Best Lesbian Erotica 2012

by Kathleen Warnock

  As I held the door for Abbs outside the restaurant, she practically squealed. “Oh, look! Two seats right up front. Excellent.”

  We ordered drinks. Abby asked for a draft, while I got a Coke. I was doing a reading at Gabriel’s later that evening and didn’t want to screw it up by being tipsy or, worse, drunk. I glanced at the menu. “Want to get something? I’m kinda hungry.”

  “Eat when you get back. You can’t be late.”

  “Jesus, why not? Won’t our money be just as good if I’m late, say twenty minutes or so?”

  “You can wait and be back here in the same twenty minutes.”

  “I thought you said quick in and out.”

  “I’m giving you time to walk across the street and back again…you are getting older.”

  I love Abby with all my heart, but something had the hairs on my neck on end.

  “I don’t have to ask for anything special, right?”

  “Absolutely not. Just let them determine the right size harness and you’re out of there.”

  “Okay. Keep the chair warm for me.”

  She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “You’re my shero.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” I took a deep breath and headed to Wild Hearts.

  Outside the store, I took another deep breath and sent up a prayer that no one I knew was inside. I walked in and gasped. Dildos lined the walls, dildos in all shapes, sizes and colors. On the top shelf, a sign announced VIBRATORS OPTIONAL. Another sign declared JUST RIGHT FOR THE G-SPOT. Some were remote control, some glowed in the dark. I didn’t know where to look, and everywhere I turned, I was barraged with other sex toys—instruments of lust in all shapes, sizes and, lord help me, for all purposes.

  “May I help you?”

  I turned to find a child/woman standing before me. “What are you, ten?”

  She grinned. “I’m actually twenty-two. Is there something I can help you with?”

  “Appointment…I mean, I have an appointment.”

  “Do you know with whom?” She said the words slowly as if I wouldn’t comprehend.

  “Yes.” I nodded my head.

  She smiled at me knowingly. “Do you know her name?”

  I nodded again. I did know. “Cheryl. It’s Cheryl.”

  “Good. I’ll get her for you. Don’t go anywhere.”

  I shoved my hands in my pockets and tried not to stare at things.

  “Hello, I’m Cheryl, can I help you?”

  Another child stood before me. This one appeared even younger. “Are you Cheryl?”

  “I thought we had established that. Yes, I am.”

  “I have an appointment.”

  “And you are?”

  I took a ragged breath. “Your one o’clock appointment.”

  “It’s your first time isn’t it?” She took my arm and pulled me toward a counter in the front of the store. Once there she opened an appointment book and looked down. “You’re Ms. Michaels then?”

  “Dani. Dani Michaels.”

  “See, that wasn’t so hard.”

  I tried to relax, but it was useless. “My wife, she told me you have everything ready, just need to be sure of the size of the belt, right?”

  “Belt?”

  I felt my cheeks turning red, starting to burn. “Harness, I meant harness.”

  “Yes. Let’s go into the dressing room. That way we can have some privacy.”

  “Privacy?”

  She led me to the back of the store. “Well, I can’t very well measure you over your jeans.” We had just passed an entire display case of edible clothing—bras, panties, nipple covers. I averted my eyes. Before me stood a rack of ladies’ underthings; corsets, lace bras, nippleless bras, satin and lace camisoles and garter sets. On and on it went.

  “Right in here. Please take your pants off.”

  It was futile. I turned beet red. This girl had to be a teenager and she was telling me to take my pants off. I had to be breaking some law.

  “Uh, I could do the measurements and just call them out to you.”

  “Don’t be shy, I do this all the time.” With that she sat in the chair, staring at me.

  I knew my fate had been cast. I unbuckled my belt and opened the button, then slid the zipper downward and stepped out of my jeans. In the mirror I caught a glance at myself. I was wearing my SpongeBob boxers.

  “Yes, I can see why your wife was concerned. You do have big thighs.”

