Catherine stared at him in amazement. Unbelievable! After all these years, it was Valbourg who would be riding back to London with Thomas, and not her.
‘Of course I’m coming.’ She returned briefly to her own carriage to tell Mrs Rankin what was happening and then quickly made her way back to Valbourg’s.
As soon as she was settled, the carriage set off. Catherine kept flicking nervous glances over her shoulder, half-expecting to see the headmaster come running through the front door, waving his arms in the air and demanding that they return at once.
‘It’s all right. He won’t come after us,’ Valbourg said quietly. ‘He has no reason to doubt the story I told him. However, I suspect there will be a slight problem when his letter of condolence arrives at Reverend Hailey’s house.’
Catherine’s eyes widened. ‘He is writing a letter of condolence?’
‘He thought it the polite thing to do.’
‘Then the Haileys will know—’
‘That we are on our way to London with Thomas, yes,’ Valbourg said, tilting his head in the boy’s direction. ‘But I suggest we talk about it later.’
Agreeing that it was best they say nothing in front of Thomas, Catherine turned her attention to her son, who was sitting on the seat looking out of the window. He had grown since the last time she had seen him and was clearly in need of new clothes. His shirt had a stain on it, his pants were too tight and one of his shoes was badly scuffed. He was also sporting a bluish-yellow bruise on his right cheek.
‘How did you come by that bruise, Thomas?’ she asked, tilting his head so she might see it better.
‘I fell.’
Catherine looked over at Valbourg, then back at her son. ‘In the classroom?’
‘No. In the yard,’ the boy said, adding as an afterthought, ‘I tripped.’
Thinking it was more likely he had been pushed, Catherine said, ‘I shall put some ointment on it when we get to London. Are you hungry?’
‘Oh, yes, miss.’
Across from her, Valbourg chuckled. ‘It has been my experience that little boys are very seldom not hungry.’
‘Fortunately, I came with that thought in mind.’ Catherine pulled a bright red apple from her bag and handed it to her son. ‘And there is another one if you need it.’
‘Thank you, Miss Jones!’ Thomas bit into the apple, the expression of bliss on his face prompting Catherine to wonder what he would say when he tasted Cook’s jam sponge topped with thick cream and dotted with ripe juicy strawberries.
‘Will I be going back to Glendale?’ Thomas asked between mouthfuls.
‘I don’t know,’ Catherine said, feeling it was probably the safest answer. ‘Did you like it there?’
‘Not very much. The older boys weren’t nice to me and the headmaster was very strict. I was twice sent to bed without supper for not paying attention. I’m glad Lord Valbourg came to fetch me.’ He looked up at Catherine and smiled. ‘And that you came, too, Miss Jones. I was afraid I wasn’t going to see you again.’
‘Why not?’
‘Aunt Eliza said you wouldn’t be coming any more. She said you were too busy being famous.’
Swallowing a swift surge of anger, Catherine said, ‘I could never be too busy for you, Thomas. Your aunt was wrong to suggest otherwise.’
‘I’m glad.’ The boy leaned his head against her arm. ‘I like it when you visit.’
Catherine closed her eyes and felt her heart swell to bursting. There was so much she wanted to say to him. So much she needed to ask. But this wasn’t the time. Thomas had already been through so much. Telling him that she was his mother now, without having established a relationship beforehand, would only confuse him. He needed time to adjust to the fact he wasn’t going back to Glendale, or to the only home he knew.
‘Does Megan know I am going to London?’ Thomas asked suddenly. ‘Will she be coming, too?’
‘She may,’ Catherine said, exchanging an uncertain glance with Valbourg. ‘I don’t know what the plans are for her.’
‘Megan has always wanted to see London,’ Thomas said. ‘She likes to look at Aunt Eliza’s magazines, the ones with the drawings of pretty ladies. She says they all wear beautiful gowns and ride around in carriages, and have ices and fine tea.’
