by Bella Jewel
“So fuckin’ sweet,” he grunts against me, driving his cock into my body as if it’s the last chance he’ll have to do so.
Rainer and I have been fucking regularly for more than two weeks now, and it’s getting better and better with every single passing minute. After he opened up and told me what happened, we’ve just been getting closer. He spends nights with me, and I come to the bar to hang out with him a lot. We talk easily, effortlessly, and it’s amazing.
“I can’t come again, honey,” I breathe, slapping the wall once more.
“Give me one more, babe,” he grinds out as he pounds his hips into mine. “One more.”
“Please,” I mewl.
He grabs a handful of my ass in his hands and squeezes hard. I shudder and rasp, “Spank it.”
He stops thrusting a second, as if I’ve shocked him, but it doesn’t last long. Soon he’s fucking deep again, only this time he brings his hand down over my ass. I gasp and moan, low and deep, and he does it again, and again, and again, until I’m screaming his name again, exploding around his cock. He bellows my name, and then he’s driving his cock harder and deeper as he finds his own release.
Holy shit.
Sex with him just gets hotter and hotter.
When he’s come down from his high, he slowly pulls out of me and slides my dress down. Then he spins me around and cups my jaw with his big hand. I look up into his eyes. God, I love him. More than I should. He still hasn’t kissed me, and that bothers me, but I don’t push. I should have told him by now, I should have confessed who I am, but the more time I spend with him, the harder it gets.
I just want to love him, and maybe I want him to love me without knowing who I am. It’s stupid, I know that, but it’s all I’ve got.
“I finish in two hours. Do you want to get dinner and then come to my place?”
Dinner? His place? He’s never taken me to his place. He’s never asked me on a date. My heart swells.
“You want to take me to dinner?”
He nods, pressing his lips to my forehead. “Is that such a shock?”
“I just . . . thought we were casual.”
“Maybe I’m changing my mind,” he murmurs, staring into my eyes. “Maybe I want to see where it can go.”
Oh. My. God. I am silently screaming inside, but I keep it cool and smile. “Well then, it’s a date.”
I grin and he winks at me, before adjusting his clothing and making sure mine is respectable. Then we head back inside. He goes back to the bar, puts on his charming smile, and keeps working. I watch him, my heart swelling with pride as I take him in, loving how he interacts with these people. He’s made for it, even if he doesn’t see it.
“You know him?”
I flinch and turn, seeing a gorgeous man with the most amazing amber eyes I’ve ever seen sitting beside me at the bar.
“Oh, yeah. Do you?”
He grins. Gosh he’s good looking. And huge. So many muscles.
“Yeah, I’ve fought with him once. I’m passing back through town, thought I’d come and say hello.”
“Oh, well, I’m um . . . his . . .” I trail off, because I don’t know how to answer that. The man grins and extends his hand.
“It’s cool, I get it. I’m Raide.”
Raide. Cool name.
“Mali.” I smile, reaching out and taking his hand, shaking it.
“Good to meet you, Mali. Any friend of Rainer’s is a friend of mine.”
“So you fight with Max, then?”
He shrugs. “I have. It’s a lot of fun. I’m passing through town now, so I won’t be staying.”
“Fun?” I giggle. “Fighting is fun?”
His grin gets bigger, and he’s got dimples. Holy shit. Dimples.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“You like being beaten up?”
He chuckles. “No, I like the adrenaline. It’s good stress relief.”
“Whatever you say, dude.”
“Raide?”
We both turn to see Rainer approaching, dishtowel thrown over his shoulder, bottle of whiskey in his hands. He looks amazing.
“What’s up, Rainer?” Raide says, standing and extending his hand.
“Haven’t seen you for a bit. Where’d you get to?”
“Had to get out of town, you know? Just passing through. I’ll be gone in a few hours.”
“Sit down. Let me get you a whiskey.”
Raide sits back down and Rainer gets him a whiskey, sliding the crystal glass in front of him.
“How have things been, buddy?” Raide asks, and I smile, listening to them catch up.
It’s nice.
“Mali!”
I turn at the sound of my voice and see Pippa and Belle coming in. Belle is waving, her hands in the air, happy as can be, but Pippa looks sad. She’s not smiling, her eyes are downcast, and something is definitely off. I stand and walk over, hugging Belle and then turning to Pippa. “Hey, Pip, are you okay?”
She looks up and forces a smile. “Sure,” she croaks.
I put an arm around her shoulders. “Are you sure?”
“Her and Tyke had a massive fight. I brought her here to take her mind off it.”
“Well, I’ll be glad to help with that,” I say, smiling at Belle.
“Pip?”
I turn and see Rainer walking over, his expression concerned. I remove my arm from Pippa’s shoulder and she immediately rushes towards him, throwing her arms around his neck and bursting into a fit of tears. My heart aches for her; clearly, the fight was horrible. I meet Rainer’s eyes while rubbing her back gently. He’s so . . . worried about her.
“Come on, let’s find somewhere to talk.”
He leads her away and I watch them go, my heart aching a little. He cares so much about her, so damned much. I understand it now, but it still hurts because I wonder if he’ll ever love anyone else again. Even if he decided to care about me, would it ever be enough?
