All He'll Ever Be

by W Winters

  It’s the way his words linger in the air and settle into your bones.

  “It’s been a while,” Marcus comments and Daniel’s quick to reply, “Not because of our doing.”

  My left hand raises silently in the air, quieting Daniel although I can see the anger rising inside of him as he’s barely grounded in the chair. He knows Marcus has answers, and he’s refusing to give them to us.

  “I believe our desired outcomes may no longer be aligned, Marcus.” My heartbeat quickens, but I keep my voice even and remain calm and in control. “Is that why you’ve been quietly avoiding us?” I question him.

  Silence. For one beat, and then another.

  I can feel my brothers watching me, their eyes boring into me, but I stare at the phone, willing Marcus to answer.

  And finally, I’m given a response. “Not necessarily,” he answers me and then adds, “You made a change that I didn’t necessarily agree with, Cross.”

  “You’ll have to be more clear on which of us you’re referring to,” I tell him as I rest my elbow on the table and my chin on my fist. My thumb runs along my stubble as I glance at Declan, who’s watching the tablet in his hand with an unyielding stare.

  “I suppose you’re right…” Marcus says and then pauses before adding, “Two of you have in fact, gone off course.”

  Daniel’s eyes meet mine at the same time I look at him.

  “What exactly changed that you decided we were no longer allies?” I ask Marcus, feeling hotter and growing irritated. Marcus is an unparalleled force, but he aggravates the fuck out of me with how cautious he is. When I can use him to my advantage, which I have in the past, I think highly of the man. I’ve both feared and admired him.

  But to be on the other side of his temper is … enraging.

  “I needed to make a deal with Nicholas Talvery.” Marcus surprises me with a straight answer.

  I surmise, “And my interfering was…”

  “Unappreciated.” Marcus finishes my sentence and I merely nod, my mouth set in a grim, straight line.

  “What happened with Addison?” Daniel asks, and Marcus ignores him.

  “I want Aria Talvery.” Marcus’s demand gets a reaction from me that he can’t see. My brow raises and a smile wavers against my lips.

  “No.” I’m surprisingly calm as I answer, “That’s not going to happen.”

  The ever-present ticking of the clock passes in the silence until Marcus responds, “I didn’t anticipate your response to be so…. shortsighted.”

  “Daniel asked you a question,” I remind Marcus and watch my brother. “Why was she involved?” I’m not positive that Marcus is behind what happened, but I know that he knows the answer.

  “Why did you try to take her?” Daniel’s question comes with a raised voice behind clenched teeth and barely contained anger. His inability to keep calm is understandable, but ineffective.

  “I didn’t. You already know who did.”

  I barely contain my irritation, watching Daniel come unhinged as Marcus continues to skirt around the one thing he needs to know.

  “If we knew, we wouldn’t be asking you,” I tell Marcus pointedly.

  “Who tried to take Addison?” Daniel speaks up with the only question he wants answered. I have so many I could drown in them, but he only has one.

  I expect a single name. Or the denial of information entirely. Instead, Marcus continues to evade the answer, but he also surprises me.

  I don’t like to be surprised, because it means I’m lacking in information, which means I’m lacking in control.

  “The same man who hurt you years ago and started all this.” Years ago? His words repeat in my head. In the decade since we’ve taken power, no one has dared to hurt us until recently.

  Marcus continues and this time, he places a small clue in his response. “She wouldn’t be yours if it hadn’t happened.”

  “If what hadn’t happened?” Jase asks, speaking for the first time. And now I’m left wondering if Marcus is referring to Addison or Aria.

  “The first hit your family took,” Marcus says, giving more information to solve a riddle rather than providing an answer that would be so easy to give.

  “You talk in circles and riddles,” Daniel sneers and then slams his fist down before raising his voice to tell him, “I just want a name.”

  “And I just want Aria,” Marcus answers, ever calm in a way that makes my blood turn to ice.

