Kiss Like a Fist_A Paranormal Harem Pulp Novel

by Jake Richter

  Ash pointed at the Radio Shack. “That’s it. That’s the place my girls use as their secret headquarters.”

  “I didn’t even know Radio Shack was still around,” Spence said.

  Ash smiled and hoisted her Bitch Killer gun. “Which is why it’s the perfect place for a secret headquarters.”

  Alex did his best to conceal the Challenger in an alley, and then the three exited and moved down the street toward the Radio Shack.

  Ash slung her gun over a shoulder and bounded ahead of them. Spence took Alex’s shoulder and slowed him down. Spence angled his chin in Ash’s direction as she headed toward the Radio Shack. “Talk to me about hot pants over there.”

  Alex groaned. “Don’t call her that.”

  “How about Sweet Ass? Can I call her that or is that inappropriate? Let me know if you’ve already called dibs on her.”

  Alex shook his head. “It’s not like that, amigo.”

  “Oh, it’s always like that, brother,” Spence replied, bobbing his head to Ash’s footsteps.

  Alex jabbed Spence in the gut. “It’s time to get serious. You saw what happened back there. Some very bad people are coming for us, so if you want to bolt, I won’t hold it against you. I’m not gonna think less of you if you leave.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” Spence said.

  “This is gonna get dangerous.”

  “Danger’s my middle name, baby.”

  “No, it’s actually Sheldon,” Alex said.

  “Don’t ever tell anybody that,” Spence whispered, leaning in close to Alex.

  Alex smiled nervously and Spence held out a fist that he bumped.

  “You boys gonna get a room or what?” Ash shouted.

  Alex looked sideways to see Ash gesturing for them to double-time it. They darted up the sidewalk and took in the exterior of the Radio Shack, which had seen better days. The store was a relic and even the welcome sign was faded.

  “Home Not So Sweet Home, huh?” Alex asked.

  Ash quirked an eyebrow. “Seriously, Alex? Remember, I saw your room, or should I say…your pigpen.”

  Spence excitedly whispered to Alex. “Whoa. I’m in love. She’s so badass. Seriously, I think I just found my first ex-wife.”

  “First? What about that girl in Tijuana with constant hiccups. The one you Snapchatted that marriage certificate to.”

  “Oh no, her father got that annulled. I think. I’m not fluent in Spanish.”

  Ash stopped Alex and Ash. “Children! Please. Let’s gather up some gear and get ready to move out, meet up with Alex’s grandmother, and find the sickle.”

  She led Alex and Spence into an inner showroom that was cluttered with outdated electronics and gizmos, giving off a vibe that was more garage sale than retail store.

  Most of the products that were haphazardly displayed on shelves were electronics. There were radios, old-school TVs, VCRs, and a surprising mix of 80s and 90s technology. There was a constant hum from the fluorescent lighting that was almost blotted out by the music playing in the background.

  Alex recognized the all-girl band from the 80s. “Are those the Go-Gos playing?”

  Spence nodded, but it was another person, a female that responded instantly.

  “Are you really asking about the most successful all-girl band of all time? Or are you asking to show off?” the feminine voice asked. “’Cause no one likes a show-off.”

  Alex was tongue-tied as he watched a slender figure wearing a tattered denim jumpsuit which was covered by a black welding bib walk over to him. The welder’s helmet concealed the face until a tattooed hand covered in grime lifted the shield.

  Her eyes were dark green and her lips proud and full like the short afro that complimented her sun-kissed light brown skin. And as soon as she saw Alex without the welder’s shield, her attitude changed abruptly.

  Alex smiled and turned to Ash. “Who’s this, and what just happened?”

  Ash rolled her eyes. “Camille. She’s one of my Belles, and she’s heart-smacked.”

  Spence interjected. “Heart attack?”

  Ash frowned. “Chubby needs to be seen, not heard. And the term is ‘heart-smacked.’ See, my Belles are easily smitten by a heartbeat’s living presence. Reason I collect souls and they transport them once they’re dead is because no one likes a bunch of bitches fawning over them on their first day of death.”

  Ash motioned to Spence. “Go on. She bites, but you’ll like it.”

