Recon

by Tarah Benner

  I turn quickly to see Eli staring me down with his arms crossed over his chest. He’s wearing a strange expression: half amusement, half wariness.

  “Done playing hooky?” he asks.

  “I wasn’t —”

  “On the line,” snaps Eli. “Now.”

  The others skitter over to the line on the mat. I follow them but keep my eyes trained on Eli.

  Whatever concern I saw in his eyes after he bailed me out of Control is gone. Now he’s back in pissed-off drill sergeant mode, walking toward us with long, purposeful strides.

  As he passes me, I whisper, “You should really take something for these mood swings of yours.”

  “What did you say, Riley?”

  My stomach drops. I hadn’t expected him to comment on my remark.

  Eli’s standing in front of me now, glowering down with those unforgiving blue eyes. His jaw is stiff, his dark eyebrows pulled down in fury. Even though I’ve seen the human side of Eli, a tremor of fear shoots down my spine.

  My face flushes automatically as the other cadets’ eyes swivel toward me. “Nothing . . . sir.”

  “No, no. Please, Riley. If you’ve got something to say, you should share it with the class.”

  I stare straight ahead, and out of the corner of my eye, I watch his expression harden.

  “Two laps,” he growls. “And everyone else will do push-ups until you return. Go.”

  Lenny shoots me a look that’s a perplexing mix of annoyance and pity, and I take off for the rickety metal stairs. I’m hyperaware of Eli’s eyes following me around the room, burning a hole in my back.

  As I run, I feel the instant stab of the stitch in my side. My legs are weak from days of inactivity, and my ribs and back are still tender.

  By the time I return, I’m gasping for air, and the others are sweating and shaking through their push-ups. Eli still looks pissed.

  “The rest of you, up!” he yells. “Give me two miles. Riley, push-ups.”

  I drop onto the filthy mat, anger coursing through me. He’s isolating me from the others, pitting me against them to make me miserable.

  I start doing push-ups, counting each one even though he hasn’t given me a specific number. I know he’ll make me keep going until I collapse.

  As soon as the others are out of earshot, Eli hunkers down in front of me. “If you value your life, you need to keep your mouth shut.”

  “Afraid — I’m going — to tell the others what you said to Control?” I pant.

  His jaw tightens, and he looks away. Under his infuriated expression, I can tell he’s nervous. “Like you would tell any of them what I said.”

  “I wouldn’t,” I pant. “But you don’t have to be an asshole.”

  “I’m your commanding officer, Riley. Don’t forget it.”

  Now I’m pissed. It’s not the push-ups-as-punishment that bothers me; it’s his attitude. He acts as though he cares — finds me in Control and lies to protect me — and then has a complete personality change the next time I see him.

  It must be written all over my face, because it gets a reaction from Eli. “What’s the matter with you?” he asks in an angry whisper. “Do you want to live?”

  I glare at him out of the corner of my eye before dipping down and touching my chin to the mat.

  “I’m asking because I’m curious. You keep doing stupid things. You start poking around to find out about your VocAps score. You break into a board member’s office. You get yourself arrested by Paxton Dellwood, of all people —”

  “Yes, I want to live,” I snap back at him. I don’t like being on the ground with him hovering above me like this. With Eli, I have a strange instinct to be on my feet and moving at all times.

  “You can’t afford these angry little outbursts, Riley. You keep this up, and you’re going to say something that throws suspicion back on both of us.”

  “Oh . . . I see,” I pant, sweat rolling off my forehead. I can’t pretend it doesn’t sting a little, him being nice to me and then turning on me again.

  Eli is staring at my face, trying to work out what I’m thinking. I purposely look over at the others running laps instead of at him. I don’t need Eli in my head.

  I stop the push-ups and rest on my stomach for a moment. I expect Eli to yell at me, but his eyes widen, and a look of clarity spreads across his face. “What? You think that because I saved you, we’re supposed to be best friends now?”