  My brother looks at me, desperate for information, but before I can respond, Daniel narrows his eyes at the phone and tells Marcus, “If all you’re after is Aria, this conversation is useless. We will never give her to you.”

  The line clicks dead and the moment it does, I stare at Daniel, who won’t take his gaze from the silent phone. With his jaw clenched and every emotion written on his face, I feel nothing but sorrow for him. Maybe shame as well. I’m ashamed I brought my brothers into this, and I don’t have a way to fix it.

  “Years ago?” Sebastian repeats Marcus’s words and opens the door as Declan moves to leave, looking pissed off.

  “Did it-”

  Before Sebastian can even finish his question, Declan’s fist slams against the doorframe, splintering it with his rage.

  He doesn’t speak; he doesn’t even slow his pace. Declan’s the first to leave and Daniel follows.

  “Can I have a minute with Sebastian?” I ask Jase, letting go of my thoughts of figuring out what Marcus was hinting at. With a nod, Jase is gone, leaving only Sebastian and myself.

  “Don’t let anyone close to this place and only trust us,” I tell Sebastian, not wasting a second as he stalks to where Jase was just sitting. With both hands wrapped around the back of the chair, he looks at me closely.

  “Are you all right?” he asks me again and the sad smirk comes faster this time.

  “No.”

  “What has to happen?” he asks, and I’m grateful for that question rather than the obvious, why?

  “She needs to be kept safe. Aria Talvery.”

  “Because he wants her?” he guesses and I keep my expression still and unwavering, but after a short moment, I shake my head. “It has nothing to do with Marcus. She simply needs to be kept safe.”

  His eyes search mine, and I hate his hesitation.

  “You know what she means to me,” I speak with desperation and hate that I have to say it at all. It was his idea to give Stephan to Aria. Between my brothers and Sebastian, they know all my secrets. Loving Aria isn’t a secret anymore, and Sebastian knows it.

  “I don’t care what happens, as long as you keep her safe. She can’t be hurt. In any way.”

  “So you want me to … be her guard?” he offers and I hadn’t thought of it like that, but I nod, knowing I need someone to watch over Aria.

  Sebastian nods and tells me we’ll talk more in detail soon before turning and leaving. And that’s the end of this very short meeting.

  After he leaves, I wish he hadn’t. I’m alone in the room with the memories of last night, and riddles I don’t know how to begin to solve. The world feels like it’s closing in on me, and years of sin are mere seconds from destroying what’s left of me.

  “I had a thought,” Jase speaks and I open my eyes, realizing that I didn’t even hear him come back in.

  “I need to check on Aria,” I tell him, not wanting to deal with more shit. She has to meet Sebastian, and a strange sensation curdles the bit of bile in the pit of my stomach at the thought of what she’ll tell him about me.

  “Just listen for a minute.”

  “One minute,” I say. I focus on the phone, on the conversation that keeps repeating itself in the back of my mind as Jase tells me we should meet with Nikolai and let Aria see it all. Let her watch as Nikolai shows himself to be the man he is in front of her.

  “What if she saw him the way we do?” he suggests and stares at me expectantly.

  “I can’t even begin to understand why you would think that’s a good idea.”

 
“Let Aria see. Let her see you give him the chance to walk away, and show her the side of him she doesn’t know about.”

  “Why-” I almost question my brother’s sanity until I realize he thinks I’m fucked up today because of Nikolai. He has no idea what weight I’m carrying today, but his first guess is that it has to do with Aria and Nikolai.

  “You think that she’d be all right with him dying then? You’re wrong.” I don’t give him a moment to respond.

  “I don’t give a fuck about Nikolai, and I’ve resigned myself to the fact that Aria is going to hate me for what I’m about to do. What she knows and doesn’t know is irrelevant.”

  Defeat crosses Jase’s expression when I tell him a truth I wish didn’t exist.

