Sometimes Dead Men DO Tell Tales!

by David W. Smith

  “Paddles up!” Tony called as the back guide steered the canoe toward the narrow entrance of the landing. “Watch your hands and fingers; please keep your hands inside the canoe as we approach the dock. We don’t want our pretty dock scratched up.” Tony kept an eye on the younger ones who might not heed his warning.

  Climbing out, Adam pulled his wet shirt away from his chest. He had been placed behind an eight-year old who had left more water on him than in the river.

  After collecting their race token, Lance grinned at Adam’s soaked shirt. “Well, that was invigorating, wasn’t it?”

  Adam gave him a disgusted snort. “I see you don’t have a drop on you.”

  “I know how to paddle.”

  Adam didn’t bother replying. As they exited the canoe dock, Lance began looking over the various sheets he had protected by sitting on them. Adam was sorting through his quests looking for the Multiple Choice section. “Here it is. Thought I had these in order.… Oh, we need to ride Pirates and Indiana Jones—unless we know the answers. Listen up.” He started reading the questions:

  1. In Critter Country, which wooden animal can NOT be found?

  a. Tortoise

  b. Porcupine

  c. Coyote

  d. Moose

  2. How many rubies are on the Golden Horseshoe Sign?

  a. 39

  b. 40

  c. 41

  d. 42

  3. As you sail through the Bayou, what creature do you see?

  a. Possum

  b. Swamp Cat

  c. Raccoon

  d. Alligator

  4. What two animals did the Pirates NOT set free?

  a. Cat and Dog

  b. Duck and Geese

  c. Donkey and Chickens

  d. Pigs and Parrots

  5. What do the Pirates offer the dog for the key?

  a. Bone, Rope, Mug

  b. Mug, Ball, Bone

  c. Bone, Cat, Rope

  d. Ball, Rope, Meat

  6. What is Indy’s truck license plate?

  a. THX1168

  b. NDYJNS

  c. WH11204

  7. Which bad end does not come to those who stare at Mara?

  a. Eaten by rats

  b. Stung by scorpion

  c. Impaled on stakes

  d. Bitten by snake

  8. Which pair has wandered into Adventureland?

  a. Snow White & Prince Charming

  b. Bernard & Bianca

  c. Buzz & Woody

  d. Mrs. Potts & Chip”

  To answer question One, they started looking around for the wooden animals, finding carved statues and seats. There was also the large entry sign to Critter Country to consider. They finally arrived at ‘Coyote’ by process of elimination and Adam circled that answer.

  “Should you work on ’Horsing Around’ while we figure out these multiple choice questions?” Lance stopped at the entrance to Critter Country and the two moved over to the side of the walkway next to a wooden railing. “We have some time before going back to Fantasyland.” Adam was handed the sheet as they turned and started walking toward Frontierland. “You’re good at the movie trivia.”

  “Yeah, it’s worth 100 points total. Listen to this:

  • Name the horse from each of these movies:

  1. Sleeping Beauty

  2. Hercules

  3. Mulan

  4. Beauty & the Beast

  5. Cinderella

  6. Aristocats

  7. Mr. Toad

  Bonus question — 20 points

  • Name the Lead Horse on King Arthur’s Carrousel

  Bonus question — 10 points

  • How many horses are on the Carrousel?’”

  Listening to Adam without looking where he was going, Lance stopped right in front of the Golden Horseshoe. “I didn’t know there was a Lead Horse, did you, Adam?”

  “Yeah, I read about it in a magazine. It’s a pretty white one.” Adam couldn’t resist a smug grin.

  “They’re all white,” Lance reminded him dryly.

  “Just seeing if you’re paying attention.” Adam smiled as he looked up. “Ok, then, how many rubies are on the sign?”

  Adam and Lance looked up at the Golden Horseshoe’s ornate sign attached to a second floor balcony of the western food and comedy review saloon. The balcony was sometimes used for mock gunfights before the stage show started. The balcony was now quiet as strains of fiddle music drifted out of the open doors of the saloon. Red rubies were imbedded within the large gold letters spelling The Golden Horseshoe.

  They both silently counted and Adam came up with forty. Lance said it was forty-one. Adam said to count again. Adam again arrived at forty rubies. Lance was now talking to a group of girls who asked him what time it was. Rolling his eyes, Adam circled 40 on the answer sheet knowing Lance wasn’t wearing a watch. Trying to be helpful, Adam told them it was almost eleven o’clock—and was completely ignored. “Lance, we need to go. Yo, Lance? Pirates or Indiana Jones?”

