Dear Diary

by Nikki Sapphire

  He grinned, “Yeah. I envisioned taking you to my favorite spot on the lake for reflection.”

  “Reflection?”

  “I come here when I need to clear my mind. Being here, in this very spot, connecting with nature, clears my mind and helps me see what really is important to me. I came here after we fucked the first time.”

  “Okay.”

  “You’re important to me. I wanted to share this with you.”

  “Oh my God, Jameson. I don’t know what to say.” A warmth of emotions filled my body.

  “Good. Now, let’s eat and have something to drink.”

  We both sit down on the blanket. He puts his arm around me and brings me close. As cliché and romantic as this sounds, he had a woven picnic basket next to the blanket. The boy seriously planned all of this. He is good. Jameson takes out a thermos and two Yeti tumblers. He pours the contents from the thermos into the tumblers. Steam rises. He grins, “Hot chocolate?”

  I giggle, “Yes.”

  He hands me one of the tumblers. I put the tumbler to my lips and sip the warm dark cocoa with a hint of mint. It is just the right temperature as it adds to my already hot body. I remark, “This is good. So, what are we eating?”

  He chuckles as he pulls out graham crackers, marshmallows, and Hershey’s chocolate. He comments, “You can’t have a fire without s’mores.”

  I start to laugh and nudge him with my elbow. This has to be the cheesiest, most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. He really put a lot of thought and effort into this. This is starting to turn me on.

  Jameson puts one big marshmallow on the prong and heats it up over the fire. Once it is ready, he takes the slightly burnt white fluff between two graham crackers with chocolate in the middle. He commands, “Open your mouth.”

  My mouth opens, and he feeds me the ooey-gooey s’more. The marshmallow spilled out the sides of the graham cracker sandwich and onto my chin. Jameson pulls the s’more away from my mouth. Before I could wipe the melted chocolate and stickiness from my mouth, Jameson leans and starts to kiss off the excess goods. My chest heaves up, my sex tingles.

  Here we go.

  I wrap my arms around him and bring him closer to me. Our lips connect and become ravenous. I want him. Fuck, I need him. He grabs the back of my hair and tugs. A moan creeps out. My anxious hands start to unzip his winter jacket, then pull it off him. We look into each other’s eyes. His dark eyes scream fuck me now. I take off my jacket and then proceed to take off his brown flannel shirt. I whisper, “I want you.”

  He smirks, “Good. I want to fuck you in the snow. You’ll stay warm.”

  “Please do.” Next thing I know, our clothes are ripped off. He grabs me and lays me on top of the soft, cold snow. His rock-hard cock enters me. I moan in gratification.

  He groans, “I’m going to take you slow. My plan is to melt the snow beneath us. Lock your legs around me.” Taking him all in, I surrender to him. His hips gently rock into mine. My back becomes numb. My nails dig into his side. He pumps more. My legs grip tighter.

  I whimper, “Jameson.” The build-up starts to brew.

  He moans, “Come for me, baby. I need to feel you. I got you.” He goes hard and slow, pushing his cock deep beneath the barrier of my pussy. My naked body starts to unwind.

  “Jameson. You’re unfucking real.”

  I lose it as I explode around him. The deeper he pushes, the harder I release. I scream, waking mother nature around us, “Oh my God, Jameson.”

  His hips hit me harder. He grunts, “My.dirty.little.momma. Fuuccckkk!”

  We lie in the snow for a few minutes, just breathing, living in the moment. “Jameson,” I breathe.

  He muffles, “Yeah, baby.”

  Then it hit me again. My husband calls me baby and babe. Now, Jameson is using that term of endearment and I don’t know if I like it. I’m Patrick’s baby. I push Jameson off me. “The snow is cold. I need to get dressed.”

  With the look of concern, he asks, “Everything okay?”

  I get up and start to dress myself. “Jameson, that was really sweet, but I have to go.”

  “Kendra, what is wrong?” He starts to dress himself.

  “I have to go.” I lean into him and kissed him. “Thank you for this. I don’t deserve it.” I put my boots on and head up the trail to my car.

  I faintly hear him yell my name, “Kendra.”

  What the fuck am I doing here? This is getting too serious.

  February 11th, 2017

  It has been several days since our picnic in the snow. Who would have thought Jameson could be so romantic? I know it took a lot of effort on his part to do that. Our relationship has gone to the next level. We went from fun flirting to getting hazy with feelings. I’m not prepared to share my heart with someone else besides my husband. I need to take a break from him. He has attempted to reach me, but I had to ignore the messages. I feel bad, but my head is clouded with confusion. I need some time away.

  My relationship with Patrick has really bloomed. It just amazes me how he is taking the time to really talk to me. At the end of the day, when the children are asleep, we grab a glass of wine and talk. We talk about his day at work, my day of running children around, what books we are reading and the news. It is like old times. It is just us two. On top of this change, he has started to comment on how fit I am looking and that my curves are really popping. This kind of attention from him is what I have been wanting from him. I am no longer stressing about the little things in life. I really feel like I am in a better place, we are in a better place. I have never felt so alive, sexy, and confident.

