Isaac finally spoke up. “And… what have you found?” Alessa could tell from his tone that he was trying to be respectful, but he was still anxious on Alessa’s behalf.
“We have a new recruit,” Regina responded. “A guard within the prison system. He was afraid of something he saw at the prison, some kind of grisly attack that left two of his comrades dead. He wanted us to get him out. So he agreed to spy for us, and in exchange we’re going to extract him when we head to the new base – assuming you’ve found one…”
Regina risked a glance at Isaac and he nodded. Alessa could see the relief on her face as she continued. She could tell Regina had more questions, but she let them go for the moment.
“The guard hasn’t seen any sign of Lizzie or Janie, unfortunately.”
Alessa made to interject, but Regina put her hand up.
“Again, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. He only works in the main cell blocks. At least the information we’ve gotten from him narrows our search down to the solitary wing and the attached medical facility.”
“That’s still a lot of ground to cover,” Isaac interposed.
“I know,” Regina acknowledged. “But we have a plan, now that you’re back.”
Of course she did, Alessa thought to herself. Regina always had a plan. And once again, Alessa had no choice but to participate in it, if she had any chance of seeing her sister again.
“But that’s for another night. I can see you’re exhausted, and this is not the homecoming you were hoping for. Alessa, Michael can show you to your room.” Alessa looked up and noticed that Michael, a doughy middle-aged man – another of Regina’s inner circle – had stepped into the room.
Alessa and Isaac stood to go, but Regina called Isaac back. “Isaac, if you don’t mind, I’d like to hear a little more about what you found before you join Alessa. Before we get the rebels out of here, I need to know if it’s actually safe. I’d like to hear what you think.”
There was no sense in arguing, Alessa knew. Isaac would want to complete their mission by filling Regina in on the details, and Alessa didn’t have the patience to sit through it right now. She followed Michael out without a word.
“I’m happy to see you,” Michael said gently once they’d entered the hallway.
“Thanks, Michael,” Alessa replied. He was really a sweet guy – she couldn’t take her anger out on him even if she’d tried. “It was… a rough trip,” she admitted. “I was hoping to come back to better news.”
“Of course,” he consoled her, leading her down the hall and into a sparse room with a cot, a chair and a couple changes of clothes for her and Isaac – Paragon’s standard issue jumpsuits, so they’d be able to blend in if they had to. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” he asked, sitting down on the chair and patting the bed across from him.
There was something about Michael that made Alessa want to talk, some inner kindness and lack of propensity to judge that made her feel safe. She remembered then that he’d been a psychologist and sociological researcher in his previous life, before Paragon. He was also the person that Joe had first approached when he and Alessa realized the compound’s food supply was tainted with mind-altering substances. He’d been their first link to the rebels.
“Actually,” Alessa sat down on the bed facing him, “there is.” She’d rather have this conversation with Janie, but that didn’t appear to be an option at the moment, so portly, genial Michael would have to do. “I’ve been… thinking a lot lately, about Joe.”
She looked up at him, ashamed to admit her feelings when Michael well knew about her relationship with Isaac. But there was no judgment in Michael’s eyes, only sympathy.
“You and Joe were close friends, right?”
“Best friends,” Alessa affirmed. “Maybe… maybe even a little more than friends. Or at least, I’d hoped someday we might be.” Her words trailed off.
Michael smiled softly. “I saw the way he looked at you, Alessa. I’m pretty sure he felt the same.”
Alessa stared into her palms, fighting the tears that stung at her eyes. There was no sense in crying over something that couldn’t be, especially since she was so lucky to have Isaac now. But she hadn’t known how Joe felt, hadn’t known if it was even a possibility. Or, then again, maybe she had. Maybe she just hadn’t admitted it to herself, and that’s why all these feelings were coming back to her now.
“I just… I can’t seem to get him out of my head lately,” she explained. “And I feel so guilty about it. Isaac can tell that something’s wrong, but I don’t know how to explain it to him. I don’t want him to feel –” she narrowed her eyes as she searched for the right word, “– insecure, you know? I – I’d never leave him, of course, I love him. And anyway, Joe’s gone,” she shook her head. She didn’t know what else to say.
“Joe may be gone, but that doesn’t mean that your feelings for him have disappeared. It’s only natural, Alessa, to wonder what could have been.”
“But why now? I thought I’d dealt with all of this.”
Michael shrugged. “Everyone handles loss in their own way. In time, it will go away. But for now, it’s important that you face your feelings head on, and allow yourself to grieve for the life you might have had with Joe, if things had gone differently. That’s the only way you’ll ever get over it.”
It was good advice, but easier said than done. “I don’t want to hurt Isaac,” she objected. “He thinks I’m doubting him, that I’m wishing I could trade him for Joe.”
“All you can do is reassure him,” Michael instructed. “He’s grieving, too – remember that. Those are his own anxieties that he’s projecting onto you. He’s always looked up to his brother, and it’s easy to see why. Now he’s not sure if he measures up, and he’s looking to you to set his fears to rest. But that’s not your job, Alessa – Isaac needs to build his confidence from within. You can support him, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have your own issues, too.”
