He was right – she couldn’t run away without Janie. But as soon as Janie was by her side once again, that was exactly what she was considering.
Alessa trailed behind Isaac, fiddling with the heavy straps on her backpack as they circled Paragon’s looming gray walls, searching for the spot where they’d found their supply packs when they’d first escaped from the compound. His broad shoulders hunched with exhaustion as he trudged through the thick underbrush, and it dawned on Alessa how heavily this mission – this whole rebellion – had weighed on Isaac. On both of them, really.
Alessa had struggled with doubts from the beginning – doubts in her own abilities, doubts in the rebels’ chances, doubts in all of their odds for survival. But the past week had finally made things clear. As much as she wanted revenge for Joe, and for the months and years she’d lost to Paragon and its drugs and prisons and dramas, she realized that sometimes you had to choose your battles.
And this one just wasn’t worth the risk.
Isaac glanced back over his shoulder with a reassuring smile and a cobalt sparkle in his eye. “Almost there,” he promised.
Alessa forced a hopeful grin to her lips. She knew she should be happy – they were almost there, had almost completed their mission – but inside all she could see was the image of Isaac’s pale, drained face, a cold droplet of sweat trickling from his fevered brow as he lie wasted and dying.
Alessa had almost given up that day, almost forsaken life itself, drowning as she was in the stifling misery of that tent. And she’d realized since that she just couldn’t stomach the possibility of losing Isaac, or Janie for that matter.
And her short reprieve from rebel life while tucked away at Raptor hadn’t helped, either. Those days had given Alessa a taste of what things could be like in a world that wasn’t dominated by Paragon and the struggles of the resistance – and she wanted that life, desperately. The problem was, the longer she hung around with the rebels, the more likely it was that she – or someone she loved – would die before they got it.
A deep, weary sigh escaped Alessa’s lips as her eyes lingered on the man hiking in front of her, his chestnut hair glimmering in the late afternoon sun. The thought of spending a single day without Isaac wrung her heart into a million pieces; she could never survive without him. How would she ever keep him safe? And Janie – she was the only family Alessa had left. She couldn’t lose Janie either.
Alessa’s loved ones had always been her top priority – their safety, their happiness, their survival. And she was finally beginning to understand that despite the hopes she’d harbored for so long, fighting back against Paragon simply was not going to further that cause.
After all, Alessa was only one person. She simply didn’t have the power to protect Janie and Isaac against the full force of Paragon’s wrath, especially not in an all-out war. The only way she could guarantee their survival – and therefore, she admitted, her own – was if she could find some way to remove them from the situation altogether.
Peeking at the dark, towering barrier to her side, it occurred to Alessa that it should probably feel weird to be on this side of Paragon’s walls – the outside. At one time, the idea of leaving Paragon had terrified her. She and Janie and Isaac had grown up there, and despite their hardships, at least the compound was familiar, secure. There had been so many unknowns beyond Paragon’s gates.
But Alessa was no longer worried about their odds of making it outside the compound, once they put enough distance between themselves and Paragon at least. She’d already proven to herself that she could survive out in the world, even with the virus and the creatures at her heels. She and Isaac and Janie could make it on their own. She was sure of it.
Alessa breathed deep and let the cool winter air wash through her, an invigorating chill seeping through her limbs. The oxygen tasted of clarity.
After everything Alessa had been through, every challenge she’d surmounted, every struggle she’d endured, she realized that it all boiled down to this – this one moment when all the puzzle pieces fit together and she finally understood what her heart had been trying to tell her all along:
She could not get further embroiled in the rebels’ fight if it meant putting Janie and Isaac at risk. She needed to get them out of here, before it was too late.
She was resolved.
Ahead of her, Isaac paused for a moment, readjusting the weight of the pack on his back. He tightened the straps, shook out the fatigue from his limbs, and soldiered on.
A soldier, Alessa thought – that was the epitome of who Isaac was. Strong, willing, honorable. And dedicated, that most of all. Alessa couldn’t breathe a word of her plans to him – not until it was too late for him to intervene, anyway. He wasn’t going to like it, but one day he would thank her.