  “She loved him first, I know that. And she loves me now.” I swallow thickly and then tell him, “A part of her will always love him, but a part will always love me too.”

  “I’m struggling here,” Jase says and runs a hand through his hair. “Something’s wrong.”

  How could he not see? How could anyone not understand?

  “I don’t know how this is supposed to end any other way but with us apart.”

  There’s no way for this to end other than for her to hate me, or for me to die.

  “She understands-”

  “And I understand she’ll hate me when it’s over,” I cut him off with my rushed words. “What everyone needs to understand is that even if…” I have to pause and take a deep breath, staring past my brother at the closed door as I continue, “Even if she leaves… Even if she decides she can’t live with…” I’ve thought of this ending so many times, but I’ve never fully accepted it until this moment.

  “Even if she doesn’t want me anymore when this is all over, I want her protected. I want her safe. Even if she can’t live with being my wife, my lover, my … everything. Even still, I need everyone to know that she’s protected and that she’ll always be mine.”

  Chapter 88

  Aria

  Carter never changed the lock.

  It’s funny how regret sweeps through me as I open the front door. My hand is heavy with it and as I look over my shoulder, back down the hall, so are my legs. When I put my hand to the scanner, I didn’t expect for it to work. I didn’t think it would be so effortless.

  Saying goodbye is never easy. Especially the kind of goodbye that’s final. The kind that hurts to say out loud, but it hurts even more when buried deep down inside.

  I only stand in the doorway for a moment before I feel the breeze in the early evening air. I’m surprised no one’s running down the hall when I close the door behind me.

  Even more surprised when I wrap my arms around myself, careful with my left shoulder, although it’s feeling better now with the pain pills I found in the half bath’s medicine cabinet.

  The wind brushes my hair from my shoulder, exposing my skin to the cold. Goosebumps flow over my skin as I take each step down, each step farther away from Carter.

  Part of me wonders if he’s watching. Another part knows that he is.

  He won’t let me get far. I already know that, but I need to know how far he’ll allow before someone will come and scoop me up to take me back to him.

  Whether it happens today, or tomorrow, or a week from now, I’ll never stop trying to leave. I repeat those words in my head as I take another step.

  I don’t think of the reasons. There are too many at this point, and only the outcome matters.

  I can’t stay here any longer. This isn’t the life I want. It’s never been more clear than it is now.

  My pace doesn’t slow until I get to a metal gate at the end of the drive. I hadn’t seen it before through all the trees, and I guess it was open last time the cars drove through.

  I can’t imagine they keep anything out but vehicles, because the gaps in the intricate metal are plenty wide enough for a person to pass through.

  And I do.

  My fingers grip the cold iron and I duck my head as I turn to slip through the bars.

  Peering back at the house, I know he’s watching and when I turn back to the remaining driveway that carries on for at least a quarter mile and then weaves through a thick forest, I know he’s going to stop me soon. The cameras at the top of the gate swivel, following me.

  My heart flickers weakly. The stupid thing doesn’t understand. It’s still filled with hope.

  There’s no hope though. There never was.

  Chapter 89

  Carter

  Maybe if she’s not with me, she won’t die for me.

  The thought comes and goes quickly, but as I watched her walk down the porch steps, it was there for a moment.

  That I could let her go to save her.

  She can’t die for me, if I’m not with her.

  The thought is only a small blip in my consciousness, but it keeps coming back. Even as Sebastian runs into the room to tell me she’s out front. I don’t have time to question fate and what I’ve done. I can’t leave her unprotected. That’s not an option. I won’t allow it.

  “I know.” The words come out even but low, with a threatening menace I can’t hide.

  “We’ve got an eye on her.” He’s catching his breath, his chest rising and falling with heavy pants, but his demeanor is calm. His words though, are prying. “Does she normally walk out past the gate?” He’s careful not to ask outright if she’s trying to escape, which is something I’m not used to from him. I can see the change in the way he looks at me. Time’s changed many things since the last time we’ve done something like this together.

