The Boyfriend Arrangement: A Fake Marriage Romance

by Lara Swann

  I squeeze her hand and look back at Josh, thinking fast to avoid sharing that particular topic with them.

  “Wee…were thinking that you and Lucas appeared out of nowhere after we left the room. Were you hiding, Ellie, waiting for us to come out?” I grin at her, getting a shy smile back as she shakes her head emphatically.

  “Nooo…” She insists, at the same time her brother shouts “Yes!” and jumps up, pulling on Josh’s hand as he does.

  They look at each other, and Ellie glares at her brother, who doesn’t seem the slightest bit fussed as he continues loudly. “You were late, Auntie Cass! So Mommy said we could go and find you—”

  “Mommy said to be quiet, Lucas.” Ellie complains. “Because Auntie Cass might be busy—”

  “She said to hide!” Lucas exclaims, crouching down and raising his arm in front of his head while he looks around shiftily from side to side. “And then—”

  “No, she said wait.” Ellie argues, giving me such a world-weary, long-suffering look that I almost don’t believe she’s the younger sibling and I have to stifle a giggle as we push open the door to the dining room.

  “No, no, no, we were hiding.” Lucas objects loudly, clearly enamored with the image I’d given him. “Because Mommy said you might be busy and making noise and if we were closer we might hear and disturb you!”

  Lucas folds his arms across his chest as he finishes that announcement triumphantly, and the whole room goes quiet and turns to look at us.

  Neil smirks as he passes us on the way to get what looks like his second plate from the breakfast array laid out to the side. “Well I’m not sure Maria needed to be quite so worried about the new lovebirds - we didn’t hear a thing last night, and we’re right next door. Almost as if they hadn’t been trying to break the party up early for some private lovin’.”

  I stare at him, and it finally hits me what on earth Maria had been trying to keep her kids away from - and what Neil is talking about.

  To my horror, I feel my ears burning and I’m sure I’m turning red, which isn’t helped in the slightest by the way everyone seems to be staring.

  I scowl at him. “Do not tell me that’s what you and Beth were thinking about last night.”

  “My, Cassie, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you all shy about these things.” Mark laughs as he comes over, then claps Josh on the back with a grin of his own. “You must be doing something right, mate.”

  I stare at him, then snap. “We are so not talking about this.”

  Anne jumps in at the same time with a frown. “Mark! Not in front of the kids.”

  I glance down to see Ellie and Lucas both looking around in confusion, and Maria comes in to distract them as I promptly step through everyone. I grab a plate of my own with rather more force than necessary, loading it up without seeing a single item I’m adding.

  I stomp my way back to a seat at the table - as isolated as I can manage in this chaos - and don’t look at anyone as I begin eating what should be a very nice breakfast, if some part of me wasn’t squirming with a bizarre embarrassment.

  I can feel Josh looking at me with a little bemusement - he hasn’t ever seen me react this way to a few little dirty comments either, and he looks like he’s having a field day with it.

  I don’t even know what it is - I’ve exchanged plenty of lewd comments with Josh about fucking before. We’ve even joked around and teased about how ridiculous it would be for us to be fucking, since so many other people seem to have thought about it. And none of that has ever left me flustered like this before - around either Josh or Mark. But somehow, with the two of them together, and the idea that I have to work in the pretense that Josh and I might actually be fucking for real…I can barely deal.

  Josh and I so should have discussed how we’re going to respond to the expectation that we’re actually having sex. Though that’s admittedly the last thing I want to talk about with him right now.

  Instead, I resort to narrowing my focus purely to the food in front of me, with just an occasional glare at Josh or Mark when I feel them smirking in my direction. They’re both obviously finding this whole thing hilarious. Josh doesn’t try to say anything as he sits down opposite me, but I can feel his amusement even from here, and I know I’m never going to live this down.

  It takes most of the meal before my awkward-embarrassed response settles enough that I feel somewhat back to normal again, and ready to deal with the inevitable taunting. I can’t hide in my food all day, after all, and it’s far better when I’m able to enjoy Josh’s presence here. Avoiding him is the last thing I want.