  Lance smiled his good-bye. “Well, we probably should get a FastPass for Indy and go on Pirates. I don’t know any of those answers.” Lance finally refocused on his partner.

  Retracing their steps along the River toward Adventureland, they turned left at Tarzan’s Treehouse, went past the entrance of Indiana Jones, and headed for the kiosks that give out FastPasses. The kiosks were positioned right next to the entry of the Jungle Cruise.

  Bypassing most of the queue, FastPasses usually saved guests quite a bit of wait time on the more popular rides. Guests can get one FastPass for each entry ticket but can’t get another one until they used the one they already had. For the Mouse Adventure racers, any extra time saved meant more time finishing quests. Adam and Lance’s FastPasses gave them an entry time in another hour and were good for a window of two hours. Lance stuffed their passes into his shirt pocket along with the phone numbers he had been collecting.

  Turning back toward the Treehouse, they followed the crowd under the bridge to get in line for Pirates of the Caribbean. The line moved quickly around the chain maze. Adam’s eyes had to adjust to the dim interior as they entered the building and walked past the squawking parrot. “Let’s see. What animal is in the bayou?” While they still had some light, Adam recounted what they needed as they approached the loading area. “What animals are either still in cages or not in the ride at all? And what do the pirates have in the jail scene? That’s basically it.” They now waited their turn to tell the pirate host how many in their party and find out which row they should stand in to board.

  “I know you can hear frogs in the bayou, but you can’t see them. Didn’t they add an alligator a while back?” Lance was thinking out loud.

  Adam nodded. “Yeah, that was my first thought, too. Help me figure out the animals on the ride. The jail scene is at the end and we know there’s a dog there.”

  The men didn’t pay much attention to the actual ride. They were marking off animals as they were seen. “Did you see that goat?” “Is that a donkey or a horse?” “You’re kidding, right?” “Did you see a cat?” ”Yeah, back in the beginning of the ride.” “What’s left?” “I don’t know.” As they neared the end of the ride, Adam studied the jail scene with the dog holding an old key that dangled from a metal ring in its mouth. “Oh, look, a rope, a bone, and the last guy is holding a cup.” There were audio-animatronic pirates standing or kneeling behind the iron bars, each one begging the dog to bring them the key to freedom.

  Their boat passed through the shoot-out between the drunken pirates at the end of the ride and then lurched as it started the steep climb up the waterfall that marked the end of the ride.

  They could see the answer sheet now as sunlight streamed in through the ride entrance as they leveled out and settled in the ride flume curving next to the waiting guests. Adam circled answer ‘a’ for question #5 and marked off the animals they saw. Left with only ‘Ducks & Geese’, so he chose answer ‘b’ as their boat drifted around the curve to
Lafitte’s Landing where the boats would be guided to the unload dock on conveyor belts. A brief, “Please exit this way,” was directed to the passengers by the pirate hostess on the exit side of the boat.

  After the cool, dark interior of the ride, Adam had to squint at the bright sun filtering over New Orleans Square as they exited Pirates. Royal Street was crowded as people pooled from the ride, the shops and the restaurants in the immediate area. Pushing a hand through his blonde hair, Adam wished he had remembered his sunglasses. “What do we have, thirty minutes before we can use our FastPass? Want to go to Fantasyland and finish the Horse quest?”

  “Sounds good. Let’s take the short cut behind Big Thunder Mountain. Miss the crowd on Main Street.”

  The Mark Twain sounded its whistle as it neared the dock. People crowded the ornate white railings on all three decks as they got ready to disembark and continue their adventures in the Park. Further on, a Big Thunder runaway mine car went screaming past on its train track rails. Disappearing in a dark tunnel carved into the red rock mountain, the train rumbled out the other side as the passengers laughed and got ready for the next hairpin turn. As the two men walked past the mining equipment on the right, Lance looked over at the still mountain lake on the left. The screams from the Big Thunder roller coaster were a sharp contrast to the placid lake complete with jumping fish and white birch trees. “Didn’t this used to be part of the old Mine Train ride? Weren’t there bears in this lake?”

