Being of the Field

by Traci Harding

  ‘…a queer?’

  Zeven shook his head to assure her that that was not what he was going to say. ‘…for someone who is trying to steal my girl.’

  ‘Technically she wasn’t yours at the time,’ she reminded him, regaining her humour. ‘And if I’m not mistaken, when we met that night at the bar you were trying to hit on me…’

  She had him there and it made him really uncomfortable. ‘What do you want…an apology? Why bring that up?’

  ‘You’re right, that was uncalled for,’ Kalayna said, coming nearer to explain. ‘What I was really seeking to know was…do you still find me attractive, Starman?’

  Now Zeven was even more annoyed. ‘Don’t tease me, Kalayna—’

  ‘I’m not teasing you,’ she confessed as her eyes filled with tears. ‘I’ve never felt this way about a man before and I don’t know what to do about it.’

  ‘Claiming to feel as you do about Aurora, how can you ask me about us?’ Zeven made it sound as if he was surprised at her, but in truth he’d been wondering if she harboured any secret feelings for him.

  ‘I know it makes me sound fickle and shallow, but when you’re around me, I feel like…there’s electricity between us,’ she blurted out, leaving herself wide open to rejection. ‘Tell me you don’t feel it and I’ll just drop the subject and never bring it up again.’

  ‘I think that is exactly what you should do,’ Zeven told her. She looked a little shattered and he felt like a coward when she’d been brave enough to put herself on the line. ‘Yes, I find you attractive. What man wouldn’t…’

  Her spirits soared with his confession.

  ‘…but I could not bring myself to betray Aurora in such a fashion.’ He stepped further away from her, and the look on her face was one of complete empathy. ‘I would only prove you right about me, and I’m not that kind of guy any more. I’m sorry, Kalayna, but it seems I have found my conscience.’

  Kalayna nodded and forced a grin. ‘I wonder if I have one sometimes. I wish I hadn’t brought it up at all. We’ve just started getting along and now it’s going to be…weird.’

  ‘Nah. We’ll get over it.’ And just to prove how wrong she was, he gave her a chummy hug. What he wouldn’t admit, not even to himself, was how good it felt to feel her in his arms. The electric connection Kalayna had spoken of was clear to him and had been ever since he’d healed her. ‘We make a good team.’ He let her go knowing he’d already savoured the embrace way too long.

  ‘We surely do.’ She sniffled back her emotion and smiled her genuine smile. ‘See you in the morning then.’

  He waited for the doors to close behind her before he covered his face with his hands and fell to his knees. ‘You numbskull!’ He wasn’t sure if he was cursing himself because Kalayna now knew how he felt about her, or because he’d let such a lush opportunity slip through his fingers! ‘Damn it, Aurora, wake up,’ he muttered under his breath. He needed a little reassurance that he was being a saint for good reason.

  On the way down to his quarters, he got the page from Kassa he’d been waiting for, and so quickly raced around to her medical chambers.

  ‘What’s happened?’ He burst into the recovery room to find Kassa adjusting the feeds that were running into Aurora’s still-unconscious form.

  ‘She stirred just a moment ago,’ Kassa informed him with a smile, ‘and she was calling for you.’

  She heard me. Zeven boggled at the news, a little disappointed that he’d missed her brief awakening.

  ‘It’s a very good sign that she is starting to emerge,’ Kassa said. ‘Coma patients rarely come immediately awake. They tend to drift in and out for a while…as you would when stirring from such a long sleep.’

  ‘Like coming out of stasis.’ Zeven was encouraged and took a seat at Aurora’s bedside.

  ‘She may not stir again tonight,’ Kassa told him.

  ‘I want to be here if she does.’ He gripped Aurora’s hand so that she might know he was there. ‘Could you do me a favour?’

  Kassa delayed her departure.

  ‘Could you ask Leal to give Kalayna a hand in the launch bay tomorrow morning?’ He knew Kalayna would think he was avoiding her, but perhaps that was for the best.

  ‘Sure thing, kiddo.’ She winked conspiratorially, and Starman had to wonder if she was reading his mind. ‘You get some sleep,’ she said as she departed.

  Zeven was being kissed over and over on the head and thought he was dreaming, until his sleep-time visions retreated into his subconscious and the kisses continued to flow.

  ‘Starman?’