  Spence nodded eagerly, trying to contain himself. But Camille was digging Alex’s scent, and she prowled closer to him. She moved like a sexy feline. “I want to make love to you until the sun cums.”

  Spence pushed Alex aside. “I want to cum with the sun and you!”

  Camille blushed. “Two human men in our store? Can we keep them, Ash? Pretty please?”

  Ash sighed. “The tall one is here to find the sickle, and I don’t care what you do with the other. Just keep him out of my way.”

  Alex watched Camille’s soulful eyes widen with playful imaginative thoughts as she inhaled Spence’s scent.

  “Keep it together, Spence,” Alex said as Spence grinned, watching Camille eye-fuck him.

  “So Camille, what do you do for Ash and better yet, what can you do to me?” Spence asked.

  “Oh, I can tell by the way you asked that question, you’re a Sagittarius, right?”

  Spence nodded. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

  “No filter. You ask away and that’s what I like, not worried about the response. But let me show you instead of tell you.”

  Camille began to lick Spence’s earlobe slowly, the playful licks only interrupted by her explanations. “I’m kinda, sorta, a fixer. I find things, junk mostly, and put them together, nice and easy, until they run perfectly. Like your friend. I could put some real heat on him, soften him up and make him flexible. Would you like me to do that?”

  Ash interrupted. “No, Camille. That might kill them.” She turned to Alex. “Not only does Camille fix stuff for us, but she’s also a firestarter.”

  Spence was beside himself with lust. “Burn me baby, burn me.”

  Ash grabbed Camille’s hand before she could snap her fingers. “No.”

  Camille pouted then blew a kiss from her sweet lips to Ash, which was followed by a tiny arc of flame that pecked Spence’s cheek ever so slightly.

  Just then, a black cat curled between Alex’s legs, rubbing her body against him as if he was a warm light pole. The cat purred with delight and Alex leaned down, rubbing her fur gently.

  Ash scolded Alex. “Please don’t do that. It’s going to make her cum.”

  The cat purred again, but this time the sound was eerily human. Alex felt the warmth of her smooth skin as the cat shapeshifted into the form of a woman. The woman winked at Alex. “My name is Sandy, and I like the way you pet me. Don’t stop.”

  Alex blinked at this former cat, now a statuesque blonde. Her pink lips parted with a seductive smile and she reached out her hand to help lift Alex into a standing position. A few inches taller than Alex, she was able to lean in and pull him close, their lips touching as she slipped a slow tongue inside of his mouth. Alex had no choice but to accept this warm hello even as his eyes found Ash standing close by.

  Ash was not amused. “Easy, Sandy.”

  Sandy blushed. “I am being easy.”

  Ash rolled her eyes. “Pretty sure you’re being sleazy.”

  Sandy purred. “Difference without a distinction.”

  Alex backed away with a smile. “Nice to meet you, Sandy. What’s your job here?”

  “Lil’ ole me? I’m a protector with my girl, Minnie.”

  “Protect from what?” Spence asked.

  “Oh. You don’t know yet, huh?”

  Ash laughed. “Sandy, they’ve got a lot to learn.”

  Sandy nodded. “Right. Well, we’re like the FedEx of soul transportation. Once Ash over here collects ‘em, we ship ‘em to the Underworld. Sometimes, some of the souls try t
o escape and that’s where we come in. We get to kick a little ass and take some names while tracking them down. Then we make sure they’re sent off to the center of Underworld, a place called Petros.”

  Spence grinned. “You guys are pretty handy, huh?”

  Sandy moved to Spence. Her crystal blue eyes were begging for attention. She rubbed her tall frame against Spence and then beckoned for Alex to join in. “You have no idea how handy. At least not yet.” Sandy stepped back and slid her fingers over the strap of her pink tank top, lowering it to reveal her dark red nipples. She caressed one with a long finger. “Thirsty?”

  Spence instantly raised his hand and then leaned close, gently tasting her. Sandy purred with delight as Camille pawed Spence’s backside.

  Alex turned to Ash. “Sorry about Spence.”

  Ash nodded. “Sorry? I was afraid they’d be all over you.”

  “Jealous?”

