Forbid Me

by M. Robinson

  “Are you fucking kidding me, Aubrey? This shit is still going on?” I yelled, wetting paper towels under the faucet to bring them up to her bloody lip.

  She hissed. “I fell. It’s not what you think,” she replied in a monotone voice.

  “I’m sure you fell, right onto Jeremy’s fist.”

  “Lily…” she pleaded.

  “What, Aubrey? I’ve kept your secret, okay? Doesn’t mean I have to fucking like it. I can’t believe you’re still letting him do this to you. He’s a piece of shit.”

  “He’s stressed out with work. He doesn’t do it that often anymore. I swear.” She was lying, I could see it all over her face.

  “Why are you still with him? You know Dylan would have him behind bars in no time, all you would have to do is say the word.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not involving Dylan, Lily.”

  “He loves you. He fucking adores you, Aubrey. He wouldn’t have kept this secret if he didn’t. Don’t you see this goes against everything he believes in for Christ sake? He puts people like him away where they belong.”

  She looked down at the ground. “Please don’t say that,” she whispered so low, the agony in her voice apparent.

  “He can’t keep doing this to you. You don’t deserve it.”

  Tears fell down her face. “I deserve this and more, Lily. Don’t talk about things you don’t know.”

  “I don’t understand. Help me understand. Let me help you. Let the boys help you.”

  She immediately stood. “No!”

  “Aubrey, he’s going to fucking kill you one day and you’re letting him. This is nothing compared to the shit I walked in on that night, and something tells me when you went home it was—”

  “It’s none of your business. Not everyone gets their happily ever after, Lily.” She tore the paper towel from my hand and looked back at the mirror, wiping off the blood from her lip.

  “You’re wrong.”

  She looked at me through the mirror.

  “You couldn’t be any more wrong. I hope by the time you realize that… it won’t be too late.”

  She looked at her lip.

  And I left.

  It was my seventeenth birthday.

  My mom wanted me to go out with my friends, but I refused. As far as I was concerned there was nothing to celebrate. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Jacob since the day on the beach and that was three months ago. He moved to California to attend Stanford Law School a few weeks after. My mom was getting worse with each passing day, and Lucas was lost in his own drama. The only brightness brought to my day was my little dude, Mase.

  “Leelee,” Mason babbled, tugging on my dress.

  “What’s up, little dude?” He laid his head on my shoulder, grinning up at me. “Daddy said you can’t have any more cake. You’re going to get me in trouble.”

  He made that face. The face I couldn’t say no to. He was a Ryder, it was in his blood to eat sweets, I could relate.

  “Fine, we won’t tell him.” I grabbed a few spoonfuls, and he gobbled them down like a champ. I wiped his mouth, getting rid of all the evidence.

  “Mase!” Lucas called out, walking into the kitchen. “There you are.”

  I smiled. “We were just hanging out. You taking off?”

  He grabbed Mason from me. “Yeah, I gotta get him down. Even though he’s definitely not going to sleep tonight with that extra piece of cake you just gave him.”

  I gasped. “I did no such thing.”

  He nodded toward the ends of my hair. “Did you forget that food goes in your mouth?”

  “Mason, way to cover, dude.” I kissed all over his face and he giggled, thrashing.

  Lucas kissed the top of my head. “Happy birthday, baby sister. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. I’ll see you later.”

  He left, and I started to help my mom clean up the kitchen.

  “Lily, you don’t have to do this. It’s your birthday. I’m sure your friends would love to see you,” Mom said, looking extremely tired.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Baby, I’m worried about you. You’re always home.”

  “I love being home.”

  She sighed deeply, cocking her head to the side. “What’s going on?”

  “Mom, I’m fine. I promise.”

  “Lily, does this have something to do with—”

  “Honey, what are you doing? I thought we were having a date night in bed?” Dad interrupted.

  “Eww…” I instinctively replied, wondering like hell whose name my mom was about to say.

  “Why are your kids so stubborn?” she asked my father. “Happy birthday, sweetie. We will see you in the morning.” She kissed my forehead and they left. I was in the middle of watching a girlie movie in the living room, I didn’t like hanging out in my room anymore, too many memories.

  I heard a soft knock at the front door.

  Never expecting to see who was on the other side.

  I couldn’t miss her birthday.

  I hadn’t missed one since her birth. I didn’t care that we hadn’t spoken in months. I didn’t care that we didn’t end things on good terms. I didn’t care that I was probably going to make things a lot fucking harder for the both of us.

  Nothing else mattered but her.

  I softly knocked on the door, making sure that it was late enough that everyone would be gone or sleeping. Lily was a night owl, always had been. She opened the door, stunned that I was standing in front of her.

  “Happy birthday, Kid.”

  She immediately burst into tears, jumping into my arms and wrapping her legs around me.

  “Shhh… shhh…” I coaxed, rubbing her back to soothe her. “Shhh…” I repeated until her breathing evened out, and all I heard was her sniffle.

  “What are you doing here?” she wept, looking at me but still not letting me go.