‘What about you, Thomas?’ Valbourg said. ‘Are you looking forward to seeing London?’
‘I should like to have ices and visit a sweet shop, but Reverend Hailey says wickedness lives in the streets and that God-fearing people don’t go there.’
‘Reverend Hailey exaggerates,’ Catherine said, careful not to let her annoyance with the clergyman ring through. ‘Lord Valbourg and I live in London and so do a lot of other very nice people.’
‘Indeed, I suspect wicked people live in Grafton, too,’ Valbourg said, with a wry glance at Catherine.
‘Megan said that not everyone who lives in London is wicked,’ Thomas agreed. ‘She said Reverend Hailey only told us that so we wouldn’t want to go there. But I don’t mind. It might be fun. And it isn’t as though I don’t know anyone because you are here with me,’ he said, smiling up at Catherine.
It was as though he had reached out and wrapped his fingers around her heart, Catherine thought, smiling back at him. Surely if he already liked and trusted her, telling him the truth about their relationship wouldn’t come as such a terrible shock.
When at length her son grew weary, Catherine slipped her arm around his shoulders and drew him close. ‘Go to sleep, Thomas,’ she whispered, smoothing the hair back from his forehead. ‘When you wake up, we will be in London.’
He nodded and drifted off to sleep within a matter of minutes.
‘So, this is why you never took a lover,’ Valbourg murmured.
Catherine nodded, her arms still wrapped around her son. ‘Hopefully, my reasoning isn’t as difficult to understand now.’
‘Not at all. But I wish you had told me the truth earlier.’
‘Surely you can understand why I did not.’
‘Because you gave birth to a child without the benefit of a husband?’
‘That, and because I had no expectation of ever seeing you again.’
‘And yet here we are,’ Valbourg said, gazing down at Thomas. ‘He’s a fine boy. The resemblance between the two of you is striking.’
‘Are we really that much alike?’
‘Why do you think I was in such a hurry to remove you from the headmaster’s office after Thomas was brought in?’
‘I did wonder at that, but I assumed you had your reasons. You always do.’ He looked at her and Catherine laughed. ‘Oh, dear. Was that terribly rude of me?’
‘Terribly. But I have found you to be an unusually candid woman, unlike most of the ladies with whom I am acquainted.’
‘Yes, I doubt Lady Susan Wimsley would have made such a remark,’ Catherine said. ‘She has probably been raised to say and do all the right things. Her making a good marriage depends on it.’
‘And yours does not?’
Remembering her conversation with Gwen, Catherine shook her head. ‘I’ve already told you I don’t intend to marry. Not only am I an actress, I have a five-year-old son. Not many men would choose to take on a burden like that.’
‘Not all men would consider it a burden,’ Valbourg said. ‘Indeed, I can think of several who would be happy to offer you their name. However, if marriage isn’t on the cards, have you ever thought of passing yourself off as a widow?’
‘I did when I first arrived in London,’ Catherine admitted, ‘but I didn’t like the dishonesty of it.’
‘So you chose instead to pretend you were a virtuous single woman without any encumbrances.’
The implication stung. ‘I did what I thought best. At the time, I had no way of knowing if I would ever see Thomas again,’ Cather
ine said. ‘Reverend Hailey and I did not part on good terms and I had no way of knowing what the eventual outcome would be. I simply thought it would be easier to pretend I didn’t have a child than to tell people I did and explain why he wasn’t with me.’ She looked at Valbourg, feeling it was time to change the subject. ‘Tell me about Sebastian.’
‘Sebastian?’ He looked surprised. ‘What do you know about him?’
‘Only what my friend Gwendolyn told me. She said the last time she saw you, your family was in mourning for your sister and that you became guardian of her son as a result of a promise you had given her. Is that true?’
After a moment’s silence, he nodded. ‘Sarah asked me if I would take care of Sebastian if anything should happen to her and her husband.’
‘You didn’t think that strange?’
‘That she would ask me to take care of Sebastian or that something might happen to her?’