  The sound of Aurora’s voice sent a wave of shocked relief through his being. He found himself lying across her chest, his head being stroked into wakefulness. He turned to see her smiling down at him, tears of joy in her eyes. ‘You came for me.’

  ‘I sure did.’ He hoisted himself up to kiss her forehead.

  ‘You saved me.’

  ‘I love you,’ he said, and could not hold back his tears of gladness at being able to finally say so.

  Aurora took hold of his face in both hands and kissed him with several years of pent-up passion.

  Zeven was so relieved not to have given in to his desires regarding Kalayna the night previous. He felt he was now sure where his heart truly lay and there would be no more confusion.

  Later that day, after Aurora had rested and been briefed on some of what had transpired during her coma, she felt compelled to speak with Kalayna.

  Her girlfriend entered in a rather more filthy state than Aurora had ever seen her.

  ‘Sorry,’ Kalayna shrugged, as she flashed her grease-covered hands, ‘but I’ve been working my butt off trying to make amends for what I did to you.’ She frowned in a plea for mercy.

  Aurora had been informed of Kalayna’s remorse and of her work for the project over the last week. Kalayna’s deep regret was evident in her humbled manner, which Aurora could hardly bear to watch.

  ‘No,’ Aurora said, shaking her head, tears in her eyes. ‘It is I who should apologise. I can’t say that I never would have got with Starman had I known you were on board, because I do love him—’

  ‘I know,’ Kalayna said sympathetically, as she moved to take a seat next to Rory.

  ‘I truly thought you had changed your mind when I couldn’t find you anywhere.’ Aurora took hold of her friend’s hands and squeezed them tight. ‘I’m so sorry I hurt you. What we had was very special to me…you inspired me with confidence in myself, and I cannot thank you enough for that.’

  ‘It’s okay.’ Kalayna hugged her, and they both burst into tears. ‘I was totally wrong about Starman. He’s a really amazing guy.’

  Aurora’s heart gave a little jolt. Had Zeven seduced Kalayna in her absence? ‘I thought you said all men were bastards and you’d never think otherwise?’

  Kalayna detected Aurora’s fear and sat back to reassure her. ‘I’d never met this crew then.’ She laughed at her own change of heart. ‘They’re all wonderful human beings…go figure. I got to do my dream job for a bit. I am really in your debt for that.’ Kalayna smiled, but Aurora had a feeling it was not completely sincere.

  ‘Although my place is now with Zeven, I hope we will remain good friends.’

  Kalayna nodded agreement, having a little trouble squeezing her words out. ‘Of course…I am really happy for the both of you.’ Kalayna stood to make an exit, seemingly afraid that her emotions might get the better of her. ‘I’d better get back. Leal’s waiting for me.’

  Rory was disconcerted…Kalayna seemed very accepting of their breakup, but that was good, right? ‘Cool.’

  ‘See you.’ Kalayna departed without further ado, leaving Aurora with an odd feeling that there was something she wasn’t being told.

  The Phemorian authorities, on detecting the ship in their airspace, made contact with AMIE and invited the vessel to dock in their capital port of Tonissia—which in Phemorian meant ‘twofold’ or ‘twin’. It was said that this related to the fact that
the capital had a twin city on the other side of the planet, but this explanation made little sense to Taren as Tonissia had been constructed first.

  They would be docking the next day, so Taren finally returned to her quarters to pack clothes for planet leave.

  That’s where Zeven sought her out. ‘I need to talk to you,’ he said, closing the door after entering.

  ‘What’s the problem?’ Taren asked, taking in his bemused appearance.

  ‘I’m confused,’ he announced, as he collapsed onto the lounge.

  ‘About what?’ Taren went on with her packing.

  ‘How can I have fallen deeply in love with two different women at the same time?’

  His answer got Taren’s full attention and she moved to take a seat on the lounge opposite him. ‘Spill it,’ she invited, and Zeven was happy to oblige.

  When all was said, it was Taren looking bemused.

  ‘So, ever since Aurora woke I’ve been avoiding her because I fear making Kalayna feel bad, and avoiding Kalayna, for fear Aurora will get the wrong impression! I’m going insane trying to choose, and what’s most frustrating is that I have two women in love with me and I’m still not getting laid!’

