Irrelevant Jack 2

by Prax Venter

  It seemed like the saloon was handled, so they moved from building to building in their quest to sweep the Floor. There was one more in the Sheriff’s office, sitting inside an open jail cell that they defeated easily, but there was a lot of nothing to be found in the dusty, abandoned homes they checked afterward. The last place on their circuit of the town was the Doctor’s office, and there they found one more brain in a jar waiting for them quietly on the operating chair.

  Now that they knew what they were looking for and what to expect when they found them, the three Heroes were able to finish off the stationary monster without incident. Only this time, as soon as the jar and its grisly contents vanished into static, an ancient grandfather clock standing by the front door began to chime. Not only that, every clock in the town seemed to be going off as well.

  Jack took a closer look and noticed that the hands were both pointing straight up.

  “High noon,” he muttered.

  “What does it mean?” Lex asked.

  Jack moved to the closest window as he spoke. “In the primitive times of my world, people solved disputes by dueling with pistols in the street. Metal versions of those glowing projectile weapons we’ve been facing. A lot of them were scheduled for high noon… or at least that’s what the stories said.”

  Jack expected someone to be standing out in the street, but when he moved the gauzy curtain aside and saw the two-story jar filled with a massive brain and two milky-white eyeballs, he let out a quiet chuckle.

  “Yeah, it’s just a giant one of the things we’ve been facing.”

  “How are these duels usually conducted?” Lex asked. “Were their rules of honor? Were they to the death?”

  “Both,” Jack said, turning away from the window to face her. “But we sure aren’t going to play fair.” On their way to this building, he noted that there were two floors and made a mental note to sweep them both before declaring everything searched. “Come on, let’s search the upstairs and see if we can find a good nest for our sniper.”

  “Am I to believe Snipers are birds in your world?” Haylee said, an eyebrow raised.

  “No- it’s just a saying. A quiet place for you to lie in wait… You know, like a Crow’s nest on a boat.”

  The second floor was a small loft, and no Preserved Mystical Cowboys were there to shoot mentally projected guns at them, but there was a bed, a dresser, a lamp, and a single window. Jack wasted no time and pushed the bed up to the window and quietly pulled it inward. The weak breeze that came in helped to marginally cool off the sweltering cramped room and dissipate some of the old-man cologne smell. Jack looked down at the Boss patiently waiting for someone to challenge it.

  “Get on up, little one,” he said as he patted the bed. Haylee vaulted onto the feather-stuffed mattress and peeked out the tiny window. Her gray eyes flashed silently, and then she turned to face her team.

  “This is perfect, Jack. The weak point can only be hit from the top, where the container is open and exposed to the air. I should be well-utilized from this vantage.”

  “Good,” he said. “Lex, you’re running out the front door and doing your perfect defense synergy out in the street. Haylee does her slow-motion, blue ray trick, and I’ll lay on the heat from the front door.”

  They all nodded once and proceeded to carry out their plan. Jack and Lex left Haylee alone as they moved back down the small set of stairs to ground level.

  The blonde-haired Bastion locked her beautiful eyes on his for a few heartbeats before she turned and sprinted out the door to the doctor’s office. Jack leaned his head out to follow the action and wait for his part. The moment it had a target, an enormous red gun formed above the brain-in-a-jar Boss.

  Lex let out a challenging Shout, the translucent sphere of her ability radiating outward, but the ethereal pistol was already aiming for her.

  The hammer snapped forward as Lex sang the triple note of her Aether ability and a bullet the size of a park bench passed through her, gouging a massive trench into the ground before vanishing into red dust. Jack was wondering what would have happened if Lex had tried to block that ballistic missile with her shield when a sizzling blue beam appeared between the ground and the window above him.

  Floor 29 Boss -410 | 510/920

  Jack cursed as he leveled his blade on the giant disgusting jar full of body parts. Even with her ability and epic bow, she still only had a 70% chance to land a critical strike. It didn’t matter too much, as long as they took this thing down in the ten seconds Lex was invulnerable, they’d be fine. He set his jaw and activated Mining Laser.

