Forgiven

by Karen Kingsbury

  “Remember that frog?” Cole squirmed as the cold gel hit his scalp. His shoulders hunched close to his ears.

  Ashley stepped back and raised an eyebrow at him. “We have lots of frogs in the backyard, Cole.”

  “No, Mom, this is the bestest one. The one with the three rows of bumps on his back.”

  She wiped her hands and snatched the comb from the bathroom counter. “Uh-huh, so what happened? He jump out of the bushes and you had to chase him?”

  “’Zactly, Mom!” He winced as she parted his hair and tried to make most of it lay to one side. “Were you watching? I had to catch him ’cause I haven’t catched him in a whole week at least.” Cole took a deep breath. “He was feeling lonely.”

  With that last attempt, Ashley couldn’t help but smile. “Okay, little mister.” She finished combing. “But you have to come the first time, okay?”

  “Okay, Mommy.” He batted his eyes at her, and with his blond hair now neatly combed, he was irresistibly cute. “Sorry.”

  Ashley sat back on her heels, bringing herself down to his level. “It’s okay.” She pulled him close and hugged him. “Love you, Coley.”

  “Love you too.”

  She felt someone behind her, and she turned to see Landon. He ran his hand over her shoulder. “Hi.” His eyes moved to Cole. “Looks like a serious talk.”

  “’Cause I was late coming inside.” Cole’s face was still long. “But guess what?” Just as quickly his eyes danced again. “I caught the bumpy frog; you know, Daddy, the big one?”

  “Really?” Landon came between the two of them and high-fived Cole. “That’s the best one in the yard!”

  He shrugged and gave Ashley a weak smile. “That’s what I was telling Mommy.”

  Ashley stood and looked hard at Landon. Without words she asked him the question pressing on her mind: Is this the time to tell Cole the news? It had to be, really, because they were going to tell the rest of the Baxter family tonight. It was why she wanted Cole to come in a little early, so he could hear it before anyone else.

  Landon gave a subtle nod and looked at Cole. “Hey, buddy, how about we go into Mommy and Daddy’s room and talk for a minute.”

  “But . . .” Cole lifted his eyes to Ashley’s. “Won’t we be late?”

  “No.” She reached for Cole’s hand and led him out of the bathroom. “We need to talk first.”

  Once they were in the bedroom, they sat on the edge of the bed with Cole between them. Ashley caught Landon’s eyes, and she felt her insides melt. His look was a mixture of passion and pure elation. Even after a year of marriage it was hard to believe they’d come so far, that God had given them a life together, and now this—a child.

  “Am I in trouble?” Cole’s eyes were big and just a little watery. “Sorry about the frog, Mommy. But he had so many bumps on him and I never catched him all week, and—”

  “Cole.” Ashley put her hand on his knee and looked into his eyes. Her heart swelled inside her, the way it always did when her son’s heart became transparent. He was such a good boy. She shook her head. “You’re not in trouble, honey. We want to talk about something else.”

  He ran his tongue over his lips, his eyes skeptical. “Okay.”

  Ashley looked at Landon and motioned that it was his turn.

  “We have good news, buddy.” Landon put his arm around Cole. “Mommy’s going to have a baby.”

  Cole blinked. “A baby what?”

  “We don’t know.” Ashley lifted her shoulders twice. “A baby sister or a baby brother. Only God knows for now.”

  Cole’s eyes got wide, and he jumped off the bed. “For me?” He looked from Ashley to Landon and back again. “A baby sister or a baby brother all for me?”

  “Yes, Coley.” Ashley could feel her face glowing. Cole had always wanted a sibling. But for so many years the idea had been only a dream. “All for you.”

  “Can we get it now? We have to go to the hospital, right? Bobby in my class had a baby sister, and his mommy and daddy got the baby at a hospital. ’Cause Milly said babies come from a store or something. Then she changed that and said babies come from a bird. A big bird.” His nose wrinkled in a funny face. “Dumb girls. But Bobby and me know they come from hospitals, right?” He took a quick breath. “And hey, is this my present, Mommy? The one from when you and daddy took the boat trip? I asked you for a baby brother or a baby sister? ’Member?”

