Biting Winds

by Shawna Ireland

  “Jess, I lost my job.” Dave hung his head. “How was I supposed to tell you that? I am a man, Jessie, and I’m supposed to provide for you. You gave up your job for me, and a week before the wedding they laid me off. I’ve been dying on the inside, so afraid.”

  “Afraid? Afraid of what? That I would be mad? Did it make it easier? To keep the truth from me and lose it like you did?” Jessie hollered. Her tight fists were balled up on her rigid arms, and the tears she fought were from anger, not fear.

  “I was afraid you would leave me, Jessie. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. It was dumb. It was worse than dumb. It was the biggest mistake of my entire life, and it will never happen again.”

  “No, it won’t. Especially not with me,” Jessie agreed. "I don't think I could survive round-two."

  “There's no round-two, Jess. Look, I couldn’t have made a bigger mistake.”

  “I agree.”

  “Please, I knew I was losing my dad, then my job, and I couldn’t lose you too. Nothing like that has ever happened to me Jess, and it will never happen again. I swear to you. You know me Jess. You know I’m not like that.”

  "I don't know you anymore," Jessie admitted.

  Dave took her chin in his hands and brought her face up towards his. Jessie immediately pushed his hand away from her.

  “Look at me Jessie. You know me. You know that was not me last night. We made a commitment barely twenty-four hours ago, for better or for worse. This is the worst it will ever get. Jess, I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I'll take anger management classes, anything. I swear. I'll turn myself in to the police when we get home and face the consequences of hitting a woman because it's against everything I stand for. If that's what you want, I swear I'll do it..As God is my judge, Jess, I will make this right.”

  "You hurt me." Jessie dropped her head, feeling as though she was stuck in a bad dream that she couldn't wake up from.

  "I did, and I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am. There are no words for something this bad, so sorry is all I have. That, and the last two years. They have to stand for something. They have to say something about my character."

  "I don't know." Jessie's head was spinning. He was talking so fast, saying all the right things. Or was he? He was right about one thing. He had not even raised his voice to her in the last two years, let alone lost his temper. Did that mean anything now though?

  "You don't have to know, Jess. You don't have to trust me. I fucked that up, but I have no doubt that I am not that man. I have no doubt that you will never be hurt at my hands again."

  Against her better judgment, just like that, Jessie turned into her husband’s arms and cried while he held her gently, turning back into the familiar man she had known for the past two years. She wasn't gullible enough to believe it couldn't happen again, but she had to hold on to some hope that her rocky ride might turn into the marriage she envisioned. She couldn't have been completely wrong about Dave, could she?

  Dave cried with his wife, holding her, kissing, caressing, and then making love to her as he should have done the first night of their honeymoon, the night she pissed him off.

  Later that night, as Dave lay in the tent holding his sleeping wife, he noticed his swim shorts on the floor, realizing that Jessie must have knocked them down when she went through the bags to get her clothes for the shower.

  Jessie felt her husband tense around her, and heard him breathing hard.

  “Dave?”

  “It was just a bad dream Jessie. Go back to sleep.”

  Naively, Jessie believed him.

  Chapter 6

  Sangio had recognized her scent before she passed his campsite the following morning. He heard her laughter and chattiness. As she came into view, Sangio got a good look at the couple, hand in hand, heading towards the bathrooms. The sadness he saw yesterday was now gone from her eyes. The weight was now lifted off her shoulders, and replaced by a naïve look of happily ever after that he was sorely familiar with.

  Sangio was only momentarily confused at the transformation of the woman's mood, but quickly understood that this was the man who was the cause of this woman's tears as he made eye contact with the pathetic man who was smiling at Sangio while rolling his eyes and making the gesture of shooting himself in the temple, in reference to his lady’s happy chatter.

  Sangio fought the urge to help this man meet his suggested demise, and instead tipped his head politely.

  “What a creep,” he heard the man mumble. “Did you see him, Jessie? Sitting there all alone, as still as a statue.”

