Home to Heal

by Lois Richer

  “Really?” The librarian’s blue eyes sparkled like a young girl’s. “I’ve never done that. It would be so wonderful. Are you sure?”

  “Positive. I was at the store with Mandy the other day and I bought a play makeup set thinking I’d give it to the girls on a rainy day, but they could be part of our beauty day. They’d love it.” She was delighted by the prospect of really getting to know this lady. “Which day works best for you?”

  They had almost settled on a date when Abby heard Zac say her name.

  “Over here,” she called, alert for any stumble as the doctor felt his way around the tables, following her voice. “Miss Partridge and I are planning a beauty afternoon and we were wondering when your, um, client’s next appointment is.” Her heart immediately picked up its pace while her eyes admired him.

  His jeans were perfect for this evening, comfortable looking with naturally worn areas on the knees. His scuffed black boots seemed to scream cowboy, a look much enhanced by the way his hair drooped over one eyebrow in a carless curve. Except for his eye coverings, Zac Calhoun was a picture-perfect testament to ranch living.

  “We’re getting together the day after tomorrow. After lunch.” He felt his way over to them and asked with more than a hint of surprise, “What is a beauty afternoon?”

  “It’s just for us girls,” Miss Partridge said with a hint of coquettishness. “Sorry, Zac. No men. Now I’d better get back to my duties. See you then, Abby.”

  “Yes. It will be fun.” Abby watched her walk away, then chuckled at the downward tilt of Zac’s lips. “She’s gone, so you can say what you’re so obviously thinking.”

  “The mind boggles with my thoughts,” he said cynically. “A beauty afternoon with the town’s former librarian, who, by the way, has to be eons older than you, will be fun?”

  “Hardly eons. And it will be. Miss Partridge is smart and witty and knows everyone so she’s a wealth of information.” Abby shrugged. “She’s been a great help getting you all that psychology stuff you wanted, hasn’t she?” He nodded. “Besides, I think she’s lonely. Why shouldn’t I spend some time with her?”

  “No reason at all, if you want to,” he agreed as his forehead furrowed. “Perhaps you’re lonely, too? I should have realized.”

  “I’m not lonely,” she denied. “But I’m very curious about Sunshine and its people, so visiting with her will be great. Also, I really like Miss P.”

  “Okay,” he said blankly, as if she wasn’t making sense. “That’s good. I guess.” Suddenly his lips curved down in a frown. “I can’t hear the girls.”

  “That’s because they’re stuffing their mouths with popcorn while they watch the puppet show, which we missed because you were grilling me about Miss Partridge. They’re fine.” She thought Zac seemed somewhat frustrated. “Did you want to leave now?”

  “No, let them enjoy the show. We’ll leave when it’s finished.” He felt for the chair, then sat down beside her. “Between watching the twins and me, did you get to participate in anything but a couple of dances?”

  “I had a great time.” Why did she still feel that little glow from dancing when they had barely touched hands? Get over yourself, she ordered her brain. “Miss Partridge has gone to an extensive amount of work to make tonight so much fun.”

  “Yes,” he admitted. “Of course, there are always lots of volunteers.”

  “Zac,” she said in a chastising voice. “To spearhead something like this isn’t easy no matter how much help you have.” Abby glanced around. “Everyone is engaged. That’s a real testament to her thoughtfulness about every person who attended.” She hesitated before deciding to go for broke. “It seems like you have some kind of grudge against Miss Partridge.”

  “I do,” he said harshly. “She spread untruths about my parents.”

  “Purposely?” Taken aback by the confession, Abby waited for an explanation.

  Several minutes passed before Zac heaved a sigh and shook his head.

  “You know what? It was a long time ago and I don’t want to rehash it all over again. Anyway, my mom forgave her so I should, too.”

  “It still rankles, though. Right?” Abby smiled at his nod. “Forgiveness is hard. It costs to forgive and sometimes it seems like the other person doesn’t deserve it.”

  “How did you get so smart?” He didn’t wait for her answer. “You probably think someone who’s been a missionary should have forgiven Miss P. long ago.”

