Adults Only

by Morris Gleitzman

Mr Goff was lost in thought. Then suddenly he grabbed Jake’s arm. ‘This is just between us,’ he said. ‘OK?’

  Jake nodded. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘I won’t tell Mum and Dad.’

  Mr Goff looked relieved. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘Now get lost, I’ve got work to do.’

  Jake hurried through the side garden and along the back of the house.

  His head was so full of thoughts he felt dizzy. So dizzy that when he caught a glimpse of something pink on the cliff path he thought he was seeing things again.

  He looked more closely and with a jolt of alarm realised he wasn’t.

  It was Gwen.

  She was hurrying down towards the cave.

  14

  Jake’s first impulse was to yell a warning.

  Then he remembered that Mum and Dad and the magazine people were in the house. If they heard a kid yelling on the cliff top they’d choke on their morning tea. The magazine people would write their whole article about yelling kids.

  Jake glanced at his watch. It was nearly eleven thirty. The tide had turned half an hour ago. At least Gwen wasn’t in danger of drowning. All he had to do was get down there and warn her to stay out of sight.

  He ran over to the wire fence, hoping nobody was watching from the kitchen. Nobody yelled, so he guessed they weren’t. Unless they were having trouble yelling because of the coffee and cheesecake coming out their noses.

  Jake climbed over the ‘Danger, Proceed At Own Risk’ sign and headed down the path.

  He couldn’t see Gwen.

  Oh no, he thought. At the speed she was going, if she’s slipped in those useless shoes…

  Below him the waves thundered into the base of the cliff.

  Then he saw her. She was standing in the mouth of the cave, on the lip of the rock, staring into the surging water.

  Jake felt relief tingle through him. He felt it for the next three or four seconds, right up till she fell forward into the water.

  ‘Gwen,’ he yelled in horror.

  He scrambled over rocks to the mouth of the cave and crouched at the water’s edge, trying to see her. The water was dark and Jake knew that meant deep.

  Nothing, not even a glimpse of pink dress or a flash of white socks.

  She’d been under for about thirty seconds. That meant she had about a minute until she drowned. If she had really tough lungs.

  As Jake peered into the churning depths, he remembered the time he’d tried to break the world breath-holding record in the bath. After a minute and ten seconds he’d gasped in air so desperately he’d almost swallowed the soap.

  Forty-five seconds gone.

  She’s got thirty seconds left, thought Jake. Thirty seconds to make it back to the surface so I don’t have to dive in after her.

  Ten.

  Twenty.

  Twenty-nine.

  Jake saw something white flash to the surface. It was an air bubble.

  He kicked off his shoes and dived in.

  The water was colder than anything he’d ever experienced, including eating pizza straight out of the freezer.

  Worse, as he plummeted into the murky depths, he felt great tidal surges grab hold of him and spin him against rocks, battering the air out of him. All he could see were bubbles. And stars.

  No Gwen.

  Jake tried to kick his way back to the surface, but he didn’t know which way the surface was.

  He started to panic.

  Think straight, he screamed at himself. Don’t breathe in.

  Suddenly a dark shape loomed. It looked as big as a lawnmower. Jake kicked wildly, but something had him by the back of the t-shirt and was dragging him through the water.

  He tried to struggle, but his legs needed oxygen to keep kicking.

  Then he saw a flash of colour.

  It looked like pink.

  He prayed it was pink.

  It was pink.

  If he’d dared open his mouth he would have sobbed with relief.

  Gwen.

  Gwen was taking him to the surface.

  Except, when he burst out of the water into blissful air, he couldn’t see a thing. Not even the wet rock he was lying on. He was in total darkness.

  This is impossible, he said to himself between gasping lungfuls. It can’t have got dark. I haven’t had lunch yet.

  ‘Are you alright?’

  It was Gwen’s voice, nearby.

  Echoing.

  Of course. A cave.

  Now Jake’s brain had oxygen, it was working again.

  We must be in a pitch dark cave, he realised. A cave you can only reach by going underwater. A cave that’s behind the first cave.

