The Game You Play: A Rixon Raiders Novel

by L A Cotton

  Indifferent.

  “There is no us.” His sharp words made me flinch. “Why can’t you just accept that?”

  “Because I don’t believe you. Last night—”

  “You think last night meant something?” He sneered, the harshness of his stare like a hundred tiny daggers cutting into my skin. “I was doing Hailee a favor and saving everyone anymore embarrassment. You were a fucking mess.”

  The words crashed over me, making my heart lurch into my throat. Blood pounded between my ears.

  A fucking mess.

  He hadn’t saved me because he cared… he’d saved me out of pity.

  “God, I’m stupid.” So stupid. “I let them all convince me you liked me, that you needed me. But you don’t need anyone.”

  People with no hearts didn’t have room to care about others let alone need them.

  “Finally figured it out, huh?” He scratched his jaw absentmindedly.

  “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Jason,” I said with nothing but quiet confidence. I might have been breaking inside, but he wouldn’t see me crumble.

  Jason didn’t say anything as I turned and started walking away. But then his voice perforated the heavy silence. “Oh and Giles...”

  “Yes?” I snapped over my shoulder, barely hanging on by a thread.

  “You might want to think about applying to another school. Penn isn’t big enough for the both of us and I don’t know what crap you’re trying to pull but I don’t want you there.”

  My lips parted on a pained gasp. I wanted to argue, to tell him me applying for UPenn had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my parents, my future, but a figure burst from the shadows.

  “Hey, baby,” Jenna said, sidling up to Jason as if I wasn’t standing right there with tears in my eyes. “Miss me? Oh, hey, Felicity, I didn’t see you there.”

  She saw me all right.

  She just got great satisfaction over watching the blood drain from my face.

  “You might want to run along now, unless you want to see the show, if you know what I mean.” She smirked before pressing her lips to Jason’s, making sure I got a front row seat.

  He wasn’t invested in it; he wasn’t touching her or kissing her back. He was watching me. His hard eyes silently daring me to call him out.

  It took everything I had not to jump on her back and tear her away from the guy who had unknowingly stolen my heart.

  No, that wasn’t right. He hadn’t stolen it. I’d handed it over willingly. Secretly hoping it was enough.

  That I was enough.

  When all along, I knew wasn’t.

  Jason Ford was the devil in sheep’s clothing and I was nothing more than a game wrapped up in a pretty package.

  Something to pass the time.

  A game he’d already grown tired of.

  “I never had you down as a voyeur,” Jenna’s voice snapped me from my morose reverie. “But if you want to watch, maybe you’ll learn a thing or two.” She snickered into Jason’s shoulder.

  Damn that hurt. I didn’t want to believe he’d told her that I’d given up my v-card to him, but at this point, anything was possible. Because I didn’t know Jason.

  Maybe I never had.

  “You’re welcome to him.” I barely managed to choke out the words.

  Just for a brief moment I thought I saw a flash of regret in Jason’s gaze, but then he captured Jenna’s mouth and closed his eyes, losing himself in the kiss, showing me he hadn’t changed at all. He was still the cold-hearted bastard he’d always claimed to be. Only it was too late. He’d reeled me and then spat me out, not caring that he’d smashed my heart into a thousand pieces.

  Pieces I knew would never heal right.

  Somehow, despite the gaping hole in my chest, I managed to turn and walk away from them with my head held high.

  From Jason.

  For what I promised myself would be the final time.

  “This is nice,” Mya said as we ate cookies and ice cream and watched cheesy movies. It had been Hailee’s idea after the disastrous end to last night.

  I hadn’t even stopped to tell them I was leaving, I just needed to be far, far away from Jason and his poisonous words.

  “I can’t remember the last time I had a girls’ night.”

  “Pre-Cameron we did this a lot. Although most of our sleepovers ended up with Hailee plotting revenge on Jason.”