  “Why would I think that? You’re human, aren’t you?” Abby cupped her hands around her tea. “I have a few of my own forgiveness issues to work on,” she admitted very quietly. “Sometimes I think I’ve dealt with it all and then smack! I’m back to square one, repeating my prayers, asking God to heal my heart again so I can release my pain.”

  “Someone must have done a number on you,” he murmured. “I’ve never heard you speak ill of anyone, and yet, just now there was a note in your voice—anger, maybe? Or, no, hurt that you’re trying to hide. Who hurt you, Abby?”

  Though she knew Zac could not see her, Abby felt as if he was probing her soul. Why hadn’t she shut up, made light of her past? Why had she let him see...?

  “I think it was Ken.” Zac’s quiet assertion shocked her.

  “How did you—?” She caught herself from finishing that sentence. “You don’t have to counsel me,” she said firmly.

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.” He folded his hands on the table. “When I first met you, I sensed this reserve about you, as if you were protecting yourself. Not with the twins. You’re always open and honest with them. But there was something else.”

  “You were under a strain,” she excused him. “You probably imagined that.”

  “I don’t think so.” A funny smile twisted his lips. “When Drew met you, there was a funny catch to his voice that I couldn’t understand so a while ago I asked him about it.”

  “Oh.” Did she really want to hear this?

  “He said you’re stunningly beautiful.”

  “That was nice of him, though it’s not true.” She was glad he couldn’t see her blush.

  “Drew wouldn’t lie to me.” Zac sounded certain. “What he said, or maybe the way he said it, confirmed my impression that you are reserved around adults. But you’ve formed a strong liking for Miss Partridge, so I assume it’s men that bother you.”

  “I don’t want to talk—” she protested, but Zac interrupted her.

  “My evidence is that when you change my dressings, you catch your breath, maybe so you can force yourself to touch me. But I would never hurt you, Abby,” he said very gently. “Never.”

  “I never thought you would.” Shocked that he’d assumed the worst, she wanted to deny his conclusions. And yet, she couldn’t because they were at least partly true. “It’s not you, Zac. It’s that sometimes certain things from the past kind of overwhelm me, make me forget it’s over now and—oh, never mind.” Stop talking, Abby!

  “But I do mind.” Zac’s hand brushed hers. She could smell his aftershave as he leaned toward her. “Please talk to me. I don’t think you’ve shared this with anyone and you need to. Otherwise your past will keep returning to bother you.”

  It was so tempting. Abby opened her mouth to tell him, but was interrupted.

  “Can we go home, Daddy?” Zoe yawned. “I’m tired.”

  “Maybe another time, Zac. But thank you for understanding.” Abby rose and glanced around to find her other charge. “I’ll get Mia and then we can leave,” she said quickly, and rushed away before he could stop her.

  Zac was right. She did feel like she needed to talk to someone, to let out the pain and remorse and sadness that kept building inside. But not to Zac.

  She was already nervous of the unusual feelings that mushroomed inside whenever he was near. Telling him her horrible past, opening herself up to let him hear all the ugliness—no! A
nd why not?

  Because, Abby realized, she didn’t want this man for whom she was growing increasingly fond, to think less of her or feel sorry for her. She’d just have to rely more heavily on God for courage.

  Chapter Seven

  “You gotta come, Daddy,” Zoe insisted. “Abby’s got a s’prise.”

  “Yeah, a s’prise,” Mia echoed, dragging at his arm. “We like s’prises.”

  “What’s going on, Abby?” She’d been away all afternoon, and only now that they’d finished clearing up from supper did it occur to Zac to wonder why.

  The past week had been filled with challenges, including a bout of flu, which had kept the girls housebound and left him scrambling for a quiet place to talk to Leo. Then Abby’s beauty time with Miss Partridge the other day had turned the little log house into a kind of salon, which meant Zac’s only refuge was the deck. But even there he found no peace in listening to an audiobook. Boisterous laughter had made him feel left out.