  He wished he hadn’t left his torch in the cellar.

  ‘Take my hand.’

  Gwen’s voice again. Jake felt her cool wet hand slip into his.

  And suddenly the cave lit up. Not brightly, more of a dull eerie glow, but enough for Jake to see that it was quite a big cave with high rock walls and a dry flat sandy area at one end.

  That’s amazing, thought Jake, trying to see where the light was coming from. Must be glow worms. Hoping we’ve come to feed them.

  Gwen led him stumbling onto the dry sand. His legs were still wobbly and he dropped to his knees, pulling his hand away from hers to break his fall.

  The instant he did, the cave went dark again.

  Glow worms obviously don’t like swearing, thought Jake. Then he remembered his swearing had been silent. And so far he hadn’t seen a single worm of any description.

  ‘Here,’ said Gwen. ‘It’s OK.’

  She held his hand and as soon as she did, before his amazed eyes, the cave lit up again.

  Jake looked at her and realised his mouth must be open because she was looking pretty amused at the sight.

  He let go of her hand.

  Dark.

  He grabbed her hand.

  Light.

  This is incredible, thought Jake. Must be some sort of weird static electrical phenomenon. Our wet clothes must be conducting it somehow. He made a mental note, once they were out of here, to see if the phenomenon could be used to solve the world’s power problems and make his and Gwen’s families very rich.

  Then he saw that Gwen had stopped grinning. She was frowning at him, as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. Her dark eyes suddenly looked deeper than any of the water he and she had recently been in.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said softly. ‘You risked your life to try and rescue me. That was very brave.’

  Even though he was shivering, Jake felt suddenly warm inside.

  ‘But,’ continued Gwen, ‘also a bit dopey.’

  Jake didn’t understand.

  ‘You fell in,’ he said. ‘I had to try and…’

  ‘I didn’t fall,’ she said. ‘That was my version of a dive. I was just coming to see if Mabel was down here.’

  Jake stared at her. Little Mabel, down here?

  ‘She’s been coming here when she feels like a sulk,’ said Gwen. ‘But she’s not here now, nor’s Alfonse, so we may as well go.’

  She stood up and Jake, anxious not to plunge them into darkness, did too.

  Gwen reached over and pulled a lump of something green off a rock.

  ‘I was wondering where I left that,’ she said.

  Jake saw it was a lump of bubble gum.

  She popped it in her mouth and squeezed his hand. ‘Do you want to go the quick way back,’ she said, ‘or the fun way?’

  Jake was about to say ‘the safe way’, then he saw the expression on her face. He’d never seen anything like it. Not once on any of his trips to the mainland for shopping or the doctor, with all the peering he’d done over school fences, had he ever seen so much glee, mystery and naughtiness on one kid’s face.

  ‘The fun way,’ he heard himself say.

  Gwen led him to a far back corner of the cave. She stopped in front of a circular hole in the rock floor about as wide as his bedroom mat. They waited. After about thirty seconds t
here was a loud shuddering ‘whoompf’ from deep below them and a spray of water flew up out of the hole and splattered on the roof of the cave. Then there was an even louder sucking noise and the water disappeared.

  ‘Right,’ said Gwen, holding his hand tight. ‘Next time it does that, after the water stops spraying, we jump in.’

  Jump in?

  Jake spent the next thirty seconds trying to think up an excuse to go back to the safe way. The best he could come up with was ‘I feel sick’, but before he could get it out the ‘whoompf’ happened again, the water stopped spraying, and Gwen jumped, taking him with her.

  Jake’s hand slipped from hers, and for a few panicked seconds he felt himself being sucked downwards into watery darkness by an incredible force. Then his hand was in hers again and the ride of his life started.

  ‘Arghhhhhhhh,’ he screamed, mouth closed, eyes wide with amazement. He wasn’t going down any more, the tunnel had curved and he was hurtling along sideways, dazzled by the colours blurring past him in the whooshing water.

  This is it, he thought. This is what those giant water rides on those world’s biggest amusement parks on satellite TV must be like.

  Only this is better.