  Ashley took a slow breath. On the other side of Cole, Landon had the top of his fist near his mouth, hiding a quiet chuckle. They’d figured out the days, and Cole might have been right. The baby probably did come from their delayed honeymoon cruise. Not that she was about to say that.

  She reached out and took hold of Cole’s hands. “The baby isn’t a souvenir, Coley. It’s in Mommy’s tummy, where it has to stay for another seven months. Then it’ll be ready to come out.”

  “Oh.” Cole’s smile faded. “Is it cooking in there?”

  Ashley shifted her lower jaw sideways and resisted a laugh. “Sort of. God’s putting the baby together.”

  “But seven months, Mommy?” Cole’s voice took on a serious whine. “That’s a long time. How far is that? Christmastime?”

  “No, sweetie, longer.” She bit her lip. Maybe they should’ve told him later, so it wouldn’t seem like such a long time. But if they were breaking the news to her father and siblings tonight, then Cole had to know first. “The baby won’t come until April.”

  Cole’s shoulders sank. “That’s a really, really long time.” He perked up some. “Hey, how’d the baby get in your tummy, anyway?”

  This time Landon raised an eyebrow at her and mouthed the words good luck.

  Thanks, she mouthed back. She tilted her head, searching for an explanation. “Well—” she felt her eyes suddenly start to dance—“God decided it was time for us to have a baby.” She squeezed his hands. “That’s how.”

  “Oh.” Cole’s mouth hung open for a few seconds. “I wish it would come sooner.”

  “Us too.” Landon slapped his hands on his knees. “Babies take a lot of time, Cole.”

  “Okay.” A grin lifted the corners of Cole’s lips. “But it’s really, truly coming? I’m really getting a baby brother?”

  “Or a baby sister.” Ashley put her hand alongside his soft little-boy cheek. “The baby could be either one.”

  “I bet it’s a boy!” He pulled free of her, skipped around the room, and stopped near the doorway. Then he lowered his head, raced across the floor, and jumped into Landon’s arms. “Know what the bestest part is, Daddy?”

  Ashley studied her son in Landon’s arms. Hearing you call him Daddy . . . that’s the best part.

  “What, buddy?” Landon cuddled him close to his chest. “What’s the best part?”

  “Well—” he did an exaggerated swallow—“’member how I didn’t have you for a daddy at first?”

  Landon’s expression softened. He stroked Cole’s back and sent a tender look toward Ashley. “I remember.”

  Cole put his little fingers on Landon’s head and patted him. “My little brother will have you for a daddy right from the start.” He smiled his sweetest smile. “That’s the bestest part.”

  Ashley’s heart was full as they drove to her father’s house. Cole’s reaction to the news, his joy and exuberance, his tenderhearted comments were something she would treasure forever. She could already see the outlines of a new painting, one that would have an expectant mom and dad with a boy bouncing between them, caught up in the news. It would be Landon’s present for when the baby came.

  Now she could hardly wait to tell the others. Brooke and Kari and their families would be at dinner also. It was something they did once every month or two, so none of them was expecting the announcement from Ashley and Landon.

  But her heart held other thoughts, too, thoughts of her mother. When she had Cole, the circumstances had been anything but joyful. After a year in Paris, painting and working at a small gallery, she’d come home p
regnant and ashamed. Cole’s birth father was a famous artist. A married artist. Ashley felt she was the bane of the Baxter family back then, and the shame she heaped on herself was enough to keep an ocean of distance between her and her mother.

  Now, though, if her mom were here, they would hug and hold hands and celebrate every moment. Ashley thought about that for a moment. As difficult as things had been during her first pregnancy, her mother had still celebrated the birth of Cole. She could take comfort in that at least. For most of his early years, her mother spent more time with him than Ashley did. The two were very close.

  She put her right hand over her abdomen. Not so, this little one. This child would never be held by his grandmother, never know her blue eyes or her easy smile or the gentle way she had with children. In five years, even Cole was bound to forget. It was part of the pain of losing her mother, a part that would never get easier no matter how many years passed.

