Lost Love

by Nicole Casey

  As I watched Gio walk in front of me, I couldn’t stop myself from brightly grinning happily. He looked so wonderful. He made me fly higher than air. Why would I ever want anything but this?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Gio

  My heart was thumping with joy as we made our way into the bedroom, because everything was now so much more real. Derek had actually told me that he loved me, and he really meant it. I could see that in his eyes as he spoke to me.

  Knowing that he felt that way about me was incredible; it made everything feel right with the world once more. If only I’d taken the time to listen, rather than overreacting, then I would’ve been able to get to this place so much sooner. Happiness would’ve come for me faster.

  I fell onto the bed sheets and patted to indicate for Derek to take a seat next to me, which he did without complaint. Once there, I wrapped my hands around his face and brought it back to mine, where the buzzing sensation hummed all over my body again. It was always that way with Derek. He always did that to me, and I never wanted to give him up again.

  As Derek’s arms snaked around my waist, I flinched a little because his hands felt too good against my burning hot skin. Everything was sizzling, right down into my core, unleashing the primal, animalistic side of me all over again. I yanked at his tee shirt, needing it off, wanting to see every inch of his skin now that we’d decided to give in to this temptation fully.

  “Bit needy, aren’t we?” Derek joked as he lifted the material up over his head, but I didn’t care. I nodded agreeably with him, helping him get it off… and my God. The body he had under there got me every time.

  I shed my shirt, and once we were both half naked, we began kissing frantically once more, grabbing on to one another as if there were no tomorrow. His touch made me shudder violently, in the most incredible way possible.

  I moved my lips away from Derek’s and down over his neck, his ear lobe, his collarbone, trying to explore every single bit of him with my mouth. As my tongue licked the sweat off of his body, I felt stiffening in my underwear, and a powerful need to ravish this man.

  “Oh God,” he gasped loudly as I moved my mouth down over his chest and stomach.

  “Oh, Gio...” His hands clung tightly to my shoulders as I slowly moved downward… further down toward his underwear.

  My mouth grew hungry for a taste. It was practically drooling to take him in, so as I fiddled with the zipper on his trousers I felt impatient.

  “Come on,” I gasped, tugging at it. “Now.”

  Finally I managed to free Derek from his material prison, which caused a guttural scream to burst free from his chest. That empowered me, spurred me on further. I took his thick, throbbing erection in my hand and I gently ran my fingers all over him.

  “Oh… my… God…” Derek’s head hit the pillow hard as he flopped backward to embrace the sensations. He clutched onto his forehead as perspiration dripped over his face, showing how overwhelmed he was getting.

  I ran my hands over him faster and harder with one hand, which slowly tracing my other fingers over his balls in a way that I recalled him loving. I hoped that no one else had ever thought to do this to him, that it was a thought that he only shared with me.

  I needed that. It made me feel phenomenal to know that I was the one who could make him feel best of all.

  As I leaned in, inhaling his masculine scent, butterflies flapped violently in my stomach. My breath was tickling him now. I could tell from the way his nails were digging into my shoulders, which meant I had him exactly where I wanted him… submissive only to me.

  I moved closer, slowly, tantalizingly, wanting to drive him crazy, and from the way Derek’s back was arching against me, I had it right.

  Then I placed just one gentle kiss on his length, just to brush my lips against him, and he buckled crazily against me. So I gave him another, and another, before I could take it no more and I wrapped my lips around him.

  His cock trembled between my lips. It begged for me to take him hard and fast, which was exactly what I did. I bobbed my head up and down, whilst exploring him with my tongue. I paid particular attention to his tip, which had him crying out loudly.

  “Oh fuck, Gio,” he cried out loudly. “Fuck Yes.”

  He was shuddering, shaking, and his whole body was tense.

  I knew the pressure was building within him. I could sense it, so I grabbed tightly onto his buttocks so he couldn’t move even one inch. I took all of him into my mouth, and soon was rewarded with the sweet, salty desire of his trickling down my chin.

  I swallowed it down, before shimmying up his body to place one gentle kiss on his passion bruised, gasping lips.

  “You… you…” he panted, but he couldn’t get his words out. He was far too overcome.

  I lay next to him, swallowing up the warmth of his post-coital bliss, and eventually, I felt his finger trickling up and down my thigh.

  His calloused fingers felt wonderful against the softness of my gentle skin, which had the electricity building all over again. I wanted to scream, to shout, to cry out in bliss, but instead I bit down hard on my lip, trying to keep it all inside.

  “Oh, Derek, you’re driving me crazy,” I finally groaned when I was unable to hold it in any longer. “You feel so good.”

  My words ignited a flame within him, giving him his energy back, which he used to flip up over me until his body was straddled over mine. He grabbed onto my cock with a cheeky smile playing on his lips. He moved his hand up and down, softly and slowly at first, but soon picking up the pace when he detected that was exactly what I needed.

  His eyes were fixed upon mine. I felt like I could see into his soul, like I could really feel the true depth of his love, and it was wonderful.