  Then it was over. Suddenly Jake felt himself spinning in dark, deep, churning water.

  The excitement faded.

  Panic took its place.

  He was out of air. He could see daylight, far far above. The agony in his chest was making him curl up.

  ‘I won’t make it,’ he thought. ‘Got to breathe. Got to…’

  He breathed in.

  Not water, air.

  Air?

  His eyes shifted focus and he saw why. Gwen’s eyes were millimetres from his. She was right in front of him, her hands under his arms, her face pressed to his, her mouth over his mouth and nose.

  He was breathing her air.

  It smelt faintly of bubblegum.

  Jake had seen a lot of kissing on satellite TV, and most of it hadn’t made him feel that good. If he had seen a girl put her mouth over a boy’s mouth and nose, he would probably have thrown up.

  But now he didn’t care.

  Gwen was kicking them both towards the surface and he felt good.

  Having a real live friend was everything he’d ever dreamed of.

  More.

  Suddenly Jake knew everything was going to be OK.

  With Gwen’s help, he thought happily, I’ll get Crusher back for sure. Once the magazine people have written their glowing article about the business, and it’s printed and they can’t change it, we’ll go to the city and break into their place and bring Crusher back.

  And in the meantime he’d help Mabel find Alfonse, even if he had to turn the island upside down.

  And, thought Jake, as he and Gwen burst through the water into sunlight, even if it turns out Mum and Dad had happy childhoods and they just didn’t want me, even that won’t be quite so bad with Gwen around.

  Gwen pulled her mouth away and felt around with her tongue for the bubblegum and started chewing again.

  She wiped his face.

  ‘Sorry about the dribble,’ she said.

  Suddenly, unexpectedly, Jake felt embarrassed. He looked at his feet as he and Gwen sloshed their way onto dry land and flopped down onto a sun-warm rock without speaking.

  This is stupid, thought Jake. She saved my life. What’s embarrassing about that?

  He looked at her face, pale in the sunlight, and he felt warm all over and it wasn’t just the sun. It was because she was the first real live friend he’d ever had and he couldn’t imagine having a better one.

  ‘Thanks,’ he said.

  ‘No problem,’ she said with a grin. Then she looked serious again. ‘I think I know someone who can prove to you that your parents did want you.’

  Jake stared at her. How did she know about that? He hadn’t said anything about it, only thought it.

  Is that what real live friends could do? Know each other’s thoughts?

  He was about to ask her when another thought hit him. An even more urgent one.

  ‘How did you stay underwater that long?’ he asked. ‘How did you share your air with me for all those minutes and not die?’

  Gwen dropped her eyes and studied her wet pink dress for a long time. She picked at a scab on her knee. Jake was worried she’d make it bleed, but she stopped in time.

  He could see she was thinking hard about her answer.

  Finally she shrugged and looked at him with a sad smile.

  ‘Simple,’ she said. ‘I’m already dead.’

  15

  Jake stared at her.

  For a crazy second he’d thought she’d said ‘dead’.

  He tilted his head to let the seawater run out of his ears, and wondered what word Gwen could have said that sounded like ‘dead’.

  Then he realised she was still speaking.

  ‘I died forty-two years ago,’ she said. ‘Mabel died forty-three years ago.’

  Jake prodded frantically in his ears to find the seaweed that was blocking his hearing and making him think Gwen was saying crazy things.

  His ears were empty.

  No seaweed.

  Oh no, thought Jake in sudden panic, I must have suffered oxygen deprivation from being underwater too long and I’ve got brain damage.

  Gwen reached over and put her hand on his arm.

  His panic went.

  ‘Jake,’ she said, ‘it’s OK. You haven’t got brain damage.’

  She took her hand away.

  The panic came back.

  She must have it, he thought miserably. She gave me too much of her air and she’s got brain damage.

  Jake realised she was still speaking. The least he could do, after everything she’d done for him, was humour the poor thing. She may be having delusions, but she was still his friend.

  ‘When our mother died,’ Gwen was saying, ‘our father put us in a home in the city. Me and Mabel.’