Hopefully.
Now she just needed to figure out how to get Janie on board…
Her sense of duty was almost as bad as Isaac’s. It was sure to prove more than a challenge to convince Janie to desert.
Alessa certainly had her own reservations about ditching the rebellion – she wasn’t about to pretend she didn’t. She knew the people of Paragon needed help, and the idea of abandoning the resistance racked her with guilt. But Alessa had done what she could, she reasoned, and she’d done more than most. At some point she had to draw the line. At some point she had to put herself first. Wasn’t that only fair?
Hadn’t she earned that right?
Alessa just couldn’t leave the fate of the two people she loved most to chance, not any longer. She was going to do whatever she needed to get them out of there and bring them somewhere secure, somewhere far away from Paragon and the rebels and the bloody mess that was sure to ensue.
Maybe she could find a way to trick Janie into cooperating. After all, Janie had done the same to Alessa during her escape from Paragon – Alessa owed her one.
“This is it, right?” Isaac called.
Interrupted in her plotting, Alessa looked up flush-faced and took in the clearing around her, turning to hide the redness in her cheeks – it was hard to keep anything from Isaac, especially something this big.
She spied the large drainage pipe jutting out of a gravel-lined ditch, the dense gnarled trees, the thick bushes lining the sewer opening. It looked different in the light of day, but this was definitely the spot.
Over to her right was the high ridge where Isaac and Alessa had huddled in the dark waiting for Janie to appear, only to discover that she’d never planned to come. Alessa could still picture Isaac’s drawn face, pale in the shimmering moonlight, as he read the letter from Regina breaking the news.
“Yeah, this is it,” she affirmed, suppressing the anger that threatened at the memory of the betrayal contained in Regina’s words.
Alessa had learned her lesson that night. As much as she might believe in the rebels’ cause, there were some things that were more important to her – people were more important to her. And Regina had made it clear when she kept Janie behind that Alessa and Regina didn’t see eye to eye on that point. As much as she admired the rebel leader, something deep inside of Alessa just didn’t trust Regina to keep the people Alessa cared about safe. Regina had succeeded in life because she was ruthless – Alessa knew she wouldn’t hesitate to put Janie or Isaac in danger if she saw an opportunity for victory.
And Alessa just couldn’t abide by that. She’d play along with Regina’s games while she had to, but when the time was right, she was done. And she wasn’t about to let her sister out of her sight again.
A flash of concern crossed Isaac’s face. “Is everything okay, Less?” he asked gently.
“Oh, yeah,” Alessa replied quickly. She cursed to herself – she was really terrible at hiding her emotions. “It’s just… weird to be back,” she lied. Well, it was partially true – it was weird knowing it’d be her last visit, at least.
Isaac smiled in understanding. “I know.” He scrambled across the ditch to the thicket where they’d found the supply
packs left for them by the rebels so many weeks before. “Regina’s letter said we’d find a way to contact her here…”
“See anything?” Alessa asked.
Isaac dug around in the branches for a moment before pulling out a fist-sized box. “Something!” Isaac shouted, holding up the box. He skittered down the loose rock lining the ditch and bounded up the other side, holding the box out to Alessa. “See what’s inside.”
She took it in her hands – it was heavy for its size. Popping open the lid, she found a mass of tangled wires and electrical parts connecting a large battery to a single button.
“Is it… some kind of transmitter?” Isaac guessed, peering over her shoulder at the contents of the box. “But what do we do with it?”
“Look.” Alessa pointed at the inside of the lid, where a note was scrawled in a messy hand. “Punch in the knock code, then wait,” she read.
“The knock code? Like when we used to go to meetings?”
Alessa shrugged. “I don’t know what else they could be referring to…”
“But we haven’t been to a meeting in, what, a year? Almost a year and a half? They change the codes all the time – how are we supposed to know what the latest one is?”
