by Ivory B.
I Love You Enough to Let You Go
Ty walked into the house from a late night at the office. For her returning to work seemed to be the only thing to salvage the little bit of sanity she had left. There were times Ty would literally go into Ky’s room and breakdown. It was the not knowing that was torture. No one knew where Ky was and all Ty could do every day was pray that she was kept safe and sound. When Ty pulled into the driveway she spotted Nice’s Range so she knew he was home yet the house was eerily quiet. Walking into the living room she found Nice sprawled out on the couch fast asleep, his handsome face was etched with stress even in his sleep. He looked overly tired and Ty was happy he was getting a little bit of sleep although she knew it wouldn’t be for long. Nope; every night since Ky had been gone Nice would hit the streets in search of her only to return in the wee hours of the morning empty handed.
Ty took him all in; he was fully clothed in a retro throwback Polo sweater with the Polo teddy bear on the front, distressed denim jeans, with a pair of fresh wheat colored Timbs adorning his feet. His head was slouched to the side and his mouth was slightly agape. Leaning in Ty placed a tender kiss on his lips. Nice flinched, instinctively opening his eyes and offered up a weak but genuine smile with both his eyes and lips. He snatched his phone off his hip looking at the screen making sure he hadn’t slept through a call informing him about Ky’s whereabouts.“Was’sup pretty girl?” Ty blushed as she caught him eyeing her in her work attire. Nice eyed her hungrily in her dress pants, the pants clung loosely to her hips and thighs showing off the curvaceousness of a vixen but still embodying the classiness of a corporate exec. His sexual thoughts were interrupted by what had really been on his mind for a while especially when he looked into her eyes at times and saw sadness.
“C’mere let me holla at you for a second,” Nice held out his hand scooting over so she could join him on the couch. Ty wasted no time kicking off her heels and climbing on the couch beside him. She wrapped her arms around him and stuffed her face in his sweater inhaling his scent while squeezing tightly as if he were a life sized teddy bear. Nice held onto her tight as well making her feel safe and loved. From the way Ty was clinging onto him he could tell this whole situation was taking a toll on her. She didn’t have to say a word he could see it in her eyes every night when he left the house in search of Ky. There was an uneasy silence between them as Ty waited for Nice to address the issue at hand. She couldn’t help but feel anxious as her heart beat rapidly.
“When I was little my momz was out there heavy, she was always on one,” Nice said taking a deep breath. Ty listened intently it wasn’t every day that he talked about the part of his childhood before being adopted by Los’ parents. As a matter of fact he was really standoffish about it and Ty understood, so she never pressured him to tell her anymore than he had.
The expression on his face looked as if he had transformed back to that young helpless child seeing things he shouldn’t have at his age. “We never had food in the house, as a lil kid I was always dusty, dirty, and hungry. My mother used to take off on crack binges for days at a time and every time she left she would promise to come right back with food, toys, or whateva else she could think of that sounded good. I used to believe her. I was a kid and didn’t know any better, I had so much faith in her, my brother though he knew better. Kyndle was always cold towards her as I got older I understood why.
Growing up I saw different men running in and out of my momz room, hearing her tricking off for cash or crack, I guess it kinda made me look at her in a different light. I even walked in on her one day…saw her on her knees sucking off some random fat white dude. She didn’t even care to stop just kept doing her,” Nice shook his head with disappointment. “I can still smell burning flesh every time I think about how she would sit up in the living room on our nasty, floral, ripped up couch taking hits from a crack pipe. Like on some real shit her fingers really burning and she was too far gone to even care.
Once she started up on that heir’ron though it was a wrap. Me and Kyndle would come home from school and find her nodding off on the couch with a needle still in her arm. Then like Kyndle I started to really despise my own mother. I saw her as weak cause she couldn’t kick her drug habit. A liar cause she made endless promises that she never kept. A whore cause she sold herself for money and drugs. I started seeing all women in the same light, weak, Hoe’s, liars and Bitches that would do any and everything to get what they wanted out of a nigga. And for the most part I treated them accordingly. When I started messing with Mia on everything I thought she was different but as time went by she personified every negative stereotype I had of women. It was crazy because she started to remind me of the very things I hated about my momz. I got caught up and Ky came soon after. That lil girl though is the best part of me and I’ll admit this to you…I didn’t even want her at first. I was scared; I didn’t know shit about being a father I didn’t even know my own father. She saved me though, slowed me down when I needed it. I was out here speedin through life running through bitches probably faster then I was running through bread, beefin wit dudes left and right, living real reckless. I swore that she would never have to go through what I been through as a kid. It’s ironic that she going through the same shit anyways.” Nice took a deep breath sounding stressed. Ty gave a slight squeeze to show her support and love. He looked her in the eyes as she lay on his chest looking up at him.
“I wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I knew from jump you wasn’t like all the other chicks I was used to. You told me no when I was used to hearing yes. Even called me out sayin even if I didn’t mess with your cousin before you would never fuck wit me cause I was too disrespectful to women.” Ty chuckled as she thought back on that conversation.
