Alluring Turmoil

by Skye Turner

  I sigh because I know he’s right, but I also know it’s too late. I’m already so completely enraptured with Jude that if he leaves me, I’m going to break. And this time… this time I won’t recover.

  Erik is watching me the entire time and can read me like a book. He knows exactly what just went through my head. “Ok then. Just be careful.” He sighs too. “So, what did you come out here to talk to me about?”

  I look at him from under my lashes as my cheeks darken and I bite my lip. It’s a nervous habit and one I wish I could break. “Jude asked me to go to rehearsal with him tonight and then out to dinner. I told him I’d have to make sure you were ok with closing, we were fully staffed, and that I’d let him know.”

  “You want to go?”

  “Yeah, I do. I haven’t seen him rehearse since, well, before. And dinner would be nice. But only if it’s ok with you. I’m not going to just abandon you because he’s back in town for a few days.”

  “Yeah… about that. Apparently, he’s in town for more than a few days. But, Lex, if you want to go, then go. I’m not going to tell you no. I’ll be fine here. Thursday nights are usually quiet, so we’ll be fine. I can close up.”

  I frown a little as I realize what he just said. “What do you mean he’s not just here for a few days?”

  “Well, Alec, the guy from last night,” he blushes, “is a realtor and he’s actually been working with Jude to find a place here. A place to buy.”

  “Like to live? Here?” I’m biting my lip so hard now, it’s a wonder I still have skin left.

  “According to Alec, yes. He wants to tour, but he wants to build a recording studio and record all of their albums here, in Baton Rouge. He’s ready to be home some of the time is what he’s told Alec.”

  Whoa. That’s a lot to process. “Ok then. Well anyway, if you’re sure it’s ok, I’m going to go tonight. Maybe he’ll mention his plans to move back to me then.”

  The next few hours pass quickly since we’re busy. I have to refill the bakery display rack several times and a large order from the Capitol comes in for this weekend’s session.

  At 4:30PM, my phone buzzes with a text.

  “Sexy Rock God

  Am I picking you up?

  Do I need to buy you more panties?”

  I read the text and laugh as my cheeks heat. I think for a second before I reply.

  “Lex

  Yes, if you still want to, you’re picking me up.

  Ready when you are.

  ‘Sexy Rock God’, really? Ego much?

  And yes, you owe me a pair of panties. Those were my favorite pair!”

  I wipe down the tables as I hum along to The Civil Wars playing over the speakers and wait for Jude to get here.

  A few minutes later, another text comes through.

  “Sexy Rock God

  Be there in 10.

  Hope you’re ok with the bike.

  Yes ‘Sexy Rock God’. Don’t believe me? Just ask your BFF.

  I’ll bring you a present. Can’t have you messing up my leather seat. ;)”

  I laugh again and see Erik watching me with a slight smile on his face. I blow him a kiss. He pretend catches it and tucks it to his heart before winking at me and taking the next order.

  I send one more reply.

  “Lex

  Bradi is insane. I listen to nothing she says.

  I like presents.

  And just think of it as ‘conditioning your seat’ ;)”

  I wait for a reply, but nothing comes.

  Eight minutes later, I see Jude’s bike pull up and I run to my office to grab my purse and blow Erik another kiss as I’m walking out the door. “I’ll text you later. See you at home.”

  “Have fun, love. Be safe!”

  I greet Jude at his bike and he looks so sexy straddling it, I grab his shirt and plant a hard, fast kiss on his lips, slipping my tongue in his mouth to brush against his for just a second, before slinging my leg over the bike, wrapping my arms around his waist, and holding on tight.

  He turns to smile, as he hands me a helmet, revs the engine, and grabs my exposed thigh before calling, “You ready for the ride, baby?” He takes off fast.

  All I can do is hang on.

  Jude

  I just saw her a few hours ago. Hell, I just touched her a few hours ago, but as soon as she walks out of the door, her shapely hips swaying under her skirt, and the knowledge that she isn’t wearing panties… my heart lifts up… so does something else, but my heart lifts almost out of my chest. It’s not normal for one woman to have so much power over my emotions. Not normal at all.