  I roll my eyes to tell him he’s way off the mark. I can’t have him thinking he’s hurt my feelings or anything.

  “Riley, you don’t want people thinking I did you any favors. If anyone suspects I was lying to cover up what you did, Jayden will have no choice but to discharge you.”

  I swallow down my resentment and try to keep my tone neutral. It doesn’t work. “What did she say?”

  “Nothing yet. She’s been out on assignment.”

  It seems strange to me that the commander would be out on the Fringe doing grunt work, but I don’t say anything.

  “Go,” he says quietly. But the edge in his voice is softer now. “Two miles, just like everybody else.”

  And that’s the end of it. Eli switches gears again, and as far as everyone else is concerned, I’m back to being the cadet he hates. I know better, but it still grates on my nerves that it’s so easy for him to flip his switch and be an ass after everything he did for me.

  I take the stairs at a sprint to catch up with the others, but I’m behind on their workout for the rest of the morning, thanks to Eli’s one-on-one attention. The others don’t suspect a thing; they think he singled me out just because of my snide remark.

  Eli barks orders at us until we’re all bone-sore and soaked with sweat. My body feels as though it’s been through a meat grinder, and I’m slightly dizzy.

  Eli doesn’t take it easy on me just because I was injured. This is Recon. Even after deadly radiation exposure, one week of rehab is all you get before you’re expected to be training and fighting again.

  But when we break for lunch, I catch Eli staring at me from across the room. He looks almost . . . protective. I haven’t figured him out yet, but I can tell that something has definitely changed for Lieutenant Parker.

  twenty

  Eli

  The rest of the day’s training is awful. Harper takes everything I dish out, glaring at me with those accusing gray eyes the entire time.

  She must think I’m such an asshole, but that’s the safest way for both of us. The board doesn’t care about tier-three workers sleeping together — not really. Not enough to make us disappear, at least. They don’t want us making babies or getting married, but casual sex is something they expect.

  It’s camaraderie they can’t see. Protection. Friendship. Lust. All of those things would throw suspicion on me and Harper.

  People who lust after each other are unpredictable — uncontrollable. It’s why Neverland exists. When tier-three workers can get what they need from strangers in the dark, they don’t think about falling in love. They don’t take stupid risks.

  The rules within Recon are a different story. Sleeping with a fellow operative — especially someone below your rank — is serious shit.

  That’s why I have to treat her as though she’s just another cadet. If Recon buys my testimony, me freezing out Harper will seem normal. Her capture forced me to expose myself, risking discharge or getting my ranks stripped. If they don’t believe it, all they’ll see is a lieutenant being rough on his cadet.

  By the time training is over, I’m completely drained. All the cadets listen to me now, which should make me happy. But all I feel is the irritation coming off Harper in waves.

  I send them all to dinner an hour early, before I completely lose my grip on the asshole persona that has taken over my life.

  I shut myself in my compartment and run the wash cycle on my shower four times at piping hot, trying to forget the deep hole I’ve dug for myself.

  Miles was right when he said it gets lonel
y. Not many lower-ranked Recon want anything to do with me, and the other lieutenants think I take training too seriously. They don’t care if their recruits get blown up or shot their first time out. They know it’s inevitable, so they don’t feel responsible.

  I’d be lying if I said it didn’t suck sometimes. Miles was my only friend in the Institute, so he’s the only person who really knew me before I became Lieutenant Parker.

  I had some friends in higher ed and my recruit class, but most of them are dead now.

  The way I see it, it’s just extra motivation. I’m only good at fighting. It’s all I’ve ever been good at. If I can use that to make sure fewer cadets die out there, then I don’t mind being the asshole that everybody hates.

  Yeah, right.

  I climb out of the shower and dry off, trying to shake the weirdness that has come over me since seeing Harper in Control. Someone clears her throat nearby, and I nearly have a heart attack.

  “Holy shit!”