  So I finally look up and give him an ironic smile, shaking my head in self-mockery.

  “It’s okay.” He whispers dramatically at me. “I think the gossip has died away…for now.”

  “Thank god.” I mutter as I open my ears enough to hear everyone else caught up in their own conversations, with only a few strange looks in our direction. “That was the last thing I wanted to be greeted with this morning.”

  “Mm, such a delicate soul, my Cassie…” Josh teases, though the my catches at my attention. “I didn’t think what we got up to last night was crazy enough for that kind of reaction, but…then again, you did seem to be having a good time. Was it all too much with your family around? We could try something tamer next time if you want.”

  I got to crash out and sleep after an exhausting day. Fuck yes it was a good time. And he knows it, bastard.

  I just roll my eyes at him, not responding to his deliberate provocation.

  He chuckles. “I thought you were more adventurous than that, Cassie - never pictured you as the blushing-bride type.”

  “Me neither.” I say wryly, amused myself at that image. “Guess no one’s ever talked like that about me around my family.”

  He grins back at me. “Well I can assure you, babe, it was worth coming just to see that - maybe you won’t owe me a favor by the end of this trip after all.”

  “A favor?” Beth, next to us, cuts in with a frown. “You didn’t want to come?”

  I freeze as I suddenly remember that there’s no such thing as a private conversation when you’re surrounded by my family, but Josh just laughs easily, as though she isn’t close to catching onto our secret, gesturing at the table that now seems to be looking at us again.

  “Well, c’mon, what do you think?” He asks, with a smile that doesn’t soften his words in the slightest. “I mean, who really wants to meet their partner’s family? It just never works out…all that pressure and stress, and tedious anecdotes…it gets better, I’m sure, but that first meeting? Hah, Cassie almost had to drag me into the car.”

  He grins like he’s making some kind of joke, but he’s met with complete, dead silence. And I sit there trying really hard to stifle my laughter and not meet his eyes, because if I do…I know I won’t be able to help myself.

  Nice excuse, dude. Piss them off indeed.

  “Well, I loved meeting this family.” Anne finally breaks the silence, reaching over to squeeze Mark’s hand and responding stiffly. “Maybe if you gave it a chance you’d be surprised. I’ve never felt so welcomed and supported by my own family as I have by Adelaide and Henry.”

  “That’s probably because they never quite got over you marrying Mark before you were even twenty.” Beth says with an air of smug superiority, and Anne’s expression turns colder.

  “We waited until we were older to have children.” She says defensively.

  Beth snorts. “Not to drop out of college though.”

  “Hey, don’t talk to Anne like that!” Mark interrupts, glaring at our younger sister, and I look over at Josh as civil war threatens to break out within my family.

  “I’m about done here.” I gesture at my plate and raise an eyebrow. “You?”

  “Yep, I was thinking the same thing.” Josh agrees quickly.

  We both stand, and it’s not until we get to the doorway into the dining room that anyone notices us leaving.

  “Cass
ie—wait!” Mom interrupts, making quelling gestures at Mark and Beth. “Calm down, you two. Beth didn’t mean that how it sounded - and we’re thrilled to have you with us, Anne dear, I’m so glad you feel the same way…Cassie!”

  I turn back from where I was about to escape and raise an eyebrow.

  “Where are you off to?” Her harried expression turns to all smiles as she sees she finally has my attention.

  “Josh and I were going to explore a little.” I say, having prepped this excuse before we even came down to breakfast. “I wanted to show him some of my favorite haunts.”

  Josh slips his hand through mine in a silent endorsement, and I’m a little surprised that the gesture feels natural instead of surprising.

  “Ohh.” Mom says, her brow furrowing. “But, sweetie, we really wanted your help clearing up here - and with lunch. You two have lots of time together, don’t you think you could spend a few hours apart and show Josh the place some other time? I’m sure he’ll be fine relaxing by the pool.”

  I blink at her for a moment. She wants help with lunch when it’s not even mid-morning.