“Thanks,” Alessa expressed. His words did make her feel a lot better.
“Anytime. And I’ll try to talk to Isaac, too, if I can.”
“That would be great. Just… don’t tell him what I told you.”
“Of course,” Michael assured her. “Patient confidentiality and all that,” he smiled. He stood and headed for the door, but turned back at the threshold. “If there’s ever anything else you need, Alessa, I’m here.”
Alessa smiled. As he turned to go, she did think of one other thing that Michael might be able to help with. “Oh, Michael, wait. I have a question for you.”
He turned around in the doorway. “Yes?”
“It’s a little strange.”
“Nothing’s strange,” he laughed. “Trust me, if you’d spent as many years in social psychology as I have, you’d know that.”
“Okay…” Alessa breathed. She didn’t know how to explain this gently, so she decided to just blurt it out. “I keep feeling things – emotions, thoughts, memories, that kind of thing – that aren’t… my own.”
Michael cocked his head to the side. “Tell me more.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “That’s really all there is to it. It happened a lot outside Paragon, especially once we got to areas that were once more populated. We were in this mall at one point, where I think they’d been treating people for the virus – a lot of people seemed to have died there – and I was just overwhelmed with all this fear and despair, all these flashbacks of moments in people’s lives, these – I don’t know – visions, almost like wishes for the future maybe?”
Michael sat down again, rapt.
“And then when Isaac got sick –”
“Isaac got sick?” he interjected.
“Yeah, really sick. Like he almost died. But I think it must have just been a bad flu or something.”
Michael nodded in agreement. “No one’s ever recovered from the virus, to my knowledge.”
Alessa continued. “Well, he was feverish, and d
elirious, and I – I think I could see his thoughts. Like he would say something that didn’t make sense, and then I would get this flash of a memory or whatever and it would be exactly what he was mumbling about.”
“Fascinating,” Michael replied, sitting back in his chair and scratching at his chin.
“And then, there were these creatures…”
Michael looked alarmed. “Creatures?”
Alessa shook her head. “I’m not sure what they were, exactly, we never got a good look. But they stalked us throughout most of the trip.”
Michael shuddered visibly at that.
“And sometimes… sometimes I got things from them too, like anger or, or – bloodthirstiness.”
“You never saw them you said?”
Alessa shook her head.
“Well, that sounds… unpleasant, to say the least.”
“No kidding,” Alessa admitted. “So I’m really not sure what could be going on with me…” She sighed. “Have you ever heard of anything like this?”
“When did it start happening to you?”
“Only after we left Paragon.”
“So after the stitch.”
“Yeah.”
Michael nodded. “And you say you’re feeling emotions – or sometimes seeing thoughts – from other people? People who might already be dead, or who are dying, or from these strange creatures you don’t really know much about.”
“Basically, yeah.”
He thought for a moment, nodding to himself, until finally something seemed to click. “I think you might be an empath, Alessa.”
“A what?” she asked.
“An empath – it’s someone who can feel the emotional ‘imprint’ in a place or on a person. Kind of like how a bloodhound can pick up on the scents that others leave behind – empaths do that with feelings.”
“You’ve heard of this before?” Alessa was incredulous. She’d known it was a long shot. She didn’t expect Michael to have any actual answers.
“Oh yes, the phenomenon has been well-documented. Never really explained, unfortunately, and I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting an empath before, but I did come across quite a few famous cases in my studies.”
He took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes, like he was trying to recall something. “If I remember correctly, the theory is that this ability kind of runs on different frequencies, like radio stations, and each person is tuned to a different one. Some empaths, for example, can feel the emotions of all the people around them, whereas some claim to only be able to feel the dead…” He considered. “You, I think, are somewhere in between. Based on what you described, I’d wager that you’re feeling the emotions of people who are on the brink of death.”
Alessa turned that over in her mind. “So not dead, but almost dead?”
“Yes, exactly,” Michael nodded. “For example, Isaac, when he was sick – you were able to see his hallucinations. And the people in the mall – when they were dying, it would make sense to experience sorrow and fear, like you described, and even to have flashbacks of their memories or think about their hopes that will never come to be. Those are very strong emotions, Alessa. It’s not unreasonable to think that somehow that energy could have been left behind in that place after they passed on.”
“But what about the creatures? They were alive. I mean, I guess they could be dying, I wouldn’t know for sure. But if they are, it’s certainly taking long enough…”
“Well, this is a little different than what I’ve read about, but I’d like to venture a guess. The fear of death is a very primal thing. It’s something that unites all species, the will to live. Humans, I think, are able to tune it out a lot of the time – that’s what makes us more advanced than other animals. But a lesser creature – especially one that feels threatened, or hungry, or angry – perhaps they’re always on that frequency, just carrying those intense feelings around with them. And since you seem to be tuning into that ‘station,’ if you will, it would make sense that you can hear them, right?”