  Floor 29 Boss -97 | 413/920

  Jack’s thoughts of an easy victory dissipated, and his heart skipped a beat when the red glowing gun swung away from the Bastion and targeted the window on the second level. Even though the gun fired at 50% speed, the massive bullet was still too fast to see.

  There was an earth-shaking explosion over Jack’s head, and then wood and debris came raining down. He panicked for a moment, but his brain finally caught up with the fact that he did not see any damage indication from Haylee. His mind played out a scenario where she jumped off the bed and pressed herself to the floorboards as the roof of the doctor’s bedroom was surgically removed.

  With renewed determination, Jack squinted through the dust and falling chunks of building and continued firing his death laser at the Boss.

  Floor 29 Boss -97 | 316/920

  “My Shout didn’t affect it!” Lex called out, her voice always sounding distant and full of echoes when she took her Aether form. There wasn’t much Jack could do in response other than to keep channeling his Mining Laser, but Lex was not content uselessly standing around.

  The Bastion canceled her ability and sprinted for the giant brain-in-a-jar Boss sitting in the sunbaked street. As she ran, he noticed the ghostly red gun slowly turn its sights on him.

  Adrenaline fueling his reaction time, Jack canceled his channeled beam and dashed as far as he could into the open door of the doctor’s office. The explosive force of the destruction behind him sent Jack flying across the room and into a glass cabinet full of cloth bandages and folded sheets.

  Lex’s guttural scream came to him from out on the street, and if the sound of cracking glass was any indication, she was now hacking at the Boss with her sword.

  Floor 29 Boss -56 | 260/920

  Jack struggled to untangle himself from the wreckage around him when he saw another damage indication pop up in his vision.

  Floor 29 Boss -205 | 55/920

  A smile split his face as he realized that Haylee was not only still alive but back in the game. He heard one more visceral scream from Lex as she continued her melee assault.

  Floor 29 Boss -56 | Defeated

  The rush of euphoria from hitting Hero Level 30 almost knocked Jack off his feet again. It had been far too long since he felt the warm glow of advancement.

  He belted out a long, “Yee-haw!” as he continued to climb over the wreckage of the shredded doctor’s office, partly because he simply couldn’t contain himself but also to let everyone know he was still very much alive.

  - 23 -

  Floor 30 reminded Jack of a supermarket that only had a single, infinitely long, shopping aisle. Shelves on both sides were filled with all sorts of vegetables, plates, clothes, candles, books, sculptures, incense, mining gear, jewelry, masks, shrimp-flavored pork rinds … anything and everything, and none of it with any branding either Jack or Alt recognized. Jack tried to pick up a few random products as they moved through the narrow aisle, but there wasn’t anything he could move into his inventory. 8-foot floating tins of sardines violently attempted to block their path, but the Heroes quickly learned that Haylee’s piercing bow was ridiculously overpowered in situations where every enemy on the Floor stood in a straight line.

  Floor 31 was a beach crowded with enormous sandcastles guarded by bus-sized black ants. It was another one of those layouts that challenged Jack’s ability to wrap his mind around the pe
rspective presented to his senses. The Floor’s Boss took the form of wet sand pressed into the shape of a man. The monster expelled high-speed streams of sand from its palms, and the torrent of grit scraped off a fair bit of Jack’s skin. Alt was back in his Junk Bot form and dealt the final blow with a plasma bolt from his single yellow eye. The sand-man Boss exploded into a sphere of multihued sparks while Jack, Lex, and Haylee all ascended to Hero Level 32.

  The Boss Chest phased into reality near Jack’s boots, and a twitch of his pinky was enough to make the simulated universe show him its contents.

  Floor 31 Rewards - Boss Chest

  Seven Forged Spear - [Two-handed Spear | Value: 153]

  | Dmg: 61 |

  | Def: 43 |

  | Hit Chance: +0.11 |

  |Crit Chance +0.22 |

  | Max HP: +34 |

  Ringmail Gloves- [Hands | Value: 150]

  | Def: 71 |

  | Max HP: +38 |

  Gem of Static - [Off-Hand | Value: 162]

  | +10 lightning damage to all attacks |

  | Max MP +50 |

  | Magic Power +24 |

  Runic Brass Bow [Bow | Value: 152]

  | Dmg: 61 |

  | Max MP +102 |

  | Magic Power +15 |

  The gem caught his eye first as he’d been looking for a replacement to his movement-speed dagger for a long time. If he made the switch, he’d lose the minor movement boost and a lot of dodge, but he’d gain an extra 10 damage with every attack….

