No More Heartache: The MORE Duet

by Anders, Tarrah

  He immediately relaxes. “My friend Nikki, you met her a few months ago. She called me out on not wanting to hang out. I guess maybe that got into my head.”

  “Did you and Nikki…?” I just left the end of that question hang, I wanted to know, but I don’t at the same time. Then again, I’m coming out of left field with this question, when he didn’t even imply anything other than they were friends, what the hell is wrong with me?

  He doesn’t seem startled by the random question, when he looks me dead in the eye and nods. I nod as well, I’m unsure why.

  “She is a friend now, only a friend. And she knows that. You met her, she’s well aware of you.” He pleads as he notices how my posture has stiffened.

  “That day that I came over?” I didn’t want to know the answer to this question either, it’s almost like my brain and my mouth are not working together. Ugh, Verbal vomit!

  Max hasn’t broken eye contact with me, which I should definitely commend him for. Other guys would look away or get nervous and fidget. Max is still and staring directly in my eyes, it’s almost making me uncomfortable.

  “Nothing happened. Well, not what you’re thinking.” He says.

  “That doesn’t make sense.” I’m on the verge of crying. Damn Hormones, damn feelings!

  “She came over, wanting something to happen. We kissed, but that’s as far as it went. That’s as far as I could take it and that’s as far as I allowed, even subconsciously, I was thinking about you and the baby, and I just couldn’t.” He looks like I just kicked his puppy.

  “You were thinking of me and the baby as you made out with someone else?” The tears have now broken the surface and are streaming down my cheeks. We weren’t together then, and I know that I’m being ridiculous, but he knew about becoming a father. Did he continue to mess around with chicks until I moved in, until we became a thing?

  “In a way, yes. But I stopped it, I stopped everything and then I told her we couldn’t continue that way.” He explains.

  “Then I came over, did I… did I interrupt?” I don’t want to know this answer. Damnit, I can’t control my mouth. I need to become a monk and not talk!

  “Not at all. I stopped it before you showed up. I had told her about you and the baby, and told her we can only be friends. We were friends, we are just friends. Nothing more, she is more than clear on that and I wouldn’t let anything happen, ever.

  They both were fully dressed, and they didn’t have the just fucked look to them, but Max did look nervous that day.

  “I think I need some time to myself.” I say quietly looking down at my hands in my lap.

  Two fingers reach under my chin and lift so I look Max in the eye. I know the determination look in his eyes, I know that he’s being truthful, but I just need to regulate my own feelings right now.

  “I’m not that kind of person. When I care about someone, they get me, all of me. From the start, you’ve had me. You have me completely.”

  I don’t say anything as he wipes a tear from my eye. He leans in and kisses me and then again, his determined eyes are looking into mine.

  “I’ll give you your space, I don’t want to – but I will.” He stands and leaves the living room. A moment later, he’s come out of the bedroom wearing more relaxed clothes.

  “I’m going to take the bike and head to a meeting.” He says putting on a hoodie. He comes and stands next to me, and kneels down. He wipes another tear from my face.

  “If you want, I will stay home. I don’t honestly know what to do here.”

  I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I just want to be alone.” I sniff.

  “I understand.” He starts to stand, but stops and kisses the top of my head.

  He shuts the door silently and more tears fall.

  I’m just being hormonal. Everything is okay with us.

  32

  Max

  I wouldn’t say that Tatum and I are fighting, I would just say that… hell I have no idea. The thought of giving her space bothered me, because we needed to work together and not apart. When she asked about Nikki and mine’s past there was no chance in hell that I would lie to her, especially when rule number 3 was to be honest. And if I wanted to be honest right now, I don’t want to be away from her and give her this space. I was told though, not to fuck with a pregnant woman when it came to certain things and I’m thinking right now, I don’t want to rock the boat.

  I’m riding my Harley down a residential street when I realize I’m in front of Leo’s house. I push the kickstand down and I jog up their driveway. Leo is generally tinkering in the garage at night, so I tap lightly on the door. I hear his footsteps inside and he opens the door, illuminating the walkway.

  “Hey man, everything cool?” He asks.

  “Yeah, Tatum needed some space, can I hang out here for an hour? I don’t want to invade you or anything, just rather not drive aimlessly.”

  “No need to ask, mi casa es su casa. How about we go into the main house, Judy made cookies.”

  Cookies have my ears perked up. I follow Leo into the house and the kitchen counters are full of Tupperware’s full of cookies.

  “Hey Max, how are ya?” She smiles as we enter.

  “I’m in heaven now.” I say spreading my arms at the spectacle before me.

  “Oh, work stuff, we’re having a company picnic this weekend, so I’m making… cookies as you can see.” She wipes her hands on her apron. “What brings you here? Tatum with you?”

  “No, errr… she wanted some space.” I say looking down, feeling ashamed and like I’m 17 again.

  Leo is rummaging in the fridge and within a minute I have a glass of milk shoved in one hand and a plate of cookies in the other.

  “Oh Max. Have a seat. What happened?” Judy asks.