  I never wanted the sensation to end.

  As the hot pool of bliss swirled in my stomach, and a pressure crept its way up from my toes, I fisted the sheets beneath me, just to give me something to hold onto. The incredible sight of Derek above me, his body gleaming at me, made the intense sensations feel even more overwhelming.

  My chest grew tight, before it released in an explosion. I moaned as the waves bulldozed over my body, as my body lifted from the bed and flew higher than air. The pleasure flew from my body, splattering everywhere, leaving both of us a sticky mess.

  I looked at him, as did he, both of us feeling everything and nothing all at once.

  ***

  “So seriously,” Derek propped himself up onto his elbows. “What now?”

  We had a lot of questions that needed answering, I knew that, but we’d only just managed to make this work. I didn’t want to wreck it by getting into the whole future stuff right now. I wanted to enjoy what we had for one more moment.

  I lived here. I had my career here.

  Derek was in the army, a job that took him all over the world all the time.

  Chances were it was going to be very difficult, so I just wanted a little more time of it being easy.

  “Shall we get something to eat?” I sat up and grinned.

  “Are you hungry? I can order some takeout if you like…?”

  Derek shot me a disappointed look, but I didn’t let that stop me.

  “What do you fancy? Some Chinese? Indian? I think I might have a burger menu somewhere…”

  “Gio,” he answered me in a warning tone of voice, one that commanded my attention even if I didn’t really want to give it. “Gio, you know that we need to talk.”

  I sighed deeply and nodded.

  “Okay. I’m just enjoying what this is for the moment. Can’t we just have a few more days in blissful ignorance before we have to have some form of serious discussion?”

  “No, we can’t.” Derek propped himself up and he gave me a serious look. “We can’t because I have to go back tomorrow.”

  The world fell out from beneath me.

  I felt dizzy and sick all at once.

  We wasted so much time fighting. Now it was too late. Everything was rushing up
on me, like a train hurtling about a million miles an hour, without even giving me a second to think.

  Derek was going, tomorrow.

  I was about to lose him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Derek

  “Why… why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Gio gushed emotionally, as he clutched onto his chest.

  “Why did you keep this to yourself?”

  “It wasn’t like that, I promise,” I did my best to assure him.

  “I wasn’t keeping it from you. I just… well, I didn’t really want to think of it, to be honest. Also, I didn’t want to put any pressure on you. I didn’t want you to think that I was saying it to force you into any kind of decision, you know?”

  The more he put it off, the clearer it came in my mind that I was going to have to say something eventually. I just hated the way it crushed the both of us.

  A moment ago, we had the world at our feet, now our hearts had been crushed into a vice. We wouldn’t have nearly enough time to work out where we wanted to go from here, which I hoped didn’t destroy us.

  We were strong enough to go the whole way; we had what it took if we both wanted it. I just had to hope and pray that Gio wanted it as much as me.

  He stood up and paced the room, his hand rested against his forehead the entire time. I didn’t like the distress across his expression, I hated that I was the one to put it there, but it would be okay in the end, wouldn’t it? I’d come back to make things easier, and yes it was now a whole lot harder, but it was better too. Happier, I hoped.

  “Okay well, we’ll find a way, won’t we?” Gio finally turned to me and asked desperately. “We don’t have to end this again, just because you won’t be here. And you won’t be gone forever, will you?”

  I joined him by standing up with him, and I pulled his body close to mine so I could embrace him wholly.

  “We can do whatever we want to,” I assured him calmly.

  “And no, of course it won’t be forever. I’ve been thinking about a change of career recently anyway, so who knows what will happen in the future.” I rested my forehead against his and gazed deeply into his eyes.

  “All I know for sure is that as long as I have you with me, everything will be okay. As long as I have you here, nothing will matter.”

  Gio climbed back onto the bed and hid his body under the sheets. He looked afraid, like a child scared of monsters creeping up from under the bed, which only made me want to hold him even tighter.

  “Do you remember when we used to talk about traveling the world?” I changed the subject smoothly, whilst sidling in next to him. “When we’d discussed spending a year of our lives seeing Asia.”

  “Yeah, I do recall that well,” Gio replied with a sad smile. “I could never wait to go to Japan. I always wanted to hang out on the colorful streets of Tokyo. Have you ever been?”

  “Never, have you?” He shook his head.

  “I’ll take you there sometime, okay?”

  As his breathing became deeper, I couldn’t help but hope that my words would become the truth. I spoke them with such conviction, because I was so desperate for that to be the case. I just hoped that would come to fruition.

  I loved this man in my arms, so fiercely that it could make me crack into a million pieces.

  ***

  I held Gio’s face in my hands at the door, ready to make my move.

  My cab was waiting for me, my backpack was slung over my shoulder, and I was all set to go. Well, physically. Mentally was a totally different thing.

  “I’m going to miss you,” I whispered wearily as I held him. “But this has been amazing.”

  “Oh God, you never should’ve come back,” Gio teased angrily, while brushing a tear away.