“Let’s get a drink,” Belle says, pulling me to the bar.
We reach it and she notices Raide, and right away her eyes widen. “Raide, what are you doing here?”
I guess they know each other.
“Just havin’ a drink. How’re you doing, woman?”
She grins and slides in beside him. “I’m awesome. Has the law caught up to you yet?”
He chuckles. “Not yet, sweetheart.”
“I’m telling you, they’re going to send a female bounty hunter after your ass. You never know. It could be Mali here.”
I snort. “I couldn’t tackle a grown man to save my life. Sorry, dude, it isn’t me, and I don’t even want to know why you would have a bounty hunter after you.”
Raide grins. “Long story.”
I chat with Raide and Belle for the next hour, and in that time I keep glancing back to see if Rainer comes back in, but he doesn’t. Needing to pee, I get up and head towards the toilets, pushing through the crowds of people to make it to the back door. I’m using the outdoor ones—no way am I lining up. As I step outside, I catch sight of Pippa and Rainer standing near the brick wall he just fucked me against, his arms around her, both of them unaware that I’m there. I can’t help it; I stop and listen.
“He’ll come around, Pip,” Rainer says to her, stroking her hair.
“Maybe, but what if he doesn’t, Rainer? What am I going to do if he decides this is over between us?” she sobs.
“Then you’ll have me. I’ll always take care of you.”
“I can’t ask that of you. I can’t.”
“You’ll always be the most important thing in my life, Pippa. I’ll have your back if he doesn’t. I’ll always be here.”
My heart aches at his words, and I can’t make my feet move. I need to push away and walk inside, but I just can’t.
“You can’t always keep waiting for me, Rainer,” she says, looking up into his eyes. “You have Mali now. She cares about you.”
“Mali is nothing more than a bit of fun. You’re the only one
who means anything to me, sweetheart.”
It feels as if someone has slapped me clean across the face. I don’t understand. He said we were going to look at taking things further, but now he’s saying I’m nothing more than a bit of fun. As always, he’s protecting Pippa. He’s always going to protect Pippa. God, what was I thinking? When did I ever believe he was going to change that?
I turn and rush inside, angry tears flowing down my cheeks. I run into Raide shoving through the crowd, and he curls his fingers around my arms, stopping me. “Whoa there, what’s wrong?”
“Let me go. I need to get out of here,” I cry, horrified.
I mean nothing. Nothing at all. I’m just a sex toy. I’m so stupid. So blind.
“Calm down, you’re not going anywhere like this. Tell me what’s wrong?”
“He doesn’t even care about me,” I sob angrily, pushing at Raide’s chest. “He’s been fucking me for close to a month, and he doesn’t care. When did I think I mattered? I don’t matter.”
“We’re talking about Rainer?”
“Yes,” I sob, giving up my fighting.
“He cares about you.”
“He does not. I just heard him say to Pippa I’m nothing more than a bit of fun. A bit of fun!”
The words cause pain to stab through my chest, right to my broken heart.
“He looks at you like you’re a lot more than that.”
“You’re blind. Let me go, Raide. I need to leave.”
“I know you don’t know me, but do you trust me?”
I stop fighting and look up at him, my eyes blurry with tears. He reaches up and swipes them away.
“I . . . I guess.”
“Sometimes a man doesn’t realize what he’s missing until it’s shoved in his face.”
“I don’t understand.”
Raide looks around the room, and his eyes focus on something. “He’s just walked back in. You say he doesn’t care about you. We’re about to find out.”
Raide curls his fingers around the back of my head and brings his lips down over mine. I’m so shocked for a moment that I can’t think—I just stand there, frozen. Then I realize what he’s doing and I respond, moving my mouth against his. He’s one hell of a kisser—his lips are soft, his tongue is skilled and he’s got an amazing, big, hard body to go with it. I actually forget the world for a second.
He pulls back and grins down at me. “You’re welcome.”
With that, he disappears into the crowd.
Smart man.
~*~*~*~
“What the fuck are you doing?” Rainer barks, taking my arm and hauling me through the crowd.
What the fuck am I doing? Is he serious? He just told the woman he loves I am no more than a play-thing, but he wants to get upset at me over a kiss? I don’t think so. I’m tired of the lies, of the games, of the pathetic emptiness inside my heart. I deserve more than this. I deserve to be loved, or at the very least, respected.
“I was kissing Raide,” I say simply, crossing my arms when he pulls me into the back storeroom.
“Are you fucking serious? You were just outside fucking me.”
“Yeah, Rainer, I was. You also told me this is casual.”
His fists clench. “I was going to take you on a date.”
I lose it now. How dare he pretend after what I heard? I’m tired of the secrets; it’s time Rainer learns the truth.
“Yeah,” I scream. “And I just heard you tell Pippa I mean nothing to you, and she’s the only one who ever will, so don’t you fucking dare stand there and tell me I can’t mess around with other men.”
His face changes with shock, and then he opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“I don’t want your excuses, Rainer. You don’t care about me. You care about her. That’s not her fault. It’s not your fault. But you do not get to act jealous over the fact that I was with another man when you honestly don’t give a shit about me.”
