Harry Flammable

by Frank O'Keeffe

  Aunt Phyllis gave me a wan smile. “I think you’ll have to carry on the family tradition if there are going to be any more actors in our family. I’m getting too old, it seems, for this game. I was mortified today when I blew my lines. It’s probably time I retired.”

  “I thought you made a great rich Chinese dowager,” I said. “You had me convinced. And you got it right the second time.”

  “Thank you. Yes, I did get it right the second time. But my memory isn’t what it used to be, and yesterday I said something silly too. I think I said rice cakes. Today, ‘Let them eat cake,’ was even worse. I know my last part was in a play set during the French Revolution, but there’s no excuse. I’ve never had a part with that line before. Imagine mixing up the French Revolution with this era. There’s simply no excuse for it.”

  I sat beside Celia, across the aisle from Aunt Phyllis, and I tried to cheer her up.

  “You shouldn’t think of quitting, Aunt Phyllis. You really did a great job. So you blew a line. Lots of actors do that, even Colin Jang, I bet. But I don’t think Robert Rudsnicker could have found a better actor to play your role. How do you get that high and mighty look, you know, the way you look proud and stuff? That must come from experience.”

  “Oh. I don’t know.” There was a twinkle in Aunt Phyllis’s eye. “Actually, when I want to look and feel haughty, I just think of your father when he’s going on about the latest wrestling match he’s watched. That certainly helps.”

  Celia and I joined Aunt Phyllis’s laughter as the bus pulled out of the parking lot.

  20

  I WOKE UP LONG before my alarm was due to go off. I was too excited about the upcoming action in the movie to sleep. I lay there, trying to figure out a better way to climb the castle wall if I made it that far again. If I survived the charge across the field, I hoped the same extra wouldn’t be waiting for me at the top of the wall. That guy believed in realism, and his swipe at me had come too close for comfort. My alarm buzzed and I got up and dressed quickly.

  I’d just gulped down a bowl of cereal and some toast and juice when Aunt Phyllis bustled into the kitchen at the last minute.

  “I thought they’d finished filming your parts in the movie, Aunt Phyllis, and you’d be able to sleep in today.”

  “There’s still one last scene, where I flee the castle during the attack, that they might shoot today. But even if they don’t shoot that piece I still have to be there. If Robert isn’t satisfied with the rushes, there could be retakes. I have to be ready, just in case.”

  “You mean you have to have your makeup on and everything?”

  Aunt Phyllis nodded. “If I’m needed Robert won’t want to be kept waiting. There’s so much noise when the castle is attacked, it has me quite on edge.”

  “You’ll be great, Aunt Phyllis, you’ll see.”

  We caught the bus as before and I sat with Celia. Aunt Phyllis dozed off almost immediately.

  “Your aunt is really sweet,” Celia said. “But she was really upset yesterday.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “She loves acting but she thinks she’s getting too old for it. She hates to mess up and she was embarrassed yesterday.”

  I was full of questions. I wanted to know how everything worked.

  “Why weren’t there any explosions on the bridge when the train went over?” I asked. “I thought there was supposed to be fire from the castle. All I saw was the little puff of smoke when the last coach uncoupled.”

  “There’ll be explosions sometime today, but everything has to be timed properly,” Celia replied. “I think they want to do the explosions in one take and the timing is so crucial. They are going to rehearse it once more and film it without the explosions and then try it with them. They’ll use the model later and edit all the bits together somehow.”

  “So what triggers the explosions? Does the train trip something on the track?”

  “It’s only the third coach that’s supposed to take the hits. There’s a special trip lever under it that sets them off. I’ll be busy checking everything with Ralph and Joanne today.”

  We arrived on the set and Aunt Phyllis woke up. We headed off to the makeup tent and Celia went to do more work on the bridge with Ralph and Joanne.

  I was quickly transformed from Chan Yat Mao to Chan Mao, as Kin had called me with my wig on, and I left before Aunt Phyllis was fully transformed into the Chinese dowager. There was no sign of Colin Jang. Maybe, I thought, he’s using Johnny Random’s trailer as a dressing room now.