  “It was so much easier before you got here.” He wrapped his hands around my waist to show me that he didn’t truly mean it.

  “You take care of yourself, alright?”

  “I can still text you, and ring you,” I told him with a sad smile. “It won’t be that hard.”

  “You’ll write me letters too,” Gio nodded slowly.

  “I’m going to need love letters, the old fashioned way, to get me through this. I want to know how you are, what you’re doing – except the classified stuff, of course.” He said.

  I had to laugh at his impression of my job. He seemed to have the idea that I was some kind of spy. “And obviously how much you wish you were still here with me.”

  “I will wish that,” I told him earnestly.

  “All the time, but I’ll be back before you know it. You won’t even notice that I’m gone.”

  The cab honked the horn for what felt like the millionth time.

  “I suppose I really had better get going. Say thanks to Max and Bryant for me; they’ve been lifesavers in among all of this.”

  If it hadn’t been for them, there was no way I could’ve stuck around to make this right between me and Gio, and I would always be grateful to them for that.

  I pressed my lips up against Gio’s, doing my best to convey the depth of my feelings with my mouth. Chemistry circled us, bonding us tightly together, as mini fireworks exploded in my chest. My heart warmed up, and my chest expanded. Gio’s love filled me in the way that I hope I was doing to him too.

  “I love you,” Gio gasped finally. “So, so much.”

  “And I love you too.”

  With that, I really did have to leave, so I tore myself away and I made myself get into that cab. Everything inside of me was resisting. I wanted to stay, but of course I couldn’t. It wasn’t that simple at the moment, but it would be, I was going to make sure of that.

  The driver pulled the car away, and I waved a sad goodbye to the man that I loved, but it was a happy moment too because we had each other now. This wasn’t me running away and leaving my great love behind. This time I was taking a piece of Gio with me, and it was a bit of him that I wouldn’t give up no matter what.

  We would make this work.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Gio

  My hands shook as I tore at the envelope, my heart hammering in my chest.

  I knew that writing well by now.

  I recognized it from a mile off, since we had eighteen months of communicating this way under our belts, but still it got to me. Every single time I felt something powerful stir in my chest and I became needy for more.

  It wasn’t easy living this long distance relationship, but at least Derek had breaks from work where we could see one another, and there were many ways for us to talk.

  Still, I couldn’t wait for the day that he’d be finished with his job. We’d talked about it many times, making plans and coming up with ideas, only this time it all felt like it had more substance to it, that it might actually become real.

  As the page unraveled itself, my mouth ran dry and my stomach flip-flopped with emotion. I could barely contain myself any longer.

  ‘Dear Gio,

  I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to actually sit down with pen and paper to get to you, as you know from our daily calls I’ve been incredibly busy.’

  I couldn’t help but smile to myself at that one. He complained sometimes that he didn’t feel the need to write when we could talk all the time, but he always did it in the end. I got the distinct impression that he enjoyed getting mail from me just as much as I did him anyway.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently (when am I not) and wondering how long it will be before we can finally be together properly, to really start our lives together. I know we’re okay, but it feels a bit like we’re in limbo, and I can’t wait for that to end.

  If only it were a little easier to get out of a contract with the armed forces!

  There’s no point telling you about what I’ve been up to at work, because you already know (apart from the super secret classified stuff, of course), so instead I’m going to tell you how much you mean to me.

  You know that I love you, but I don’t think you know how much. It truly is from
the depth of my soul. You’re such an important part of my life. Sometimes I actually have to stop and remind myself that you almost weren’t, that I almost screwed everything up for the both of us. Not that we talk about that, I know. But I’m so glad I came back; I’m so glad I found you again and we built up what we have because you give my life a meaning.’

  My eyes welled up.

  I became a bit of an emotional wreck.

  Having my childhood sweetheart say those things to me felt incredible. I never thought it would happen to me. I always assumed myself to be a very ordinary person, but I was living in the middle of a love story that was worthy of a song, or a story written about it.

  I paused for a second, just to imagine what actor I’d like to play me in the movie… before getting right back into the good stuff.

  ‘I don’t know if I’ve warned you yet, but my next break isn’t for months, just about in time for Max and Bryant’s wedding. That kills me. How am I supposed to go all that time without you? Do you have any idea how hard that will be? Oh well, I suppose you do since you have to cope without me…

  Anyway, I’m really sorry about that. I did try to change things, but as you well know it just isn’t that simple. It sucks.

  I hope you’re well. You’ll have to let me know how things are since you’ve had that promotion at work. Have you brought more wonderful stuff for the house? I fear it might be getting to the point where it’s so luxurious that you won’t have any room for little old me…’

  “Don’t make out I’m materialistic, you fool,” I joked to myself. He kept saying ‘soon’ but I didn’t know what that meant and it was a little frustrating. I wanted him here now.

  ‘Right, I better get some sleep so I’m not shattered tomorrow. Don’t worry about writing back right away, because that piles the pressure right back up on my shoulders again.’