Forbid Me

by M. Robinson

  I opened the door and shrieked, placing my hand over my heart while my other hand was firmly placed on the doorknob. There was Jacob, in all his glory, freshly showered reaching for a towel. My eyes went to the only place any self-respecting woman would look.

  His cock.

  Jesus.

  It looked better than I remembered.

  A perfectly placed V lay proudly between his hips that made me want to lean forward and trace it with my tongue. I had fallen into his strong, firm body last night but feeling it didn’t do him justice now that I could see the pronounced definition of his impressive pecks. His arms were bigger than my thighs, and he wasn’t even flexing.

  I. Stopped. Breathing.

  When my lustful glance finally met his, I noticed the cockiest fucking grin plastered on his face, and it immediately washed away all the lust I was feeling for him at that moment. It didn’t matter that he was fully aware that he had an effect on me.

  Fuck him.

  I yanked out my earplugs. “What are you doing here?” I asked, seething.

  “Exactly what it looks like,” he replied, starting to dry off with the towel not bothering to cover his dick.

  “No shit. But why are you showering here? I told you to leave before I got back.”

  “I asked you to go to breakfast with me,” he simply stated only pissing me off further.

  “I didn’t say yes.”

  He smiled, getting out of the shower still not bothering to cover himself. “But you didn’t say no either.”

  “Jacob—”

  “Lillian, just let me fucking feed you,” he argued with a husky tone, stepping into his slacks from last night.

  “Fine, if that’s what it will take to get you out of my life then so be it.” I rolled my eyes and walked away, deciding to take a shower later.

  We drove to the diner in silence. I took him to one of my favorite spots, if I had to suffer through breakfast, then it would at least be in a place I loved. The waitress took our orders while I sipped on my sweet tea. He ordered half the damn menu and I knew why he did it, he was buying more time with me.

  "How long have you been working as the entertainment at the bar?" he asked, gazing at me with the exact same yearning he had in his eyes last night.

  "Three years," I simply stated not wanting to give him more information than he deserved.

  His eyes widened and a surprised expression quickly fell over him. "Don't you want to do something more with your life? I mean how much longer can you really work at a bar?"

  I cocked an eyebrow. It was my turn to hold the surprised expression and like everything that involved Jacob, the pissed off one quickly followed.

  I smiled. "Well, this was fun,” I sarcastically stated. “Nice catching up with you." I stood and looked down at his confused demeanor. "Call me never."

  He gripped my wrist before the last word even left my mouth.

  "I didn't mean it like that."

  I sighed, trying like hell to ignore how the mere touch of his hand around my wrist made my body warm all over and my heart skipped a few beats. After all these years, he still had an effect on me.

  I was still his.

  "What do you want, Jacob? Why are you really here?"

  He flinched, it was quick, but I saw it. He let go of my wrist as he latched onto my hand, pulling me back down to my seat.

  He spoke with conviction, "You, Lillian…

  I. Want. You."

  I hadn’t slept for three fucking days.

  I was exhausted, mentally, physically, and especially emotionally. Austin and Alex were in a car accident. Let me rephrase that, Austin drove while he was shitfaced, raced a friend through the woods, and crashed into a fucking tree. They were both in a coma, Austin much more severe than Half-Pint. I wanted to wring my hands around his fucking neck, but it wouldn’t help the situation, nothing would change the result of his decision. It was enough that Lucas may not ever talk to him again. Dylan and I tried our best to act as if we weren’t fucking livid or wanting to kill him. If we gave Lucas any more ammunition, he may pull the plug on his goddamn life support.

  We all flew in as soon as we got the phone calls from our mothers. I had been surviving off coffee and five-hour energy drinks. I don’t think my body could have taken anymore, desperately needing to get some sleep before it officially gave out on me. I could have probably slept for days and still not felt human, yet I knew I wouldn’t be getting any peaceful sleep until they woke up.

  I left Austin’s room and walked into Alex’s. “Hey,” I whispered, coming toward Lucas, who sat in the same chair in the corner of her room that he had been in for the last three days. “You been in to see Austin lately?”

  “Yesterday.”

  “Lucas…”

  “Don’t,” he snapped.

  “We’re all upset with him, but shit happens. He would never put Alex’s life in danger on purpose. He was stupid and irresponsible, he’s paying for it now.” I eyed Alex’s bed, putting on the best poker face I could master with Lucas.

  This was bad.

  This was the beginning of a long road ahead for all of us.

  This is where we each placed our cars on different paths that would lead us to our own demise.

  It all started here.

  “And so is she,” he added, making me turn back around to face him.

  I begrudgingly nodded and followed it up with a long deep sigh. He was right and that was something I couldn’t deny. “You going home to sleep?” I asked.

  “Are you?” he countered.

  I nodded again in understanding, putting my hands in my jean pockets, leaning against the wall with one foot over the other. I tried to shut my eyes but it was fucking hopeless, I couldn’t fall asleep.