  The radio was playing an old love song popular back in Ashley’s high school days. She stared out the window. At least she would never forget. Memories of her mother would always be alive as long as she could share them with Cole and, in time, with this new child. Tears welled in her eyes. She reached across the console and took Landon’s hand. It was still light out. The sun cast a rich glow across the fields between their house and the Baxter home.

  God, give Mom a window, please. Let her see how it’s all working out for us.

  It was something she’d wanted to believe since her mother died. That maybe God gave the residents of heaven a window to the people they’d left behind. There was nothing in Scripture opposing the idea. Hebrews 12 even talked about people on earth being surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses—witnesses who had already gone on to be with the Lord.

  Landon squeezed her hand. “You okay?”

  “Hmmm?” She blinked back the layer of tears and looked at him. “Yeah, fine.”

  “You’re quiet.” He had one hand on the wheel, his eyes on the road ahead.

  “Thinking about tonight, the announcement.” She sucked in her cheek, keeping the tears at bay. “I wish Mom were here.”

  He ran his thumb over the top of her hand. “Me too.”

  In the backseat, Cole had nodded off. The excitement of an extra bumpy frog and the news of a baby brother or sister all by five o’clock had left him more tired than usual.

  Ashley glanced over her shoulder at him. “At least Cole got to know her.”

  Landon moved his hand and placed it over her right one, the one she still had low on her stomach. “This one will too.” He lowered his chin, his eyes steady on hers for a moment. “Because you’ll tell him.”

  Her throat was thick, but she managed a laugh. “You think it’s a boy too, huh?”

  “Her. You’ll tell her.” He chuckled. “Cole just seems to know.”

  Their laughter faded, and after a minute or so Ashley nodded. “You’re right.” She looked straight ahead. Her father’s house was a few hundred yards up the road. “I was just thinking that same thing—of course I’ll tell this baby and even Cole when he forgets. Still . . .” She sniffed and gave him a sad smile. “I miss her so much. I . . . I just wish she were here.”

  Family dinners at the Baxter house were different now that Elizabeth was gone. There was no getting around the fact.

  At first John tried to duplicate the sort of evening his wife would have put on. The day before having the kids over, he would buy chicken and vegetables and ingredients for Elizabeth’s special sauces and rice and salad. Hours before they arrived, he’d don an apron and lay the food out on the counter. But something always went wrong—the chicken was too tough or undercooked, or the sauces clumped into a big ball.

  Now they did it one of two ways. Either the girls came early and made dinner or John ordered take-out food. Tonight he had brought home six cartons of Chinese food. He had them hot and ready by the time the first group opened the front door and headed inside. John was filling a pitcher with ice water when he heard the voices of Brooke and Peter and their girls, Maddie and Hayley.

  “Papa?” Maddie tore around the corner and into the kitchen, looking for him. “Hey, there you are, Papa!” She was pure energy, dressed in a sleeveless purple polka-dot dress and purple tennis shoes. “Guess what?”

  “Hey, my pretty girl! How are you?” He held out his arms and swept her up onto his hip. She was seven but still very little, small enough to hold. “How’s school?”

  “That’s what I wanna tell you, Papa! Fridays are the best day; know why?”

  “Why?” John brushed his nose against hers, something the two of them had done since she was just learning to walk. “Why are Fridays the best?”

  “Because . . .” Her eyes grew so big they were nearly perfect circles. She lowered her voice, as if what she was about to say was an amazing discovery. “It’s called art and recess! All in the same day!”

  “Yes!” John matched her enthusiasm. “That would make Fridays best of all, wouldn’t it?”

  Maddie wiggled to the ground and hopped around on one foot. “I learned this today from Juliette, Papa. How to hop!” She made her eyes small and serious. “Juliette’s the best hopper in room three.”

  “Is that right?” He leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms.

  “It’s very right, Papa.” She put her hands on her hips and kept hopping. “But I’m gonna beat Juliette pretty soon, ’cause I’m practicing, that’s why.”

  John chuckled low and quiet. Elizabeth had loved this about Maddie—her zeal for life, her enthusiasm. Elizabeth liked to talk about how she herself had been the same way as a little girl. Often Maddie’s energy had spurred Elizabeth to take her on walks or play games with her. It was a way the two of them had connected.