  “I can’t tell you my surprise. I have to show you.” She stopped, cleared her throat. “Uh, I mean, you need to see something.” There was that smile again, weaving its way through her words. “Oh, stop standing there and come along,” she ordered, and punctuated that with a laugh. “It won’t hurt you.”

  “Where are we going?” He hung up the dishtowel.

  “You’ll see. Oh.” Her quiet gasp at the faux pas made him smile. “I mean—”

  “Let’s go.” He swept his hand in front of him. “Ready, girls?”

  The twins jabbered and skipped and hopped their way out. Zac followed, negotiating the stairs easily. At the bottom he waited for new directions. Abby took his hand.

  “Do you mind? It’s a little uneven where we’re going.”

  That made him nervous, but he walked beside her as best he could, his hand in her warm one while his curiosity grew. As they walked, he got his bearings.

  “We’re going to Peace Meadow,” he guessed.

  Abby didn’t respond because just then the rest of his family joined them.

  “What’s going on?” Ben wanted to know.

  “You’ll see,” Mandy said. Meaning she was in on this surprise, too?

  Zac had little time to puzzle it out. Walking over the uneven ground took all his concentration. He was grateful for Abby’s steady grip.

  “Oh, my!” Bonnie’s gasp startled Zac as much as Abby’s sudden tug on his hand to stop him from moving forward.

  “Abby, this is way beyond what we discussed.” Mandy sounded shocked.

  “It’s fantastic.” Drew grabbed his brother’s arm. “Four, maybe five steps more.”

  Zac complied, taken aback when his leg bumped into something. He leaned down.

  “A chair?” he asked.

  “Ten of them,” Drew corrected. “Brilliant red. Some kind of manmade material?” he guessed.

  “Never needs paint and can withstand weather,” Mandy explained, her voice light with a hint of laughter. “Abby and I saw them at the hardware store and thought they’d be perfect here. What she has created—” She paused, then said in an awestruck voice, “This is way beyond perfect.”

  “What are you talking about?” Zac demanded in frustration.

  “Son, the ladies have done an amazing job of turning Peace Meadow into, well, I don’t know exactly what to call it.” Ben’s awe-filled voice showed how moved he was. “The red chairs are grouped around a huge firepit.”

  “Me an’ Mia an’ Ella got our own chairs, Daddy. Yellow ones,” Zoe explained excitedly.

  “There’s a gazebo?” Bonnie gaped. “How did you know I’ve always wished we had a gazebo here?”

  “You mentioned that and I thought it sounded perfect so why not?” Abby’s soft voice oozed satisfaction. “This particular gazebo has screens that can be let down if the bugs come out. It will provide shade from the hot sun and shelter from rain.”

  “How did you do all this by yourself, Abby?” Mandy demanded.

  “The hardware store set up everything. I just told them where to put it.” As usual, Abby brushed off their words of praise. “Your family gives and gives to everyone who comes to the ranch. I thought it was time you all had a place to be together or by yourselves, to relax without strangers to entertain.”

  “It’s amazing, dear. How thoughtful of you. It really is Peace Meadow now.” Zac thought his mom was probably hugging Abby.

  “There’s a picnic table, Zac,” Drew told him. “With a huge umbrella. And food.”

  “You would notice that part.” Mandy laughed. “Abby, that little shelter is a perfect solution for keeping the firewood dry.”

  “Putting those hooks on the end means we can leave s’more forks here and not have to carry them back and forth.” Ben sounded happy. “Abby, you’ve made Peace Meadow absolutely perfect. We haven’t used it much lately, I’m sorry to say. But now we can come here together or separately, have fun, read or just sit a spell and think.”

  “Hey! There’s toys in this box,” Ella squealed.

  Zac kept absorbing information, trying to visualize the scene in his mind.

  “I hope you’ll all use it for years to come,” Abby murmured.

  “Let’s enjoy it now. Drew, can you build a fire?” Mandy asked. “Girls, let’s get our s’mores ready.”

  “It’s really lovely, dear. So thoughtful of you to include a gazebo.” His mom sounded tearful. “Thank you for pulling this all together. I’m going to love reading my Bible out here on summer mornings.”