  “Jessie,” Sangio repeated to himself.

  “I didn’t see anyone,” Jessie lied, but truth be told, the creepy guy had been on her mind since she threatened squirrels at his camp yesterday. However, she was smart enough not to share this bit of information with Dave, especially if she was going to try to reassemble the pieces of her world with Dave in it.

  She was actually beginning to feel guilty for thinking about the man so much. She couldn’t help it. If you didn’t calculate his good looks into the picture, he was still the most intriguing man she had ever come across. He was camping. Alone. His clothes were not the type of clothing you would wear at a campsite. They were clean, if not pressed and appeared to be brand new. The black jeans looked like the tags had just been taken off of them, and black tennis shoes looked like they had never stepped in the sand. His smoky blue, long sleeve V-Neck, made out of better threads of cotton than her Egyptian sheets, showed no traces of carrying logs to a fire. There wasn’t a speck of ash, or smear of dirt anywhere. Not on his clothes, skin, or in his hair. It was as though he was carried and placed on the picnic table just for viewing purposes.

  His skin was clean and clear, unlike the greasy sun blocked skin of the other campers, or even the reddened faces from the sun and wind of the campers with fairer skin, like his. No tan, no burn, no peeling, no midday rubble.

  His campsite was just as clean as he was. The wood was stacked by someone who possibly had an OCD, unlike her wood pile that looked more like a scattered game of pick-up sticks. There wasn’t a food wrapper, garbage bag, dirty pan, cup, beer can or clothes line with wet towels flapping in the wind. It was neat. No, it was perfect. There was a tent, a fire, a picnic table, a symmetrical pile of wood, a crackling campfire with a camper sitting calmly and tranquilly. Even his black car seemed to be immune to the natural coating of camp dust, and shone from its parking spot.

  Before Dave hit her, she honestly believed she had a marriage made in heaven. Yeah, she probably should have seen that it was too cliché to be true, but she was one of the few of her friends who had parents that not only stayed married, but actually had good marriages. She was sure, being raised by parents who beat all the statistics that she too, would never be a statistic.

  All of her friends envied Jessie and Dave, calling them the perfect couple. Jessie, tall and thin, was described as a natural beauty. With over forty-six shades of brown to choose from, there wasn’t just one to describe Jessie’s head full of long, thick curls. Auburn and brown would be the generic expression, but her hair had natural streaks of russet, burnt umber, and most striking were the strands of gold. The same could be said for Jessie’s golden brown eyes. She was smart, sporty, successful, and sexy. Dave often bragged that Jessie was the perfect catch.

  Dave, a self-professed architect with a Colorado based construction company, stood a little past six feet tall and shared the rustic chiseled, muscular, and dark features of David Hasselhoff. Dave was also into sports and romanced Jessie with flowers, candies, and long walks on the beach.

  It was just two years ago that Jessie rewarded herself with a trip to Hawaii to celebrate both, paying off her student loans for her intensive nursing program at the University of Los Angeles, and her thirtieth birthday.

  Dave, who had also recently turned thirty, was in Hawaii with his construction firm for a company training. Jessie and Dave met at a local b
ar one night after an ambitious round of karaoke that left the other patrons too shameful to approach the mic.

  “Tell me they aren’t sexist with their drinks!” was the first line Dave ever spoke to Jessie.

  “Is there a problem with my drink?” Jessie asked the man.

  “No, not with your drink, but look at mine?” He lifted an iceless neon blue drink in a tall glass.

  “Blue Hawaiian?”

  “Yes! And yours?”

  “Blue Hawaiian as well,” Jessie confirmed, sipping her blended, electric blue cocktail topped with a pineapple wedge, sword of cherries, and pink straw.

  “And I see the little, pink umbrella!” Dave pointed, pretending to have his feelings hurt. “Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I don’t like my drinks with all the frills.”

  “Well, if it weren’t for all the men in the grass skirts I’d say you could take your case to court, but I think that squashes the whole machismo theory.”