  “Hey,” Hailee said, “We still hang out. You make it sound like now I have Cameron, I’m not around.”

  “I’m joking, Hails. I’m happy for you, I am. After everything they put you through, you deserve all the happiness.”

  “Your brother sounds like a grade-A asshole.” Mya’s eyes crinkled.

  “My step-brother is an asshole. But he’s different lately.” Her gaze flicked to mine.

  “Yeah, well, different or not,” I sighed, “he’s still a cold-hearted bastard.”

  Mya and Hailee both looked at me with sympathy in their eyes. “Please don’t do that; don’t look at me like he ripped out my heart and trampled all over it. I wanted closure and I got it.”

  “Yeah, but I still can’t believe he did that. And with Jenna, of all people.”

  “Really, Hails? Because this is Jason we’re talking about. He’s disappointed me at every turn, why should last night have been any different?”

  “I just thought that this time he would...” She swallowed the words.

  “I know,” I said quietly, “me too.”

  Although I knew exactly who Jason Ford was, part of me had still foolishly hoped he had changed. That I’d changed him. I had managed to convince myself I was different to the Jenna Jarvis’ of the world when all along I was exactly the same.

  It was a bitter pill to swallow. But at least I’d seen his true colors once and for all. I could move on knowing I’d tried to smash through Jason’s steel walls. Even if it did suck that I failed.

  “If you ask me, you’re better off without him. Jason Ford loves only two things: himself and football.”

  “You’re not wrong there.” Hailee leaned over to high five Mya.

  “Anyway, enough boy talk. I thought this was supposed to be girls’ night. What are your plans for after high school, Mya?”

  “Ooh straight into the heavy stuff, I like it.” She crossed her legs in front of her and pushed her spiral curls from her face. “I always wanted to do something to help people, you know. Like drugs counselling or a school guidance counsellor.”

  “Psych major?” I asked.

  “Maybe, or education. I haven’t really narrowed it down, but I’m applying to Montclair State and Michigan. I want to go out of state but not too far away.”

  “Me and Cameron are headed to Michigan.”

  “No way.”

  Hails nodded. “He was supposed to go to UPenn with Jason, but—”

  “But he realized he couldn’t bear to be apart from Hailee and applied to Michigan instead.” The way my best friend blushed at my words was so darn cute.

  “Wow, that’s... serious.”

  Hailee shrugged. “I couldn’t imagine going without him.”

  “I miss that,” Mya sighed. “Having someone to make plans with. What about you, Flick? Given anymore thought to your plans?”

  “I thought the plan was to study business.” Hailee frowned at me.

  “It was... I mean, it is.”

  “But...”

  “But I might be having teeny tiny second thoughts.”

  “Oh shit, do your parents know?”

  “What do you think?” My eyes rolled dramatically.

  “I thought you were happy applying to UPenn and following in their footsteps?”

  “I mean, yeah, I was. It’s always been the plan. Instilled in me from day one. But now, now I’m not so sure it’s what I want.”

  Jason’s cruel words from last night filled my head. He thought I was applying to UPenn because it was where he was going, but it couldn’t be further fro
m the truth. I was applying because it was expected. Because my parents wanted me to follow in their footsteps and continue their legacy. The exciting world of white-collar employment. And until recently, I had been all too happy to make them happy.

  “You never said anything,” Hailee sounded dejected, her expression crestfallen.

  “You know me, Hails,” I gave her a tight smile, “I’m a people pleaser, not a rulebreaker.” Until Jason. I left that strictly to Hailee and her vendetta against the guys.

  “But this is your future. You can’t do something just because your parents want you to.”

  “I know.” It had just taken me a while, and a little push from Mya, to find the courage to pursue my own path.

  “So what are you going to do?”

  That was the million-dollar question. I could pursue business at UPenn and make my parents happy or I could go after what I wanted. Chase my dreams.

  The only problem was; I still didn’t know what they were.