  There’s someone sitting on my bed, facing the opposite wall. I tighten the towel around my waist automatically, but my alarm is downgraded to wary curiosity when I see a dark head of hair around the corner.

  Then the woman turns, and my stomach clenches with dread and disgust.

  It’s Jayden. She’s wearing her hair in a tight bun as always, which wouldn’t look good on a normal woman. But Jayden isn’t normal. She’s scary hot.

  “All the cold showers in the world can’t wash off the stupidity, Parker,” she croons, swinging her legs around and springing up to her full height of five foot four.

  I frown. “Commander.”

  Jayden scowls. She hates when I call her “Commander.” She’d like us to be on first-name terms, but I’m not stupid enough to give her what she wants.

  Jayden doesn’t think the rules apply to her. She didn’t achieve her rank by keeping her head down and working hard in Recon. She became commander by kissing the board’s ass — and by being the last bitch standing.

  “What do you want?” I ask.

  “I want to know why there’s a report on my interface about my best lieutenant fraternizing with a cadet.”

  I shrug and pretend to clear the water from my ears. “What can I say? It was a mistake. Do whatever you have to do.”

  Jayden raises a triumphant eyebrow, her mouth curling into a smirk. “Really? You’re not even going to deny the allegations?”

  “Why would I?” I say, trying to keep my expression completely neutral. We both know she isn’t going to discharge me. I’m her favorite. “I confessed. There’s no getting out of this.”

  “And why would you confess?” she asks. “The rest of the file is sealed, and I have no idea what circumstances would get Constance involved in an open-and-shut case like this. Control wouldn’t even bring you in for fraternizing with Cadet Riley.”

  My blood goes cold. Jayden’s too smart for her own good.

  “So enlighten me, Parker. What happened?”

  I take a deep breath, praying I can get to Harper before Jayden does so we can get our stories straight.

  I clear my throat. “Uh, we were doing it in the upper tunnels when the explosion happened. They brought us in, thinking we might have seen something. When we told them we hadn’t, they got angry and decided to pin us with the only charge they could.”

  Jayden stares at me for a long time, and I can practically see her mind working. She’s turning my story over in her head, searching for holes. She’s deciding if she believes me.

  “Where were you doing it?” she asks finally.

  “The observation deck,” I lie automatically.

  She lets out a little huff of laughter. “That’s ballsy of you. Why up there? There are closets and empty compartments all over this compound.”

  Because it’s a public place. You can’t prove I wasn’t there.

  “We knew we wouldn’t get caught,” I say. “Recon officers never go up there.”

  “You’re lying,” she whispers, so quietly I’m sure I’ve misunderstood.

  “What?”

  “I said you’re lying, Parker. You’ve never been one for details. When you found that cell of terrorists on the Fringe, I had to practically drag the information out of you.”

  I stare at her, trying to gauge if she really knows I’m bluffing. Jayden is a master manipulator.

  “What can I say? This was slightly more memorable than Fringe terrain.”

  I grin like a dog to hide my worry, but I know my face is beet red. Before I can get a good read on her, Jayden’s in my face, stretched up to her full height so she can jab me in the chest.

  “You’re full of shit, Parker. I don’t know why you’re lying, but it makes me think you’re using this to cover up something worse.”

  “You think I need a deeper motive to sleep with Riley?” I snap. “Have you seen her?”

  This rankles her more than anything. She doesn’t like the insinuation that there’s anyone hotter than her. “Like I said —”

  “What? You think I was involved in the bombing? You can ask Riley —”

  “That’s all right,” she sighs. Her voice is deadly calm. “I don’t want to draw any more attention to this than I have to.”

  Of course. Jayden is all about looking good to the board. She’d never discharge Harper, because it would mean making this public.

  She takes a step back, and suddenly, all signs of superiority are gone. She looks serious. “Parker, whatever it is that you’re involved with, you need to stop.”

  “What makes you think I’m involved in anything?”