“I guess so,” Alessa replied. This was the most sensible explanation she’d heard yet, at least. And it was a relief to know that she wasn’t the only one who’d experienced something like this.
“Isaac thought maybe it might have something to do with the stitch, that it had knocked something loose in my brain. And then when I started seeing his ghost on the show, it basically trained my brain to be able to do a similar kind of thing in real life.”
“Sounds reasonable enough to me,” Michael responded. “The brain is a powerful thing, Alessa. We still don’t really understand it. And we know even less about the longer term effects of the stitch. There’s no telling how these things might interact, what kind of changes they may bring. Though you’ve always been an intuitive person, haven’t you? I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d always had this ability locked away somewhere, and your experience with the stitch just released it.”
Alessa sighed. “So, what do I do now? How do I shut it off?”
Michael laughed kindheartedly. “Oh, I’m not sure it’s going to be that easy, Alessa. It’s not like there’s an activation switch somewhere you can press…” He shook his head. “No, my advice – and I know you don’t want to hear this – but my advice would be to embrace your new ability. Learn how it works, and that might give you a little more control over it. But if you try to bury it, well, then it’s more likely to control you.”
Great, Alessa thought. Just what she needed – another Regina, only this time inside her head.
“Thanks so much for your help, Michael,” Alessa smiled. “Again, if you don’t mind, do you think we could keep this between us for now?”
“Always. You get some rest now, Alessa. You’ve had a long journey.”
29. REUNION
“I’m not going to lie, Isaac – you’ve well surpassed my expectations for this mission.” Regina seemed more than pleased with his report of what they’d found in the Raptor Defense Systems facility. “It sounds better than I’d dared even hope for.” She clapped him on the shoulder with a smile. “Well done, indeed.”
Isaac smiled in return, though inside he was churning. He knew Alessa must be a mess right now, worrying about Janie. He hoped Regina would have better tidings about Josephine, once he had a chance to ask. At the very least, he was praying that Regina would know where Jo was, something that would give him a chance to rescue her.
“And you saw no signs of the virus being an issue?” Regina asked. “You’re sure?”
Isaac shook his head. “We’re here, aren’t we? Besides that one time I got sick, we were fine. And I don’t think that was the virus, either – I must have contracted whatever it was well before I started showing symptoms at the mall, right?”
Regina looked visibly lighter. “That’s such a relief, Isaac, I can’t even tell you. If that virus was still out there… we had no hope. And now, with it gone, Paragon’s biggest weapon has been taken away from them. If there’s no virus, there’s no reason for all these people to stay trapped behind these walls. We’ll be able to get them all out soon.”
“I just hope I’m right…” he sighed. “We should still be careful, until we can do some testing or something, confirm that it’s really safe.”
“Of course, of course,” Regina agreed, but she seemed more confident than before, less tired. “So, let’s talk about how we’re going to get to this base of yours,” she continued. “You said it’s about 140 miles due south of Paragon, is that correct?”
“That’s my best estimate,” Isaac confirmed, “judging by how long it took us to get back here. Our route there was a little round-about – first southeast for few days, then the terrain pushed us more southward, and once we finally hit pavement, we followed it to the highway, which I think was running east-west through the city. We basically followed the highway through the city and out the other side. Raptor was about a day’s walk west of the city.”
Regina nodded. “I believe I know what highway you’re
talking about, and yes, about 15 miles outside the city on that route would put you due south of Paragon. That’s good, that means we have a few different options for getting there.”
Regina got up and went to a large chalkboard suspended on the wall. She drew an X for Paragon and one for Raptor, and then drew out a rough approximation of the major roadways in the area, she explained.
“First option,” she struck a straight line from Paragon to Raptor, “we cut through the woods on foot. As you know, though, this is slow going – and with the amount of people we’ve got to move, it will take even longer than you and Alessa found. Not to mention, we’d need to scavenge enough supplies from Paragon to maintain the whole company for the week or more it’d take to get there, and I’m not sure how we’d manage that without attracting notice. And even if we did, that’s still giving Paragon plenty of time to catch up with us.”
“There’s another issue, as well…”
“And what’s that?” she questioned.
Isaac hesitated. “There’s something out there. Some things.”
Regina gave him a quizzical look.
“Creatures, of some sort. They’re fast, and strong, and violent. At least as big as a person, I think. I’m not really sure – we were always running, never saw them clearly. They followed us the whole trip, attacked once or twice, though we managed to get away. But with that many people in our party, we’d have no chance against them. They’d be picking off the stragglers in no time.”
“I don’t understand. Are they animals? Some sort of large predator running wild without anyone to curb their populations? Cougars, maybe? Or something escaped from the zoo?”
“They’re predators, all right. But not cougars, not wolves, not anything we’ve seen before.” He took a deep breath. “Regina – I think they’re human. Or used to be…”
Regina’s mouth hung open. “You think… it has something to do with the virus? Some sort of mutation?”
Isaac shrugged. “I have no idea. All I know is, I don’t want to get close enough to find out.”
Shudder (Stitch Trilogy, Book 2) Page 18