  “Where are your parents?”

  “They’re doing it in their room.”

  I laughed and she smiled.

  God, I fucking missed that smile.

  I carried her inside the house because I didn’t want to let her go. I closed the door with my foot and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom, closing and locking that door as well. I placed her gift on the floor and set her on the bed.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered, tears forming in her eyes again.

  “No… come on now. I’m here. No more crying.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Where else would I be, sweet girl?”

  She smiled and it lit up her entire room.

  “Did you have a good birthday?”

  “Better now. I’m so happy you’re here.”

  “Kid, I’m so sorry about—”

  “No,” she interrupted. “I don’t want to talk about that. Not right now. We can talk about it tomorrow or the next day, or whenever, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. Please.”

  I nodded. “I got you something.” I reached for my gift and handed it to her.

  “What is it?”

  I laughed. “Open it and you’ll find out.”

  “You didn’t have to get me anything, you being here is enough.”

  “Lily, when someone hands you a gift all you have to do is say thank you.”

  She tore it open and lifted the box. “Oh my God!” she exclaimed. “I’ve wanted these! How did you know?” She grabbed the cowboy boots and instantly put them on.

  “I saw you looking at them when we were in Ohio. I ordered them online.”

  “You even got the right size!” She pranced around the room.

  “Don’t look so surprised. I know everything about you, Kid.”

  She beamed. “I love them. Thank you!” She hugged me and then placed them neatly in her closet. “I still can’t believe you’re here.” She sat down next to me again and I grabbed her hand, setting it in my lap.

  “How’s school? Is it really hard? I bet California is beautiful. Ale
x says it’s amazing.”

  I could tell she was nervous. “I’ll take you there one day,” I simply stated.

  “Promise?”

  I kissed her hand, nodding again.

  We sat there for hours talking about everything and nothing. I loved being there with her. I didn’t think about what was going to happen tomorrow. All that mattered was that we were together, after months of thinking of nothing but her. She was finally in front of me and I couldn’t have been happier.

  “When do you leave?”

  “I should be leaving soon. It’s near two am.”

  She frowned.

  “Stay with me.”

  “Kid…”

  “My parents sleep like the dead and with my mom… well, you know. They don’t get up till late. As long as you leave by eight, we will be fine.”

  I took a deep breath.

  “Please. It’s my birthday, you have to do what I want.”

  “Your birthday is over.”

  “Not in California and that’s where you’re from so it’s still my birthday there.”

  I laughed, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, Kid, I can’t. It’s one thing to stay when you’re parents aren’t home, but it feels wrong to do it right under their noses.”

  She sighed. “Let’s go somewhere then.”

  “Where?”

  “Anywhere. I’ll go anywhere with you.”

  I couldn’t say no to her so I grabbed her hand and drove us down to the beach, Lily grabbed a blanket and a pillow before we left. We walked around for a while, our feet in the water and the full moon above us.

  “Come on.”

  I pulled her behind me as we walked up the beach into an abandoned house I had seen a few times in passing.

  “Whose house is this?”

  “It’s abandoned. I’ve never seen anyone in this house. It’s been sitting empty for years.”

  I shoved open the door and to our surprise there were already blankets, pillows, food, and water right in front of us. I lit the candles on the floor and grabbed one to use as a light.

  “Hello,” I called out. “Stay here.”

  She looked at me like I was crazy.

  I chuckled. “It’s not dark in here, Lily.”

  She looked around the room, the soft lighting only accenting the terrified glare in her eyes.

  “Stay behind me. Do you understand?”

  She fervently nodded. I grabbed the pocketknife I usually carried on me and checked the house to make sure we were really alone. The house had stuff in it for a reason, I figured they might be squatters, but nobody was there, at least not tonight. Lily was pretty much attached to my back and I couldn’t help myself. I spun before she saw it coming.

  “Boo!”

  She screamed bloody murder and I laughed my ass off.

  “You asshole! I almost peed my pants,” she said, trying hard not to laugh.

  “Come here. I’ll make it better.” I pulled her toward me and kissed her softly, then begrudgingly let her go.

  “I wonder who’s been using this place. It’s beautiful,” she said as she laid the blanket on the floor, placing the pillow on top of it. I took off my shirt to just sleep in my shorts, and she did the same thing she did the last time we slept together, she grabbed my shirt and used it as PJs. I blew out the candles and pulled her toward me as close as I could, wanting to mold us into one person. She laid on my chest in the crook of my arm, and I slept on the pillow.

  “I miss this. I miss this more than anything. I have never felt as safe as I do when I’m in your arms, Jacob. It’s like everything just goes away… how do you do that? How do you make everything go away?”

  I kissed her head.

  “I know you love me,” she stated out of nowhere, catching me completely off guard. “You prove it time and time again with your actions. Words are cheap... you can tell anyone you love them, but proving it… that takes effort. You’ve loved me ever since I could remember.”