  “I’m going to work on my list.”

  “Your list?” Hailee groaned. “Hasn’t that already caused enough trouble?”

  “Actually, Mya helped me rethink a few things. I think it could be good for me to work toward completing it, and who knows, maybe I’ll figure out exactly what I want to do with my life.”

  “Now that sounds like a plan I can get on board with.” Mya grinned, her eyes sparkling with eagerness, as if I was a project she just couldn’t wait to get her hands on.

  “You know I’ve got your back, whatever you decide,” Hailee added. “Just because I have Cameron now, doesn’t mean I’m not one-hundred percent here for you.”

  “Thank you. But first things first…” I dug my cell out of my pocket and found Jason’s number.

  “Is that what I think it is?” Hailee craned her neck to get a better look.

  “Yep. I need to draw a line under Jason and his games.” My thumb hovered over the ‘delete’ button. Drawing in a deep breath, I closed my eyes, and pressed it.

  “To new beginnings.” Mya declared, raising her soda in the air.

  “New beginnings,” I echoed, clinking my glass against hers.

  But the sound of Hailee clearing her throat cut through our soft laughter. “Now are you going to fess up about what really happened between the two of you?”

  Well, damn.

  “Seriously? You want to know? I figured you were mentally scarred from New York.”

  “I don’t want to know the graphic details, but yeah, I want to know.” She gave me a tentative smile. “After all, I need to know how badly I need to get him back for hurting you.” Her mouth curved into a devious smirk and soon the three of us were falling around my bedroom floor in fits of laughter.

  And the ache in my heart faded.

  Just a little bit.

  Jason

  “Are you going to drill daggers into my head all morning?” I finally dragged my eyes to Hailee’s, and she clucked her tongue in disgust. “Whatever’s on your mind, just spit it out so I can finish my breakfast in peace.” I all but growled the words.

  “I’m just wondering what made you this way. I know you have Daddy issues, but join the fucking club. Most of us have parent issues. Which makes me think there must be something else. A reason you’re so… so cruel.”

  “I don’t have to answer to you.” My eyes narrowed.

  “You’re right, you don’t. But I’m asking anyway.” Hailee glared right back. “Why? Why did you do that to her?”

  “Am I supposed to know what the fuck you’re talking about?”

  Her nostrils flared, a streak of pink coloring each cheek. My step-sister was pissed and instead of trying to cool the flames, I was stoking them. But she didn’t have the first fucking clue about why I did the things I did.

  No one did.

  “Felicity came to Seniors Night for you,” she hissed. “To be there for you. And you went and threw it back in her face. I know the two of you have been meeting. I know she slept with you… again. I know everything.”

  It wasn’t her harsh tone that had me internally flinching, it was the fact Felicity had told her everything. Things I’d thought had been just between the two of us. Not that it mattered now.

  None of it did.

  “Yeah, well, it’s over.”

  “Are you even listening to yourself? You were seeing her in secret… why?”

  “I don’t—”

  “Because you care about her. Stop pretending you don’t. You think we don’t all see the way you look at her? Even Thatcher and his goons noticed. You watch her. You watch her when you think no one is looking, so don’t stand there and tell me whatever was happening between the two of you was nothing.” Hailee slammed her hands down on the table, making the breakfast bowls clatter.

  “So I care?” I yelled back, my thin rope of control snapping. “It doesn’t matter. None of it fucking matters. I can’t afford any distractions next year.”

  “If you care about someone, they’re not a distraction, Jason,” her voice softened a fraction, “they’re a support.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Stop saying it doesn’t matter. It fucking matters,” she roared back, her chest heaving with the strain of her words. “Felicity deserves better. And you promised; you promised me you wouldn’t hurt her…” Tears pooled in her eyes, twisting my gut.

  “No, I didn’t,” I said coolly.

  “Yes, you did.”

  “No, I didn’t. I promised to only ever do what I think’s best for her, and this… this is what’s best.”