  One thing Patrick and I have decided we need is weekly date nights. No kids, just us. We have gone to movies, dinners, & some concerts. We are really having a lot of fun enjoying ourselves, being together. I’m happy. He is happy.

  This weekend, Patrick’s law firm is holding a banquet. When we got to the Grand Hotel and walked into the ballroom, I was overwhelmed with how beautiful this place was. The theme of the night was a black and white attire affair. The golden crystal chandelier hung perfectly centered over the dance floor. White linen masked the tables with diamond-like candleholders lighting up each individual table. Large bouquets of white roses mixed with white hibiscus and petunias in a black vase were perfectly placed around the ballroom. It was elegant.

  Patrick whispers, “Hey, baby, I’m going to talk with some of the other partners. Is that okay?”

  I answer, “Of course.”

  He examines my white, off-the-shoulder bodysuit dress. It hugged all the right curves.

  Patrick compliments, “Kendra, you have no idea how beautiful you look tonight. I really just want to leave here, get a room, and have my way with you.”

  I blushed, “But we can’t. Maybe later.”

  “Oh, there will be a later.”

  I smirked and winked at him as I walked over to where the wives were sitting.

  Sarah, one of the partner’s wives, was the first to acknowledge me. She said, “Hey. Kendra, you look absolutely amazing. You’re practically glowing. What is going on?”

  I smiled, “Thank you, Sarah. I am feeling pretty good these days.”

  Jennifer, an associate of the firm, chimed in, “Are you excited for Patrick to make partner? That last case he did sealed the deal.”

  Shocked by what she just said, I had no clue what she was talking about. He never said anything to me about it. Putting on a front, I answered, “I’m beyond thrilled for him. He has worked extremely hard for this.”

  This bothered me. Why was he hiding this from me?

  I excused myself and went to look for my husband. I examined the room to see him by the bar with another attorney, having a drink. Probably his signature drink, Jack and Coke. Fuming, I made my way over to him.

  I stopped in front of him and smiled, “Hi, Anthony. Do you care if I steal my husband from you?”

  Anthony grinned and nodded his
head.

  I grabbed Patrick’s hand and led him to one of the sides of the ballroom. I demanded, “Patrick, we need to talk.”

  He answered, “Sure hun, what’s up?”

  Anger was starting to pool deep within my stomach. “Why didn’t you tell me you had made partner?”

  “Well, that is what this banquet is all about. I wanted to surprise you.”

  Wow. He wanted to surprise me. My feelings were conflicted about this. Would this be more hours for him? Would we go back to old ways, where we were both unhappy?

  Before I could reply, he commented, “Kendra, this is a great opportunity for me, for us. I will not be working as many hours. I’ll be able to see the twins and you more often.”

  My heart swelled with joy. God, I love this man with every fiber in me.

  The dinner was announced and we made our way to our seats. For the rest of the evening, a lot of wine was drank and a lot of congratulations were handed out. My husband made an incredible speech. I have never felt so proud of my husband as in this moment. I am one lucky woman to have him in my life.

  February 16th, 2017

  I have been riding the high of my husband’s partnership in the firm for about a week. Our relationship has started to exceed all limits. I am falling in love with my husband all over again.

  But here is the thing, I cannot stop thinking of Jameson. We haven’t spoken yet. He gave up texting me and sending me messages. I don’t blame him at all. I haven’t returned a single one. I would cut it off too. However, I feel bad. I find myself opening up my phone and rereading his text messages. Why do I continue to do this with him? Things are much better with my husband. Yet, I think of him.

  I know what I have done is morally wrong in all forms. But there is something about Jameson that makes me jaded. When I kiss him, I lose all self-control, inhibitions and outside thoughts disappear. It no longer becomes a choice between right or wrong. It becomes instinct and out of our control. There is no denying heat and passion that exfoliates from us. I miss Jameson.

  Once again, I looked at the last text he sent me.

  Jamie: I’m taking your silence

  as we are done. Bye!

  This time around, I didn’t ignore his text. I finally responded to him.

  Me: I hope all is well with

  you.

  If he doesn’t respond, I will know why. I deserve that reason why. But I feel I should at least reach out and see how he is doing.

  February 21st, 2017

  It has been days since I texted Jameson. He read the message but never replied. I wish iPhones didn’t tell you when someone has read your message. I would rather think the message didn’t get there or they chose not to look at it. He is officially ignoring me. It is bothering me. But today, or better yet, this morning, he won’t be able to ignore me. I am going to the morning boot camp class today. I know this is a rare occasion, but I’m volunteering at the twin’s school for their President’s Day celebration and then, tonight is Erica’s gymnastics. I have no choice but to go in the morning. We will see each other. It is going to be awkward for sure.

  It is stupid cold outside as I walk up to the gym’s door. I open the door, walk in and smash right into Jameson. He turns around to see who is klutzy enough to fall into him. Our eyes meet and time stands still. He is exactly how I remember him. Tall, gorgeous with his godly body. He smiles, “Kendra.”

  I stuttered, “Erm. Hi, Jameson.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Um. Last I checked, I work out here too.”

  “I mean this early in the morning. You never come at this time. You stalking me?”