  “Does this mean you can’t fit me?”

  “Not at all. I just need to get a different size, then I’ll bring your purchases in and go over them with you. I’ll be just a moment.”

  Cheryl stepped out of the room, so I grabbed my jeans and slipped them on. I’d be damned if we were going to discuss anything with me undressed.

  I was just buckling my belt when she stepped back in.

  Cheryl looked at me. “Is something wrong?”

  “No.”

  “Why did you get dressed?”

  “You said you knew the size I needed.”

  Cheryl held up the item in question. “I need to see it on you, show you how to use it, load it. Make sure it’s tight enough to hold, but loose enough for comfort.”

  “Oh.” I undid my belt; Sponge-Bob would make another appearance.

  “I’d like to suggest a larger size in jeans from now on.”

  “What? Why?”

  “You need to allow room for the harness and accessory.”

  “Huh?”

  “Well, I assumed you’d be wearing it on dates and such, or on special occasions.”

  “I don’t date. I’m married.”

  “I meant when you and your wife go out.”

  “In public, you mean?” The room was definitely getting hotter.

  “If you went up a size in your jeans, no one would know but you and your lady.”

  “In public?”

  She looked at me pityingly. “Lots of butches do.”

  Cheryl turned and started unpacking a shopping bag the size of a small minivan.

  “The three attachments your wife picked out all work lovely with this belt. As I told her, leather is the way to go. Much sturdier and so many options.” Cheryl glanced up and smiled.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Now this particular one is a favorite of mine.” Cheryl removed from the bag what looked like a penis with a long handle attached. What would…how would. Holy crap, that is not a handle.

  “Your wife was very excited that we had it in stock.” Cheryl held up the dual dildo. “This is our best seller. It’s called the Nexus. As you can see, the two of you will simultaneously receive enjoyment from this model.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Here, let’s get the harness on you, then I can show you how to load it.”

  “What?”

  “I want to be sure it fits properly. Then we can experiment with the various attachments.”

  The room was getting warmer and smaller all at once. “Fine.”

  As Cheryl painstakingly fit the harness over my boxers, she continued her lesson. “Your wife was such a joy to talk to. She had done her research and knew exactly what she was looking for. We spoke on the phone for an hour.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  “Seriously, you’d be surprised how many women have no idea, and then I have to show and explain all the options.” Cheryl tugged on the now-secured harness. “I think that’s got it for you. How does it feel?”

  “I’m not sure how to answer that.”

  “It’s got to be tight enough to sustain the thrusting motion, but not so tight as to cause chafing or sores.”

  “We can adjust it, right?”

  “Oh, yes, this model is perfect for that.”

  I looked down, gave it a tug. “Okay, I guess.”

  Cheryl turned to the table behind her and picked up the Nexus, the double dildo, the mutual satisfaction one. Crap.

  “Now this one should be inserted this way into the harness first, then be sure to lubricate your end and sli
p it in as you’re tightening the straps on the harness. Shall I demonstrate? I have some lube here.”

  “No! No…I’ll…figure it out, thanks.”

  She shrugged. “Okay. Just let me show you how to secure the dildo into the harness then. Oh, I better use the other model.” She pulled out a shiny pink wobbly one and inserted a battery pack in it. “This is the G-Pulse Dildo attachment. It’s battery operated and sure to give you both a little extra sensation. Plus, it’s perfect for the G-spot. Also, it’s made of soft gel versus the silicone models. It won’t last as long, but it’s wonderfully soft and pliable, as you can see.”

  The damn thing was wiggling like a Jell-O mold. I was afraid it would melt.

  “Always be sure to get the rim flush against the harness here, see?” She had loosened one strap and inserted the attachment. It now hung in front of me like a body extension.

  “How many of these did Abby buy, exactly?”

  Cheryl looked up and grinned. “Just one more…another popular one with the femmes. It’s called the Bandito. She chose lavender, but she especially liked the contour and shape of that one.”