  It takes us about fifteen minutes to get from Java and Sweeties to the River Center, where tomorrow night’s concert is being held. Traffic was always a bitch in Baton Rouge and it seems as if the population has tripled while the streets have shrunk since the last time I was home. We get there safely with only a few foul words being exchanged with other drivers and I pull around to the back.

  I park the bike and help Lexi off, trying to shield her crotch from the roadies unloading the buses, who are already noticing her shirt clinging to her breasts and back in the sultry Louisiana heat.

  She takes the helmet off and shakes her head, trying to give some semblance of order to her long wavy auburn hair. It looks like she just crawled out of bed after a session of good loving.

  She makes me want to blow off this rehearsal and drag her to the nearest private spot I can find and bury myself in her. I tell myself I’m not rushing. We have all the time in the world, so instead I take her hand and we go into the blessed coolness of the air conditioned arena.

  I’d forgotten how intense the Louisiana heat and humidity can be, even in September.

  We make our way to the dressing room designated for Bayou Stix. I entwine her fingers with mine to stake some kind of claim as we walk down the hallway, since every man is staring at her as if she’s a cool drink of water in the middle of the desert.

  It makes me feel good that she’s with me and they’re looking, but at the same time, I don’t want anyone to look. I just got her back; I want to place her in a bubble away from curious and leering eyes.

  Just outside the dressing room door I pull her to a stop, and she looks at me expectantly. I press her back against the door, wrap her hair around my hands, and hold her face still for me as I claim her mouth. This kiss is not as gentle as the one we shared in the kitchen of Java and Sweeties, but then again, it’s not meant to be. It’s not rough either. It’s a kiss of passion and possession. A kiss to show everyone that while they may be able to look, they cannot touch. This woman is mine.

  Once I’ve thoroughly claimed her mouth and have her breathless and looking well-loved, I break the kiss; though I’m a bit short of breath too, and push open the door.

  The other members of the band look up at the intrusion and notice I brought company. They all share looks of shock as they glance at each other and from me to Lexi. I smile. “Lex, you remember the guys, right? Jessie, Dade, Liam, and Cruz. Guys, you remember, Lexi?”

  Their mouths pop closed and their features return to normal. Jessie and Dade jump up and come over to us with big smiles and reach for Lexi. Liam nods at her before leaning back on the wall, looking disinterested. Cruz smiles shyly at us.

  Jessie and Dade take turns giving her hugs and both talk at once.

  “Heya, Lexi. How are you, beautiful? You were always a beauty, but man time has certainly been kind to you! Turn around. Let me get the full effect!” Jessie states as he twirls his finger in a circle and checks her out, looking her up and down.

  “Hey, beautiful! Give me a hug. Good to see you again. Time has been oh so kind to you. You’re ravishing.” Dade picks Lexi up and swings her around as he kisses her cheek.

  “Hey, Lexi. It’s good to see you again. This is an unexpected, but nice surprise. Glad to see you back with Jude,” Cruz murmurs quietly from the couch. Behind his drums, on stage, in his element, he’s a God, but around people, he’s
shy and timid.

  Lexi giggles and hugs them back, taking an extra second to smile at Cruz. Jessie grabs her again and pulls her in for another hug. Reaching for her waist, I pull her from Jessie, and tuck her against my side.

  “Jessie, if you want to be able to play the bass tomorrow night, you’ll kindly keep your hands off of my woman,” I growl.

  At that statement, five pairs of eyebrows raise and all turn towards me. Jessie grins and throws his hands up while Dade belts out a laugh; Liam drops his chin and smirks, and Cruz just smiles at me.

  I look at Lexi and she’s staring at me as if she doesn’t know what she just heard. Her eyebrows are still raised and her mouth is slightly open.

  I can’t help it; I lean in and swipe my tongue into her mouth, before giving her a hard kiss on those moist red lips. I don’t know where that came from. The guys would never make a move on Lexi, but I had to let them know I’m serious about her.

