by Skye Turner
I smile back and reply, “Nothing much, just grabbing a few things. Been a long few days. What are you up to?”
His eyes light up at my conversation, since I usually brush him off. “About to head back to the house. It’s empty for the most part; everyone is still gone for break.” Then, he smirks. “Hey, do you want to come over and hang out?”
I mull it over and make a decision. “Yeah, I do. How about tomorrow?”
His eyes widen. I’ve shocked him. Then he smiles confidently. “Sounds good. I’ll be there all day. Come whenever you want to.” Then he reaches out and touches my face. I try not to recoil. “See you tomorrow, sexy.” After I nod, he walks away, whistling.
I head home and make a sandwich. Then get drunk, as I realize what I’m about to do. Eventually, I pass out.
The next afternoon, I call Lexi as I reach the frat house to let her know I’m on campus and I’ll be at the room later. I tell her where I am and hang up before she can scold me or ask me what I’m doing. Then, I turn my phone off as I walk to the door.
Here we go. Once I do this, it’s done and he’ll never talk to me again. He’ll hate me. But he’ll get everything he ever dreamed of before I came into his life. Ok, Bradi. Put on your poker face.
Mack opens the door a few minutes later and smiles appreciatively as he takes in my low-rise tight trousers and cropped sweater. I’ve done my face up and my hair is cascading in waves down my back. I look sexy and I know it. I just wish I didn’t want to throw up.
He pulls me in and we sit on the leather couch in the living room. Some action movie is on the big screen and he immediately pulls me into his side. I force myself to relax into him. He smells nice, but the scent is overpowering me, and I feel light headed. Within a minute, his hand is rubbing the bare skin of my stomach. Seeing a bottle of tequila on the coffee table, I swipe it, and take a few swigs, coughing as the fiery liquid burns down my throat. He laughs and asks me to pass the bottle. I do. He takes a shot straight from the bottle and then holds it to my mouth. Tipping my head back, I allow him to help me drink.
Setting the bottle on the floor, he leans over me. The alcohol is fast-acting and I lie back on the couch. He kisses me and I let him though I’m not here. I’m far, far away. His lips leave mine and trail down my neck. He bites me and pulls my sweater up, exposing my white lace bra to his gaze. My sweater is bunched around my neck and his mouth is all over my breasts. He groans and says, “You’re just as delicious as I knew you’d be. I knew I’d fuck you one day.” He pulls my shirt off.
Silent tears run down my face and I turn my head as I run my hands over his back and pull his shirt up. He sits up and takes it off. His chest is broad and muscled, but I don’t really want to be doing this.
Suck it up, Bradi. You know why you came here. This is the only way.
Grabbing his head, I pull him back down and kiss him feverishly. His hands unsnap my pants and he pushes them down my legs. Then he pulls back and just looks at me.
I’m sprawled out on a couch in the middle of the living room of the frat house in just my lace bra and panties and he’s devouring me with his gaze. I just want to cover myself, but I push it back, and smile at him. He growls and starts kissing up my thighs. As he gets to the junction, I stop him. He can’t do that. I’m not letting him do that.
He growls in frustration. “Why are you stopping me? I want to taste you.”
Using my foot, I push him up and look at him. “No. You aren’t doing that. This is just fucking.” Then, pulling off my panties, I fling them and say, “So, Mack, fuck me.”
He smiles at me and pushes his pants off as he mutters, “Fine with me. I’ve been wanting to fuck you for a year.”
I grab a condom from the pile I noticed on the coffee table and rip it open with my teeth before handing it to him.
He quirks an eyebrow at me and says, “You’re not going to put it on me?”
“No.” Then, opening my legs, I show him what he’s been so fascinated with, and run my fingers through the moist curls.
Groaning, he applies the condom and licks his lips. “God, I can’t wait to fuck that perfect pussy. I want to know what tamed Stevens.”
My back goes rigid and a sharp pain shoots through my chest. I gasp from the pain and am about to burst into tears. But, I push ahead and grit out, “So shut the fuck up and get on with it already.”
Grabbing my legs, he surges in with no warning, and starts to move.
