The Crazy Rich Asians Trilogy Box Set

by Kevin Kwan

  “I think Ah Ma would be more upset that you’re not there by her bedside,” Nick said indignantly.

  Astrid’s eyes brimmed with tears. “We’re losing precious time with her, Nicky. Every day, she’s fading away more and more.”

  * * *

  *1 Originally an area of orchards and nutmeg plantations during the colonial era, Emerald Hill was developed into a residential neighborhood for Peranakan families in the early twentieth century. These Peranakans—or Straits Chinese, the term that was used for them in the era—were English educated (many of them at Oxford and Cambridge) and intensely loyal to the British colonial government. Serving as the middlemen between the British and Chinese, they grew rich and powerful as a result, as was clearly evidenced in the opulent shop houses they built.

  *2 Although the Hokkien phrase literally translates to “redhaired dog shit go to drink alcohol,” it can be interpreted as “that street where the Eurotrash go to get drunk.”

  *3 Deceptively simple, as it turns out—Astrid was wearing a perfectly constructed ribbed jersey tank from The Row over a vintage Jasper Conran black silk skirt in a festive tiered rah-rah design.

  CHAPTER NINE

  TYERSALL PARK, SINGAPORE

  Eddie walked down the east corridor on the way to his grandmother’s bedroom, admiring the cluster of old photographs that had been hung salon-style over a damask-covered settee. In the center was a framed oversize print of his great-grandfather Shang Loong Ma posing next to several enormous elephant tusks and a jewel-turbaned maharaja after a safari in India. Next to that hung a studio portrait of his grandfather Sir James Young in the late thirties, looking every inch the matinee idol in his houndstooth jacket and white fedora, and improbably clutching a Norwich terrier in his arms. How dapper he looked! Who made that blazer for him? Could it be Huntsman, or Davies & Son? Eddie wondered. I wish I had known him back then. Of all his grandsons, I’m obviously the only one who inherited his style.

  Lower down on the wall was a long, rectangular photo of his grandmother Su Yi wearing a tea dress, sprawled elegantly on a picnic blanket in what looked like the Jardin du Luxembourg. Next to her were two French ladies, and each of them clutched intricate lace parasols that appeared to be straining against a gust of wind. The two ladies were laughing, but Su Yi stared straight into the camera, perfectly composed. How beautiful she had been in her youth. Eddie scrutinized the signature that had been scrawled at the bottom of the print: J. H. Lartigue. Holy fuckballs, did the great French photographer Jacques Henri Lartigue really take this picture of Ah Ma? Jesus, this is priceless. I must have it for my office. It could go right next to my Cartier-Bresson print of the boy holding the wine bottles. No one else would appreciate this photograph like I would. If I took this photo and replaced it with one of the others hanging on the other wall, would anyone notice?

  Eddie looked around the corner to see if any of the maids were skulking nearby. There were so many goddamn maids everywhere, no one had any privacy to steal a thing in this house. That’s when he heard the slow, deep moan. Ooaahhh!!! Ooooaaaahhh! It was coming from a door halfway down the hallway that had been left slightly ajar. Eddie quickly realized it was the suite where his cousin Adam and Piya Aakara were staying. He knew that Thais could be kinky, but would they really leave the door ajar like this while they were having their morning nooky? Anyone coming down this corridor could hear them. Then again, if that sexy Piya was his wife, he’d ride her into next week and not give a damn if the whole house could hear.

  Eddie crept closer to the door, and a woman’s voice could be heard giggling. Suddenly, another guttural voice could be heard moaning over the first one. Gwaahhh! Gwaahhh! Wait a minute, there were two guys in the room. And then the second male voice moaned, Oh yeah, right there! Go deeper! Gwaaaaahhh! Eddie’s eyes widened as he recognized that voice. It was his brother, Alistair. What the fucky fuck was happening? Was Alistair having a ménage à trois with his Thai cousins right under his grandmother’s roof, while she lay dying? The sacrilege! Whenever he came to visit his grandmother, he always had the common decency of checking his latest mistress in to the Shangri-La Hotel nearby. He would never think of sleeping with anyone that wasn’t his wife in his dear Ah Ma’s house.