  Lucas and Alex’s moms walked in with Lily by their side, they had been here the whole time just taking cafeteria breaks here and there. It hadn’t been more than a few months since I last saw all of them. I smiled, remembering the last time I saw Lily, she was scared shitless. Every time I saw her she reminded me more of Alex, I thought their personalities were so similar. I would learn later in life that I couldn’t have been more wrong about that.

  “Hey, Kid,” I greeted.

  She wrapped her arms around my waist as I tugged her into my side. She was so fucking sad. She was a thirteen-year-old kid, and I knew it was scary for her to handle life-changing moments like these. Fuck, I was twenty and I barely held it together. For some reason I took off my ball cap and placed it on her head, she was always stealing it from me and it was the first time that I actually put it on her.

  A sense of calm came over her almost immediately, making me feel better.

  “Hi,” she softly spoke to her brother.

  He smiled at her when she looked at him.

  “Are you okay, Lucas?” she questioned, with concern and worry evident all over her face.

  “I’ve been better.”

  She bowed her head with empathy. Lily was intuitive and cared a lot for others, which was a blessing and a curse. The girl loved everyone.

  “Lily is exhausted. Can you take her home?” their Mom asked, pulling all of us away from our thoughts.

  “I can’t leave Jana,” she whispered low not wanting to disturb her. Jana was in her own little world, holding Half-Pint’s hand.

  I always knew Lucas and Alex loved each other, we all did, but I think I was aware of it more than Dylan or Austin though I’m not quite sure why. I tried everything to keep them apart, but at that moment I couldn’t be a fucking asshole. Lucas was hurting. I couldn’t imagine being in his shoes if I felt like I was dying… it must have been like he was already in the grave.

  He was about to open his mouth to say something, but I beat him to the punch. “I’ll take her home,” I stated.

  “You sure? Robert is on call and he won't leave the hospital until something happens with Austin or Alex. Do you mind staying over? Lily can’t be—”

  “Mom,” Lily interrupted, lo
oking embarrassed.

  I smiled again. She always had that effect on me. “It’s okay, Kid, it’s more for my benefit, I don’t like to sleep in a house by myself.”

  She grinned, I could tell she knew I lied but appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

  “Thank you,” their mom mouthed to me.

  I winked at her as Lily gave Lucas a tight hug. Their mom kissed the top of her head, and then Lily wrapped her arms around me again as we walked out of the room together.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked, looking at the time, surprised that it was ten fifteen pm.

  She shook her head no, maintaining her stare out the passenger side window.

  “Kid, let me feed you.”

  She just shrugged, it was completely unlike her not to talk. Most of the time you couldn’t get her to stay quiet.

  I pulled into the Dairy Queen drive-thru and ordered two blizzards with the works, hot fudge, peanuts, crushed Oreos, and chocolate chips. I saw her smiling from the corner of my eye. She took her blizzard and didn’t have to be told again to eat something. I ate mine while I drove, and she finished hers before I was even halfway done, eyeing mine too. I handed it to her.

  The Ryders’ all had a sweet tooth.

  I told Lily goodnight as we walked up the stairs, going into Lucas’s bedroom to grab a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt from his dresser.

  There was a soft knock on his door.

  “Come in.”

  Lily walked in dressed for bed, once again looking sad and upset. “Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? It’s not the scary dudes this time. I’m over that. It’s just the last few nights I have been having nightmares of Austin and Alex. My mom told me what happened, and I keep picturing it in my sleep.”

  “Oh, Kid…” I sympathized.

  Her eyes watered, and I was over to her in two strides, wrapping my arms around her tiny, small frame. “They’re going to be okay.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise,” I lied, knowing it was probably a bad idea, but she was a kid and didn’t need to be worrying about grown-up things.

  I followed her into her bedroom and sat in her office chair. It didn’t take long for her breathing to even out letting me know she was fast asleep, silently wishing it could be that easy for me. I went to the bathroom aiming straight for the medicine cabinet needing something to help me sleep. I found some Nyquil and took it with me into Lucas’s room. I took more than the suggested two teaspoons just because I needed to get some goddamn rest. I didn’t want to think about anything else, I didn’t want to worry about anything else, and I sure as fuck didn’t want to envision anything else.

  I lay down in Lucas’s bed and it didn’t take long for a dead sleep to drag me under as well.

  I gasped and sat straight up in my bed from the same freaking nightmare I had been having for the last few nights. My lamp was on, and I didn’t give it any thought as I got out of my bed and made my way into Lucas’s bedroom. He always let me crawl into bed with him when I was scared.

  That’s just the type of amazing brother he was to me.

  I missed him. I missed my parents being here. I missed Half-Pint and Austin. I wanted things to go back to the way they were a few days ago. I prayed every night and every morning for them to be okay, for them to wake up. I walked into his bedroom and it was then that I remembered that Lucas wasn’t home with me, Jacob was. I bit my lip trying to decide what to do. I didn’t want to go back to my room and be by myself. Jacob was passed out sleeping on Lucas’s side of the bed. Lying on his back with one arm behind his head and the other on his stomach, he had the comforter pulled to his chest. A bottle of Nyquil sat on the nightstand, I felt bad waking him up to ask him if he could stay with me again, he looked exhausted on our drive home.