  ‘Right,’ said Jake.

  ‘I was six and Mabel was three,’ said Gwen. ‘It wasn’t a bad place. The people running it were pretty kind. Then we got moved to this one.’

  She pointed up the cliff in the direction of the house.

  ‘Right,’ said Jake.

  He heard his voice wobble a bit. It was her eyes. There was so much sadness in them.

  ‘The people here,’ she said, ‘weren’t kind.’

  Jake saw anger flash across her face.

  ‘They were religious,’ she said, ‘but they didn’t like children very much.’

  ‘Right,’ said Jake, head spinning. Where had he heard that before?

  ‘Mabel died when she was seven,’ said Gwen. ‘After that I tried to escape, but they caught me and brought me back. I got sick, so they had to shift me to the mainland, to a hospital. I didn’t get better. I died when I was eleven.’

  Jake tried to say ‘right’ but he couldn’t. His throat had sort of closed over.

  This is incredible, he thought. I’m sitting here getting upset at a story. She should write books.

  ‘At first,’ said Gwen, ‘I didn’t like being dead. Then I found Mabel and it got better. Now we spend our time with all the other unwanted kids. Sometimes it’s good fun.’

  Jake didn’t say ‘right’ because it wasn’t, it was tragic. She obviously believed everything she was saying.

  ‘Mabel always wanted to come back here,’ she continued, ‘to find her friend Alfonse, but we didn’t know the way. Then a few weeks ago we felt the sadness.’

  Jake looked at her, confused.

  ‘When you’ve been very sad yourself,’ said Gwen, ‘you can spot other people’s sadness a long way off. It guided us here.’

  Jake tried to understand what she meant.

  Could she mean me, he thought. Could she mean they’re here because of my sadness?

  For a few seconds the thought made him want to cry.

  Then he remembered it couldn’t possibly have happened.

/>   ‘I know you think I’m a mental case,’ said Gwen. ‘Would it help if we talk to someone you know, someone who was in the home here with me and Mabel?’

  ‘Who?’ said Jake.

  ‘Bernie,’ said Gwen.

  Jake looked at her, puzzled.

  ‘Bernie Goff,’ said Gwen.

  As they made their way along the path to the jetty, Jake was deep in thought. He hoped Gwen’s parents could afford the best mental treatment for their daughter. Perhaps, if Mum and Dad offered the medical team a free holiday, they’d do it cut-price.

  Suddenly Gwen pushed Jake behind some bushes and dragged him down onto the dirt. He pulled himself free and looked at her in alarm. Brain damage could lead to sudden violence, he’d seen it on TV.

  It was tragic. She was the best person he’d ever met in his whole life and he didn’t want to have to fight her.

  ‘This isn’t a fight,’ hissed Gwen. She pointed to the brow of the next hill.

  Jake peered through the leaves.

  The magazine people were setting off on a walk. The magazine man, wearing Dad’s hiking shoes, was peering around and writing in a notebook. The magazine woman was wearing Mum’s elastic-sided boots and carrying Crusher.

  Jake stared miserably at the little furry figure with his head jammed under the magazine woman’s arm. He hoped she was wearing deodorant.

  Hang on, Crusher, he said silently. I’ll get you back, I promise. Once all this is over.

  Jake whistled a TV jingle to help Crusher hang on. Gwen was looking at him, but he didn’t care. He just hoped his whistling and his love were strong enough to penetrate the magazine woman’s armpit.

  The magazine people disappeared over the brow of the hill and Gwen stood up.

  Suddenly Jake remembered he’d never told Gwen why she and Mabel must stay out of sight of the adults.

  Better tell her now.

  He wondered if her fragile mental state would allow her to take it all in.

  He had to try.

  Then he saw she was looking at him.

  ‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘I know.’

  Mr Goff clung onto a jetty post as if his legs had turned into jellyfish. Then he sat down on the old bed he’d been carrying to his boat and stared at Gwen, his mouth moving but not making any sound.

  Jake watched anxiously, wondering if there was any medication he should be helping Mr Goff take.