  “She did, huh?”

  “As I said, your wife was a delight, very knowledgeable. It’s a shame she couldn’t make the trip with you.”

  “Yes. Yes, it is.” Abby might be a tiger in bed, but she turns red at off-color jokes. On the other hand, she knows her shortcomings ; this place would be like a candy store to her. She would want to look at everything to learn how it works.

  “Now, you’re aware that the two silicone models can be put into the dishwasher for sterilization, right? For the soft-gel model we recommend you use prophylactics to ensure cleanliness.”

  “You mean rubbers?”

  “Yes.”

  I just shook my head. I was going to kill Abby. Kill her dead. After twenty minutes of me proving I could properly load and unload the various dildos, Cheryl finally let me take off the harness. “We’re doing so well. Now have you ever used the Tongue Joy vibrator?”

  “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

  Cheryl chuckled. “It’s a vibrator for your tongue.”

  “Can I get electrocuted?”

  “No, it uses batteries and is quite safe and small.”

  “I’ll probably end up swallowing it.”

  Cheryl just smiled. “Here, let me show you how it works.”

  “I think I can figure that out. Is there anything else in there?”

  “Yes, we still have the video your wife thought you should watch, and I have two models of vibrators she ordered. One for your finger, the Fun Fingazs Vibe; and one she inserts, the Pocket Rocket model.”

  “Inserts?”

  “Yes. Some women like to keep stimulated while working or shopping.”

  “Is it safe? You know, for a woman to stay stimulated like that?”

  “It’s wonderful. I have one in right now and love it. So does my wife when I get home, if you know what I mean.”

  I closed my eyes to the image of children having sex. I now knew I had definitely broken some kind of federal law. I was waiting for the store to be raided and me whisked away in handcuffs.

  “So shall we head to the viewing room?”

  “The what?”

  “It’s where you can watch the video in comfort. Afterward you can ask me questions and I’ll answer them for you.”

  “I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, but what kind of video is this?”

  Cheryl gave me a patronizing smile. “An instructional one, though we do have others if you’re interested in that kind of thing.”

  “No. No, that’s fine. In fact I think I’ll let my wife watch the video with me, and if she has any questions she can always call you later, right?”

  “Of course. I’ll take this up front. When you’re ready, come to the counter and I’ll ring you up.”

  After she left, I banged my head on the wall three or four times. I could not believe Abby had set me up. She knew. She knew and still she sent me in here alone. I slipped back into my jeans and headed to the front of the store.

  When I stepped outside, I took a deep breath. My insides were shaking and I was more determined to kill Abby then ever. I was now saddled with a small human-size shopping bag that had the name of the boutique emblazoned in red letters across it. I looked both ways, trying to figure out what to do, where to stash the bag.

  I trotted into the restaurant. Abby was engrossed in a football game and cheering along with the other women alongside her. I walked up and placed the bag on the bar. “Here’s your purchases, sweetie.”

  Abby turned, saw the name on the bag, and grabbed it off the countertop. “Are you crazy?”

  I smiled. “No, baby, I just wanted you to have the full experience.” I sat down next to her and let her deal with the satchel.

  Abby looked at me from the corner of her eye, trying to hide the bag between her and the wall. “You’re mad?”

  “Nope.”

  “What took so long?”

  “As if you don’t know?”

  She turned to face me, her expression blank. “I don’t.”

  “Don’t lie, sweetheart, Cheryl gave you up.”

  Now it was Abby’s turn to blush. “I’m really not sure what you mean.”

  “Let me explain it.” Just then Jillian, the bartender, stepped up. “Another Coke please, and some wings for two.” I turned back to Abby, lowered my voice. “Not only did Cheryl have to measure me, but then she proceeded to strap me in and demonstrate how every fucking thing you bought is used.”

  Abby tried to smother her laughter.

  “I’m not amused Abbs.”

  “She really demonstrated it. Everything?”

