‘Not really. At least, he doesn’t mean to,’ Sebastian said. ‘But he does have very sharp teeth. Come on, I’ll show him to you.’
Thomas glanced up at Catherine and she saw at once how desperately he wanted to go with Sebastian. She smiled and let go of his hand. ‘Run along and see the puppy. Don’t worry, I’ll be here.’
It was all Thomas needed to hear. With a wide grin, he ran up the stairs after Sebastian, the two already on the way to being friends.
‘I told Sebastian he wasn’t to have the puppy in his room,’ Valbourg murmured. ‘Obviously, he hasn’t paid any attention.’
‘I can’t say I blame him,’ Catherine said. ‘Who can resist a puppy?’
Suddenly, she felt weary, as much from the tension of the day as from the fact it was getting on for seven o’clock and she had been awake very early. ‘Well, I should be on my way—’
‘Stay and have dinner with me,’ Valbourg said. ‘I’ve already asked Finholm to set two places in the dining room. It won’t take long, and you can leave once you’re finished.’
‘I’m not sure—’
‘I am. You’ve earned a good meal after everything you’ve been through today.’
* * *
An hour later, Catherine sat across from Valbourg in the quiet intimacy of the dining room, after the first course, a savoury creamed-vegetable soup, accompanied by a glass of fine French wine. Thomas, Sebastian and Rory the spaniel were having their meal upstairs.
‘I hate to admit it, but perhaps it is a good idea that Thomas stays here tonight,’ she said. ‘Everything is so new to him, but I can see that he likes Sebastian and feels at home with him.’
‘What about the other nights?’ Valbourg asked, refilling her glass.
Catherine sighed. ‘I know what you’re saying, Valbourg, but I don’t know what to do. I hate the thought of not being able to see Thomas whenever I want.’
‘Who said you can’t? You can come here as often as you like, now that you have a legitimate excuse for doing so.’
His voice dropped in a manner that sent shivers through her. ‘I don’t have a good excuse and you know it,’ she said. ‘Thomas cannot stay here indefinitely. You are not related to us and I cannot impose upon you in such a manner. I will have to give some thought to what you said in the carriage.’
‘You’re going to have to make up your mind soon,’ Valbourg said, relaxing back in his chair. ‘It won’t take long for the Haileys to make their way to London, or to send someone in their stead.’
‘And when they arrive, Moody will lead them straight to me,’ Catherine murmured.
‘Exactly, which is why Thomas needs to stay here with me. Hailey’s men won’t hesitate to snatch Thomas from you, but I suspect they would think twice before taking him from a nobleman’s home. In fact, the safest place for Thomas might well be Alderbury House.’
‘Absolutely not!’ Catherine objected. ‘I can just imagine what your father would say.’
‘Alderbury is a great fan of yours.’
‘There is a vast difference between enjoying my singing and having my son live in his house. I doubt any man would welcome such an intrusion.’
‘I don’t know,’ Valbourg said. ‘I would be delighted to have both you and Thomas living in my house, if it were possible.’
Catherine bit her lip. ‘You would?’
‘Do you really find that so hard to believe? I have told you how I feel about you.’
‘Perhaps not.’ She raised troubled eyes to his. ‘I care about you, Valbourg. You must know that. But you must also know that if we were to allow ourselves to move in that direction, there would be serious repercussions for you.’
‘Not for you as well?’
‘I have Thomas with me now. The onus will be on Hailey to try to get him back. But you still have Sebastian to consider. You know what involving me in your life will do.’
‘I dare say if my eldest sister were to find out, she would have Sebastian out of here so fast it would make our heads spin,’ Valbourg agreed. ‘But you know if the circumstances were different, I would already have asked.’ He reached across the table and took her hand in his. ‘I thought you were breathtaking as an actress. You are even more beautiful as a mother.’
Catherine gazed down at their locked hands, wondering how something so incredible could have happened to her. She had been the object of lust, of envy, even of jealousy, but she had never been the object of genuine respect and affection. Valbourg was the first man to make her feel that way. He was going to make some lucky woman a very good husband one day.
‘Sebastian is delightful,’ Catherine said, unprepared for the swift stab of pain the thought brought with it. ‘And he loves you. You are as much his father as if you were born to it.’
‘He is everything I might hope for in a son,’ Valbourg admitted. ‘I’d never given the idea of being a father any consideration until he came along. I thought, as most men do, that I would do my part in fathering him and then leave the responsibility for raising him to someone else. Now I find I want to be involved.’
‘The mark of a good father.’
‘I’m not sure about that. How does one know if one is doing a good job?’
‘You don’t,’ Catherine said. ‘You simply instil the beliefs in him that matter to you and do your best to raise him the way you would liked to have been raised yourself.’
‘Sage wisdom if ever I’ve heard it.’ He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘When did you become so wise, Miss Jones?’
‘When I turned ten and Papa gave me a book that contained everything I needed to know.’
Valbourg smiled. ‘What was the name of this remarkable book?’
‘I don’t remember. It fell into the lake and sank before I had a chance to read it, but I assured Papa whenever he asked that it was the most useful book I had ever owned.’