  My cards are on the table.

  “You assholes ready to rock? Let’s go. Lex, you can hang here or follow us out. You can really do whatever you want to do, but the best view is from the side stage, and I’d like for you to watch us warm up and rehearse.”

  She just stands there, so I take her hands and motion the guys out of the room. “You ok?” She nods her head yes. “Are you coming with me?”

  “Yes, Jude. I’m coming with you,” she replies softly.

  We walk towards the stage hand in hand.

  Chapter Ten

  Lexi

  His woman. Jude just basically beat his chest and claimed me. He called me his woman.

  This is nuts. Yesterday, I was just me, just Lexi. I was successful and single. I had Erik, Bradi, Micah, and work. Jude pops up and I thought we hated each other. Last night was, well it was horrid, but today… OMG today! Am I hallucinating? Maybe I’m still asleep and this isn’t really happening. Maybe this is a dream. If this isn’t real, please God don’t let me wake up. Jude just claimed me as his woman. It’s almost like we never parted…

  I stand at the right side of the stage with a couple of roadies and sound technicians as another roadie runs to find me the chair Jude demanded he get for me. I watch as the guys pick up their instruments and start to warm up.

  I can’t take my eyes off of Jude. This is his element. He grabs the microphone stand and moves his head from side to side to stretch his neck, before dropping down into a few squats to limber up his legs. This causes his jeans to tighten over his strong thighs and his perfect ass. I can’t move my eyes.

  It’s as if my eyes are lasers and his ass is the target. He looks over his shoulder and catches me staring. He winks and jumps up on his toes a few times.

  Jessie calls out, “Hey, we doing the normal warm up?” with his brows raised in question.

  Jude looks at me and calls back, “Yes. Stick with it. Best range coverage that way, so yeah, usual warm-up.” Our eyes are still locked, and as the first strains of Jessie’s bass float out, Jude starts to sing. His body is facing the empty arena, but his head is facing me and his eyes are interlocked with mine.

  My brain suddenly wraps around the song choice.

  This is the usual warm up song? He’s still looking at me as the first verse of My Heart Was Red streams through the empty arena strong and clear.

  This is my song… This is the first song Jude ever wrote for me. His gravelly voice reaches straight into my heart and reclaims its ownership.

  My knees go weak and I feel lightheaded. Just then, the roadie returns with a chair and I gratefully sink into it. As my rear touches the seat, Jude smiles and turns to face the sound tech on the floor as he continues to sing.

  I lay my head back and close my eyes, just taking his voice in.

  “I walked alone; all alone,

  always alone, like I was made of stone

  even in a crowd I was always alone

  alive but not living

  until the day broke and my heart was red.”

  Hearing the chorus brings me back to the first time he sang it for me…

  Lexi

  9 years ago

  It’s hot tonight. It’s 11:30 and it’s still at least eighty five degrees out here.

  It’s August in Louisiana, so the temperature is not unusual. But the humidity is making it feel like it’s the middle of the day.

  A bunch of us are at a bonfire behind the levee trying to get in a few more carefree days before school starts in a couple of weeks. We’re a mix of those still attending high school and those who recently graduated, but haven’t started college yet. We’re on the river, but there’s no breeze.

  It’s really too hot for a fire, but without it, it would be too dark to see. There are no lights out here. It’s just the levee, the river, the trees, and an occasional barge passing by.

  Someone has their truck door open and the radio on, so we have music. People are spread out everywhere on tailgates, blankets, fallen trees, or just in the grass or sand.

  Most people are drinking. Wine coolers, beer, and Boone’s cheap wine are the most popular choices.

  I’ve had two wine coolers and a glass of Boone’s Strawberry Hill; add that to the oppressive heat, and I’m pretty buzzed.

  The temperature is really getting to everyone, so people start to clear out around midnight. By 12:30, the only people left are Erik, Jude, and me.

  Jude has been playing his guitar and singing all night. A few girls have tried to talk to him, but he’s been in a strange mood the past month or so, and he didn’t take anyone up on their offers to keep him company. This pleases me.