  Ash cold-shouldered Alex. “You wish.”

  “That sounds like a yes.”

  “When I say yes, you’ll know it.” Ash licked her lips and gently blew a kiss in Alex’s direction. “Now, I need you to stop thinking with the wrong head. Let the girls entertain him. We can grab some gear and then get on the road to meet your grandmother.”

  Ash guided Alex through a door to the back of the shop which looked just like the front: full of old electronic crap.

  “It’s an illusion,” Ash said. She waved a hand and the air rippled and Alex saw the rear of the store for what it really was. A high-tech weapons vault and all-around command center. The walls were thick metal and pinned with lockers full of weapons and futuristic computer equipment mounted on a long stainless steel panel that looked like it belonged in the operations room of a submarine.

  Alex studied the weapons, which looked like they’d been plucked out of a video game or comic book. He saw shimmering blades of all kinds, handguns, short-barreled machine-pistols, body-armor, and all manner of translucent weaponry that resembled grenade launchers, including another weapon that was similar to Ash’s Bitch Killer but radiated neon blue and more closely resembled a juiced-up AR-15.

  Alex was impressed and pulled down the weapon.

  Ash wagged a finger. “Careful, heartbeat. That puppy ain’t set on stun. That’s what we call a Tear Jerker.”

  Alex aimed the weapon at the wall, looking down over its sight. The radiating gun was heavy, but felt good in his hands, pulsing with energy as if it were a living, breathing thing.

  “That’s got a kinetic connector. Basically, it intuits your thoughts and senses your movements before you actually act. It’s one of the fastest-reacting weapons we have and—”

  BOOM!

  The building shook.

  Alex stared at his gun, only then realizing he hadn’t pulled the trigger.

  Ash ran past him, so he took off after her with the weapon in his hand. As he moved he felt the pulse of the pearl revving up. His eyes were wide and focused. The power of the pearl fueling his strides, he kept up with Ash’s quickness.

  They reached the middle of the store together. Alex focused on Camille and Sandy. They circled Spence like a Praetorian Guard, taking up positions, peering through the storefront windows.

  Camille turned and shouted into a small communications device tucked in her sleeve. “Minnie, we’ve got movement outside! We need a path to get out of here!”

  Alex hadn’t even noticed, but there was another Belle in the back. He reckoned it was the one who’d been referred to before, Minnie, a lithe woman with spiked hair and Asian features, who was dressed in a gray singlet that looked painted on.

  Minnie moved forward stealthily. Alex was shocked to see that her long limbs morphed into those of a jungle cat. She slitted her eyes and peered at the front windows. “Relax, ladies. We’re fine.”

  Alex sighed. “You’re sure?”

  Minnie grinned. “Abso-positively.” Before Alex could respond, the front windows exploded. The blast sent Minnie flying back through the air in a hailstorm of glass and debris.

  13

  “What happened?” Alex shouted as he ran to Minnie’s side.

  Minnie pushed herself up and shrugged. “I fucked up.”

  A gut-wrenching snarl echoed from outside. Minnie flew past him, running faster than any person should be able to run.

  She jumped into the air and slammed into a shadowy form that had leaped through the broken front windows. Alex turned to see that Minnie had shapeshifted into a gray panther and was fighting another creature, a black panther, on the showroom floor. The black panther shrugged Minnie aside, summoning up balls of orange fire that it flung into the interior of the store.

  Camille pointed at the black panther. “It’s a flesh-spirit from the Underworld! Another shapeshifter!”

  Spence initially appeared to be in shock, then looked back at Alex and grinned. “Catfight!”

  Minnie tossed the black panther aside and gaped at Spence. “Not funny!”

  “Hey, it was a little funny. ‘Sides, I thought all you Belles were heart-smacked?”

  Ash grabbed Spence’s arm and pulled him back next to Alex, trying to get a shot off with her Bitch Killer gun, but Minnie and the black panther were too close to each other.

  Alex watched the black panther swipe at Minnie, its long claws catching the side of her face. Three marks oozed with fresh blood. Minnie tasted it with her panther tongue, then roared.

  Minnie’s eyes glowed green as she transformed herself once more into a much larger Bengal tiger.