  “You’re most welcome,” Abby said.

  Zac figured they were hugging again. He felt his way into a chair and found it very comfortable. While the others examined every detail and oohed over the weatherproof chests that held an assortment of items to make the area self-sufficient, his mental picture grew. Now if only he could actually see what Abby looked like.

  “Are you all right?” she asked quietly as she pressed a soda can into his hand, her fingers warm against his.

  “I’m fine. I was just wishing I could see it all.” He tilted his head to one side. “It sounds like a pretty big undertaking. Why would you go to all this trouble for people you hardly know, Abby?”

  “I feel like I do know your family,” she responded after a slight pause that made him wince at the note of hurt in her words.

  “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. Of course you know us. It’s just that—” He stopped and tried to figure out how to explain himself.

  “You think it was too much. That I shouldn’t have done it.” Her hand dropped away from his, leaving a chill. “I’m sorry. I thought—never mind.”

  “No, Abby, I...” He realized she’d moved away. Frustrated that he’d made her feel bad for doing something so nice, his fingers tightened around the pop can.

  “Better relax that grip or you’ll be wearing the stuff,” Mandy advised, her voice harsh. “Not that I wouldn’t like to dump it over you myself. How could you hurt Abby like that, Zac? Don’t you understand how much joy she found in doing this for us? For you?”

  “I didn’t mean—for me?” He started in confusion.

  “When we first saw the chairs in the store, she was so excited. She said we always share the ranch with everyone. She said the meadow should be our private place where no one but the family came. A place to get away, to reconnect.” Mandy’s tone softened. “She wanted to pay for it all herself but I insisted the ranch could afford a few chairs and a picnic table.”

  “Sounds like this is more than that,” he muttered, abashed that he’d said anything.

  “Way more. Because Abby doesn’t just talk to folks, she listens. She knew your mom’s always wanted a gazebo, that your dad likes to sit outside and watch his birds. She knows Drew’s crazy about building campfires and that the kids would love running wild and free out here.” Mandy’s voice softened. “Most of all,
she thought about you.”

  “But I don’t—” He didn’t get to finish.

  Mandy’s voice dropped. “The bills I paid didn’t include any of the special things that make this such a fantastic refuge. Not toys, not the gazebo, not the firewood box or—”

  “Meaning Abby paid for the extras herself? But why would she go to such trouble, and expense?” Zac couldn’t figure that out.

  “Because that’s who Abby is,” Mandy insisted. “She tries to make life better for everyone.”

  “But this sounds like a lot of extras!” he argued.

  “Yes. They’re thoughtful additions that make Peace Meadow usable by all of us. You’re around Abby every day, Zac. She treats your eyes, looks after your daughters, keeps your home running smoothly and probably does a host of other things, most of which aren’t in her job description,” Mandy reminded him.

  “That’s true.” Abby did an awful lot for him and the girls.

  “And she enjoys every moment of it. Don’t you understand her yet?” his sister-in-law scolded. “Abby acts from the heart. She’s a giver. In fixing up Peace Meadow she thought about you, too.”

  “About me?” He was confused by that.

  “Especially you. She knows how difficult it is for you to talk to Leo when the kids are running in and out of the house. She thought having a serene place like this to come to, where you could be alone without interruption, would offer privacy and solace for both of you.” Mandy sighed. “Open your eyes, brother dear. Figuratively, I mean. Abby cares about people. She cares about you.”

  Abby cared about him? The thought made Zac nervous. He wasn’t interested in another relationship. Was he? He would have pressed Mandy for details, but he heard the swish of her footsteps moving through the grass, away from him. As irritated as she’d sounded, she probably wouldn’t tell him more, anyway.

  Zac sat absorbing the sound of his family’s laughter, listening as Ben jokingly critiqued Drew’s fire-building expertise, as Mandy taste-tested and exclaimed over the snacks Abby had provided, as his mom taught the kids how to play croquet. Everyone was enjoying the evening. But where was Abby?