  Brooke and Peter rounded the corner pushing Hayley in her wheelchair. Brooke gave a light laugh as she watched Maddie jumping around. “So, Dad . . . I see you’re getting the full demonstration. Juliette’s school of hopping—something every second grader needs to know.”

  They all chuckled, and even Hayley laughed. She was five now and making strides every day—though the strides had gotten smaller as time passed. Still, her near drowning of two years earlier should’ve killed her. Every stride by itself was a miracle.

  John lowered himself in front of her wheelchair and brought her little hand to his cheek. “Hi, Hayley. Papa loves you!”

  Hayley grinned big, and something about her expression looked more alert, more the way she would’ve looked if it hadn’t been for the accident. “Love, Papa! Love!” Her words weren’t perfectly clear, but they were understandable.

  John kissed her forehead. Then he stood, shook Peter’s hand, and hugged Brooke. Their eyes met. “How’s she doing?”

  “Great, Papa!” Maddie hopped over, still on one foot. “I’m gonna teach her to hop like me!”

  Brooke smiled. “She’s taking more steps in physical therapy. They think she’ll be walking by the end of the year.”

  “She’ll need assistance.” Peter ran his fingers through Hayley’s hair. “But after that, only God knows.”

  The front door opened again, and this time the voices belonged to Kari and Ryan. “Hi!” Kari sounded upbeat. “We’re here.”

  “Hurry.” John had laughter in his voice. “We’re getting a hopping demonstration from Maddie.”

  Jessie raced into the kitchen and watched, mesmerized by her cousin’s hopping. “I can do it too.” She stood on one foot and began jumping. But at three she wasn’t as balanced as Maddie. As soon as she started, she tumbled over and landed on her bottom.

  Kari and Ryan joined them, with ten-month-old baby Ryan on Kari’s hip.

  “Here, Jessie.” Maddie stopped hopping, ran to her littler cousin, and helped her to her feet. “It’s easier to hop if we hold hands.”

  With fingers joined, the girls smiled at each other and began a sort of hopping duet. When they were done, all the adults burst into applause. John savored the moment, dr
awing it in the way a man in the desert draws in his first drink of water. The children made up the laughter and life of the old Baxter place. With Elizabeth gone, John lived for times like this. Otherwise the house was too quiet, nothing but memories to keep him company.

  Ashley and Landon and Cole arrived then, and John caught a look in Ashley’s eyes. His middle daughter had never been good at hiding her feelings, and now he could tell she had something to say. The way her eyes danced, he figured it would be good. Maybe she’d come up with another painting, another sale at the local shop. She was making a living at it now, bringing in as much money as Landon, doing something she loved and staying home with Cole at the same time.

  “Chinese!” Ashley gave a weak smile. “Oh, good!”

  Landon put his arm around her and gave her a gentle push. “What she means is, ‘Great! We love Chinese.’”

  “You do, right?” John frowned. “I thought for sure everyone loved The Mandarin Dragon’s food.”

  The others nodded and gave shouts of approval. Only Ashley looked a little green. John let it go. Ashley had always been picky. Maybe her tastes had changed over the years. “Anyway—” he moved down the row of containers, opening each and sliding spoons into them—“dig in!”

  A stack of plates stood on the end of the counter. The kids and the grandkids formed a line, and after a few minutes everyone had their food. As always, they easily fit around the Baxter dinner table. Elizabeth had seen to that. She was the one who had insisted all those years ago that they get the largest table they could find.

  “So we can have the kids and the grandkids back whenever we want,” she’d said at the time.

  Now John watched as everyone took a seat, and he smiled to himself. You were right, dear Elizabeth. Right again. When everyone was settled, John reached his hand out to Kari on one side and Landon on the other. Hands were joined around the table, and John bowed his head. “Lord, we are thankful to be together, now as always. Thanks for the food and for providing every good thing.” He hesitated, emotional in a way that occurred more often since Elizabeth’s death. He thought of Maddie’s hopping session. “And thank You for the memories we make when we’re together.”