to the sidewalk when a soft, lilting hum caught my attention.

  Every muscle in my body locked up as my skin tingled. The hum—I recognized it, would always recognize it. “Paradise City.” The same song Roth constantly hummed, but this time, it was coming from a woman.

  It had to be a coincidence, I told myself as I slowly turned back around. The amazingly on pitch tone was coming from the woman sitting across from Morris.

  She stopped humming and her red lips curled into a half smile as she reached up, removing the shades. Then she turned her chin toward me, and I saw her face. The woman was shockingly beautiful. Every single feature perfectly pieced together. High, defined cheekbones, tiny nose and impossibly full lips, but it was her eyes