  Henry Orsini had us assemble at the edge of the street as before.

  “Today, mates, we’re first gonna have one run-through with the train. I want you to charge across the open field like you did yesterday and, just before the first of your mob gets to the edge of the street, the train should pull in. Don’t watch the train when you’re running across the field. Keep your eyes on the castle. Everything is timed, so don’t leave before Chris gives you the signal. He’ll watch for mine. Again, remember, if you’re close enough to one of those explosions, go down.

  “Now, when those of you who’ve survived get here, make sure the train has come to a stop before you cross in front or between the coaches. We don’t want anyone run over. I’m gonna divide you into four groups so some of you will cross in front of the engine, some between the engine and the first coach, some between the two coaches, and some behind the train. When you get past the train, you’ll make for the castle walls and the gates like you did yesterday, except the survivors on the train, led by Colin, will already be running ahead of you.”

  Henry Orsini divided us into groups by having us count by fours. I was in a group to go between the coaches if I made it. Henry said they might have to shoot some close-ups later at the actual walls.

  “Now those of you who are going to die in the final charge to the walls know who you are,” Henry continued. “Don’t forget to activate those blood packs like I showed you. Okay, any questions? No? Good. Let’s have a go then.”

  This time I didn’t make it to the castle. Halfway across the open field, the extra running just ahead of me tripped a wire and the ground erupted. Dirt and smoke and the extra flew skywards and I staggered over his body as he hit the ground. “Fall down, kid,” he yelled. “You’re dead too.”

  I dropped beside him in what I hoped was a convincing death.

  “Lie still now, kid.” The extra’s face was pressed in the dirt a few feet from mine. He looked like a veteran of battles like these and I took his advice.

  The noise was deafening and again I was grateful for the earplugs. Ahead of where we lay I sensed the train approaching and felt the ground tremble beneath me. Although I’d have loved to have looked up to watch the action, I didn’t want to have Henry Orsini or Robert Rudsnicker blaming me for an expensive retake. I wondered if I’d get to see myself in this film, and hoped they’d use the bit where I made it to the castle walls. Still, I figured, I’ll have one more chance today.

  Finally there was silence and the extra beside me got to his feet. “Okay kid. You can quit playing dead now. Let’s go see if they’re handing out any medals.”

  The train slowly shunted backwards up the slope out of the town, across the bridge and disappeared behind the hill.

  “We’re gonna shoot the actual hijacking of the train next,” Henry bellowed through his megaphone. “I want all the passengers and the rebels. The rest of you can take a break. There’s coffee and doughnuts in the marquee. It’ll be at least an hour before I need you. It could even be after lunch, so stick around.”

  I headed for the food tent and had just grabbed a can of pop and a doughnut when I ran into Celia.

  “Want to go up and watch the action over the hill?” she asked. “I just have time for a drink. I have to be up at the train to set up the dummies in the last coach after the passengers are taken off.”

  We followed Colin Jang, Henry Orsini, Robert Rudsnicker, and the extras up the hill. When we got there, the train was at the far end of the trac
k, several hundred yards from the bend and the bridge. The camera crews were all set up and we stood well back to watch. The passenger extras walked down the track and boarded the train while most of the rebels hid in the bushes beside the tracks.

  A huge fallen tree straddled the tracks, blocking the line and Colin Jang and two other rebels stood behind it, with muskets pointed at the train.

  Someone waved a green flag at the train as Robert Rudsnicker yelled, “Action.”

  The train started forward, picked up a little speed, and came to a sudden, screeching stop.

  “Cut,” yelled Robert Rudsnicker. He had a brief conversation with Henry, who nodded in agreement. Then they called the train engineer and Colin Jang over.

  We were close enough to hear. Robert Rudsnicker wanted the train engineer to start applying the brakes a bit sooner because the tree would be easily seen from the engine. He also asked Colin Jang to stand on top of the tree trunk.

  They tried it twice more before he was satisfied with the action and he yelled, “That’s a take.” In the scene, the train screeched to a stop in front of the tree. Colin Jang and his two helpers removed the train engineer and fireman, and the rebels boarded the train. The passengers were left standing with their belongings, beside the tracks.