  His dramatics made Taren laugh, but she toned down her amusement when he gave her the evil eye. ‘Sorry. If you want my advice, and I assume you do…Just be honest with them both. Send them your love and goodwill—’

  ‘But that’s what got me in this mess in the first place!’ Zeven wasn’t satisfied, and stood up in protest. ‘If I’d just stayed mad at Kalayna, I wouldn’t be in this predicament.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t,’ Taren agreed. ‘Kalayna would be dead and you’d have to tell Aurora how your hatred killed her.’

  Zeven frowned. ‘You’re right, that would be worse.’ He took a seat once more.

  ‘Besides, from what you’ve told me, your hatred of Kalayna was your way of denying and hiding your attraction, just as you did with Aurora for some time.’

  Zeven stared at Taren, hating it that she could read him like a book. ‘So who do I choose? The girl who taught me how to love and be selfless, or the girl with whom I have so much in common and feel an almost electric connection to?’

  Taren could not answer that and he knew it. ‘When in doubt, trust in the universal process.’

  Zeven was clearly still very anxious.

  ‘You haven’t done anything wrong, Zeven. You cannot help how you feel. All you can do is be honest and forthright—’

  ‘Stalemate,’ he concluded with a heavy sigh.

  ‘Nothing stays the same forever,’ Taren pointed out, sorry that she couldn’t be of more help. ‘You’ve been so constructive in the way you’ve handled the challenges that have been thrown your way, that the universe is bound to reward you sooner or later.’

  With a smile of appreciation, he nodded. ‘Thanks for listening anyway.’ Zeven departed, seemingly no closer to a solution that would make him happy.

  Taren bit her lip, a little remorseful that her advice had led him into such a dilemma. It was still her best advice—positive intention always produced the desired result. She’d proven it over and over! ‘Dear Universe, help that boy out,’ she appealed to the cosmos. He was such a good soul, deep down, surely he deserved a little happiness.

  When Aurora hadn’t seen Zeven for over twenty-four hours and he failed to answer a ship-wide page, she knew for certain that he was avoiding her.

  ‘I am so sick of these games. Why tell me that he loves me, and then go out of his way not to see me?’

  She needed to get to the bottom of this mystery, and she had an idea that Kalayna had something to do with it.

  Kalayna had finished her work on the recon vessel’s propulsion system the previous day, and at this early hour of the morning Aurora knew she would find her in the cafeteria kitchen preparing breakfast.

  Aurora entered the all-but-empty eatery quietly, and as she approached the kitchen, she heard Kalayna weeping. ‘I thought you enjoyed your work here?’

  Kalayna gasped in fright, and quickly wiped the tears from her face. ‘Onions,’ she rattled off.

  ‘But you’re cutting bread.’ Aurora pointed out.

  ‘But I was cutting onions…before,’ she said, forcing a grin, and knowing full well that her tale was anything but convincing.

  ‘What’s going on with you and Starman?’ Aurora asked directly, so there was no avoiding the topic.

  ‘Nothing!’ Kalayna was clearly panicked by the question. ‘Why would you ask that?’

  ‘Because you’re both acting so strangely.’

  ‘Well,’ Kalayna shrugged, and went on with her slicing, ‘life’s been a little strange lately.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ Aurora was curious to hear more. ‘Do tell.’

  Kalayna drew a deep breath as if to steady welling emotions. ‘There’s nothing to tell.’

  Aurora was losing patience, so she decided to state what she suspected. ‘You seduced him, didn’t you?’

  ‘What?’ Kalayna clearly felt the suggestion was ludicrous. ‘No! We weren’t even talking until a couple of days ago.’

  ‘And then?’ Aurora challenged.

  ‘And then…nothing.’ Kalayna kept her eyes focused on what she was doing, although she was now hacking the bread to bits. ‘He loves you, Aurora. Any idiot can see that.’

  ‘Then why haven’t I seen him in the past twenty-four hours?’

  ‘You haven’t?’ Kalayna sounded almost heartened to hear this.

  ‘No, I haven’t.’ Aurora folded her arms, even more suspicious. ‘I know—’

  ‘Aurora. There you are,’ Zeven called from the cafeteria door. ‘Can we talk?’

  Aurora could have dropped dead where she stood. Zeven never wanted to talk. ‘Sure,’ she replied sweetly, turning back to catch Kalayna’s reaction.

  Her friend appeared uninterested and with a shrug urged Aurora to go.