Congratulations, Bradi. You’re fucking someone who’s not the man you love. You are a worthless whore after all. Micah is better off without you.
As Mack thrusts, I cry silently and just hope he finishes soon. My eyes are closed, so I don’t see the door open. Just as he’s groaning and about to finish, I hear a moan. It sounds like an animal dying. My eyes fly open and I look towards the living room door.
A white-faced Micah is there. I gasp. Mack looks over his shoulder and smiles at Micah, then he rapidly thrusts a few more times, before he cums with a shout.
Micah is standing there in shock. His face is devoid of any color. Then, as Mack smiles at him, he comes out of it. He rushes across the room and grabs Mack, pulling him off of me.
I want to scream. I want to vomit. This is it.
Grabbing a blanket off of the back of the couch, I wrap it around myself and start to shake. Micah and Mack are screaming at each other with fists clenched.
Then Micah swings his gaze to me and the raw pain on his face makes my knees give out. I fall into the couch. The couch where I just fucked Mack.
His eyes are bleak as he demands, “Why, Bradi? WHY?”
I square my shoulders and look at him, though it kills me to do so. “Because, Micah. I told you. I don’t want you. I don’t want to be with you.”
His shoulders slump and he just stares at me. Mack brushes by Micah, jarring him with his shoulder as he removes the condom and tosses it towards the trash. It misses and lands on the floor next to an old pizza box. He laughs and says, “Told you she was a whore. But damn man, a great fast fuck.” Then he turns and walks into the hallway. He calls over his shoulder as he gets there, “Thanks for taking the donation, beautiful. Going to shower. You can let yourself out.”
I gasp. Though this is exactly what I wanted to happen, I just want to die. Micah is not looking at me anymore. He’s watching Mack walk down the hall naked and he’s clenching and unclenching his hands like he wants to strangle him. He’s trying to regulate his breathing, but refusing to look at me.
I just watch him and wait for it.
Finally, he turns and faces me. The pain is gone, the expression in his eyes makes me shrink back. It’s pure hate.
“Are you just going to sit there naked, Bradi? Put some fucking clothes on and get out of my fraternity.”
His voice is so cold. I want to say something, but I don’t know what to say. I just want to die.
I pull on the lessons my mother taught me and arch my back as I drop the blanket. His eyes can’t help it, they trace my nakedness. I see a flash of desire, and then it’s masked, and he looks at me with indifference. He just watches me as I get dressed and as I step into my shoes, I see him swallow. My legs can barely hold my weight, but I’ll never let him see it.
Flipping my hair, I stare at him. Neither of us speaks. I just want to leave. I need to get the hell out of here before I break down. He smiles at me coldly and it sends a pang straight through my gut, like someone punched me. I gasp at the hate I see on his face. “What are you waiting for? Whores don’t get to stay. You know the way out.” And he turns on his heel and leaves me standing in the living room as he heads towards the kitchen. He never looks back.
Grabbing my purse, I race for the front door and as I make it outside, I vomit into the bushes.
I’m not sure how, but I make it back to the dorm and as I open the door, Erik and Lexi both look up from the floor with apprehension on their faces. That’s all it takes to make me break down.
As my knees give ou
t and I curl into a ball, they meet me on the floor, and hold me as I cry more tears than I’d ever thought it was possible to shed.
After about an hour, I think I’m done. I look up and I know they know. Without me saying anything, they know.
Lexi looks at me and whispers, “Oh no, Bradi. Why?”
Erik shakes his head and grits his teeth. “Shit, Bradi. Who?”
I look at both of them and the silent tears start again. “Mack.” I sit up and hug my knees. I hurt all over and I feel disgusting. “It was Mack.”
Erik looks at me incredulously. “Mack? That asshole from the frat? Are you serious, Bradi? What the fuck? Why? How long?” He’s firing off questions so fast, my head hurts.
I can’t answer. I just look at them… and cry.
Lexi takes my hand. “Bradi, your hands are like ice. And I know you’ve never been interested in Mack. So, dear God, why?” She’s rubbing my hands, but I’m so cold.