  Eddie barged into the room in a self-righteous fit. “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DO—” he began, and then he stopped in surprise. Piya was seated on the chaise lounge sipping her morning cappuccino, coolly elegant in a sleeveless kelly green silk faille top with matching faille pencil pants from Rosie Assoulin. Eddie swung around and discovered the most curious sight. Sitting at the foot of the silver-enameled four-poster bed was Alistair, stripped to the waist, and leaning over him was Uncle Taksin, digging his elbows deep into Alistair’s shoulders. Adam lay facedown naked on the bed while his mother straddled his thighs, massaging his lower back with coconut oil.

  “Ooaahhh!” Adam groaned, as Piya continued to giggle.

  “I told you boys to do some stretches before your badminton match, but you didn’t listen, did you?” Catherine chided, as she rubbed Adam’s lower back vigorously.

  “Duuude, Uncle Taksin is giving me the best Thai massage on the planet! You really should try it,” Alistair said.

  Eddie stared at the scene in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that the Thai prince was giving his brother a massage. “Um, shouldn’t your maids be doing this?”

  “No…Mummy’s the best.” Adam sighed through his pillow.

  Piya laughed. “All the Aakara boys have been spoiled by their parents giving them massages since they were little. Adam doesn’t even like it when I try to massage him—only Mummy will do.”

  Catherine looked up at Eddie, her chin smeared with a drop of coconut oil as she kneaded her fingers deep into Adam’s butt muscles. “Do you want a massage? I’m almost done here.”

  “Er…no, I’m fine, thanks. I’m not sore—I…I…only played the first set, remember?” Eddie stuttered, uncomfortable at seeing his auntie touch her own son down there.

  “You don’t know what you’re missing.” Alistair sighed contentedly.

  “I’m just on my way to see Ah Ma,” Eddie said, backing out of the room as fast as he could. Those Aakaras were such strange people. Imagine, giving their children massages when they had a posse of prostrating servants at their beck and call! He could hardly believe that Auntie Cat and his mother were sisters—they were such polar opposites. His mother was always so poised and ladylike, while Cat was this no-nonsense woman with tomboyish ways. Her arms, her face—practically the whole front of her body was smeared with coconut oil as she gave her son a massage. His mother didn’t even like putting moisturizer on her own hands. How the hell did Cat ever manage to snag a prince? Of all the sisters, his mother had clearly made the worst match, not including old maid Auntie Victoria, of course.

  He entered his grandmother’s private study and saw his father huddled in conversation with Professor Oon. Malcolm Cheng was one of Asia’s most respected heart surgeons, and had only recently retired as the chief of the Cardiology Centre at Hong Kong Sanatorium. Professor Oon was one of his protégés, and he was obviously keeping close tabs on Su Yi’s condition.

  “How’s the patient doing today?” Eddie said cheerily.

  “Don’t interrupt when I’m talking!” His father scowled at him, turning back to Professor Oon. “And I’m really not happy with the fluid buildup in her lungs.”

  “I know, Malcolm,” Professor Oon murmured worriedly.

  Eddie went into the bedroom, where he found his mother rearranging the vases of flowers that had been sent to Su Yi. Every day, several dozen new arrangements were delivered to the house, along with cases upon cases of Brand’s Essence of Chicken.

  “Mummy hates hydrangeas. Who sent them?” Alix said, opening the creamy thick envelope to look at the card. “Oh God, it’s from the Shears. Well, I suppose we have to keep the flowers here
until Mummy wakes up to see them. She was so close to Benjamin. He was the doctor who delivered me, you know?”

  “Oh look, I think she’s awake now!” Eddie said excitedly, as he ran over and crouched beside her. “Dear Ah Ma, how are you feeling today?”

  Su Yi’s throat was too dry to talk, but she managed to mutter, “Water…”

  “Yes, yes of course. Mother, Ah Ma needs some water now!”

  Alix looked around and grabbed the nearest pitcher. “Tsk, why is this empty?” she said irritatedly, as she ran into the bathroom to refill it. She came back out and started to pour some of the water into the plastic cup with the sippy straw attached.

  “Is that tap water? Are you trying to kill Ah Ma?” Eddie snapped at his mother.