Alessa thought for a moment. “Maybe that’s the point – the only way they’ll know it’s us is if we use the code that was active when we were captured that fall. Do you remember it?”
“I’m pretty sure it was like this,” he knocked a pattern against the side of the box.
“Sounds right. Do it.”
“You think this button is like a morse code transmitter or something? That it will send the pattern to Regina to let her know we’re back?”
“I hope so…” She considered. “I mean, it could be a trap. But there’s really no way to find out except to try, right?”
“Right. Okay, here goes nothing.” Isaac tapped the code out on the button. “Now what?”
“Now we wait.”
The afternoon turned to dusk and then to dark. Isaac and Alessa had resumed their old vantage point sitting on the hill overlooking the sewer, passing the hours sharing snacks from their bags and watching the sun set over the high walls of Paragon to the west.
There’d been no movement near the drain, no sign of anyone coming to meet them. Alessa was beginning to worry.
Isaac was working his way through his sixth granola bar in as many hours, crumpling the wrapper back into Alessa’s bag. It was their last one. “Well, I’m glad you had the foresight to pack all these.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying them,” Alessa replied. She tried to smile, but couldn’t get her lips to cooperate. Oh well. The moonless night was so dim, Isaac couldn’t see her expression anyway.
She felt a sudden jab in her lower back.
“Ow! Isaac, what are you doing?” she swatted her hand at whatever he was sticking her with.
He grabbed her fingers and yanked her arm tight behind her, then somehow in one swift motion she was flat on her back, leaves and dirt crunching under her hair, an elbow dug deep into her free arm to restrain it. She fought to sit up and couldn’t, and when she went to yell, a hand clamped down over her mouth. That’s when she realized it wasn’t Isaac holding her.
Panic bursting in her chest, Alessa peered up at the dark narrow almond eyes boring into her own. “Shh…” a female voice whispered.
To her left, Alessa could just barely make out Isaac in her peripheral vision, bound in the same position. And then she heard a rumbling laugh.
“Isaac, my man! It is you. Are you a sight for sore eyes or what?” There was a flurry of activity to that side as the man released Isaac.
“Sorry, Alessa,” the female voice intoned as the pressure on Alessa’s body released. “Just had to be sure.”
Alessa sat up quickly, turning to face her assailant while scrambling away. The woman who’d been holding her switched on a faint light.
“Sato!” Alessa’s tension faded as she was flooded instead with relief. She hadn’t realized how good it would feel to see a familiar face, even the usually grim rebel mechanic.
Sato shot a rare smile back at Alessa, brushing her dark, straight bangs from her face with a tattoo-laden hand. “It’s good to see you,” she added, her voice as serious as ever.
Isaac was engaged in a back-slapping embrace with the tan-skinned, well-built man that Alessa recognized as Carlos, the rebels’ head of militia.
“Making enough noise with those snack bags, you think?” Carlos joked. “We didn’t even have to muffle our steps sneaking up on you. Rookie.” He gave Isaac a good-natured shove. “Alessa,” he smiled in her direction. “Come ’ere.”
Alessa got to her feet and stepped forward to give Carlos a hug. He wasn’t any taller than she was, but she still felt small in his thick, brawny arms.
Over her shoulder, she heard Isaac greeting Sato. “Sato, great to see you. How is everyone? How’s Alicia?”
Alicia was Sato’s partner, another high-ranking rebel official and leader of their medical team.
“She’s good,” Sato replied reassuringly, “Everyone’s good.”
“Janie?” he asked quietly.
Sato hesitated. “I’ll let Regina fill you in.”
Alessa’s heart dropped in her chest. She released Carlos and turned to Sato, grabbing her forearm. “Sato. What’s happened to Janie?”
“Nothing,” Sato retorted.
“Sato, don’t mess with me. Not about this.” Alessa was a little tentative about threatening the tough, sinewy mechanic, but she wasn’t about to let this go. The only reason she’d even left Paragon was because Regina had made it sound like Janie would be safe. Now two months later she was learning that might never have been the case.