‘Either.’
‘I admit I did find it a little unusual that I should be the one nominated to look after Sebastian when I had no wife of my own,’ Valbourg admitted. ‘But I paid it no mind. Sarah and John were both young and healthy. No one could have foreseen what happened to them.’
‘But when the worst did happen and the responsibility for looking after Sebastian was raised, did no one in your family object to you stepping forward?’
‘Good Lord, yes, they all objected,’ Valbourg said. ‘And to be fair, I couldn’t blame them. My life to that point had been an endless round of drinking and carousing. I won...and lost...vast sums of money on the turn of a hand and came home at all hours and slept half the day away. All that had to change when Sebastian arrived on my doorstep.’
‘Was it difficult?’
‘Abominably so. I hadn’t realised how selfish I’d become,’ Valbourg admitted. ‘My life was about doing what I liked. However, I’d given Sarah my word and nothing anyone said or did was going to change that. So, I sent my mistress away with a large ruby pendant, stopped going to hells and became a respectable family man.’
‘Your staff must have been surprised.’
‘In truth, they were relieved. They all feared for my health and saw Sebastian’s arrival as a turn for the better, which it was. Now I can’t imagine my life without him.’
‘So you don’t miss what you had to give up?’
‘No, because I gained far more than I lost.’ Valbourg glanced at Thomas and said, ‘I’m sure I don’t have to explain that to you.’
No, he didn’t. Having Thomas sleeping at her side was a joy unlike any Catherine had ever experienced. Before now, she’d had only the memory of those first few weeks to sustain her—memories of holding her newborn son in her arms and of rocking him to sleep. Nothing came close to what she felt for Thomas and to have him torn from her when he was only a month old had been the worst experience of Catherine’s life. She had existed like a ghost for months afterwards, dragging herself through the days, numbed by the magnitude of her loss. Gwen had tried to rouse her from her malaise, but nothing could lessen the pain of having lost her son; grief compounded by the knowledge she might never see him again. If ever there was a hell on earth that had surely been it.
‘No, you don’t have to explain,’ Catherine whispered, pressing her lips to the top of her son’s head. ‘I’ve lived for this day. Dreamt about it, never knowing if it would come to pass. But now that it has I intend to do everything I can...anything I must...to keep Thomas with me. I won’t lose him again!’
‘Then I suggest you start by giving some serious thought to where he’s going to live,’ Valbourg said. ‘Because he can’t stay with you.’
‘Why not?’
‘You must know Hailey will come after him.’
‘He might, but this time, the circumstances are different. Thomas is my son—’
‘But Thomas doesn’t know that,’ Valbourg interrupted. ‘And if anyone asks, he will be the first to say so. We must be grateful he knows and likes you as much as he does, but it is naïve to think he will say you are someone other than who he believes you to be. You’ve heard him call Mrs Hailey his aunt. He will expect and may well want to go back to her.’
‘Then I have no choice but to tell him the truth,’ Catherine said, her arm unconsciously tightening around her son. ‘I have to make him aware that I am his mother.’
‘The fact he resembles you so strongly will certainly make it easier to believe, but would you force him to stay with you if he said he wanted to go back to the Haileys?’
It was a question Catherine didn’t want to answer...because it was a reality she didn’t want to face. ‘I don’t know. I would never wish to cause him pain, but neither do I wish to give him up before he’s had a chance to get to know me and to understand who I really am. That means I’ll have to spend as much time with him as I can in the hopes of his eventually coming to love me. Then when I tell him the truth, it won’t come as such a shock.’
‘Well, I can certainly see why he would prefer to be with you than with Eliza Hailey. I know I would.’
Valbourg’s voice dropped on those last four words, and Catherine looked up to see him watching her. But this time, his expression wasn’t veiled. She saw exactly what he was thinking—and it caused her heart to turn over. ‘Valbourg—’
‘No, don’t say it,’ he said softly. ‘I know as well as you do that it’s impossible. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you, Catherine. I have...for a very long time.’