  Lance’s question brought up Adam’s head from the quest he was filling in. “Bears? Oh, right. Yeah, that tunnel up there in the rocks.” He pointed to a large beam-encased hole carved into the barren hill above the lake. “That lead into Nature’s Wonderland. Old Unfaithful Geyser and all that. I think it was taken out in the late ‘70’s. I don’t remember the ride, but my parents used to love it.”

  Leaving Frontierland through a huge stockade gate, they entered the brightly-colored Fantasyland. There was an immediate crush of people. Walking past Dumbo the Flying Elephant, they veered around a jungle of strollers as they made their way to King Arthur’s Carrousel located about in the center of the land. Adam noticed a lovely woman staring in their direction. Not that Lance noticed. It wasn’t that he was aloof—his good nature attested to that. Lance was just totally unaware of the effect he had on the ladies.

  “I’ll count the horses, you fill in the blanks.” Lance moved away from Adam and counted as he went.

  Smiling to himself, Adam filled in what he remembered regarding the horses named in various Disney movies:

  1. Samson

  2. Pegasus

  3. Khan

  4. Phillipe

  5. No Idea (he wrote)

  6. No Clue

  7. Cyril Proud Bottom

  8. Lead Horse — Jingles

  Lance came back and stuffed a piece of paper in his pocket.

  “What was that?” Adam was immediately suspicious.

  “Nothing. I came up with seventy-five.”

  “Seventy-five? You sure? Shouldn’t it be an even number? Or were you distracted?”

  “Then count again. There are four horses in a row. Just count the rows and see.”

  Adam came up with eighteen rows on the moving Carrousel. “Eighteen times four equals seventy-two. You agree?”

  “Sounds good. So which horse is the Lead? You never said.”

  Adam watched the Carrousel as it traveled in its circle. “There, that one on the end of the row, just behind the bench seat. It has flowers in its mane and bells all over…. Glad we don’t have to count the bells.… Anyway, the lead horse is always the most elaborately decorated horse on a carrousel. They named that one Jingles.” Adam pointed at the horse in question as it swung past them for another go-around.

  “Fascinating. You really need to get a life.” Lance was always amused by his friend’s depth of Disney knowledge. They both heard his stomach growl. “You hungry? We could get something to eat and work on the Jumbles.”

  Glancing at his watch, Adam was amazed it was already lunchtime. “Ok, I’ll have to stand in line with you, but that works. You’re better at word puzzles than I am. Let’s see if we can knock these off.”

  Heading for the closest place, they got in line for the fast food at the Vilage Haus Restaurant across from Dumbo. After grabbing a couple of burger and fry combos, Adam and Lance took a seat inside the Danish-themed eatery, taking a corner table away from some rather loud groups of families with young kids.

  At ten points each, they worked as fast as they could while they ate:

  ‘All Jumbled Up’

  Unscramble the mixed-up attractions:

  1. rigid handlebar tour

  2. landslide radio yarn

  3. troll was dismal

  4. yell troll joy

  5. sure uncle jig

  6. faint scam

  7. ten inhuman soda

  8. briar soot rot

  9. trust sora

  10. mansion teacup

  11. dinnertime cook hat

  12. repeat bicarbonate fish

  13. sandy door millennia

  14. teamwork trivia barn

  By the time they finished eating, it was after noon. They had only three hours left and eight more quests to do. They had only the following answers to the “All Jumbled Up” attraction names:

  1.

  2.

  3. It’s a Small World

  4. Jolly Trolley

  5. Jungle Cruise

  6. Fantasmic

  7.

  8.

  9. Star Tours

  10. Space Mountain

  11.

  12.

  13. Disneyland Monorail

  14.

  Now they turned their attention to “The Road Rally” that would earn fifty points.

  Total up the following:

  1. Address of Pieces of Eight Shop

  2. Number of pillows in Walt’s Apartment

  3. Number of Teacups

  4. Number of Fire Engines

  5. Number of Flying Elephants

  6. Number of Astro Orbitor Rockets

  7. Maximum number of guests in a StarSpeeder

  8. Number of seats around the large dining table in the main dining room at 33 Royal Street

  9. Number of stairs in the first flight of steps around the golden elevator

  Still in Fantasyland, they counted sixteen Flying Elephants and eighteen Teacups. “Let’s head past the Tomorrowland entrance and get the number of rocket jets.” Adam was actually referring to the Astro Orbitor but using the name that the jets went by for decades. “Wow! We actually get to go in Walt’s Apartment!” He was still excited by the prospect of going through Walt’s living quarters that he used whenever he needed to stay overnight at Disneyland. “Hopefully the other teams already scoped it out and are gone.”

