Tethered

by L. D. Davis

  “What’s going on?” I asked, trying not to sound as frazzled as I felt.

  I braced my hands on my knees and waited while Sam sat down on the other end of the couch.

  “Now don’t get upset,” Sam said, putting her hand up to calm me even though I had no idea why I was there. “But Emmy told me about what your mama said about the modeling.”

  “Emmet told me,” Fred said from behind his desk.

  “Traitors,” I muttered. Even though I did not want Sam and Fred to know about the modeling thing, I was extremely relieved when neither of them brought up my relationship with Emmet.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Fred asked, sounding genuinely hurt. I talk to Fred about everything – well most everything.

  I wasn’t sure how much my traitorous boyfriend and his traitorous sister had told them about my mom. I had to tread carefully.

  “It isn’t your problem,” I said without malice. I said it simply, because it was simple. It wasn’t their problem.

  “Haven’t we always treated you like one of our own?” he asked.

  “Yes, but I’m not.”

  He winced and Sam shook her head. “That really hurts, Donya,” she said sadly. “You’re just as much our child as Emmy and Emmet are.”

  Before I could respond to that, Fred said “You should have come to us.”

  “For what?” I asked defensively. “You want me to come to you and ask for money so I could possibly model? No matter how close we all are, you’re not my parents. My father is dead and my mother is poor. That’s my reality and I’m dealing with it.”

  “Bullshit,” Fred snapped. Sam and I looked at him in surprise. Fred was not the cursing kind of guy. Maybe in his Marine days, but he wasn’t as a father and husband. “You forgot that you have another family that wants to see you happy and successful. You forgot that this family in this house is part of your reality. This isn’t about being close, Donya. We are a family and you are a part of this family and always will be. It is a god damn slap in the face when you sit there and try to pick at the threads that bond us together.”

  I sat there in a stunned silence. I greatly underestimated how this family feels about me and what I meant to them. I felt as if everything they had ever done for me was invalidated by my careless words.

  “You’re our daughter,” Sam said quietly after a long minute of silence. “And we want to help you.”

  “Maybe I’m not good enough to be a model,” I said in a shaky, low voice, echoing my mother.

  “Emmet told me what your mom said,” Fred said. “I don’t think she meant to hurt your feelings. When we called her earlier today to discuss our plans for you, she was supportive.”

  I looked at him with doubt. I had no support in that household. Unless you count the walls and the floors.

  “We are going to financially support you while you pursue a modeling career,” Sam said softly, but with a big smile. “Even if that Max won’t take ya, we are convinced that you are cut out for it. You didn’t see your portfolio yet.”

  I had nearly forgotten about the photo shoot I had in Louisiana. The photographer, Tori, had worked in the modeling industry before, and she thought I did really well, but she was getting paid and she wasn’t even in the industry anymore. I couldn’t take her words at face value.

  Sam got up and walked over to her husband’s desk. He handed her a flat looking black book and she handed it to me before sitting back down on the couch. I put it on my lap and ran my fingers over the leather cover. I took a deep breath and opened it to the first page. The very first picture was just a simple headshot. My hair was hanging loose on my bare shoulders and I was void of any makeup or moisturizer or anything on my face. My smile was simple and genuine. The second photo was another headshot without the smile and my hair was pulled up in a ponytail. The next photo was one of the ones taken during the photo shoot. I was modeling the Gucci dress that Sam had bought me the previous summer for a formal party. My hair was professionally done, my makeup was professionally applied and I was several inches taller in a pair of Minolo Blahnik sandals. I was at a funny angle, leaning backward, but my body was twisted and my legs were at a funny angle, too. I remember posing and trying to find a good angle, and I remember feeling like an idiot, but apparently it worked.

  In the next photo I was in a classic looking white and red polka dot bikini. I had on an enormous pair of Dior sunglasses and my hair was pinned up. I had on a black pair of heels and I was standing at the end of the pier with the lake at my back. I hardly recognized myself, and I hardly recognized myself in the next three photos. When I turned to the sixth photo, it was a picture of me standing with Emmet at Lucy’s wedding reception. There was a whole party going on around us, but in the photo, it was as if he and I had completely forgotten we weren’t alone. He was smiling gently at me and I was looking up at him with a raw, passionate, adoring expression.

  I remembered that moment, too. Emmet had just told me how beautiful I looked and how he wished he could wrap his arms around my waist and dance with me until the sun came up.

  I looked at Sam who was also looking at the picture. She met my eyes.

  “It’s a beautiful picture,” she said. “Maybe Emmet should be a model, too. You two posed well together. Very convincing.”

  I didn’t tell her it was very convincing because it was real and we had not even been aware of the camera. I looked at Fred and couldn’t read his expression. So, I turned back to the book and finished looking at all of the photos. I was beyond impressed by both Tori’s skills with the camera and settings and my own skills that I had not been aware of until I looked through my portfolio.

  “You’re stunning,” Sam said with another smile when I finished with the book. “I believe with a little make over to fix your hair and maybe a push up bra you can do this.”

  I rolled my eyes and groaned as Fred snapped at her.