  “I remind you,” Alt said telepathically, “your cheating blade can absorb that dagger and most of its stats.”

  He nodded, considering.

  “Haylee, there’s a bow in here that will boost your damage,” Jack said out loud as he kept his eyes on the gem.

  The Dark Prism stalked across the sand a few steps before she could access the chest’s inventory.

  “It’s 26 extra base damage,” she said, “increasing my Blue Shift critical strikes to around 900, but I’d lose the piercing effect.” Haylee’s gray eyes went from the treasured star-kissed weapon in her hand to the junk-bot that was Alt’s current form.

  “No,” the young girl said as she stepped away from the chest, “I like my bow.”

  “Perhaps it would be wise to keep this new one in your inventory?” Alt offered. “A situational arsenal, if you will.”

  A tiny smile tugged at Haylee’s thin lips as she processed the idea.

  “It’s perfect,” she said, reaching for the bow. “I never even considered using my Inventory like that.”

  While they talked, Jack came to the decision to cannibalize his old Black Talon dagger with and go with equipping the gem. His mind went back to Thymus, and the time he turned down a gear upgrade only because he was comfortable with what he’d grown used to.

  With a sigh, he fed ARV Alternis the Off-Hand dagger and then checked his weapon’s new stats.

  ARV Alternis - [Sword | Value: 21,905/250,000]

  | Dmg: 75 |

  | Def: 18 |

  | Hit Chance +0.13 |

  | Crit Chance +0.21 |

  | HP +33 |

  | MP +67 |

  | Dodge +30 |

  | Magic Power +8 |

  | 25% chance to heal 1 HP on kill |

  | +5 Mana on Floor Transition |

  | +1 Sneak |

  | Movement Speed + 0.04 |

  “Huh,” Jack said with a satisfied frown. Much of the Dodge had come along for the ride and retaining most of the Movement Speed was nice, too. His eyes flicked to the current Value and the hundreds of thousands still needed to get Alt to the next level. There really was a long and chaotic road ahead of them.

  He shook it off and snapped the Gem of Static into his Off-hand slot. With his fist clenched tight, he held up his left hand to check out his new upgrade and found that there was now an amber-colored gemstone sewed into his currently equipped glove. The item was so well-incorporated it appeared as if it had always been there.

  Jack pulled up his character window, scanned his personal stats, and then passed his eyes over all his equipment.

  Jack - Hero Class: Irrelevant | Level 32

  [Health: 405/405 | Mana: 244/244]

  [Defense: 228 | Dodge: 197]

  [Main Hand Damage: 75 | Off-Hand Damage: 0]

  [Hit Chance: 0.98] [Critical Chance: 0.21]

  [Magic Power: 42] [Sneak: 1] [Movement Speed + 0.04]

  [+10 lightning damage to all attacks]

  ~

  Off-Hand: Gem of Static - [Off-Hand | Value: 162]

  | +10 lightning damage to all attacks |

  | Max MP +50 |

  | Magic Power +24 |

  Chest: Azure Leather Vest - [Chest | Value: 134]

  | Def: 57 |

  | Max HP + 83 |

  | Max MP +20 |

  | Dodge +10 |

  Legs: Navoon Leg Gear - [Legs | Value: 130]

  | Def: 52 |

  | Max HP +60 |

  | Dodge +28 |

  Feet: Swift Doeskin Moccasins - [Feet | Value: 145]

  | Def: 52 |

  | Max HP + 90 |

  | Max MP + 20 |

  | Dodge + 29 |

  Hands: Ghostweave Mitts- [Hands | Value: 136]

  | Def: 49 |

  | Max HP + 79 |

  | Max MP + 37 |

  | Dodge + 32 |

  Head:

  Ring:

  Ring:

  Amulet:

  Decorative Chest: Common Cloth Shirt - [Chest | Value: 1 | Def: 0]

  Decorative Belt:

  Decorative Cloak:

  Decorative Hat:

  Jack felt like a high dodge and movement speed was perfect for his class. He wasn’t meant to half-ass a shield when he could dart in and out of melee range.