  "You got me there!” Dave extended his hand. “I’m Dave.”

  “Jessie!” she met his hand enthusiastically, returning the sturdy grip. “Have a seat.”

  “Don’t mind if I do. I’ve had an exhausting day here on the beaches of Hawaii.”

  “I’m sure!” Jessie lifted her eyebrow.

  “I’m serious. Have you tried walking in this sand? Your feet sink almost a foot with every step. I swear, I looked as if I were practicing steps for a high school marching band trying to get from my private hut, to the bar, and then back. Look!” He lifted his tanned leg. “Check out the bulge in those calves. I had spaghetti legs before I got here.”

  “I doubt that!” Jessie grinned at the well-formed muscles that ran from his neck, chest, and arms. “That’s nothing! Back home, I have to walk five miles over snow-packed hills to get to work, barefoot.”

  “Montana?”

  “Los Angeles,” Jessie corrected.

  “See, now I know you’re mocking me, Jessie. Los Angeles does not have hills!”

  After several additional refills of the popular Blue Hawaiian drink, a tipsy Jessie and Dave spent the night together in Jessie’s condo, overlooking the crescent shaped beach of Napili Bay in Maui. For the entire week after meeting, Jessie and Dave only took breaks from each other for the mandatory trainings that brought Dave to the island.

  When it was time for Dave to leave he was able to convince his company to push his flight back, and cashed in on his vacation time so he could stay in Napili for an extra week until Jessie was set to fly back to Los Angeles, California.

  Those two weeks were heavenly for the couple. They filled their days and nights with swimming, snorkeling, boogie boarding, whale watching, shopping, and sight-seeing, anything from sugar cane plantations to ship wrecks. They watched cliff divers, fire eaters and feasted at the nightly luaus, compliments of the resort owners.

  They shared a tearful goodbye at the Honolulu airport, filled with promises of quick reunions as Dave departed to his gate for Colorado, and Jessie headed to her gate for California.

  Daily emails, texts, and late night phone calls became a familiar pattern for the love struck couple, along with the surprise bouquet of flowers, candy, and balloons. Dave upped the ante with trinkets of jewelry until the day he showed up at the hospital where Jessie worked, for a long weekend together.

  Six months later, and after many planned and surprise visits from Dave, he proposed to a shocked Jessie, in a room full of her most approving friends.

  Plans were made to wed in Los Angeles with Jessie’s family and friends, but since her contract with the hospital was up soon, it made sense for Jessie to move to Colorado to live with Dave.

  Jessie and Dave planned a huge wedding at the Park Plaza Hotel in Los Angeles. Dave would pay for the wedding and begrudgingly agreed to allow Jessie to pay for the honeymoon.

  Three months before the wedding, Dave called Jessie and shared the story of his parents who were about to lose their home after Dave’s father was diagnosed with colon cancer. Dave felt torn between spending his savings on the wedding for the woman he loved, and his obligation as the eldest son to his family.

  “Take care of your father, Dave.”

  “I can’t ask you to give up your dream wedding.”

  “Are you kidding? We were just talking last month about my patient who has colon cancer. Don’t you remember?”

  “I do, but that’s different.”

  “How is it different? The medical bills alone bankrupt the family in six months. The man can’t work, can’t get life insurance, and his family just sits there and watches him get weaker and weaker as they watch their assets dwindle.”

  “I know, Jess, but it’s not your problem.”

  “It’s not my problem? Would it be my problem if we were married and found out he had colon cancer a month later?”

  “Don’t be offended babe, it’s not like that.”

  “It is. And if you think I’m so selfish that I’m going to tell you I’d rather you spend thousands of dollars on flowers that are going to die, candles that are going to melt, and a venue that is overpriced to begin with, then you have no right to tell me not to be offended.”

  “It’s just... This isn’t what I pictured for us. I wanted to give you so much.”