  “What do you mean? Singapore tap water is perfectly safe!” Alix argued.

  “Ah Ma should only drink sterilized water in her condition. Where’s that damn Swiss water that the Aakaras have been guzzling nonstop? Why isn’t any of it in here? And where are her goddamn lady’s maids when you need them?”

  “I sent them to prepare her breakfast.”

  “Well, call down and get them to bring up some of the Swiss water too,” Eddie ordered.

  Su Yi sighed, shaking her head in annoyance. Why were all her children so incapable of fulfilling this simple request?

  Alix could see the look of frustration on her mother’s face and quickly decided to override her son. “Step aside Eddie, let me give her this water now.”

  “No, no, let me,” Eddie insisted, grabbing the cup from her hands and leaning down at his grandmother while mustering his best Florence Nightingale expression.

  When Su Yi was hydrated and feeling more revived, she gazed around her bedroom, as if searching for something. “Where’s Astrid?” she asked.

  “Er…Astrid isn’t here at the moment,” Alix said, not wanting to mention anything about the unfolding scandal surrounding her niece. She made eye contact with Eddie, silently warning him not to say anything.

  “Astrid went to India,” Eddie announced with a smirk.

  Alix glared at her son in dismay. Why was he trying to agitate his grandmother like this?

  “Oh good. She went,” Su Yi said.

  Eddie couldn’t hide his surprise. “You knew about this? You know about Charlie Wu’s proposal?”

  Su Yi said nothing. She closed her eyes, her lips curling into a slight smile. Suddenly she opened her eyes again and looked questioningly at Alix. “And Nicky?”

  “Um, what about Nicky?” Alix asked carefully.

  “Isn’t he supposed to be back by now?”

  “Do you mean you want to see Nicky?” Alix asked, trying to clarify.

  “Of course. Where is he?” Su Yi said.

  Before Alix could answer, Eddie cut in. “Ah Ma, Nicky unfortunately had to cancel his trip at the last minute. Something came up with work, and he couldn’t make it back just yet. You know how important that history professor job is to him. He had to deliver a lecture on the Intergalactic Wars.”

  “Oh,” Su Yi said simply.

  Alix stared at her son, amazed by his bold-faced lie. She was about to say something when Su Yi’s lady’s maids entered with the breakfast trays.

  “Mummy—” Alix began, when she suddenly felt Eddie grab her arm forcefully from behind and pull her into Su Yi’s dressing room. From there, he took his mother onto the balcony and shut the glass door firmly behind them.

  “Eddie, I don’t know what’s gotten into you. What was that nonsense about Nicky? What kind of game are you playing this time?” Alix demanded, squinting at him under the glare of the morning sun.

  “I’m not playing any games, Mother. I’m just letting nature take its course.”

  Alix stared her son in the eye. “Eddie, I want the truth: Did Ah Ma really tell you that she didn’t want Nicky in the house?”

  “She…she almost went into cardiac arrest when I mentioned his name!” Eddie sputtered.

  “Then tell me why she just asked for him?”

  Eddie paced around the balcony, looking for a shady spot to stand. “Can’t you see that Nicky only wants to see Ah Ma so that he can beg for her forgiveness?”

  “Yes, and I’m all for it. Why shouldn’t he be allowed to patch things up with her?”

  “Are you crazy or what? Do I really need to spell it out for you? I’m fighting for what’s rightfully mine!”

  Alix threw up her hands in exasperation. “You’re delusional, Eddie. Do you really think my mother is going to change her will and leave you Tyersall Park?”

  “She already has, Mother! Didn’t you see how Freddie Tan acted the other day after he came to visit Ah Ma?”

  “He seemed his usual friendly self to me.”

  “Maybe he’s always been friendly to you, but to me, he behaved in a way that he never has. The man has hardly exchanged two words with me over the past thirty years, but the other day, he spoke to me as if I was his biggest client. He told me I was the ‘man of the hour.’ And then he spent an inordinate amount of time talking to me about my watch collection. What does that tell you?”

  “Only that Freddie Tan is a watch lunatic like you.”