  But then, Mom has never been great at disguising her blatant ‘I want a chance to grill you on whatever subject I’m concerned about now’ requests.

  I glance over at Josh, who’s looking at me for a cue, and shrug. Surprisingly, I’m not even feeling pissed about it - or about Mom’s automatic assumption that, of course, it makes sense for us to catch up over cleaning and cooking while Josh is lying by the pool.

  Even embarrassment and breakfast drama hasn’t shaken my good mood, or the fact that with Josh here, I feel far less liable to explode at any minute.

  “Sure, Mom, I’ll help.” I relent.

  They were always going to corner me and ask endless questions about Josh, it might as well be while I’m feeling able to deal with it.

  “Will you be alright for a few hours?” I ask Josh, internally wincing at the idea of being in the kitchen for that long on a beautiful day like this.

  “Sure I will, baby.” He says, slipping his arm around me and kissing me on the forehead, which just about disguises the way I tense and glare at him.

  I hate being called ‘baby’, and he knows it.

  But it seems like Josh is more than happy to slip into the arrogant-douchebag role that Mom just laid out for him.

  His eyes are dancing when he looks back at me, and he gives me a little wave as he heads out to find his trunks and the pool.

  “Have fun.” He says over his shoulder, as I try not to feel too jealous.

  I should have remembered just how good Josh can be at pissing people off - myself included.

  “Aw, Cassie, you’ll be back with him soon.” Maria gives me a gentle smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you mooning over a guy like this.”

  I look over at her and try not to laugh as I decide not to tell her that it was the pool I was mooning over. Instead, I walk back over to the table and start collecting plates.

  Anne glances up, and with a sour look in Beth’s direction, gets slowly to her feet. “I think I’m going to rest for a while, if it’s all the same to you.”

  “Of course, of course.” Mom says benevolently, and I’m not sure whether she’s more concerned about her future grandchild, or Beth and Anne spending some time away from each other.

  “I’ll come and make sure you’ve got everything you need.” Mark adds, looking slightly guiltily at his wife. Maybe after Beth’s pointed comments, he’s concerned she might be seeing Josh’s point about being roped into your partner’s family.

  I watch my Dad wander off without a word, and then Ellie and Lucas are tugging at Maria’s hands.

  “C’mon, Mommy, we want to go swiiiimming!” Lucas shouts.

  I wince. In the time since I last saw the boy, his volume seems to have gotten stuck on one setting only.

  Maria laughs at them both. “I’m helping your Grandmama, babies. Your Daddy will go with you.”

  John smiles at his wife and tosses Lucas onto his shoulder, who squeals in glee.

  Ellie remains stubbornly at her Mom’s feet, and stomps her own. “I want you, Mommy.”

  Maria tsks and shakes her head. “I can’t come until all the washing up is done, Ellie. Unless you want to help?”

  Ellie casts a dubious look over at the mess of plates scattered on the table and the leftover food on the side.

  “Um, no, that’s okay.” She finally says, giggling and shaking her head before running over to her father.

  He rolls his eyes at Maria as I feel jealous for the second time that morning.

  Maria smiles back. “I’ll join you after we’re done.”

  John nods, then starts whistling a tune that promptly has the two kids bursting into song. It’s slightly adorable, but mostly off-key and I take a breath of relief when they disappear out of the door.

  “I know I shouldn’t really have to help, since it’s my own engagement do and all.” Beth says to Neil, despite none of us suggesting that at all. “But I can’t just leave them to do it all, so I’ll have to catch you later.”

  Neil gives her a disappointed glance, then kisses her with enough overly-enthusiastic lip-smacking to put me off for life.

  “I’ll miss you, baby.” He puts on a deep voice and she throws her arms around him as if they’re about to be parted for years - clearly not the same reaction to ‘baby’ that I’ve ever had.

  I wonder if Josh and I should have done that.

  “That’s very sweet of you, honey.” Mom says as Neil leaves the room, and I roll my eyes, already missing Josh being around to catch the look.