  “No one said anything about a make-over or a damn…bra,” he spat out.

  “Just making a suggestion,” Sam argued.

  “I like my hair and believe it or not, I like my boobs!” I liked that Emmet liked my boobs, too.

  Fred groaned now as Sam and I bickered back and forth about my boobs and my hair.

  “Enough!” Fred bellowed making us stop immediately.

  Emmy was right. I had a nut job and a whack job for mothers, though for some reason, I didn’t take Sam’s words to heart like I did my mother’s.

  “Now,” Fred said after we were quiet for a moment. “We are going to support you while you take a shot at a modeling career.” When I started to object, he raised his hand to silence me. “It isn’t a free ride, Kiddo. You will have a tutor and you will keep up with your school work. You will be supervised around the clock wherever you go and you will stay out of trouble, and you have to really try. You have to put everything you have into this. We will make sure you have everything you need. We already spoke to your mother and she will do her part as far as your legal concerns.”

  It really began to sink in what he was saying to me. “So…I won’t be going to school in September?” I asked.

  “Doesn’t look like it,” he answered and didn’t seem too happy about it. “It all depends on this Max fella and other resources we are gathering for you.”

  Just like that, my life was going to change.

  “We still have many kinks to work out,” Sam said. “But for now you’ll stay here or at your mama’s, but if you’ll need to be in New York or wherever for an extended period of time, we may have to consider other options.”

  I looked from Sam to Fred and back and forth so many times I thought my head would tilt off of my neck and roll to the floor.

  “You guys believe in me that much?” I asked in a small voice.

  “We all do,” Sam smiled.

  “Even with my little boobs and ugly hair?” I asked her dryly.

  She gave a noncommittal shrug but then smiled teasingly at me. I smiled back, for a moment, but then it fade
d.

  “My mother doesn’t believe in me,” I said quietly. “She always goes with what you guys say because she doesn’t want to do the actual work of raising me. She’s just a…formality. She will probably be glad to be rid of me.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from saying that out loud. I didn’t want them to know about my relationship with her, but any fool could see that my mom has stood on the sidelines all of these years, watching someone else raise her daughter, and she hadn’t cared. I thought under all of her depression and sadness and weakness she cared, but she didn’t, and it was time for me to come to terms with that.

  “Things are not always what they seem,” Sam said carefully.

  “Your mother does care about you,” Fred said just as carefully.

  I had a feeling they were hiding something from me, but now wasn’t the time to squeeze it out of them. I needed to push aside how I felt about my mom and focus on the fact that I was going to actually pursue a career in the modeling industry. I never thought I would hear those words even in my own head, but there they were. Now I had to say them out loud.

  I smiled again at Sam and Fred, my parents.

  “I’m going to pursue a career in the modeling industry,” I said with amazement.

  “Yes, you are,” Sam said and then held my chin between her soft, delicate fingers. “And you’re going to kick ass at it.”

  The door flung open and Emmy came in with Emmet on her heels.

  “What the hell is going on in here?” she asked in exasperation. She beckoned me to get up with her hands. “Up! We have a party to get to!”

  “Right,” I said and got up.

  Sam looked at the three of his disapprovingly. “Will there be parental supervision at this party?”

  “Probably not, mom,” Emmy said. I could tell she said it just to rile the woman up. “There will probably be drugs all over the tables, beer kegs in every corner, and hot and sweaty sex on every piece of furniture.”

  Emmet skillfully cut in between Emmy and Sam before an argument could arise. He looked at both of his parents and said “I’ll take care of both of them, I promise. No one will be high (lie), drunk (another lie) or having sex (possible lie).”

  Fred and Sam didn’t look well appeased, but after a few warnings and rules, we were allowed to escape from the office. I was last out of the room, but I stopped before closing the door and looked at both of them.

  “Thank you,” I said softly, but with meaning. “Thank you.”

  “Let’s go!” Emmy shouted from the living room.

  I threw them one last smile and hurried after my impatient friend.

  *~*~*

  Perry Hinson was having the biggest party of the summer. There were kids coming from several surrounding towns to celebrate the end of summer and the end of childhood for the graduates. Perry lived out in the middle of nowhere in a big farmhouse. The closest neighbor was a half mile away. While life was probably very boring growing up in the middle of rural New Jersey, the kids that lived out in these areas always threw the best parties because the cops were less likely to stumble upon them.

  The party was already in full swing when we got there at eight-thirty. There were kids everywhere. I swear the house looked like it was vibrating as we walked from Emmet’s car. When we got inside, I saw a lot of kids I knew from school. I realized then that I probably wouldn’t see a lot of them for some time, depending on how my career went. I was glad that I was there. Who knew when I’d come across another party like this one.

  “Stick with me all night,” Emmet said in my ear while Emmy was distracted, talking to Amy.

  He was pressed up against me because there were so many people standing in the room we were in. I could smell his cologne and the shampoo he used for his hair. I wanted to wrap myself in him, but that wasn’t an option.

  “Emmy will probably want me with her,” I said after I pulled his head down close to me so he could hear me without anyone else hearing me. Honestly, I could barely hear me over the music and noise in the house.