  He caught the golden eyes of Lex watching him manage his equipment with her hand on her hip and a warm grin on her face.

  “Only one more to go,” she said. “We can do this.”

  Jack agreed. He moved the rest of the loot into his inventory and headed for the door to Floor 32- their last stop on this frantic push to unlock the unique magic ritual research center.

  “Ready?” he asked. After a series of quick affirmatives, Jack grabbed the iron ring.

  The customary flash stole all input from each of his senses and then was replaced with a blinding light shining right into his eyes.

  On instinct alone, Jack jumped backward and shielded his eyes.

  “Welcome, welcome, boys and girls of all ages!” The booming yet tinny announcer’s voice came from everywhere, and its over-the-top showmanship style gave Jack everything he needed to know to figure out where they were. “Show starts any moment now, and you wouldn’t want to miss a second of the death-defying feats of unnatural skill and unshakable bravery!”

  The four of them stood in the center of a circus tent with a faceless crowd of black shadows surrounding them. Jack strained his ears but couldn’t quite make out their hushed whispers of excitement. The whole layout for this Floor only seemed to be a circle of trampled grass and sawdust in about a thirty-yard diameter. On the other side of the ring and across from the Exit Orb was a black metal door that sat flush with the elevated stands.

  “This is a strange one,” Lex said, drawing the sword from her back.

  “It’s a circus,” Jack said, thinking it felt more like a gladiator arena.

  “What’s a circus?” Haylee asked, her gray eyes staring directly into the light above them.

  “Uh, a traveling show for children, mostly, with people doing athletic-type tricks and usually trained animals like bears and elephants. And clowns…”

  Lex turned to focus on him. “You brought bears in front of children?” She waved a leather gloved hand dismissing any possible answer. “It’s not important now. Whatever this is, we have no retreat or any cover. I don’t like it.”

  He looked over at the one-eyed robot and tried to think of a tactical advantage to any other summoned monsters on his list regarding this co
nfined space. The self-healing diamond wall turned out to be-

  “And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for!” The Ringmaster’s megaphone voice stopped Jack’s thoughts dead in their tracks. “For our first spectacle, place your peepers on these precious pooches precariously perched on pink spheres!”

  The metal door opened, and four greyhounds rolled out on brightly colored balls. The skinny canines were dressed in cute pointed hats while standing on their hind legs in an amazing feat of balance. The closet one opened its jaw wider than should be possible and let out a dry hissing noise at Jack, who was starting to notice that parts of the animal’s flesh were missing. The creature’s dead eyes combined with the other visual clues and suggested these things were zombie circus dogs.

  Jack drew his sword while Haylee immediately sent a Light Ray through two of the undead animals from her Star Chaser bow.

  Reanimated Performing Dog Critical! -320 | 100/420

  Reanimated Performing Dog -205 | 215/420

  Directly after her high-damage shot, Jack activated his Mining Laser on the weakest one while Junk-bot Alt sent a yellow chunk of energy into the other.

  Reanimated Performing Dog -117 | Defeated

  Reanimated Performing Dog -175 | 40/420

  Jack had to grin when he noticed the arcs of brilliant lightning spiraling around his already potent death ray granted by his new, damage-boosting gem. He switched targets to clean up the wounded one, leaving only two remaining.

  Lex stepped forward and slammed her sword against her shield, letting out a sharp Shout and pulling the attention of both zombie dogs. Because they were on balls and on their hind legs, the undead creatures’ tooth-filled maws were in line with the Bastion’s face.

  A flash from the Dark Prism’s eyes slowed one attacker with her Withering Stare as she moved along the edge of the ring, repositioning herself. The ability forced her target to lag behind while the unaffected mutt snapped its fang-filled jaw against the Bastion’s shield. With a fluid counterattack, Lex swung her sword in a vicious sideways motion that hacked right into the trained dog’s neck.

  Reanimated Performing Dog -56 | 364/420

  Both Jack and Alt aimed for the slowed creature so as not to hit Lex while she closely engaged with the snarling animal, and their combined attacks delivered severe damage to the untouched foe.