Valbourg laughed and, turning her hand over, ran his finger along her palm. ‘You have beautiful hands. I noticed them during your performance at Mary’s reception. Small, with long, slender fingers and lovely wrists.’ He curled her fingers into her palm and then wrapped his fingers around it. ‘You need someone to take care of you, Catherine. Now more than ever if you hope to raise Thomas on your own.’
‘I will be fine,’ she said, still a little breathless from his touch. ‘I have money enough to provide him with everything he needs and I shall hire a governess to look after him when I am working.’
‘So you intend to continue performing?’
‘What other choices do I have?’
‘You could marry.’
Catherine winced, unable to imagine living with any other man now that she had acknowledged her feelings for Valbourg. ‘As I said before, not many men would be happy to take me on knowing I already had two greater loves in my life.’
‘Two?’
‘Thomas.’ Her eyes flew up to his. ‘And...the stage.’
His slow smile left Catherine wondering if she had fooled him. With Valbourg, it was impossible to tell.
‘You could perform for your family and friends, you know,’ he said, ‘rather than in a packed theatre. Would that not be enough?’
‘I don’t know. It wouldn’t be the same as singing before thousands of people. Nothing could ever be like that.’
‘But how will you know until you’ve tried? Perhaps you will find other things even more appealing.’
‘I cannot imagine what.’
‘Can you not?’ Valbourg pushed back his chair and slowly got up. Still holding on to her hand, he drew her to her feet. ‘You might find being with a man even more exciting.’ He turned her around and drew her back against him. ‘But it would have to be the right man.’
Catherine’s heart began to race. Dear Lord, he felt good...but what th
ey were doing was so wrong. Valbourg could never be a part of her life, yet she was drawn to him, intoxicated by his presence. She felt the strength of his chest against her back, the firmness of his thighs against her torso. He put his hands on her upper arms and bent his head to nuzzle the soft skin of her throat.
Catherine closed her eyes and rested her head against him.
‘Ah, my sweet.’ His hands left her arms to wrap around her torso and draw her even closer. ‘What am I going to do with you?’
She raised her hands and grasped his arms. A longing beckoned; a powerful urge to be close to him in a way she had experienced only once before. But she knew it would be different this time. Because she realised now that what she’d felt for Will paled in comparison to her feelings for this man. ‘Valbourg—’
‘Richard,’ he said huskily. ‘If you would call me anything, let it be that.’
Richard. Another step towards intimacy, Catherine thought sadly. A place they dared not go.
‘We cannot do this, Richard,’ she said in a whisper. ‘It will only make matters that much harder.’
‘Do you want me to stop?’
‘No.’ And God help her, she didn’t. She wanted his hands on her body and his mouth on her skin. All the long years spent denying herself those pleasures only made her want him more. ‘But you must.’
‘I would have us share one kiss first.’
‘We have shared a kiss.’
‘No, I kissed you,’ he said, turning her around to face him. ‘We did not kiss. And I need to know that you burn for me as deeply as I burn for you.’
Catherine knew it was madness to allow this to go any further, but she was unable to resist. She was in Valbourg’s arms and he wanted her. That was enough. She raised her hand and drew his head down to hers, but this time when their lips met, it wasn’t surprise Catherine felt, but pleasure of the most intense and erotic kind. Her experience of kissing had been with a boy. Valbourg was a man and she was left in no doubt about that as his lips teased and coaxed hers apart. He knew exactly what he was doing, his breath soft against her mouth, his hands cradling her head before his arms drew her close. She was falling headlong into danger, but for once she didn’t care. Richard was with her. Whatever tomorrow held, all that mattered right now was this moment.
At length, Catherine drew back, the heat of his mouth warming her through. She glanced up at him, a little shy in the aftermath of the kiss, and saw that he was smiling. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘No. I just never imagined it could be like that.’
She sighed and let her head fall forward on to his chest. ‘Nor did I, but I’m not sure we should tempt Fate again by allowing ourselves a repeat performance.’
‘If that was a performance, I would demand a repeat of it every night of my life,’ Valbourg murmured. ‘In fact, I would demand a hundred performances a day. But I do understand.’ He bent his head and kissed her once more before stepping back and releasing her. ‘The fire between us burns white hot, but it will consume us if we let it. And given what we both stand to lose, it is best we not do this again.’
They were the words he needed to say. Catherine knew that. But hearing him say them brought her no joy because now she knew what she would be missing...and it would be even harder going forward.
A discreet knock at the door brought them back to the moment and Catherine reluctantly returned to the table. Valbourg waited for her to sit down before saying, ‘Come in.’
Finholm appeared in the doorway. ‘Are you ready for the next course, my lord?’
‘We are.’ Valbourg likewise sat down and winked at Catherine. ‘Though I have a feeling it will not be nearly as enjoyable as the last.’
* * *
They finished dinner in a leisurely fashion, savouring their time alone together and enjoying the chance to talk freely. Valbourg, who selfishly wanted the evening to go on and on, was in no hurry to see Catherine leave. After finishing a delightful lemon soufflé, he suggested they take their brandy into the drawing room. To his relief, despite the unladylike pastime, Catherine agreed.