“That’s not fucking true,” he barks.
“Oh bullshit. God, Rainer, I’m so sick of this. So sick of pretending.”
“I’ve been honest with you from the start,” he yells.
“Yeah, you have, but I haven’t.”
He flinches and steps back. “What are you talkin’ about?”
“You know I made so many excuses as to why you didn’t remember. I thought it was an accident. I thought maybe you’d lost your memory, then I found out about what happened to you, and I continued to believe I had a place in your heart still.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You honestly don’t see it, do you, Rainer? You don’t see it, no matter how hard you look at me.”
He looks confused, his eyes searching my face as if the answer is going to jump out at him. I can’t take it anymore, I take the bracelet that I keep in my purse at all times out, and I throw it at him. It’s the bracelet he gave me for my eighteenth birthday. He catches it, staring down at the inscription, and I can see it starting to make sense.
“You said you loved me back then,” I whisper as his eyes widen. “But you couldn’t have if you forgot my face so easily. Right, Rai Rai?”
His entire body jerks back and his eyes widen, then suddenly he’s looking, really looking. His eyes frantically search, moving over my face, locking on my eyes, moving over my body.
“Emalie?” he rasps.
I shake my head and a tear rolls down my cheek. “Yeah, it’s good to see you too, buddy.”
Then I turn and run out before he can stop me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THEN – MALI
Rainer’s fingers move over my back, sliding down my skin. I’m resting my head on my crossed arms, staring over at him. He’s propped up on an elbow, smiling down at me. He made love to me twice, and the second time was so much more explosive than the first. Something connected between us, something that’s been lying dormant for so long.
“Are you okay?” he asks, sliding his fingers up and over my shoulder.
“Yeah,” I say sleepily. “I’m doing okay.”
“You’re not hurt?”
I shift a little, and there’s a slight ache between my legs, but it isn’t too horrid. “I’m not too bad.”
He smiles bigger and leans down, pressing his lips to mine.
“Rainer?” I ask.
He pulls back and meets my eyes. “Yeah?”
“Where does this leave us?”
“How do you mean?”
I shift so I’m on my side, facing him. “We were such great friends, and honestly, I never thought it would go further. It feels great, but also a little weird. I mean, only a month ago you were with another girl, and we were arguing over petty things.”
He studies my face. “You know, I think I always knew it was going to be you. I just never saw it until you started dating Jack. I couldn’t understand my urgent need to keep you away from him. I told myself it was because you were the only family I had, and that I just wanted to protect you, but when I saw you in that dress that night, and he was kissing you, jealousy exploded in my chest. Suddenly, I didn’t want anyone near you.”
“Do you think it was always going to happen?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess it was bound to when you started dating. Honestly, I didn’t feel it before then. I cared about you, but I never saw it as more than friendship. It came as a huge shock that I got so jealous and I fought it for weeks, trying to reason with myself, but in the end fact was fact.”
“And this, between us.” I point to his chest, then to mine. “Do you think it’ll last? What are we going to do?”
His eyes grow a little dark. “I’ve got a lot of things to sort out and until I do, I have to keep my distance. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with you more than my next breath, but I have to protect you, too.”
“Won’t you tell me what’s going on? I’m worried.”
He sighs. “I can’t tell you, and it’s not because I don’t trust you, it’s just
I need to know you’re safe. Just know that I’ll deal with it. My father left some mess behind and I’m cleaning it up.”
“Will you go back to school once it’s done?”
He shrugs. “I honestly don’t know.”
“It’s so sad you had to quit, Rai. You loved school. You were going to go so far.”
“Yeah, I was, but sometimes life happens. I’m not bitter, Emy. I can accept my fate.”
I don’t think he understands. Fate surely has better things in store for him.
He’s far too incredible.
~*~*~*~
I lift my bag over my shoulder as it slips down, frowning as I walk along the sidewalk. I don’t feel like school today. Without Rainer there, it’s not worth it. We’ve been dating for a month now and even though I don’t see him heaps, it’s been great. He spends as much time with me as he can, but I know something is going on. He’s been distant, constantly on the phone, and he’s dealing with people I don’t like the look of. I have no doubt it has to do with drugs, but every time I bring it up, he shuts me down.
He’s been gone three days now, and even though he calls me, I’m worried about him. I’m worried about what kind of debts his father left that would have him messing around with criminals. Was his dad doing drugs? Is he paying off his debts? I just don’t know, and I don’t like it. Not one bit. I’m scared for him, but mostly, I’m terrified of what will happen if he gets hurt, or worse, killed.
I’m so busy in my thoughts I don’t hear the person approach me from behind. The next thing I know, I’m being launched up into a set of hard arms and swung around. I scream with fear and shock, but then I’m placed down and crushed into a hard chest, and I know instantly whom that chest belongs to. I make a happy sound and wrap my arms around Rainer’s middle, pressing my cheek against him, breathing him in. “You’re back.”
“I’m back, baby,” he murmurs into my hair. “Fucking missed you.”
I step back and look up at him. He grins down at me, and everything looks normal with him. He doesn’t seem hurt, or drained, and that has to be a good thing, right?