  I have no doubts about how much ‘help’ Beth is actually going to be - she’s a terrible gossip, and I’d bet anything she’s only sticking around to hear whatever I’m about to be coerced into saying about Josh.

  I go back to the plates, acutely aware that once again I’m with my sisters and mother, about to help with the cleaning up and cooking. I’ve spent a lot of time with my family steadfastly refusing to help if Mark didn’t, and causing far too many family dramas over that, but I figure for the moment I can relent a little. Anne is pregnant, and Josh and I will be causing enough drama not to add this into the mix.

  “Sooo!” Beth says enthusiastically as she grabs the plate I was about to reach for. “You have to tell us everything!”

  I smile inwardly as I shrug, acting like I didn’t know this whole thing was a blatant set-up. “What do you want to know?”

  “Oh, c’mon Cassie, we don’t know anything about this guy.” Mom interrupts, a little exasperation showing now that it’s just our family around. “Anyone else would’ve gushed endlessly about their new boyfriend by now. I mean, how long have you been together?”

  “Six months.” I say automatically. It seems like a reasonable number.

  “And you haven’t mentioned him at all?! Why didn’t you tell me?” Mom asks. “God knows, I’ve been talking about you finding someone for long enough, and all that time you didn’t think to tell me that you were already…”

  She disappears into the kitchen, and I can’t find a good enough reason not to follow, starting to make quick work of tidying up from the explosion that seems to have been breakfast.

  “Maybe because I knew you’d react like this.” I mutter, and she scowls at me.

  “Like what? Like an interested, concerned parent? Well, sue me for caring, Cassandra.” She huffs, and I get a few moments of silence to start moving pots and pans about.

  This is easier than I thought it would be. I’m just acting how I would if Josh was actually my boyfriend and I’m going through the family-introducing-stage for real. Doesn’t make me feel any better about what it’ll be like when I finally do meet someone, but at least none of my irritation is feigned.

  “There’s nothing…” She comes to stand next to me, dropping her voice dramatically. “Nothing wrong, is there? You know, you haven’t been quiet because you’re…not sure about it, Cassie?”

 
; I hesitate. I instinctively want to say ‘of course not’, but it’s a perfect opening to start enhancing some of the doubts Josh has already planted.

  Damn it. This is the kind of question that Josh can answer with the infinite subtlety required to both reassure and worry her, but I’m more likely to completely screw up.

  I glance at my Mom, knowing she’s paying far too much attention - probably already interpreting that hesitation god-knows-how.

  “No, there’s nothing wrong.” I say hurriedly, then give her a quick smile. “I mean, you’ve met Josh - he’s just great, don’t you think?”

  I give the expected ‘gushing’ and then just shrug and add, almost as an afterthought. “I mean, there’s always a few things, aren’t there? You don’t expect everything to be perfect. But nothing to worry about, Mom - don’t you think it’s great I’ve met someone now?”

  I wonder whether I overdid the last part, but relax a little as I see my Mom hesitate this time, a slight frown appearing across her brow before she smooths it away.

  “Yes…yes, it is, dear.” She finally says, far less enthusiastically than usual. “But you know, if you want to talk about any of those things, it might help to get your old mother’s perspective on it.”

  Hah, there you go Josh. A performance even you could be proud of.

  “Or your sister’s.” Beth adds with a wink at me. “I am engaged now, after all, and Neil and I have been together far longer than six months. You might be older, Cassie, but I think even you can admit that when it comes to these things, I have a much better idea what I’m doing.”

  “Ohh, leave her alone.” Maria shushes Beth, shaking her head and giving me a supportive squeeze on the shoulder. “Everyone has little things to work out at the beginning, but Josh seems lovely, Cassie, and he’s obviously making you happy so don’t let them start you worrying about it. I’m so glad you’ve brought him here for us to meet him.”

  She sounds so genuine that I feel a little stab of guilt as I try and smile back at her. Beth shoots her a glare, but I duck out of the kitchen and back to the dining room before I can cause any more controversy.