  There was another brief shot, in which one of the oxen was used to drag the tree off the tracks, and then the train, driven by Colin Jang and a fellow rebel, chugged a little way down the track.

  “Cut,” yelled Robert Rudsnicker. “That’s a wrap.” He gave Henry Orsini a satisfied pat on the back.

  “Okay. Lunch,” Henry yelled. “We’ll do the final train scene right after.”

  I caught sight of Zulan Maisoneuve standing nearby. She was dressed in costume. She was wearing blue, filmy trousers under a matching blue silk dress that almost reached her ankles. A pair of brown hiking boots on her feet spoiled the effect.

  The train reversed up the track and stopped and everyone climbed off. Colin Jang jumped down from the engine and walked over to Zulan Maisoneuve. “Hi Zulan. Boy, it’s darn hot in the engine. I’m gonna get this costume off and leave it here until later. I wore my jeans and a t-shirt underneath because it was cool this morning. You don’t look exactly dressed for a hike down the hill either, except for the boots.” He laughed.

  Zulan smiled. “I know. It was silly of me. Costumes will be upset with me if I get any rips in this silk. But I wanted to see some of the action and I thought I’d miss it if I took time to change. They finished shooting my part in the castle. I couldn’t walk up in slippers, so I just grabbed my hiking boots. Not very glamorous. I’ve got my jeans on too. Maybe I should leave this costume up here, too. There were a few thorny bushes that I got snagged on on the way up. Where can we change?”

  “I’m gonna dump my outfit in the last coach. Hop on. They’re gonna back the train up a bit more.”

  Colin Jang and Zulan Maisoneuve disappeared into the last passenger coach and immediately the train engineer backed the train down the line.

  “Okay, now I’ve got to go to work,” Celia said to me. “You can help me if you like.”

  There was nothing I’d have liked better.

  I caught sight of Ralph and Joanne hurrying down the track and we followed them. Almost everyone else had disappeared.

  As we reached the end coach, Colin and Zulan jumped off, dressed in their jeans.

  “Okay,” Ralph yelled, “let’s be quick.” He barely glanced at me and just nodded when Celia said, “I’ve brought a helper,” so I knew he hadn’t recognized me. Neither did Joanne, who seemed more intent on looking out a window at the disappearing Colin Jang and Zulan Maisoneuve. I heard her sigh as Ralph ushered her to the far end of the coach.

  The dummies were lying out of sight on the wooden seats. Celia showed me how to prop them with their muskets pointed out the windows. A wire was hooked onto each musket to activate the simulated musket fire, which Ralph would control somehow.

  It didn’t take long, and when we’d finished Ralph did a quick check to make sure everything was hooked up properly. “Good,” he grunted. “That’s it. All set.”

  Joanne had already disappeared. I was the last to climb off, and before I did, I glanced down the length of the coach. It gave me an eerie feeling, seeing all those figures looking real, but so silent, crouching at the windows with their staring eyes and muskets trained at nothing in particular.

  “I brought a picnic lunch,” Celia said. “I put it in the third coach under a seat. I didn’t know how much time I’d have to eat today. Now I’ve got lots of time. I’ve got lots to eat, too. Want to share it instead of going down to the food tent? They won’t need you for an hour yet.”

  “I’d like that.”

  We climbed onto the third coach again and Celia retrieved the lunch from under a seat.

  “Oh, here’s Zulan’s costume. It’s beautiful. Real silk.” Celia ran her hands over the filmy material.

  She turned to me with a gleam in her eye. “I’m gonna try it on. She’s about my height. I’ve never worn anything silk before. I’ll just try it on for a second. There’s no one around. I’ll change between the seats. You can turn your back.” She grabbed the costume and scurried down the aisle and into a seat beside one of the dummies.

  I thought she was a bit crazy. I turned my back and I noticed Colin Jang’s costume on another seat. I thought, why not? I discarded my black outfit and had Colin Jang’s grey pants and shirt on in seconds. His headband was the same red as mine, so I didn’t bother with that.