  “Lily…”

  “I know you, too. I think you forget that.” She was tracing hearts on my chest with her fingers. “I love you, and I don’t care if you ever say it back to me because I know in my heart that it’s real. That what we have is real. That the love you have for me is real. I can see it, I can feel it, and as much as I want to hear you say it. At the end of the day… I already know that the truth lies in your actions.”

  I held her tighter, taking in her words, and it didn’t take long for her breathing to even out. I didn’t sleep a minute that night, and I tried to tell myself it was because of where we were and how dangerous it was, but it wasn’t.

  It was the first night that I actually stopped seeing Lily as a child…

  It was the first time I saw her as a woman.

  A woman I was head over heels in love with.

  He left the next morning.

  The only thing that kept me from breaking down when I watched him leave was that I knew we would start talking again.

  It gave me hope…

  For the future.

  It had been a little over a month since my family had visited. We were eating breakfast when Jacob’s phone rang.

  “This is Jacob,” he answered. “I’m good, just eating some breakfast. How are you?”

  I couldn’t hear the person on the other end, but Jacob’s face quickly turned serious.

  “Right… of course, I understand that. I have been going over some figures the last few weeks, and I think it’s a good idea if we sat down and discussed it.”

  I frowned and mouthed, “Everything ok?”

  He nodded, the expression on his face not changing. This was lawyer Jacob, the person I hadn’t met yet.

  “I’ll have my secretary send over all that information, and as soon as I have things worked out here, I’ll have her send my flight information as well. After that, we can figure out a date for the meeting.”

  Flight?

  “I’ll also have her cc the partners and we can come up with a date that works for everyone, but the sooner the better, Carl. Yes, you too. Bye.” He hit end and placed his cell phone on the table.

  I waited for a few minutes hoping he would share what that was all about, but he didn’t. I even gave him the stare down, thinking he would get the hint to spill it. His silence tore into my insecurities of the past just a little bit. It’s not like I knew what his plans were. I stood up from the table with my plate, more annoyed than anything and went to the kitchen. I didn’t want to ask him what was going on, I just wanted him to tell me. To include me.

  Simple as that.

  To finally include me in his life without me having to say something or constantly ask. Well, I’ll show him, two can play at that game.

  I started to wash the dishes when I felt him come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, turning me to face him. He grabbed my chin, making me look at him. Placing his arms on my shoulders, caging me in the only way he could.

  “Say it,” he demanded with a shit-eating grin on his face.

  I shrugged, not wanting to give him an inch. I knew I was being a child, but I didn’t care. After all we had been through he should just know. It was a given.

  “You know, Kid, for someone who says they’re an adult, you sure know how to act like a child sometimes.” He half-laughed.

  My eyes widened in shock, playing it up a little. I never wanted to punch him in the face more than I did at that moment for finding the situation funny.

  “Do I need to provoke you to get the truth? Is it working?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed again, shaking his head and kissing my forehead. “It’s been six months since I’ve been here.”

  I knew that. I had been counting down the days till he left me again.

  “Before I found you, Lily. All I did was work. It was my whole life.”

  “What about your manwhore status?” I threw at him.

  He pursed his lips, surprised that it had taken me that long to ask him about that.
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  “Nobody mattered but you. It’s always been you, baby,” he responded, not elaborating any further.

  “You always seem to say the right things, Jacob,” I replied, rolling my eyes.

  “Are you trying to have an argument right now? Is that what’s going on?”

  I scoffed, ducking my head to slide out of his arms. He let me go without a fight.

  “You’re being an asshole!” I yelled, walking into the living room.

  He followed, leaning against the wall in that Jacob sort of way. I call it his asshole stance. Probably one he uses in the courtroom to intimidate people.

  “What?” I shouted, annoyed but also amused that he was treating me like I was on the stand.

  “I just wanted to have front row seats to the temper tantrum of a lifetime, Kid, you may proceed.”

  “Temper tantrum? That’s what you think this is?” I laughed.

  “No. I know that’s what this is.”

  “I’m sorry that you still haven’t changed. I’m just supposed to accept it, right?”

  He rubbed his fingers back and forth over his mouth, clearly amused with my banter.

  “Just go, Jacob, go back home to your lawyer life, I’ll stay here. We will see each other when we can. Maybe have some phone sex, some late night booty on Skype. Okay? I know you have to go back to work, I know you have a life over there, an apartment, a career, I get it alright! You’re old and mature and got your shit together. It sure as hell doesn’t mean I have to fucking like it.”

  “I see,” he replied, trying so hard not to smile.

  I put my hands up in the air in front of me. “That’s all you have to say? I see?”

  He pushed off the wall and headed to my bedroom. I watched him walk away and I was about to follow and give him hell, but he came back before I had the chance. He sat on the armchair, hunched over with his elbows on his knees, a piece of paper hanging in his hands.

  “You know, Kid, if you want to start bringing up the past every time you overhear something you don’t like, then the longevity of our lives together will most definitely be rough. You know I like it rough, baby, but I for one don’t want to live like that. Do you?”