  It takes a moment, another moment before I can even breathe at the realization. A decade has passed, and I hate what I’ve become.

  I didn’t want to be this man. I didn’t ask for this life.

  As much as I wish I could, I can’t go back. My gaze centers on Sebastian, holding the authority I’ve fucking earned. “Lock her up.” Every syllable comes out hard, and each word is accompanied with a slamming in my chest.

  She can’t die then. She’s safe here.

  “Everything is barricaded, guarded and armed. No one is getting close and no one is going to hurt her.” The words echo in the room and Sebastian is silent. He already knows I’m merely reassuring myself.

  “Just snatch her up?” Sebastian asks easily, as if there’s nothing at all wrong with what I’m doing. I nod, feeling a knot wind tighter in my stomach, twisting unforgivingly at the fact that she’s trying to leave me. Willing to leave me.

  “I know she’s angry.” I try to justify the fact that she’s leaving, but I swallow my words. “I’ll make it right with her,” I say as I turn away from Sebastian and move to the window to see how much farther she’s gone. “Don’t let her get much farther than the gate.”

  “You think she’ll go all the way down the drive?” Jase questions from behind me. There are men lining the estate, past the drive although it’s still not safe. I don’t bother to turn to him as the sun sets beyond the trees, where it’s least protected. The light blue in the sky instantly darkens as the auburn leaves weave patterns with the remaining light.

  “Just get her.” The knot climbs up my stomach and twists and turns inside of me. It’s a pain I haven’t felt before.

  Last night plays out as I look at myself in the reflection of the window. I love her. I love her completely and without hesitation. But the man I am is one who destroys.

  The fact that some part of her loves me, only means she’s setting herself up to be ruined. Every piece of her broken… by me.

  As I swallow down the thought, my hands move to my pockets and I vow to fix this between us. I don’t have another option. I won’t let her go.

  “You all right?” Jase’s voice brings me back to the present and as I turn to him, I look back to the sofa. Empty. Just as the floor is in front of my desk. The visions of last night pass like another blip.

  Sebastian’s gone, and Jase has taken his place. Time is moving like the flickering images of an ol
d movie reel with some of the frames missing. I don’t know how long Sebastian’s been gone or when Jase came into my office.

  “No,” I answer my brother honestly and my next words come out ragged. “I’ve never been like this. I’ve never,” I pause to pull my hands from my pockets and run them over my face. Staring at the drawer to my desk, I remember taking the sleep aid last night. It’s only a drug and it’s never affected me like this. It has to be the drug. The sweets. The last time I took it was years ago.

  “She’s just angry,” Jase says then looks over his shoulder before shutting the office door and coming to take his seat opposite me.

  “I don’t want to sit,” I tell him with agitation before he can sink into the chair.

  I watch his knuckles tighten as he grips the back of the seat. “I want this over. We need to end it.” My words come out harder and faster as the desperation to move past this with Aria takes over.

  “We’re letting Romano-”

  “Fuck Romano!” I slam the back of my clenched hand against my chair, needing to feel something other than this pain that’s creeping inside of me. Needing to do something other than wait.

  “We can’t do both, Carter.” Jase’s voice is calm, but full of reason. He doesn’t move from where he is, but his eyes watch me with increased interest. “We can’t guard the estate and also attack Talvery’s.” He finally moves, backing away from the chair although his hands still grip it. “You can’t have it both ways.”

  Time marches on as I consider my brother. The one thing he’s always had is an opinion. Constant fucking ideas. Constant pushing. Yet as I lean forward, breathing in to steady myself, he’s quiet. He’s not pushing either way.

  “What would you do?” I ask him, not looking at him, but instead staring at the closed door behind him.

  “I can’t answer that,” he tells me and I fucking hate him for leaving me with nothing. The back of my jaw clenches as I peer down at the screen. She’s at the gate.

  She’s leaving me.

  It was never supposed to be me.