“I wanted you bad even after you shut me down repeatedly I pursued.” Nice looked at Ty and smiled weakly. “We shared that night, I caught feelings somethin crazy and I knew you did too but you made me chase. Even when you had a man I still wasn’t deterred. My persistence paid off though cause you here with me, I finally got you…but at what cost? I mean you been through so much drama to be with me. I know this ain’t what you signed up for ma. I can’t help but feel responsible for all the shit you been through. I got you beefin with ya own peoples, I got crazy baby mama drama, so much so that it had you stressin to the point you lost our seed.” Nice voice cracked before he could continue. “Things shouldn’t have went down like that. Your first time being pregnant and the baby’s just gone. I know if it wasn’t for all the B.S that was going on you wouldn’t have lost our child. That’s why I love you but I love you enough to let you go rather than see you get hurt anymore,” Ty blinked rapidly trying to hold back tears stunned at his words. Her ears were on fire and her heart rate sped up. “Let me go?” Ty asked in a whisper her voice riddled with hurt. Ty shook her head defiantly as silent tears ran down her face. “No, I’m not letting you go don’t let me go, don’t let me go,” Ty cried taking her arms from around his chest and replacing them around his neck as she pulled herself in tighter burying her face in his neck. Nice wrapped his arms around her and held her even tighter as he closed his eyes and thanked a higher power that Ty wasn’t taking this opportunity to run for the hills. He knew a lot of chicks would’ve been thrown in the towel a long time ago. That’s why he couldn’t be selfish; he had to give Ty the option of making a clean break because he loved her that much. “Ty I’m not letting you go, I’m not goin nowhere.” Ty lifted her face from his neck staring him in his eyes. He wasted no time cupping her face to stare her in her eyes as he said, “That’s my word Ty, I ain’t goin nowhere.” Ty sniffled trying to calm her breathing. “You promise through anything?” Ty asked. “Yeah, through anything baby, I love you,” Nice said sealing his statement with a short but sweet kiss.
Ty hoped he really meant what he said when he said through anything. Just as she was dozing off on his chest exhausted from the stress of Ky being gone, work, and that little heart to heart his phone wen
t off. “Shiiit Pebbz that’s Los.” Ty already knew the deal Los was outside and Nice was on his way out. “I’ll see you in a coupla hours,” Nice said sincerely wishing the circumstances were different and he could stay with her curled up on the couch all night. “Okay I love you, come back to me in one piece,” Ty said while standing on her tippy toes at the front door leaning into him. Nice kissed her one last time before she watched him go off into the night in search of Ky.
Miracles Do Happen
Lucky was coming from class feeling exhausted, she had a group project and she wasn’t feeling too thrilled about her partners already. Group assignments were never her thing you always had a few slackers and procrastinators in the group no matter what. And unfortunately your grade depended on the group, thus making your job much harder because you had to do your part and the slackers’ part as well. To add to her frustration in class when the group was exchanging their contact info to stay in touch throughout the project, everyone looked at her as if she were crazy when she said she didn’t have a Twitter account, and had a Facebook page that she hadn’t checked in god knows how long. “Well, how are we supposed to get in touch with you then?” The blonde haired bimbo of the group asked as if she were appalled at Lucky’s lackluster social media life. “Shoot me an email or text I’ll get it,” Lucky stated flatly and firmly not leaving any room for further discussion. The life Lucky lived wasn’t the type that permitted her personal life to be put on blast via the internet. Not to mention Los was extremely private in that manner, you could call him a dinosaur straight old school. He was a street nigga that had no parts of the new social media era. If you let him tell it the internet was evil, he claimed he done witnessed it turn real niggaz into bitches.
Lucky’s ringing phone snapped her out of stressing over her missing Niece and the upcoming group project and presentation that was due in less than two weeks. She took her eyes off the road to quickly glance at the number displayed on her phone screen. The number was blocked, unknown showed up as the phone continued to ring. Lucky frowned up her face and started not to pick it up initially being she never answered numbers that read private or unknown.
“Hello,” Lucky said with a hint of attitude putting her defenses up. “Auntie?” A child’s voice sang through the phone. Lucky’s eyes bulged and her heart leapt as if she just got finished running. She swerved and had to literally pull over to the side of the road before she wrapped up. “Ky! Kynah baby where are you?” Lucky said in a hyper tone. It had been almost a month since anyone had heard from Kynah or Mia. It was as if they disappeared off the face of the earth. “I don’t know,” Kynah answered honestly in the cutest childish voice with a hint of sadness. “Where’s my Daddy at? I wanna go home,” Kynah said abruptly. “Your Daddy’s looking for you. Everyone has been looking for you baby girl. Is Mia there with you?” “Noo she not here.” “Well is there any other adult there? Give them the phone hun so I can find out where you are and come get you.” “Okay!” Ky said excitedly. Lucky could hear Ky making her way to find someone to give the phone to. There was a lot of commotion in the background wherever Ky was at was jumping. There was far too much going on; kids screaming, dog barking and a television blaring. Lucky could hear the television getting louder, revealing someone was watching daytime soaps.