  “Tabitha and Mayson will be here, too,” he said. “She’ll be distracted.”

  I nodded, letting him know I understood. His fingers quickly, but affectionately squeezed mine before he dropped his hand away.

  True to Emmet’s word, Emmy ended up very distracted and wasn’t worried about having me attached to her side. I didn’t feel the jealousy I had felt when she was in Louisiana. I had other friends to talk to and new faces to get acquainted with, but despite Emmet’s insistence that we stick together all night, we ended up separated repeatedly. Eventually, I gave up and just tried to enjoy the party. I would have him all to myself the following night.

  After two hours in the house, I was feeling hot and stuffy. The three beers I had probably didn’t help either. I pushed my way through the sweaty partiers and stumbled onto the back deck where more people were hanging about. The air quality outside wasn’t much better than it had been inside.

  “It’s hot, right?” Stella asked me from my left. She was holding a cold beer to her face and smiling at me.

  “Summer time in New Jersey is usually pretty warm,” I informed her in case she didn’t know it.

  She laughed pleasantly. “I’m complaining about the heat now, but in a couple of months, I’ll be freezing my ass off in harsh New England winter.”

  I tilted my head, but thought better of that move when it felt like my brain sloshed in my head.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, confused. “I thought you’re going to school in Oklahoma or some other landlocked, tornado state?”

  That sweet laugh again. She really was a nice girl. It wasn’t her fault that I disliked her just a little bit. If it was anyone’s fault, it was Emmet’s. So, I tried to smile back at her.

  “I was going to go to Oklahoma,” she said and then took a sip of her beer. “But I changed my mind. I like the idea of being a train ride away from home. So, I’m going to go to Brown.”

  I wasn’t positive about the timing and mileage, but Brown was uncomfortably close to Cambridge by my estimate.

  I didn’t bother forcing any more smiles for Stella’s benefit. Even though she didn’t say it, I felt like she was impeding on my territory, stepping on my toes. Damn it, she was going for my man.

  “Emmet and I figured it out,” she said casually lacing her arm with mine. I allowed her to lead me to a far corner of the large deck as she spoke. “It is only forty minutes or so for each of us if we meet halfway.”

  “Meet halfway for what?” I asked.

  She shrugged her shoulder. “For whatever.Lunch, dinner, a night out.”

  Okay, I told myself. At least she didn’t say for sex.

  She leaned in conspiringly and said “Maybe more.” She sighed as I felt my shoulders slump a little. “Emmet can be wild sometimes, but he has a good heart. You’re lucky to have him as a brother.”

  “Yes, he’s a good brother,” I said absently.

  I wanted to get away from Stella. I didn’t want to have distrustful thoughts of Emmet in my head, and she was pounding them in there with a giant mallet.

  I started to move away, mumbling something about finding Emmy, but Stella didn’t hear me, because she continued to speak as if we were best buds.

  “We’re forever bonded,” Stella said, looking off into empty space.

  I raised an eyebrow. No one could be bonded with Emmet the way I was. We shared a link, a tether, an invisible line that kept us together even when we were apart. I took some satisfaction in this, until Stella pushed a small pin into my bubble. Only one little pin prick is all it takes to deflate a bubble.

  “I know I don’t really know you, Donya, but I never hear you gossiping with the other girls, and Emmet always said good things about you. I can’t even trust my own friends with this,” she said with a sad laugh. Then she leaned in close to me so that she wouldn’t be overheard. “We got pregnant. I lost the baby after a few weeks, but we both said that the experience would keep
us tied together, even if we weren’t together. But now that we’ll be older and living kind of close together, maybe we can be together, you know?”

  I couldn’t process her words or the hopeful gleam in her teary eyes. I spun around, held onto the railing and hurled into the grass below.

  *~*~*

  “We were looking all over for you!” Emmy cried when she found me sitting on the hood of Emmet’s cherry red Audi.

  Mayson, Tabitha, and Leo trailed behind her.

  “I’ll go tell Emmet we found her,” Tabitha said and started walking back the way she had come.

  Without a word, Leo turned around and caught up to Tabitha.

  “What are you doing out here?” Emmy asked and it was then I noticed how much she struggled to stand still. She was pretty drunk, and her eyes looked dilated. She had most likely been smoking something.

  Mayson didn’t look any better. In fact, she looked like she was flying in space, not even in the same galaxy. She gave up on standing and dropped slowly to the ground and stretched out on her back.

  “You guys really need to lay off the weed,” I said.

  “She didn’t smoke,” Emmy said, leaning against the car for support.

  I wondered what she had inhaled or injected. Long before Emmy and I ever had our first drink, Mayson had been doing a variety of drugs. She seemed to have a grip on it, I had only seen her really messed up only a couple of times and it was always at a party. Otherwise, she seemed to be okay with weed like Emmy.

  “Hey, I totally kissed Leo,” Emmy snickered.

  “Leo has a girlfriend,” I said in Leslie’s defense. I didn’t really know her well at all, but when I thought of Stella trying to pursue my boyfriend, I felt like I had a secret camaraderie with Leslie.