  She’s the same age as I am, and she’s extremely motherly. She looks like she would belong in a 1950’s family sitcom. Her clothing is very mod and her shoulder length blonde hair is always curled and pinned perfectly. Leo, is the opposite, if we were thinking television, he would be the greaser. He works on cars, owns his own mechanic shop, so he’s always got his hands dirty. The two of them work well though, and even though we’re all similar in age, they feel older and wiser to me for some odd reason.

  “Nothing bad. Tate just needed some alone time. She asked about a friend of mine who at one time was more than a friend, but not a girlfriend.” I make sure to clarify the no-relationship part of that. “And I didn’t lie to her. I wouldn’t lie to her.”

  “Has she met this friend of yours?” Judy asks.

  “Yeah, once.”

  “And before tonight, did you mention who your friend was prior?”

  “No, it’s never come up. We don’t really talk about that too much. She knows of my past, I’ve been candid in all areas.”

  “Does she know all about Betsy?” Leo chimes in.

  “Yes, that was something I made sure to tell her. I didn’t want her to freak out, if I was to have a freak out. This thing right now, stemmed from me practically asking her if we’ve dropped our friends to become a couple.”

  “Have you?” Leo asks.

  “Not really. But Nikki said something that irked me.”

  “Could Nikki want more than friendship?” Judy asks.

  “No, she knows about Tatum and the baby.”

  “That’s not what I asked. Has Nikki implied that you guys could be more than friends, since you and her became strictly friends, or have you hung out with Nikki as friends since?”

  I think about it.

  “She did make a weird comment about sharing or something. So maybe. But since I told her about Tatum and the baby, then when they met – she knew that we couldn’t continue to hook up. Did I fuck up somewhere that I’m not seeing?”

  “I think Nikki is testing the waters, testing you. I don’t know.” Leo states.

  “Let me get this straight, is Nikki someone from your drinking days?” Judy asks.

  “Yeah, she was a
regular hook up. I had confided in her one night as to why she could never be anything more. So we hooked up, but also were friends, sorta.”

  “Sorta. I honestly think buddy that even though she said she was cool with just being friends, she’s used to your whatever relationship being a certain way.”

  “Nah, she had another dude she hooked up with.”

  “Are you sure about that?” Judy crosses her arms.

  “Should I just stop being friends with Nikki?” I ask, honestly unsure of everything at this moment.

  “I would. If this was Judy and I, I wouldn’t want those thoughts to get into her head, especially if we were to hang out just as friends. Then there’s the whole fact of the origins of the not-relationship. I basically cut out the dudes I would party with, hell it killed me for a bit at the shop but I had to fire one of my lead mechanics. Even though I’m totally sober right now, I didn’t want the tainted past to conflict with my future.” Leo firmly states.

  “You’re just saying that because I’m sitting here.” Judy smiles while patting his arm.

  “No, I’m for real. Out of all my previous friends, and now, Max is the only one you see me with.”

  “That’s because I’m ridiculously good looking and you’re trying to amp up your hot points.” I smile.

  “Yes. Exactly.” Leo deadpans as Judy laughs.

  “Max, if Tatum brought around a guy who she had done the deed with but says they’re just friends now, how would you feel?” Judy lays it out.

  “I wouldn’t like it. I’d be jealous and bothered by it. Fuck, okay, I should go home. You guys are awesome. Thanks for the pep talk, and the delicious cookies.”

  Judy hands me a Tupperware. “Give them to Tatum.”

  One the way out of their house, I dialed for Nikki. I explained to her that it wouldn’t be fair to my relationship with Tatum and my continued sobriety if we remained friends. Luckily, I explained this to her voicemail.

  As I pulled into the drive way, my phone lit up. Nikki’s name was on the screen. Hesitantly, I answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, I missed your call. Sorry, I didn’t check the message. Just dialed, whats going on? Did you change your mind on hanging out?” She says.

  I take a deep breath and start. “Listen, this whole thing with becoming a dad has changed things, a lot. I’m giving this thing with Tatum a real chance and I think… I think that it would be wise for the future of my relationship for us to stop talking.”

  “Like completely?” She asks.

  “Yeah. It would be for the best.” I answer.

  “Seriously? Did our connection not mean anything to you Max? I thought that we were more than that?” She huffs.

  “Nikki, you’re a great chick, but I think I need to close that chapter of my life. I’m sober now, I’m going to be a dad, I want to be with Tate.” I further explain.

  “I don’t have time to deal with this shit Max. I can’t believe you’re just dropping me from your life like that… for a chick. Are you dumping all your other friends too?”

  “Nikki, Tatum isn’t just some chick. Listen, I’m sorry if you thought there would be something more. I didn’t intend for that to happen, but there won’t be. But I just need to do what’s right for me and Tatum. And I won’t let anything come between our future together.”

  “Screw you Max. Screw your idea of the perfect life you think you’re going to have. Don’t bother calling me when it all falls apart,” she says with disgust and hangs up.

  I set the kickstand down and take a deep breath and disembark from the bike.