  “Oh, yeah.” My temper finally kicked in. “I can honestly say I feel quite confident that I can pack any dildo into the harness without a hitch, that I know exactly how to wash and care for the models you purchased—three, is that right? I also am positive that I know how and where the tongue and finger vibrators go and how to use them. We have lubricants in three flavors, all water-based, and I know that the raspberry flavor is the most natural-tasting one. I am assured you will be safe stimulating yourself while out in public with your little Pocket Rocket…oh, and I need to buy bigger jeans. How’s that for a synopsis?”

  Too late, I realized my voice had risen in my fervor to make Abby understand my complete and total mortification. I hadn’t paid attention to the fact that the volume on the TVs had been muted, that all eyes of the other patrons were on us, or that Jillian was there with our appetizers.

  A thunderous round of applause broke out at the bar as I concluded my speech. Abby did what I had wanted to do earlier; she ran out of the bar as fast as she could, leaving me to carry the bag back to the hotel room.

  “Oh. My. God.”

  I lifted my head and smiled up from between Abby’s legs.

  “That was the best sex ever.”

  I swiped my tongue one more time up through her folds, then climbed up next to her and kissed her on the lips. “Pretty good, huh?”

  Abby grinned. “Better than good, perfect.”

  I rolled over and pulled her snug up against me.

  Abby nuzzled my neck. “Feeling pretty good about yourself, aren’t you?”

  “Absolutely. And it was all me, no damn gadgets.”

  Abby laughed out loud. “Yes it was, and it was wonderful.”

  “See, I told you we didn’t need this stuff.”

  “I’m sorry I laughed.”

  “Yeah, well, I guess if you didn’t know what to expect, it was a little silly-looking.”

  “It was as if it had a life of its own.”

  “I guess I didn’t tighten it enough. But you didn’t need to laugh.”

  “You looked so miserable.”

  “It’s not that bad, just takes some getting used to, I guess.”

  Abby started caressing my chest. “Does that mean you’re willing to try again?”

  “Not
if you’re going to laugh.”

  “I promise not to, not now that I know how it looks.” She kissed me. “Please?”

  “I guess. It’s not like I have to go shopping. We already have everything…might as well get our money’s worth.”

  Abby sat up. “Come on, I’ll help you this time. You can show me what you learned.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes, now.”

  “But we just did it.”

  “And now we’re going to do it again.”

  “Twice in one day?” I looked at her incredulously. “At our age?”

  “Do you feel old right now?”

  I jumped up and went across the room where I had flung the harness. “So which model do you want tonight, my dear?”

  “Let’s try the Bandito, shall we?”

  “You had to get the lavender one…you couldn’t get the black one?”

  “Are you going to complain or put it to use?”

  “I can’t wait to have your mother find one of these in the dishwasher.”

  ABOUT THE AUTHORS

  MICHELLE BRENNAN is a queer artistic Pisces who likes to cause a ruckus in the Midwest with her surly butch unicorn and their gang of feral kitties. With an imagination too big to fit into a bread box, she can’t help but write dirty stories and incite desire and sexy adventures for the masses.

  AMY BUTCHER is exactly that and when she isn’t wrestling with the responsibilities of that twist of nomenclatural destiny she writes, facilitates workshops and does massage in San Francisco. Her murder mystery Paws for Consideration was published in 2011. Find her at amybutcher.com.

  DEBORAH CASTELLANO (deborahmcastellano.com) made her erotica debut in Violet Blue’s Best Women’s Erotica 2009. She is a freelance and romantica writer by trade and also blogs about kitchen witchcraft and radical practicality.

  DEJAY’s work has appeared in anthologies by Bedazzled Ink, as well as in Lesbian Cowboys and Lesbian Lust: Erotic Stories (Cleis). Her books include Redemption and Strangers. DeJay and her lovely wife of thirty-three years live in the mountains of Pennsylvania when they are not traveling around the U.S. in their RV. Contact: dejaynovl.org.