I shake my head. Then lying down, I realize I was wrong… so wrong. I do have tears left.
A bit later, Erik leaves to check on Micah and Lexi helps me shower. I fall asleep with her in bed with me, just hugging me, as I cry and cry.
Chapter Eight
Erik
Six years ago
I’ve been trying to call Joe a couple of times a day since the cryptic message on Christmas Eve, but to no avail. Either he’s not getting my calls or he’s not answering them. I know something is wrong, but I have no idea what it could be.
He was acting strange a bit before break, but when I asked him, he just said his family is a lot to take in. I was kind of expecting an invitation to head home with him since we’ve been together for a year now, but he never brought it up, so I left it alone.
Thinking back, I realize I don’t know all that much about his family. We never seem to talk about it. I know he has a younger sister named Abbey, who’s studying abroad in England. He adores her, and his parents have been married for thirty years. I know he’s from Alabama and that’s pretty much it. I don’t know what his family does, what he was like before college, or anything else. How did I never realize this before?
School is starting back up in a few days and he should be back today. Micah has been a basket case and I’ve been avoiding Bradi for a week, since I don’t want to get in the middle of whatever happened with them.
Micah is passed out on his bed, drunk again, with three days’ worth of beard on his face. He looks like shit and from talking to Lex, I’ve heard Bradi does too. I can’t help but worry about him. I’m worried about them both.
There’s a party at the frat tonight and he insists that he’s going. I’m going because Joe is supposed to be back and, while I missed him, I think we need to talk. I’m just not certain about what.
Sighing, I start picking up the mess on Micah’s side of the room. Since Bradi left him and then slept with that prick Mack, he doesn’t seem to care about anything. I just wish I knew what went wrong.
Once the room is straight again, I decide to head down to see Bradi and try to get some answers. This is not ok and when my best friends are no longer talking, well, I don’t like being in the middle of this shit. I’m not taking no for an answer today and I’ve been avoiding her long enough.
I’m grabbing my room key and wallet and am about to head out the door when my computer pings. It’s Joe. Guess he’s back. “Hey, Erik. I’m at the house. Are you coming by tonight? I missed you and I have to talk to you. I hope you’re coming. I do love you.”
He missed me? Well then how hard is it to return a call or send a quick message? Oh, we have to talk alright and he’s going to tell me what the hell is going on. I am not putting up with bullshit.
Micah stirs. “Is that Joe?”
I look over my shoulder at him and take him in. “Yeah. He’s back and wants to talk.” Pointing at him, I say, “You need to get the fuck up and shower. You reek! Shave too. You look like shit.”
He flips me off and rolls over muttering into his pillow, “Yes, Mom. You’d look like shit too if the person you loved fucking ripped out your heart, threw it into glass shards, and danced on it with fucking heels.” He notices I’m leaving. “Where are you going?”
Sighing, I face the door and brace myself as I say, “To talk to Bradi and Lexi.”
I hear his quick intake of breath. Then, cussing, and something breaks. I don’t turn around, but walk to the door and as I open it, I growl out, “Clean up whatever the fuck you just broke, dude. I’m not a maid and I have to live here, too. And either wallow or get the fuck up and shower. But for the love of God, do something!” The door slams with my exit.
I walk down to the girl’s room and knock. Lexi opens it and with a sad smile, gestures me inside. Bradi is sitting at the vanity and applying make-up. She looks semi-normal. But, I notice the circles under her eyes and it seems as if she’s lost weight. Her eyes meet mine in the mirror. I smile and she smiles weakly back, before picking up her blush.
Whispering to Lexi, I nod towards Bradi. “How’s she doing?”
Bradi looks up and says, “I can hear you. And I’m fine.”
My brows rise and I walk behind her and rest my hands on her shoulders as I stare at her pale, drawn face in the mirror.
She holds my gaze. I see some of her old fire. “Ready to tell me what happened?”
Sighing, she puts the make-up down, looks at her lap, and finally, she tells us everything. Everything. My knuckles go white from clenching my fists so tight, but I don’t speak, and just let her talk.