‘Ah, but you see, I am an actress,’ she told him. ‘I don’t have to behave with the same decorum as the fine ladies with whom you spend your time.’
‘And yet, you always have. Not that I object to the way you’re behaving now,’ Valbourg added, watching Catherine take a sip of her brandy, enjoying the provocative sight of her mouth touching the glass and the perfection of her lips. ‘I like being able to enjoy a glass of brandy with you and talk about subjects most young women know nothing about. Or if they do, pretend they do not. It is refreshing.’
‘I was raised with a view to meeting the expectations of good society, but once I embarked on a career on the stage, those expectations changed,’ Catherine told him. ‘Suddenly, I wasn’t expected to be demure and retiring or to have good morals...or any morals, for that matter. I was expected to play the part of the actress, and as strange as that sounds, sometimes I did.’
‘But not, I suspect, when there was any chance one of Hailey’s spies might be watching you.’
‘No. The problem was, I never knew when they were watching me,’ Catherine said. ‘So the safest thing for me to do was to assume I was being watched all the time and behave accordingly. That way, I had nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to fear.’
‘Until I came along,’ Valbourg said ruefully.
She looked at him and sighed. ‘I really don’t think your behaviour had anything to do with it, Richard. If Eliza wanted to keep Thomas, she would have found a way of doing so. Your involvement simply provided a convenient excuse.’
‘So you don’t think my kissing you in the street had a negative effect on Hailey’s opinion?’
‘Oh, I am quite sure it had a negative effect,’ Catherine said with a soft laugh. ‘But if his mind was made up to keep Thomas, it wouldn’t have been the deciding factor.’
‘So the abstinence and good manners you practised all those years was for naught. You could have taken a lover and it wouldn’t have made any difference.’
‘It would have made a difference to me,’ Catherine said. ‘I knew in my heart that what I’d done with Will was wrong. My mother was a governess and my father a schoolmaster. I learned at a young age the difference between right and wrong. That’s why I say the mistake I made with Will was entirely my own fault.’
‘What did your parents say when they found out?’
‘Only my father was alive at the time and he was horrified,’ Catherine admitted. ‘He didn’t shout at me, but I knew how disappointed he was—and that hurt me far more than if he had shouted. I loved him dearly and I knew I had let him down.’
‘I suspect we all let our parents down at some point in our lives,’ Valbourg said. ‘Did they have a happy marriage?’
‘Yes, though in hindsight I think there was more respect to it than passion. They both did what they had to rather than what they might have wanted to.’
‘In that case, it’s not surprising your father reacted the way he did to your situation. He wouldn’t have been able to understand how intensely passion can flare between two people.’
‘No, and it did,’ Catherine said, blushing at having such a frank conversation with a man. ‘What I did with Will went against everything I had been taught. Everything I had been brought up to believe. But I was swept up in my feelings, perhaps for the first time in my life. And in that one moment, everything changed.’
Valbourg finished his brandy and got up to pour another. ‘How will you feel about all of London knowing you have a child?’
‘I suspect the question is going to be how will they feel about me. It will certainly change the way people look at me.’
‘And the gentlemen who constantly beat a path to your door?’
‘I suspect they won’t feel the same and
, to be honest, I’m glad. Perhaps I won’t be such a challenge to them.’
Thinking of the bet standing on the book at White’s, Valbourg wasn’t so sure. ‘You may be wrong, Catherine. Knowing you’ve had a child simply means you’re not a virgin. To some men, that will make you even more attractive.’
‘But less to those who do not want the encumbrance of a child.’
They sat together in silence for a time, Valbourg content to sip his brandy as he mulled over everything Catherine had said, while she sat staring into the fire. In the candlelight, her hair shone more golden than silver, while her skin glowed a warm peachy rose. Valbourg knew first-hand how soft it was and wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and make her forget everything except how it felt to be a woman in the arms of a man who cared about her. But they both knew the folly of allowing themselves to go down that road.
‘Well, I suppose I should be going home,’ Catherine said, reluctantly getting to her feet. ‘It has been a very long and eventful day, and Mrs Rankin will start to worry if I am not home soon.’
‘I’ll take you,’ Valbourg said.
‘That isn’t necessary.’
‘I know, but I want to.’ He crossed the room to where she stood and, slipping his hand behind her neck, drew her towards him. ‘I may not be able to have you here all the time, Catherine, but I intend to take advantage of the times I do,’ he murmured against her lips. ‘And being alone in a carriage with you at night is a pleasure I am not willing to forgo.’
* * *
Unfortunately, as it turned out, the pleasure was to be denied them both. Finholm came up to Valbourg as they were preparing to leave with the news that Sebastian had thrown up his supper.
‘I don’t think the fever’s back,’ the butler said, ‘but he says his stomach is upset. Shall I send for the doctor?’
Valbourg glanced at Catherine and knew their time was at an end. ‘Yes, you best had. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about, but I would rather have Dr Tennison make that call.’
‘I suspect it may have been something he ate yesterday,’ Finholm said. ‘Cook took him to the shops and I dare say he was given a few treats along the way.’
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