  “Because I know you better than you know yourself. You’re not stupid, and you’re too moral to sleep with one of your cadets. You’re already racked with guilt that you’re training them up for their death march. You wouldn’t add to that guilt.”

  I don’t say a word. Jayden’s right. She does know me well. Too well.

  It was Jayden who recruited me when I was eighteen and she had my job. I told her I wanted to test for Control, but she never cared. She knew I’d end up in Recon.

  When I don’t respond, she seems satisfied with whatever twisted conclusion she’s drawn and breezes out of my compartment as though she owns the place.

  I don’t like to think about the fact that she has universal clearance in Recon and can just magically appear in here whenever she wants.

  I slide the defunct chain lock into place and put on my clothes. I know it’s risky to go see Harper, but Jayden has an annoying habit of doing the exact opposite of what she says she’s going to do.

  Now may be my only chance to get to Harper before Jayden does. She has her mission debriefing, which should keep her busy for a few hours.

  Before I have time to think about how stupid I’m being, I’m banging on Harper’s door. She doesn’t answer right away, which makes me cagey. I don’t like being out here in the cadet wing, knocking on a female subordinate’s door. It looks bad — though not as bad as what I willingly told Control.

  Harper takes her time coming to the door — either that or she saw me through the peep hole and is thinking about not answering.

  Finally, she cracks the door open.

  “I need to come in,” I say in a low voice.

  In her eyes, I can see the storm rolling in. She wants to slam the door in my face just to demonstrate that I can’t tell her what to do outside of training.

  “Please,” I say, hoping my voice conveys my regret. “It’s important.”

  Finally she steps aside, and I push my way into her compartment. It’s even more of a shithole than I remember my cadet living quarters being.

  “What do you want, Lieutenant?”

  “Really?”

  She folds her arms across her chest and cocks an eyebrow at me. For some reason, that little eyebrow thing she does nearly unravels me. I shove down the heat rising in the pit of my stomach and clench my hands to try to regain some control.

  “Listen. Jayden’s back from her mission, and she
might be questioning you soon. We need to have our story straight.”

  Harper rolls her eyes. “Sure, Eli. We slept together. I’ve got it.”

  “No, you don’t. Jayden’s not an idiot. We need our facts to match up.”

  “Those are the facts,” she says lazily, gesturing around her as though she’s laying it all out for me.

  “Do you think this is a game?” I yell.

  “No, I don’t, Eli. Not since everyone in the compound is saying I slept with my commanding officer! Do you know how humiliating that is? I’m already a failure as far as they’re concerned, and now I throw myself at a Recon officer?”

  I feel a slight pang of guilt when I realize my lie has made her life harder, but I push it down.

  “Harper, I’m sorry. But you’d have a lot worse than the rumor mill to deal with if I hadn’t lied.”

  “I know that,” she snaps. “And I can handle myself. I don’t need you bursting in here —”

  “Hey!” I yell, sounding more like an angry lieutenant than ever. “This is serious shit, and now my ass is on the line, too. You need to fucking listen so we don’t both get pulled into the bombing just because you botched a routine B&E.”

  I realize too late that I sound like a lunatic and that I’ve come way too close to her.

  She’s got her back against the wall, but she isn’t scared of me. She’s jutting out her chin and glaring up at me with those big beautiful eyes. She’s pissed, and she’s playing me like a cheap piano — getting me worked up on purpose.

  Suddenly, I realize what a dick I’ve been to her. She was tortured by Constance just last week, and I gave her a rough time in training.

  I treated her like shit just so no one would be suspicious. I have to apologize — even if it means undoing everything I’ve done to push her over the edge in training.

  Taking a deep breath, I force my shoulders to relax and take a step back from her.

  “I’m sorry about today,” I say. “I was trying to keep things normal in training, but I might have overcorrected.”

  “You think?” she mutters. She’s still huffy, but she’s calming down.