When she’s done, tears are running down her face again. Lexi hugs her and I hug them both. We all look at each other in the mirror.
Separating myself from them, I lean down and turn Bradi to face me. We’re eye level. I want to make sure she hears what I’m about to say. Her red-rimmed eyes search my face.
Clearing my throat, I start, “He was wrong, Bradi. Dead wrong. You shouldn’t have run away. He won. And then you cheated on Micah. He’s a fucking disaster and you’re no better. Why would you throw something that perfect away because of some insignificant little man?!” Her eyes fill and I wipe the tears with my thumbs as they trail down her cheeks. “What you and Micah had was real. His uncle doesn’t know what love is, and you allowed him to take that gift away from you. You allowed him to victimize you, but worse than that, you victimized yourself. You convinced yourself that you aren’t good enough and you played right into his hands. You’re better than this.”
She sobs and swallows. Finally she speaks. “I love him. With everything in me, I love him. But I killed that. I didn’t- I didn’t cheat. We weren’t together, but I betrayed him, and I did it knowing he’d find out. I didn’t think he’d see, but I knew he’d find out. I did that. I killed our love…”
Leaning in, I kiss her forehead. “You didn’t kill it. It’s still there. It’s buried beneath pain and heartache on both sides, but it’s there. If it wasn’t, neither of you would be like this.” Standing up, I tell both of them, “There’s a party tonight at the frat. Micah is going. I’m going too, because Joe is back and we have some things to discuss. You both should come. You need to talk to him. He may listen, he may not, but you need to at least try. If you continue running, Bradi, you’re never going to forgive yourself.”
They nod and agree to come. As I walk out the door, I hear Bradi ask Lexi, “What if he can’t forgive me?”
I don’t hear Lexi’s reply. Heading back to my room, I decide not to tell Micah that Bradi will be there tonight, just in case she doesn’t show.
Four hours later, I’m dabbing on cologne and we’re about to head out the door. I have a sick feeling in my stomach, so I’m mentally preparing myself for what’s going to happen tonight.
We get to the frat and the party is already spilling onto the lawn. Telling Micah I’m going to find Joe, I leave him and head into the house. Joe is not in the main part of the house, so I head up to his room. As I get to the door, I wipe my palms down the front of my jeans
, and knock. I already know this is going to be bad, but it’s now or never.
He opens the door and he smiles when he sees me, but his face looks strained. He pulls me into the room by the hands and locks the door. Then he’s on me. Pressing me back against the door, he’s kissing me like he’s afraid I’ll disappear at any minute. Teeth are clashing and hands are everywhere. He’s frantic. Eventually, I break the kiss, and pull back to try to catch my breath. He kisses my mouth softly and whispers against my lips, “I’m sorry. I missed you so much.”
Walking me over to the bed, he sits and gestures for me to sit beside him. I do and I wait.
After staring at each other for what seems like hours, but is probably only a minute, he swallows and tries to speak. No words come out, so he tries again. Still nothing.
I decide to take control. Looking at him, I flatly ask, “What happened, Joe? Did you cheat on me while you were home?”
He reaches for my hands but I move them, and sit on them so I won’t touch him. He sighs and starts to talk. “Yes.” I jump up and move away from the bed. He stops me with his hands and his eyes are pleading with me. “Stop. Just listen, Erik. Please.”
I stop and lean against the door, clenching my hands so tightly my nails break the skin of my palm.
He cheated on me. He pursued me and made me take a chance. Made me love him and he cheated on me. And now I’m supposed to just listen?!
Grabbing my neck, I squeeze, and grit out, “Go ahead. You have five minutes and then I’m walking out the door.”
He calls my name softly and it’s filled with pain. “Erik… It’s not what you think. It’s not what you’re thinking.”
Laughing harshly, I say, “Not what I’m thinking?! Cheating is cheating. And now you have four minutes, so, if you want me to listen, start talking!”
His voice cracks, but he starts. “I’ve always known I was gay, Erik. Always. I’ve always been attracted to men, but where I’m from, well it’s not socially acceptable. It’s still not really mainstream.”
My eyes bug out and I stare at him like he’s insane.