  In two weeks, I’ll be a senior. Hunter was accepted to UCLA, and has already moved to California to get settled before the semester starts. We both agreed that the long distance thing wasn’t in the cards for us, so we ended on good terms back in June.

  Erik is going into business management at LSU. Jude has decided that college is not for him and he wants to focus on his music. So he’s recorded a few demos and has sent them off to various music producers.

  He’s good. No, he’s great. His voice is both gravelly and smooth like butter at the same time. It’s amazing. He’s amazing.

  Erik is tired and asks me if I’m ready to go since I rode here with him, but I’m buzzed and not ready to go home yet. I say I’ll stay as long as Jude can bring me home.

  Jude looks over at me with hooded eyes, then at Erik, shrugs, and says he’ll bring me home. He doesn’t mind.

  Erik packs up, kisses my head, and fist bumps Jude before heading to his car and saying he’ll catch up with us tomorrow and to be safe.

  Jude and I don’t talk, but we’re so used to each other, we don’t really need to. He’s sitting on the blanket with his back against a River Birch tree. I lie back on the blanket near his legs and stare at the stars, while I listen to him play.

  After about fifteen minutes of playing, Jude also starts to sing. I’ve never heard this song before, but it’s beautiful. My eyes drift shut as his voice soothes me. When the chorus comes around for the second time, I suddenly have a revelation… this song sounds like it’s about me…

  Is this song about me?

  I listen to Jude’s hypnotic voice and open my eyes again. The final chords fade… he’s staring at me.

  Our eyes remain locked for awhile, neither looking away. Both of us are barely breathing. The air suddenly feels charged. Jude audibly swallows.

  I sit up some, leaning on my elbows. “Jude?” I begin uncertainly. I try again. “Jude, can I ask you something?” My lips barely move, but he hears me.

  He looks from my eyes to my lips and back again before answering. “You can ask me anything, Lex.”

  “What’s the name of that song?”

  “It’s called My Heart Was Red.”

  I sit up a little more, which makes my breasts rise up. His eyes follow the movement and I can see he’s gritting his teeth. “Jude? Um… is-is that song about me? Did you write that song for me?”

  I hold my breat
h as I wait for his answer. I’m terrified now that I’ve put myself out there. I’m terrified he’ll say no… that I’m imagining things… projecting what I want to be instead of what truly is. But I’m also terrified he’ll say yes. Because if he says yes, everything will change…

  Jude looks into my eyes with those mesmerizing hazel eyes of his. He stares at me so hard and long, I think he’s not going to answer. Then, just as my heart is breaking and I’m closing my eyes to hide my pain and mortification from him, he answers in a whisper, “Yes, Lex. The song is about you. It’s always about you.”

  My eyes snap open, but I’m frozen in place. We stare at each other. Neither moving, just taking each other in. Everything he feels is suddenly visible in his eyes as he looks at me. I know my eyes mirror his.

  We reach for each other at the same time. I push his guitar down and climb into his lap as he pulls me up and over him.

  We remain this way for a long time, me on his lap with my legs straddling his. His hands are on my hips, holding me in place, as our faces are aligned and we stare into each other’s eyes, and breathe each other in with our mouths centimeters apart.

  Finally, thank you God, finally, Jude lowers his head and kisses me. It’s a gentle, exploratory kiss. At first he barely brushes his soft lips against mine. He kisses one corner of my mouth and then the other before returning to my lips.

  We kiss sweetly for awhile. Just a gentle brushing of lips with him pressing light kisses all over my face. He kisses my mouth, my eyes, my nose, and my forehead, before he returns and softly caresses my lips again.

  I love the way he’s kissing me, cherishing me, but dammit… I want more! I squeeze his hips with my thighs and stand on my knees, better aligning our mouths and open my mouth, sweeping my tongue against the seam of his lips. He opens his mouth to grant me access. I immediately run my tongue over and around his, making sure to explore every surface of his mouth, before gently sucking on his tongue.