  “Then plan the honeymoon,” Jessie offered. “Seriously, it’s already paid. I put fifteen thousand down on it. My parents gave us another five thousand as a gift. They were going to surprise you at the wedding. I can plan the wedding with the deposit money for the venue. I’m sure I can get most of it back. We can do it at my friend’s beach house. Remember Diana? She offered it to us a long time ago.”

  “I couldn’t ask you to do this.”

  “You're not asking. I'm offering. And to be honest, it would help me immensely. I’m working up until the weekend before the wedding. I have to pack everything in my apartment and start shipping my stuff to you, and I still have a ten-page to do list before I move.”

  “Well, if you put it that way.”

  “I do. I am already feeling stressed out about getting everything finished. We’ve talked a million times about what we want to do on our honeymoon. I’ll call Jeanie at the travel agency and let her know she will be working with you for the planning.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “It would be so much help!”

  “I’ll make it up to you, Jessie.”

  “There’s nothing to make up to me. I’m so sorry about your dad, Dave.”

  “What?”

  “Your dad. I said I’m sorry about your dad getting sick.”

  “Oh, yeah. They said to tell you they’re not sure if they can make it to the wedding.”

  “It’s ok! I'd imagine it would be too much to ask of him. I will meet them after the honeymoon.”

  “That’s great. They're so excited to meet you.”

  “Wait! Are you sure you want to go away? On our honeymoon, I mean? Do you need to be here for your dad?”

  “It will be fine. My mom is with him, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do from here anyhow, except for financial support. If he gets much worse as the wedding gets closer, we can postpone.”

  “Of course,” Jessie agreed. “Just make sure you get insurance on the honeymoon so we can postpone and rebook without losing any money.”

  "Will do! Don't worry about a thing."

  "I feel better already. Weddings really are a lot of work. What I'm really looking forward to is the honeymoon."

  "Me too."

  "Warm sand, piña coladas, and an ocean view from bed."

  "You're kidding? All this time I thought we were going for a big city honeymoon with shopping, traffic, and smog. Well, there goes New York."

  "Ugh, I want to be so far from the city and technology. I don't even want cell phone service."

  "That's the girl I fell in love with. I can't wait to marry you. I love you, Jessie."

  "I love you too! But if you take me to New York, I'll kill you. Now let me go. I hav
e to take an insurance policy out on you, just in case."

  Chapter 7

  Jessie wasn’t disappointed when she was married in the backyard of her best friend, Diana, overlooking the Laguna Beach. The cool breeze drifting off the Pacific Ocean made her feel better about having an outdoor wedding in the middle of summer. She didn’t even care that she traded her virgin-white, tulle Cinderella ball gown with a long, sweeping train for a dress fit to walk around on a sandy beach. She loved her second choice, a simpler, strapless, creamy lace dress with a peach satin band that that hugged her below her chest. She was probably too old to be dressing as if she were in a fairytale anyhow. It’s not as if she were an eighteen-year-old bride. She didn’t even care that her plans to dance into the night with a DJ, and a live band were changed to a late morning wedding with music streaming from her iPod.

  She couldn't remember being happier than the day of her wedding. Dave's eyes threatened to spill over with tears as he said his vows, and her voice quivered as she read her own. She lost herself in her husband’s eyes, and arms, as they shared their first dance as a married couple to the Hawaiian Wedding Song, taking her back to the first night she walked the beaches of Hawaii with Dave.

  "You look so beautiful, Jessie. Remember, you were my girl first." Jessie's father wiped a tear from her eye as they skillfully made their way around the dance floor for the father/daughter dance. "Are you happy?"

  "I am Daddy."

  "That's all I ever hoped for. Now I can retire a happy, old man."

  However, it was difficult to hide her disappointment when Dave not only bypassed all six airports housed in Los Angeles, but drove for over ten hours, stopping only for food and gas, before pulling into Bodega Dunes Campground. Jessie, not being familiar with this area, imagined the ocean front property her groom would pull into, despite the anxiety creeping up in her diaphragm as they passed RV and tent campsites.