“The phone,” Lucky heard Kynah say faintly through all the ruckus in the background. “Who dis?” a voice boomed through the phone with no phone etiquette or patience whatsoever. “Hello this is Louchanna I’m…” Lucky was cut off mid sentence “Unh, unh I know yo ass ain’t playin on this phone callin 911!” “Hello! Hello!” Lucky screamed trying to get the woman’s attention who had taken the phone from her ear and put it to her hip as she stood staring down at Ky with both hands on her wide hips. Ky shook her head no. “Now who is dis?” the woman asked into the phone again a little calmer. “I’m Ky’s Aunt,” Lucky rushed out. “Oohh okay, well where is this child’s mother at? She left wit my daughter Trichelle over a week ago and ain’t leave no damn money behind or nothing to feed and take care of this child. Now as bad as it is I got my own grandbabies to take care of.” “I’ll come right over to pick her up when I get there I’ll compensate you for taking care of her. It’s not a problem, thank you for doing that.” The woman was at a loss for words for the first time being on the phone. “Well alright, she ain’t really no problem but you know what I’m sayin, your sista can’t be dropping her off and taking off like she did.” That trifling bitch ain’t my sister. Lucky thought but didn’t say, she had no idea what Mia had told this lady so she wanted to play it safe. “Yes I’m sorry about that. Now where did you say you stay?” “Franklin Houses baby, building D apartment 3C, if you have trouble finding the building ask anyone out here er'body know me. Ask where Mrs. Carolyn stay.” “Franklin Houses?” Lucky repeated “Uh where is that exactly?” The woman on the other end took the phone from her ear and looked at it as if Lucky was the dumbest person she ever spoke to. “The PJ’s in Jersey, Trenton” she said as in duh. “Oh, oh yeah” Lucky played along as if she knew. “I’m on my way now, tell Ky I’ll be there in a little bit,” Lucky hung up anxiously plugging the address into the navigation system. She got off the next exit and changed directions heading North to Jersey.
Lucky pulled into the projects turning heads, she was getting suspicious glares by residence and hustla’s alike. She couldn’t help but feel a little nervous as she stopped the car preparing to get out. Building D was nowhere in sight; the numbers and letters had long deteriorated and fell off the brick exterior of the buildings. Lucky scanned the street and spotted a dude posted up against a new shiny Benz. He had the air about him as if he ran shit out here. Cockiness was written all over his face along with lust in his eyes as Lucky approached him. He was hella confused, he knew this dime wasn’t coming through in this big boy Benz coppin but then again anything was possible. “Excuse me do you know where Ms. Carolyn stay?” Lucky asked. “Who you?” “A friend of hers you wouldn’t know me but maybe you know my husband Los.” The dude stared at Lucky for a long minute, as Lucky prayed Los name really rang as loud as she thought it did. “Who Los? Philly Los?” He asked eyeing the car spotting the Pennsylvania plates. “Yeah Los,” Lucky confirmed. “Hell yeah that’s mah dude,” he gave Lucky the side eye, “He know you out here?” Lucky pursed her lips together and put her hand on her hip. “No why?” She responded with genuine Philly chick attitude. Lucky watched as a slow smile spread across his lips before he licked them. “Ayo bring ole girl over to Ms. Carolyn spot and make sure not one hair on her head is touched,” he ordered a dude who was standing off to the side. “Go head you good, don’t worry about ya whip its straight right here.” The chief of the projects stated. “Good lookin out,” Lucky said before following after the goon who was leading the way.
Lucky knocked on the front door hard trying to make sure her knocks were heard over the loud television from inside. “I’m comin, I’m comin!” The door swung open for Lucky’s eyes to bestow a older woman standing in the doorway with shiny gold metallic stretch pants, semi sheer cheetah shirt, two toned blonde and black lace front wig with the baby hair and to top it all off gold lipstick with the matching gold high top Reeboks, the definition of a hot ass mess.
“I’m here for Kynah.” “Come on in,” Carolyn said waving Lucky into the apartment before returning her attention back to the phone she had cradled between her ear and shoulder blade. “Unh huh, yesss! Girl did you see that? Lucinda is a bad bitch! Oh it’s back on I’ma call you back when it’s on commercial. Go head she somewhere back there playin wit the rest of them kids,” Carolyn called over to Lucky before turning her attention back to the television.
Lucky’s eyes traveled around the small cluttered living space. Housekeeping wasn’t on Carolyn’s list of priorities nor was babysitting; these kids were watching themselves while she watched TV. Lucky made her way down a narrow hall passing the galley styled kitchen where she couldn’t help but be nosey and peek in. The kitche
n was nasty to keep it ahunnit and simple. The dishes were packed high in the sink and on the countertops. The roaches had gone wild like white girls at a house party crawling everywhere, countertops, dishes, cabinets and even on the fridge. Lucky was appalled and it’s not like she’d never seen roaches before, shit Lucky was South Philly born and raised. Growing up she had her own share of roaches however, they were kept to a minimal because Matoo kept a clean house.