  “For real? Did you just ask me that?”

  “I think it is a legitimate question.”

  “I shouldn’t have to answer you. But I have a school function and my daughter has practice. This is the only time. Get over yourself.”

  “Feisty this morning, aren’t we?”

  Then it came out. “Why haven’t you texted me back?” I said it loud. The whole gym heard it. And the stares. Fuck me.

  Jameson grabs my arm and leads me down the hallway toward the locker rooms. He asks, “What the fuck, Kendra? Do you want people to find out about us?”

  “Do you?”

  “That is not a fair question.”

  “I think it is.”

  “Fuck, this does not look good.”

  “Why are you freaking out? You are really the only one who knows me from this class.”

  “It’s not that.”

  “Then what the hell is it?”

  “I’m back with my ex-girlfriend.”

  “You’re what?”

  “We got back together. She comes to this class. She didn’t today because she had a late night. People know we are together.”

  I was beside myself. My feelings are twisting and turning. My face is flushed with anger. I am jealous. Why am I jealous? I am married. He can’t be just mine. But this is upsetting.

  He comments, “She moved back in.”

  Water starts to form in my eyes. I cannot be sad about this. He has every right to move on. I haven’t returned any of his messages. And the big factor is, things are going well with my husband. I look at him and say, “I need to go.” I took off and headed toward the door.

  “Kendra, wait.”

  I ignored him and busted my ass out toward my van. His footsteps stomping behind me. This is all kind of fucked up. My heart was slamming against my chest. I cannot believe I am upset about this. I have no fucking right.

  I got to my van and dug for me keys in my purse. I searched and searched. I shook my purse, trying to find them. God dammit. Why must they fall to the bottom of the purse? Then, I felt a poke. Jackpot. Found them. I hurried to pull them out and pushed the button to unlock the door. But the minor delay ruined my plan. Jameson grabbed hold of my waist, turning me to face him. He confronted me, “Kendra, we are complicated. If I wanted a normal relationship with you, it would never happen.”

  I looked down. The tips of his fingers pushed my face back up to face him eye to eye.

  He continued, “When I didn’t hear back from you, it was my wakeup call. I can’t live like this. I should be able to have a relationship with someone without sneaking around.”

  My emotions started to take control. Anger. Hurt. Jealousy. You name it. I yelled, “Just like that. We are done without a word or reply.”

  His eyebrows furrowed. “Are you fucking kidding me? I tried to message you. You ignored me.”

  He was right. “I know I did. I was confused.”

  “What the hell are you confused about?”

  “How I feel about you. This is all wrong. Everything. But I can’t help myself with you. I see you now and all I want to do is fuck you. Despite being pissed off at you.”

  Jameson slammed me against my van. His deep, dark brown eyes stared into mine. Before I knew it, our lips reconnected. I wrapped my arms around his neck. Jameson grabbed a hold of my ass, pushing me closer to him. My long legs hugged his narrow waist. He grumbled, “Kendra, I need you.”

  Still kissing and holding me, Jameson opened the sliding door. I duck my head as he carried me in. He sat me on the left side bucket seat and pealed his lips off mine. He shut the door and sat on the other seat. He looked at me with want and desire. Jameson pushed his workout shorts down, exposing a fully erect cock. He demanded, “Get on and ride me.”

  I dropped my shorts and undies and saddled up. I slammed my lips on his, as he perked his cock up in me. Jameson was my pogo stick. I bounced and bounced, riding his cock, hoping not to fall off. He groaned, “Fuck, Kendra. Keep riding me. You feel so damn good.” Then, his lips slammed against mine again.

  We lost control. The buildup was brewing deep. I continued to motion my hips, feeling every inch of his cock deep in me. I whimpered, “Jameson. Holy shit, Jameson. I’m coming.” And released. In unison, we moaned in exhilaration. My hips didn’t wa
nt to stop. I wanted him again. I crave him. He is my boy toy. Now, I must learn how to share my toy.

  March 18th, 2017

  Yesterday was a cluster fuck. My head feels as if a brick has landed on it. I’m not feeling so hot today. What happened yesterday? Oh yes, we were at a St. Patrick’s Day party. I remember shots of Fireball and… OH NO, I think I texted Jameson.

  I quickly grabbed my phone and checked it. Sure enough, there is an exchange between him and me. Fuck me! We have not really spoken since our run-in in the backseat of my van. The news he gave me literally pulled at my heart. I should be elated for him, but instead, my panties are in bunch. He is back with his ex-girlfriend. I don’t blame him for going back to her. She can give him everything and I can’t.

  I’m afraid to see how this played out. Here go the texts of shame.

  Kendra: Hey Jameson!

  Jameson: Really? 2am?

  Kendra: Sorry. Just thinking of you.

  Radio Silence!

  Kendra: Hello!

  Jameson: Kendra, why are you texting me? My GF is asking who is texting me at this time of night. I told her it was a client.

  Kendra: Oh, we wouldn’t want to disturb the GF. Now, would we?

  Jameson: You’re drunk?

  Kendra: Your point?

  Jameson: Where’s your husband?

  Kendra: That’s none of your