  “No, Mother, Freddie Tan was trying to give me a hint about being the man of the hour in Ah Ma’s new will! He’s already sucking up to us, can’t you see? Now, do you want to ruin all that and see Ah Ma give Nicky this house? The house you grew up in?”

  Alix gave a weary sigh. “Eddie, this house is already supposed to be his. We have all known since the day Nicky was born that it was meant for him. He’s a Young.”

  “That’s right, he’s a Young, he’s a Young! All my bloody life people have been telling me he’s a Young and I’m just a Cheng. This is all your fault!”

  “My fault? I don’t understand you half the time—”

  “Why the hell did you have to marry Dad, a complete nobody from Hong Kong? Why couldn’t you marry someone else, like an Aakara or a Leong? Someone with a respectable surname? Didn’t you think of how it would affect your children? Didn’t you realize how it has fucked up my whole life?” Eddie seethed.

  Alix looked at her son’s petulant expression and for a moment felt the urge to slap him. Instead, she took a deep breath, sat down on one of the wrought-iron chairs, and said through gritted teeth, “I’m glad I married your father. He may not have inherited an empire or been born a prince, but for me he is far more impressive. He built himself up from nothing to become one of the world’s leading cardiologists, and his hard work has sent you to the best schools and given us a lovely home.”

  Eddie laughed mockingly. “A lovely home? Oh my God, Mum, your flat is a disgrace!”

  “I think ninety-five percent of the population of Hong Kong would beg to differ. And don’t forget, we even bought you your first flat when you graduated from university to help you get started—”

  “Ha! Leo Ming was given a hundred-million-dollar tech company when he graduated.”

  “And where has that gotten him, Eddie? I don’t see that Leo has accomplished much in his life except expand his number of ex-wives. We gave you the support to become successful on your own terms. I can’t believe you fail to see all the advantages your father and I tried to give you. How did we manage to raise you to be so ungrateful? I don’t hear Cecilia or Alistair complaining about their lives or their surname.”

  “They’re both underachieving losers! Cecilia is so obsessed with her horses, you should have named her Catherine the Great! And Alistair and his film-production bullshit—who in Hong Kong has ever seen any of those strange art-house movies that his director friend makes? Fallen Angels? It should have been called ‘Fallen Asleep’! I’m the only one of your children who has ever accomplished a damn thing! Do you really want to know what having the surname Cheng has done for me? It meant that I didn’t get to go to
Robbie Ko-Tung’s birthday party at Ocean Park when we were in Primary Two. It meant that I didn’t get picked for the debate team at Diocesan. It meant that I didn’t get asked to be a groomsman at Andrew Ladoorie’s wedding. It meant that I knew I would never get a cushy no-show job at one of the Hong Kong banks and had to spend half my life licking the balls of everyone at Liechtenburg Group in order to claw my way to the top!”

  “I never realized you felt this way.” Alix shook her head sadly.

  “That’s because you never bothered to get to know your own children! You’ve never really had time to care about our needs!”

  Alix got up from her chair, finally losing her patience. “I’m not going to sit here in the hot sun and listen to you whine about being a neglected child, when you jet around the world and hardly ever make time for your own kids!”

  “Well, that’s fitting, isn’t it? Dad spent most of my childhood flying to medical conferences in Sweden or Swaziland while you were always off buying up properties in Vancouver. You’ve never listened to me! You’ve never once asked me what I truly wanted! YOU’VE NEVER EVEN GIVEN ME A BUTT MASSAGE!” Eddie wailed, as he collapsed onto one of the balcony chairs, his body suddenly wracked with sobs.

  Alix stared at her son, thinking that he must have temporarily gone mad.

  Eddie wiped away his tears and glared at his mother. “If you truly care about your children, if you truly love us as you say you do, you will say NOTHING to Ah Ma about Nicky. Don’t you see what a perfect opportunity this is for us? We need to make sure he never gets to see her, and we need to keep reinforcing to Auntie Felicity that Astrid is still not welcome here! We can tell Uncle Philip that Ah Ma is too weak to see anyone. I will plant myself outside Ah Ma’s bedroom at all times—nobody is going to get in or out without my approval!”

  “This is insane, Eddie. You can’t restrict other family members from seeing Ah Ma like this.”