  I walk into the house, which was eerily quiet. I saw a faint light on in the 2nd bedroom with the door closed. I went into my bedroom quietly and changed out of my clothes. I gently knocked on the door as I opened it. Tatum was on top of the sheets, curled up in a ball, watching some black and white movie. She didn’t even look up at me as I came in. I sat down on the edge of the bed, grabbed the remote and turned it off. Only then, she looked at me. Her face was tear stained and I ran my hand over her cheek. I felt horrible knowing that I am the reason for her tears.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think that being friends with someone from my past like that would affect us in any way.” I whispered, my hand now brushing her hair off her face.

  “I’m a dumbass, but I promise to you, there is nothing for you to worry about, ever. That part of my life, is behind me. Completely now. I didn’t think it was a big deal if we stayed friends, but I know that wasn’t smart now. No more strings, no more anything.”

  “I don’t understand.” She finally speaks, her voice sounding raspy.

  “I told Nikki that it’s best if we left our friendship along with anything else if she was holding anything for me, in the past. I told her that you are my future and that I wouldn’t let anything happen to us.”

  “Oh Max, I don’t want you to give up your friends because of me.” Her glassy eyes meet mine.

  “I’m not. I don’t want anything to come between us. She would be something. Earlier, I didn’t think that could be something that was possible. I saw it as just a friendship. But I went and talked to Leo and Judy, and they helped me see it from a different perspective.”

  “Do you know that you’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met?” She smiles faintly.

  “Like someone who is awesome?” My finger hits the corner of her mouth.

  “Something like that.” She smiles.

  “Come on, let’s get you into bed.” I saw standing and holding my hand out to her.

  “I am in bed.” She doesn’t move.

  “You’re in the guest room, I’m talking about the bed in our room.”

  I hold out my hand to help her up and I realize that I’m holding my breath until her hand is placed in mine.

  33

  Tatum

  “Suck it brother,” Davis yells into Max’s direction as he rolls his third strike in a row.

  “You do realize that we’re here too, right?” Sammie questions peeking her head over the scoring station in our lane.

  “Davis gets a little competitive with me. He used to walk around the house when he was a kid asking me to whip out my penis so we could compare.” Max jokes.

  “But aren’t you like five years older than him?” Nic asks, completely serious.

  “Yup, and so I always won.” Max smiles, putting his arm around my shoulders.

  “Maybe we should check that out now, now that we’re adults and shit.” Davis slurs.

  “I’d still win.” Max boasts.

  * * *

  Time is running away from me. Within the past month, I’ve grown exponentially to where my favorite pair of jeans no longer fit me. Max had moved all my stuff into his room, and we’re now completely cohabiting. His office, which he never uses has been emptied out and my bed along with other furniture that was previously in the room I originally was living in is now is the old office. The 2nd bedroom, which is across the hall from the master bedroom, our bedroom is currently empty, or at least it was this morning when I left to the grocery store.

  December is generally chilly, surprisingly for San Diego. I‘m sweating like a horse as I carry one of my re-usable bags full of fruits and setting it on the table when I hear power tools from the hallway. I never know what kind of crazy thing that Max would be doing lately. On the weekends, when he’s not just lounging around the house with my pregnant ass, he’s being functional. Last weekend, he was working but this weekend its power tools.

  I peek into the hallway from the kitchen to determine if it’s even safe for me to enter. It’s quiet right now, so I don’t know what to expect. I tiptoe to our room and it’s dark, I look across the hall to the 2nd bedroom and the door is closed. I lightly push open the door and Max is sitting on the floor, reading instructions. He has wood around him and immediately my thoughts drift to that Saturday morning when we implemented rule number one.

  “Hey babe.” He says noticing me standing in the doorway.

/>   I look closer as I walk in and my heart stills. He’s building a crib. I look up and I see that there is a changing table in the corner and the closet has two dressers inside as well that weren’t there before.

  “What… what’s all this?” I say choking back a happy tear.

  “I know that we find out on Monday what we’re having, but I couldn’t stop myself when I was at the store.” He smiles, setting down the instructions and standing.

  “I wasn’t gone for that long, when were you at the store?”

  “Well, I had shopped online and had stuff saved at the store, then while I was there, I picked up a few other things. You have been gone for a few hours.” He pulls me to him, my belly is bigger now, so I no longer go flush against him.

  “Max, you shouldn’t have.” So much emotion is flooding within me right now.

  “I figure we can paint the room and you can decorate it and then we can get some baby clothes to put in the closet, do you know how tiny baby clothes are, and that’s a huge closet, so we’d need a lot, like a lot. Apparently, babies throw up so much, that we will need at least two of each.” He’s talking so fast, I don’t know if I can keep up.

  “I don’t know what to say, this is incredible. Thank you.” Tears are welling up in my eyes.

  “No, thank you. You gave me something to live for. You are something to live for.” He kisses me, his tongue spreading my lips as he dives in. My fingers tangle with the hair at his nape. I return his kiss like I’m starving for him. As if I didn’t get a taste of him this morning. He makes me so insatiable, it’s ridiculous. I had never been as overtly sexual as I am with him, granted I have some intense hormones right now, but even that night we first met, I was thinking dirty thoughts every time his leg touched mine, or even as he would smile at me.