  Aurora felt bad for her friend…not only had she broken Kalayna’s heart, she had made unfounded allegations about Kalayna as well. However, Aurora sensed a vibe that something was going on, and she headed out the door without an apology.

  ‘What’s on your mind?’ Aurora asked amiably as Zeven led her back to his quarters.

  ‘A whole lot,’ he emphasised, opening the door to his private space and motioning with both hands for her to enter.

  ‘Do you really want to talk?’ Aurora stopped halfway through the door to grin at him, believing ‘a talk’ was just an excuse to get her alone in his room.

  ‘I certainly do,’ he was sorry to say, but not as sorry as Aurora was… her dreams of a tender, passionate encounter were shattered. If Zeven wanted to talk, something was seriously wrong.

  ‘You don’t love me.’ As much as it hurt her to suggest it, she wanted to cut right to the chase.

  ‘Oh, I do,’ he assured her. ‘I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anyone.’

  Aurora was truly confused by his openness. ‘Then why the long face?’

  ‘Your love opened a floodgate,’ he said, once the door was closed. ‘I have done things in the past week that I never thought possible. I have changed at a core level—’

  ‘I can see that!’ Aurora was overwhelmed by his passion and candour.

  ‘And it was your love that did it. I want to tell you everything. No,’ he corrected himself, ‘I have to tell you everything, right now, or I’m going to burst!’

  ‘Better get on with it, before you blow something up,’ she said encouragingly as they sat down on the lounge together.

  Aurora experienced many different emotions during Zeven’s confession—all of them good. She boggled at his heroic feats and insights, and cried like a baby in empathy for all he’d been through on her behalf and Kalayna’s. She loved him more now for his frankness, honesty, and for all he’d done for love from the time he’d saved her life till this very moment. She’d never considered in her wildest dreams that Zeven would prove to have such emotional depth, nor the moral
fibre to explore his emotional dilemma before he had betrayed or hurt someone.

  ‘I didn’t want to lie or cause any more hurt, so you see, I had to tell you…I’m sorry,’ he concluded.

  Aurora blew her nose and wiped her eyes, hoping to compose herself. Zeven was very red-eyed himself and was fidgeting nervously as he awaited her reaction. ‘I do believe this is the bravest I’ve ever seen you—’

  Her strong emotions made her catch her breath and, inspired by his example she figured that it was time for honesty all round. ‘The truth of the matter is, I still love her too,’ Aurora said, standing up to pace about. She recalled finding her friend weeping in the kitchen earlier and it broke her heart. ‘Kalayna should know all this,’ she determined and Zeven nodded in agreement. Aurora sent a page to Kalayna, and was surprised to hear the tone of Kalayna’s communicator just outside Zeven’s chambers. Aurora and Zeven grinned at each other as he got up and opened the door.

  ‘Shit!’ Kalayna finally managed to hit the off switch. She turned in a fluster to find Zeven and Aurora with eyebrows raised watching her. ‘I was just on my way past, um, when I got your page. So, what’s up?’

  Once they had Kalayna behind closed doors, Zeven started the conversation. ‘I’ve told Rory everything.’

  ‘What! Everything?’ Kalayna jumped to the conclusion that Zeven was wanting to make her look the bad guy. ‘Look, I don’t know what he’s told you, but—’

  ‘He told me that he has very strong feelings for you, and you for him. Is that true?’ Aurora asked so amiably that Kalayna was confused by hope and delight.

  ‘Maybe?’ Kalayna shrugged, still not sure what was happening here. ‘But then, I still love you and I’ve missed you, so maybe my feelings are just being misplaced.’

  Zeven clicked his fingers. ‘That’s what I thought, at first. But then, when Aurora awoke I felt there should be no more confusion…’

  ‘…but there is,’ Kalayna realised, enlightened, and then sank back into confusion.

  ‘Look…I love both you guys. I don’t want to give either of you up,’ Aurora confessed openly, with joyful tears in her eyes. ‘You love each other and you love me, so…as far as I can see, we don’t have a problem.’ A mischievous smile formed as she looked from Kalayna, who gazed back astounded and grinning, to Zeven, who looked like he’d just won the intergalactic jackpot. ‘Okay then…’ Aurora slinked over to Zeven and, with a glance and a smile in Kalayna’s direction, she shoved him backwards onto his sleeping pod. ‘Let’s dance.’