  “You can turn around now, Harry. Where are you?”

  I bobbed up from behind the seat and Celia gasped. Then she laughed. “You scared me for a minute. I thought you were Colin Jang. How do I look?”

  Celia did a little turn in the aisle of the coach. I could only stare. She looked beautiful.

  “Well?” she asked.

  I grinned. “You look great. Just like my favourite concubine.”

  “Oh you …” she blushed. “I guess we’d better change back and eat lunch. What’s that?”

  We could hear someone yelling outside and we both stuck our heads out the same window, leaning over one of the crouching dummies.

  “It’s Johnny Random! Look. What’s he doing?”

  “That’s the train engineer,” Celia whispered. “They’re arguing about something. I think Johnny Random is drunk.”

  “I hope he doesn’t find me here,” I said. “What’s he doing here anyway?”

  “Whatever he’s doing, he’s awful mad.” Celia sucked in her breath. “Oh my gosh!”

  Johnny Random had suddenly taken a swing at the train engineer. He missed, but the driver staggered back and fell down the grassy slope beside the tracks. Johnny Random jumped into the cab of the engine.

  “What’s he doing?”

  We found out right away. The train gave a loud puff and lurched forward.

  “We’re moving.” Celia gasped and looked horrified.

  The train quickly picked up speed.

  “We’d better get off quick,” I yelled.

  “Look. Johnny Random jumped off,” Celia cried. “There’s no one driving this train. It’s going too fast. We can’t jump off now.”

  21

  I STARTED RUNNING DOWN the coach towards the engine. “Maybe there’s a chance I can reach the engine and put on the brakes,” I yelled. “Stay here. I’ll see if I can stop it before it gets to the end of the street and runs out of track.”

  “I’m coming too,” Celia called after me.

  I stopped at the door that led outside to the gap between the coaches. Celia was right on my heels.

  I pushed the door open and looked back over my shoulder at Celia. “Stay here. You’ll be safe if this coach uncouples on the bridge like it’s supposed to.” I had to shout because the rumble of the wheels on the track and the noise of the train itself was much louder with the door open.

  “I’m not staying here,” Celia yelled back. “It’s too spooky wit
h these dummies and the explosions on the bridge will make it worse. Maybe I can help.”

  I looked at Celia’s determined face. I knew it was no use arguing. With one hand I held onto the handle of the open door behind me and stepped gingerly onto the moving steel plates between the coaches. The plates bucked and shuddered under my feet and threatened to throw me onto the tracks as I reached for the door handle of the next coach.

  The door didn’t move. I thought it must be locked. I tried again, pushing harder, and it opened. It had only been stuck. I stepped forward, turned around, and reached for Celia’s hand. At the same moment I realized we had started crossing the bridge. I glanced down to my left and gasped at the sight of the drop into the ravine. I also caught a glimpse of the railway ties flashing past beneath my feet.

  “Don’t look down,” I yelled.

  Celia was about to step across when there was a bang and a puff of smoke. The coupling sprung apart.

  For a moment we just stared, as the gap between us widened. We were still holding onto each other’s hand but we were being stretched apart. Celia let out a cry and jumped. We landed in a heap on the floor, just inside the doorway of the second coach.

  We were scrambling to our feet when there was a sudden jolt and both of us were rocked backwards towards the track. At the same moment, we were deafened by a couple of huge explosions under the coach we’d just left. Celia gasped and grabbed for me.

  We’d have been safe now, I thought, if we’d only stayed where we were. Then a third huge explosion shuddered under the coach we’d just left and something went awfully wrong. We watched in horror as the coach jumped from the track and bounced along the railway ties behind us. Then, with a screech of twisting metal, the coach veered off, demolishing the wooden rail on the side of the bridge. It got hung up on the edge of the bridge, teetering there for a moment. Then, with a crunch of splintering wood, it slowly toppled into the ravine.

  We were both shaken. Celia was white-faced, but she was the first to recover. She pushed hard against me. “Get inside. Quick, before we fall off.”