  Hailee shook her head, cussing under her breath. “That doesn’t even make any sense. If you wanted to fuck Jenna, you could have at least waited until Felicity left. She was right there and you rubbed Jenna in her face. So tell me, Jason, how is that what’s best for her?”

  “She needed to know we were done.” The words almost got stuck in my throat and I sucked in a harsh breath.

  “Oh my god, listen to yourself. You make me sick.” She slumped back in her chair defeated. “I really thought you were changing. I thought you’d finally shed that hard shell of yours. But it really was a game, wasn’t it?”

  I gave her a dismissive shrug.

  “You think the whole world revolves around you. That just because you’re some football god you can do whatever the hell you want. But this is high school, Jason. Soon you won’t be at the top of the food chain anymore and I hope you get a taste of your own medicine.”

  “Are you done?” I growled.

  “Done?” She smirked. “I’m only just getting started. You’re so self-centered you can’t even see what’s going on around you. You didn’t stop for a second to consider Felicity’s feelings. It never even occurred to you that maybe she has her own shit going on. You automatically assumed she was applying to UPenn to follow you there. Jason Ford. Football star and epic asshole.” bitter laughter spilled from Hailee’s lips, “but you couldn’t be more wrong.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Maybe you should have pulled your head out of your ass for five seconds and asked her about her own life. But now you’ll never get the chance.”

  “Yeah? Why’s that?” I sounded composed but her words had completely disarmed me.

  Hands pressed firmly against the table, Hailee stood slowly, the chair scraping against the tiles, the sound cutting me right to the bone. “Because, dear brother, you might have won the game but the only real loser here is you.” She walked to the door, glancing back at the last second. “And Jason?”

  “Yeah?” I croaked.

  “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from Felicity. She doesn’t need you back complicating her life anymore than it already is.”

  Her warning hung between us, and I knew whatever progress we’d made in patching up our relationship had just been torn wide open again.

  And I only had myself to blame.

  “Hey,” Cam said as I entered the gym. We h
ad morning practice, and I’d been bracing myself for his tirade. So his greeting was unexpected to say the least.

  “You’re still talking to me then? Because after the lecture Hailee gave me this morning, I wasn’t sure if I should wear body armor.”

  “Come on, Jase,” he let out a heavy sigh, “you had to know it wouldn’t end well. You really hurt—”

  “Yeah, yeah, save me the speech. I already heard it.” We moved over to the chest press and started adding weights.

  “So what happens now?”

  “Nothing happens. It’s done, we’re done. Felicity knew what she was getting into.”

  “But—”

  “There are no fucking buts,” I ground out, irritation swimming in my veins. “It’s done. Over. Did you know she applied to Penn?” My brow rose.

  “Hailee mentioned it, but I didn’t, no. You think she did it because she knew you were going there?”

  “I don’t know what the fuck to think, but she can’t go there.”

  “Jase, you can’t tell someone where they can or can’t go to college, man. It’s her future and Hailee said something about her parents being alumni.”

  “I don’t care if her parents are best friends with the Dean, she can’t go there.” I can’t have her there, everywhere I turn.

  When I met Cam’s eyes again, he was scrutinizing me. “What?” I barked.

  “What’s really going on with you?”

  “Save the Dr Phil routine, I had enough of that from Asher.”

  “You called?” he appeared out of nowhere.

  “Great, now I have to listen to the two of you bitch.”

  “Nope.” Ash held up his hands as I got situated on the bench. “No bitchin’ here. The way I see it, now you’ve cast Fee aside, she’s fair gam—”

  “Don’t even fucking think about it.” My chest rumbled.

  “About what?” He played dumb.

  “Ash, don’t push him.”

  “Push him? How could I possibly be pushing him when he chewed her up and spit her out like she’s nothing?” His smile was easy, but his tone was cool.

  Yeah, Asher was pissed and I couldn’t blame him.