  There were twelve Rockets circling as they went by. “After Walt’s Apartment, we can head to New Orleans Square and hit Club 33 and find the Pieces of Eight address. Then we can ride Indiana Jones.”

  Adam and Lance headed around the Main Street Hub with its detailed bronze sculptures of Disney characters perched on short, white pillars in the meticulous flower beds. Heading south down Main Street toward the Park’s entrance, they passed shops constructed to match Walt Disney’s idea of what Main Street in any American city should resemble at the turn of the century—the nineteenth century, that is. Hence the name he had given the main thoroughfare: Main Street U.S.A.

  “Did you write down 1 for the fire engine?” Lance gave the air a sniff as they passed the Candy Kitchen. They could smell the butter toffee that was being made inside. Adam put a restraining hand on Lance’s arm to keep him from going inside. “Don’t have time.” Adam pulled Lance from under the shop’s red and white awnings that shaded the interior. A few steps farther, they had to pause, avoiding a group of kids who darted out of the Penny Arcade.

  “One fire engine, Lance? Are you sure?” Adam gave him a smug smile. “Now you see why
I’m the superior partner. There are two fire engines. There’s one.” He pointed at the red engine chugging down Main Street with a load of guests. “And the one that sits inside the Fire House,” Adam added, pointing ahead to where the Fire House sat directly below Walt Disney’s apartment. “That’s two.”

  “I bow to your greatness.”

  They rounded the corner in front of the Emporium—one of the largest souvenir shops in the Park—and saw the side gate next to the Fire House was open. They knew the gate hid the steps leading up to Walt’s apartment and was usually shut. The stairway was guarded by a cast member who asked to see their race papers as Adam and Lance approached.

  They excitedly climbed the steps to the front door. Neither of them had been inside the apartment before. In fact, few people outside specific employees and supervisors were ever allowed inside. This was actually the first year the Race had allowed the Advanced Teams to enter. The men took a couple of moments to look around. The room had been furnished in the style of early 1900’s to match the theme of Main Street below. They took in the brilliant white walls and dark red accents of the draperies and floral carpet. The seating area was arranged around a red throw-covered pull-out bed, with antique lights and pictures for accent. Six upholstered chairs—with the exception of one red velvet armless seat—were floral-on-white tapestry material. The apartment had two hallways: the entry hallway through which they had just come and a second hallway leading to the small Victorian bathroom on one side and the private balcony on the other. There was a large standing music box between two windows looking over the back area. The small kitchen, usually behind bi-fold louvered doors, was open for all to see with its small chrome toaster and white mini-fridge. The pictures hanging on the walls had been changed since Walt’s time but the hand-painted lamps were the originals. The ivory French Provencal telephone was still there with its rotary dial.

  Wendy, the cast member assigned to guard duty all day, had long been inured to the opulent surroundings and the privilege of being allowed in that special place. She was now completely bored by her assignment and had been looking out the front window at the more exciting goings-on of Main Street. After a fleeting glance at yet another set of wide-eyed, hush voiced Adventurers, she did a double-take at Lance. Even though her face turned bright pink, she never took her eyes off him. Lance gave her a friendly smile as he and Adam got started on their quest. Quickly counting the pillows, Lance moved to the bathroom to see if there were any pillows hidden in there. Noticing his shoe had come untied, Adam took a moment to lace up. Figuring Lance wouldn’t have any problem identifying a pillow, he began thinking of their next destination. Momentarily forgetting the Dire Warnings issued orally and in print, subliminally and etched in stone, he plopped down on the nearest chair, which turned out to be the tallest Victorian tapestry wingchair. Sitting on the edge, crushing the cushion as he bent over, he felt something poke him in the behind. Adjusting his position, trying to ignore it, his movement only made the object prod him sharper. Glancing back at Wendy who was still staring wistfully after Lance, he felt gently through the fabric. He could make out a hard, squarish shape. Before he could further his investigation, he heard a startled gasp. Wendy had made a cursory glance around the room to see where that other guy was. What she saw was his two feet below the back of the chair. She was frantic as she ran over. “Oh my god! What are you doing!!?? You can’t sit on Walt’s chairs! Get off of there!”