The words hung in the air between them, a sweet promise of something that could never be. For the first time in her life, Catherine wasn’t tempted to come up with a clever rejoinder to something a gentleman said, because for the first time in her life, she didn’t want to discourage him. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘Not even after I kissed you?’
‘I thought you kissed me to prove a point and not a very flattering one at that.’
‘Partially true. I kissed you because I needed to know what lay behind that cool exterior,’ Valbourg said. ‘But I also kissed you because I wanted to. Just like I’ve wanted to kiss you every time I’ve seen you since.’
Catherine closed her eyes and breathed a long, deep sigh. What was she to say? Valbourg wasn’t being coy or flirtatious. He was stating openly that he wanted to kiss her. Perhaps even to do more than that. Where did that leave her? ‘I honestly don’t know what to say.’
‘Do you find the thought of my caring about you frightening?’
‘No. I find it incredibly flattering.’
He smiled. ‘It wasn’t my intention to flatter you.’
‘Perhaps flattered isn’t the right word.’
‘What is?’
Catherine was quiet for a long moment. ‘Happy. Yet at the same time, unutterably sad.’
The slight widening of his eyes told her he understood and, in her heart, Catherine knew they both did. The attraction between them had been growing for weeks. Ever since the night she had gone to Alderbury House and seen Valbourg walking towards her. It had grown with each successive encounter and, for Catherine, it had crystallised today when he had shown up in the headmaster’s office spouting a ridiculous story that, finally, had allowed her to regain possession of her son.
But an attraction was all it could ever be. An endless succession of stolen moments conducted in secret because their positions in society were too dissimilar to allow anything else. They could not alter the circumstances of their lives. They could only live with them.
Chapter Eight
They arrived on the outskirts of London after having stopped at an inn for something to eat. Thomas had been delighted with the thick slices of bread and butter with wedges of cheese, thin slices of ham and a selection of jams that made his eyes bulge. Clearly, he had never been treated to the kind of foods Valbourg took for granted.
Catherine ate lightly, her stomach in knots over Valbourg’s revelations during the carriage ride. Her recently gained awareness of his feelings for her left little room for thoughts of anything else and she was painfully conscious of the glances he kept sending her way. Once, when their hands brushed, she jumped, as though touched by a hot blade. Yet the sensation had not been one of pain. The frisson of awareness that shot up her arm had been one of intense pleasure, making her wonder what it would be like to be held in his arms.
‘Will I be staying with my grandmother?’ Thomas had asked between mouthfuls.
Catherine had started to reply, but Valbourg was faster. ‘I thought you might like to stay with me tonight, Thomas. My nephew, Sebastian, is anxious to meet you. He is a little older than you, but I suspect you share many of the same interests.’
Catherine had stared at Valbourg, startled by his offer. She hadn’t expected him to want to have anything to do with her and Thomas once they arrived in London, let alone to offer his house as a place for Thomas to spend the night. He must have a reason for doing so, but for the life of her she couldn’t imagine what it was.
* * *
Finally, they arrived in Berkeley Square. Thomas kept his face pressed to the carriage window, trying to take in all the sights and the sounds of the busy square. ‘Is this where you live, Lord Valbourg?’
‘It is.’
‘It’s a very fine house.’
‘Thank you. And there is Sebastian, standing in the doorway, waiting to greet you.’
Catherine held on to Thomas’s hand as they walked up to the front door and the boy standing there. She could feel her son’s anxiety as they approached Sebastian, who was both taller and heavier than Thomas, but the boy’s smile was open and welcoming as he held out his hand and introduced himself. ‘Hello. I’m Sebastian. Would you like to come and see my new puppy?’
‘You have a puppy?’ Thomas said, eyes wide. ‘What kind?’
‘I don’t know what he is. Except that he is brown and white and has a long feathery tail.’
‘He sounds splendid. Does he bite?’ Thomas asked.
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