  I slid into the bed, extremely careful not to wake him, leaving plenty of space in between us like I did with Lucas. As soon as I lay beside him I felt better.

  I closed my eyes and for the first time in three nights…

  I slept with no nightmares.

  I was the first one to wake the next morning, looking out the window there was barely any light outside. I was about to wipe the sleep away from my eyes when I realized I was holding Jacob’s hand. He was in the same position as last night and I was too, yet our hands had gravitated to each other. I guess we were both exhausted. I didn’t want him to think that I was a baby, unable to sleep by myself, this being the second time he had to stay with me. I carefully made my way out of the bed and left before he woke up.

  Bringing my hand that had been holding his to my face.

  Smiling.

  I had been working double shifts at the bar for the last few days, keeping my mind occupied and away from Jacob. I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to tell me that he wanted me. Of course he did, that was never the problem to begin with. He used to remind me all the damn time how much he wanted me, except back then I actually gave a fuck.

  My cell phone screen lit up with Alex’s picture. “Hello, it’s me,” I answered my standard greeting for everyone.

  “Hello, it’s you!” she replied with hers. “So, when were you going to tell me that you hung out with Jacob?”

  “How do you know that?” I snapped.

  “That’s your reply?”

  “I didn’t hang out with him. I don’t even like him.”

  “Lily…”

  “What? I’m serious. I didn’t hang out with him, he just showed up at my bar a few nights ago. Then he weaseled his way into spending the night at my house.”

  “You slept—”

  “No! His car got towed because he’s a fucking idiot. He proceeded to con me into bringing him back to my place, claiming he didn’t know his hotel information. He was probably lying. It’s what he’s good at. How do you know I saw him?”

  “He told me,” she simply stated.

  I bit my lip out of curiosity as to what the hell he told her, but I wouldn’t ask.

  “He said he had run into you and that you guys hung out.”

  It didn’t mean I would stop her from telling me either. “Does Lucas—”

  “Of course not.” She hesitated for a few seconds. “Lily, why don’t you hear him out?”

  “Are you for real?” I scoffed, taken aback. “After everything he did to me? You think I would take him back? I’m sorry, Half-Pint, but I’m not you,” I viscously spewed at the wrong person, immediately regretting my choice of words. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I love you. I love that you’re married to my brother, you’re lobsters. I love that you’re my sister.”

  “I know. You always speak before you think, it’s a Ryder trait.”

  I laughed. It was.

  “You’re your own person, Lily, you have been since you could talk. I know Lucas put me through hell and back, but I never thought that he didn’t love me. Not once. Jacob loves—”

  “Jacob loves himself. Oh, and the good ol’ boys. Not me, Half-Pint. Never me. When it came down to it, he made his decision. I didn’t do it for him,” I honestly divulged, knowing in my heart that I was right.

  “It’s a hard situation to be in for anyone. I mean look at how the boys treated me, and I’m not blood. You’ve always been Lucas’s baby sister, even to me. They saw me as a kid, and I’m only two, three years younger than them. You’re seven, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he loved you. That he still loves you.”

  “He didn’t—”

  “He did, Lily,” she paused to let her words linger, “He does.”

  “Then he had a really shitty way of showing it.”

  “Yes. I’m not excusing his behavior. It was wrong, but he did it because he loves you.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t see it that way. I know he’s your best friend—”

  “So are you. I think you owe it to yourself to hear him out. That’s all. It could go in one ear and out the other, but I have to say it to you. I want you to be happy.”

  “I am happy.
I love my life.”

  “It’s been a rough few years—”

  “Alex, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. He’s out of my life and that’s where he’s staying. End of story.”

  She sighed. “Well, I got my period this morning.”

  “Oh shit, I’m sorry, Alex.” They had been trying to get pregnant since they got married over two years ago.

  “It’s okay. It’s a Ryder, it will come when it wants to.”

  She said that for me more than anything. “I gotta get back to work. Talk soon okay?”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you, too, give Lucas a hug and kiss for me.”

  “Always.”

  I hung up, my screen saver immediately displaying a picture of a full moon, the same one that still haunted my dreams.

  Jesus Christ.

  You could get into her house so fucking easy. I barely maneuvered the lock and walked right in. Her neighbor didn’t even stop me, and she was outside watching me the entire time.

  What kind of neighborhood is this?

  I placed my tools on the table and made my way to the kitchen. Breakfast didn’t go according to plan, she practically ran out the door when I told her I wanted her. The little shit was being more stubborn than usual, and I never thought that was possible. I didn’t expect her to welcome me with open arms, but it looked like I had my work cut out for me. If she thought she could get rid of me that easy then she was in for one hell of a rude awakening.

  I wasn’t going anywhere but back into her life where I belonged.

  It was around midnight when I finished fixing things in Lily’s house. Grabbing a cold beer from her fridge, I made myself at home since she wouldn’t be here for hours. I heard the front door open, but that wasn’t what surprised me. What shocked the shit out of me was that she walked in holding a gun in her hands.