  Her claws extended into the sides of the panther as the pair crashed and rolled, destroying almost everything in their wake.

  Ash barked orders. “Camille, we need our bugout bags and rucksacks with weapons. Now!”

  Camille took a step toward the storage room and grabbed a rucksack. She was just turning when a concussive blast rocked the store, the massive explosion knocking everybody over like tenpins, jets of fire and smoke sweeping through the store.

  Ash grabbed Alex and Spence and pulled them outside while Camille followed after them.

  It was chaos as the fire consumed the building. No one could see Minnie anymore through the black smoke, but they could hear the crashing sound of one hell of a fight taking place in the midst of the flames and debris falling all around them.

  Alex struggled to his feet when he saw Spence rolling next to him. He appeared to be on fire, but he wasn’t burning. It was almost as if the flames had provided some type of protective cloak to form a shield around him.

  Camille yelled to Alex, “I got him.”

  Alex watched as the catfight taking place inside the burning Radio Shack spilled out onto the concrete before them. His gaze swung from the brawl to the store, which was smothered in flames. He heard loud reports from the back of the store along with thunderous secondary explosions. The weapons! Alex thought. The fire was igniting and destroying all the cool weapons!

  Minnie, still in the form of the Bengal tiger, was knocking the piss out of the black panther’s mouth. Alex saw her land a wicked swipe that sent the panther careening back, ass over teacup, nearly slamming into Spence who pitched to the sidewalk.

  Spence muscled himself up, lowered a shoulder, and plowed into the panther in an effort to aid Minnie.

  He bounced off the panther and tumbled to the ground.

  The panther spun and reared back to strike him but Minnie dropped her head and rammed into the jungle cat, saving Spence.

  “That was sweet, heartbeat!” Minnie growled at Spence. “But next time, stay down!”

  Minnie pounced on the semi-conscious panther and delivered a sharp bite to its neck. The panther’s body twitched and then stopped moving. Blood glistened from Minnie’s razor-sharp incisors. “Tasty fucker,” she hissed.

  Alex watched Minnie’s body slowly shift back to its human form. He moved over to Spence who was standing in shock, sweating profusely, and totally amped.

  “Alex! Did you see that shit?”

  Alex nodd
ed, trying to calm Spence down but it was no use. And then a voice stopped all the commotion. It was a young voice. A female voice. And the owner of that voice was in pain.

  “Ash!”

  Alex looked up and coming around the corner was Sandy. Her clothes were tattered and her body fire-blackened. Fire alarms were blaring all around and the sound of police and sirens and shouts could be heard in the distance.

  “I tried to stop them,” Sandy said. “But the fire got everything. All our weapons are gone.” Sandy collapsed to the ground, her torso shredded by shrapnel from the various explosions. A thick golden liquid like honey poured from her wounds. She tried to stand, but collapsed again, her eyes rolling over white.

  Camille yelled, “Sandy!”

  Alex watched Camille, Minnie and Ash rush to her side.

  “It’s okay,” Ash said, holding Sandy close. “It’s okay. I’m going to take you home, okay?”

  Alex ran up to Ash. “What can I do, can we take her to the hospital?”

  “You don’t understand,” she replied. “She’s not like you. My Belles don’t die pretty deaths, Alex.”

  “She’s dying?”

  Ash nodded. “I’ll take her down to a sanctuary we have in the Underworld. Once she crosses over, I’ll come back.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Alex said.

  Ash smiled, her eyes red-rimmed. “Yet another reason why we have to continue the mission.”

  Camille nodded and put her hand on Ash’s shoulder. “Sandy was brave.”

  Millie nodded. “Biggest heart I ever knew.”

  Alex stepped back as Ash carried Sandy in her arms. “I’ll be back by sunrise, Alex. Since we’ve lost most of our gear, I’ll need you to accompany Millie and Camille on a slight detour to track down some additional goodies.”

  Alex paled. “What kind of goodies?

  “The kind that go boom,” Ash replied. “We’ll need them for protection when we head into the Otherworld.”

  “Where are they?”

  “The Tavern. It’s a watering hole where people from our world mingle with people from yours.”