“Well, nothing we know of for sure,” Sato admitted under Alessa’s stony glare. “We haven’t heard from her since you left.”
The breaths came quickly now as Alessa processed this information. Why was she not surprised at this turn of events? “I thought you guys had a plan to get her out,” Alessa accused.
“We did,” Sato protested. “But something happened and Janie never showed up at the meeting point.”
Sato stepped toward Alessa and put a hand on her shoulder, an unusually earnest gesture which Alessa knew wasn’t easy for Sato to make.
“I’m sorry, I wish I had more to tell you. Let’s just go find Regina – she’ll explain everything.”
Regina, Alessa grumbled. Of course.
28. HOMECOMING
Alessa and Isaac followed Carlos and Sato back through the woods into another sewer opening. Ten minutes of slogging through the dank, winding tunnels led to an open grate outside a long low building in a dark part of the compound that Alessa didn’t recognize.
Carlos climbed out onto the street first, checking that the area was clear before he motioned for the others to follow. They scurried behind him into the shadows of an alley, where he rapped another pattern onto the door. “Regina’s been hiding here ever since Lizzie was captured again, just before your drama,” he explained. “This part of the city is pretty much abandoned except for the occasional patrol – it’s actually blocked off at street level, but luckily the sewers are still accessible. Regina’s been able to lay low and direct the rebellion from here, switching to a new building every few weeks to be safe.” He tapped the same pattern lightly on the door once more. “You heard the code?”
Alessa and Isaac nodded their assent – they remembered the protocol. In fact, Alessa had taken note of the knock code the first time Carlos did it. She’d always been good at following the rules – though that was about to change once she found her sister, she seethed.
Inside, a weary-looking soldier guided them through dim hallways to a wide basement room where Regina sat waiting for them. Carlos and Sato left them at the door.
“Isaac, Alessa,” Regina smiled, the grays in her cropped hair glinting in the harsh fluorescent light. “It’s good to see you both.”
Unfortunat
ely, Alessa’s feelings were less than warm at the moment. “Regina, where is my sister?” she demanded. Isaac squeezed her hand in warning, but Alessa didn’t care anymore what any of them thought of her. She wanted answers.
Regina sighed, her shoulders heavy. “Sit down, Alessa. I’ll explain whatever I can.”
Isaac and Alessa settled into the stiff folding chairs across from Regina and waited for an explanation.
“I’ll be honest with you,” Regina began. “We don’t know where Janie – or Lizzie, for that matter – is.”
Alessa looked away, shaking her head with her lips drawn tight, but Regina reached out to her, wrapping her bony fingers around Alessa’s wrist. “Alessa, don’t jump to conclusions. They may be all right yet.”
Alessa got the impression that Regina was trying to convince herself as much as Alessa. Lizzie was, after all, Regina’s daughter – and Lizzie had suffered far more under the Ruling Class than any of them had. Alessa felt a sudden twang of guilt. Of course Regina was doing everything she could.
Regina let her arm go when she saw that Alessa had relaxed. “We lost contact with my mole inside the producers the same day that you escaped. He was the one who was supposed to meet Janie, and Lizzie. We’re not sure if he betrayed us, or if he was captured, or if he’s even alive.” She sighed a long breath.
“We’ve been using our contacts in the different efficiency units to keep an eye on the dramas, waiting to see if either Janie or Lizzie have reappeared, but so far there’s been nothing. It hasn’t been that long, though. They might still be in the prison waiting for another assignment.”
“So why haven’t you gone in looking for them?” Alessa challenged, more gently than before. “It’s been two months. I thought you were keeping her safe.” Alessa bit back the tears pressing at her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Alessa. Truly, I am. Janie’s as important to me – to our cause – as anyone. And Lizzie, well… she’s my Lizzie. I want them both back. We’ve had to be more cautious lately – Paragon’s been on high alert since your escape. That doesn’t mean we did nothing, though. We are looking for them.”
Shudder (Stitch Trilogy, Book 2) Page 17