Ambitious Love

by Rosie Harris

  ‘Good. I’m pleased to hear you say that. I was beginning to think that you were just playing fast and loose with her affections and simply out to break her heart. So what’s the problem, then? Surely she hasn’t turned you down.’

  ‘No, it’s nothing like that at all, Maria,’ Fern said quickly. The trouble is that I’m not old enough to get married without the permission of a parent or guardian. That means asking Bryson because he’s my nearest male relative. I don’t think he would agree to it because Glanmor is his son and that means he’s my cousin.’

  ‘Perhaps you could sign the forms, Maria, and say you were Fern’s guardian,’ Glanmor suggested.

  ‘Oh yes? I suppose you do realise that I would be perjuring myself if I did that?’ she chuckled.

  ‘I couldn’t let you do that, much as I wish to marry Glanmor,’ Fern told her with a despairing sigh. ‘Anyway,’ she added, ‘by the time Glanmor comes back from his next trip I will probably be old enough for us to go ahead without having to ask anyone’s permission.’

  ‘Several years of separation is a long time,’ Maria mused. ‘They can be years of frustration and worry in case one of you finds someone else,’ she added.

  ‘Let’s talk about something, else shall we?’ Fern said uneasily.

  ‘Not yet, because there is something I want to say to you both.’ Maria paused and held out her cup to Fern for a refill.

  ‘I’ve been waiting for the right moment to tell you this and now seems to be as good a time as any other. I went to see the doctor this morning’ – she held up her hand as Fern was about to speak – ‘hear me out, cariad, it’s hard enough to tell you this as it is,’ she paused and took a sip of her tea.

  ‘The doctor told me that unless I give up the flower business and all the strain and work it entails then I am going to find myself back in hospital again in next to no time. My heart is not what it was and he says I’m far too old for all the worry of running a business. He advised me to give it up and put my feet up.’

  Fern and Glanmor looked at each other. Fern felt that receiving two body blows in one evening was too much. She wondered what was going to happen next. Glanmor saying he would be leaving within the next few weeks was bad enough, but this was even more serious. It sounded as though her job on the flower stall was at stake and it was the only kind of work she’d ever done.

  ‘I’m sorry you feel worn out, Maria but can’t you give up the pitch and let me go on running the stall? Rhodri will always give me a hand if I need it,’ Fern said lamely.

  ‘No, cariad, it’s not as simple as that. There’s the buying and selling to be organised as well as preparing and pricing up all the flowers and plants ready for sale. I know you do a wonderful job serving on the stall but there’s all the other work that’s entailed, the ordering and the keeping of the books.’

  ‘If you showed me what to do, I’m sure I’d manage,’ Fern said eagerly.

  ‘Yes, you probably would, but to tell you the truth, I’m at my wits end trying to find the money to pay for everything on time. I’m so behind with settling all the bills that I’m very worried that I’ll be in serious debt very soon and have the bailiffs knocking on the door.’

  ‘Oh Maria,’ Fern said in a shocked voice. ‘Why ever didn’t you tell me about all this before now? We might have been able to make some changes or something,’ she added vaguely.

  ‘There didn’t seem to be any point in doing so, cariad. Now don’t worry, I’ll make sure we keep going one way or the other until you’ve found yourself another job. You’re bright and efficient and I’ll give you a good reference so you shouldn’t have too much trouble. One of the other stallholders at the Hayes might be glad to take you on so start putting the word around.’

  ‘There’s no need for Fern to do that,’ Glanmor told her. ‘I want her to come with me, back to Russia. We could be together there.’

  ‘Really?’ Maria looked so relieved that Fern felt close to tears. ‘So what’s stopping you doing that, Fern?’

  Fern shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, she couldn’t speak; at that moment she felt it was all too much for her. Life seemed to be rushing past her and so many things were happening all at once that she couldn’t take them in.

  ‘She didn’t want to leave you in the lurch, Maria,’ Glanmor said bluntly.

  ‘Well, she needn’t worry about doing that,’ Maria exclaimed forcibly. ‘In fact, she will be solving the biggest of all my problems. Telling you both has been hard enough because I was worried about what would happen to you, Fern, but if I know you are going to be with Glanmor, then it’s all working out for the best.’

  ‘Surely there’s something we can do to keep things going,’ Fern said worriedly. ‘I know how much the business and especially the stall means to you.’

  ‘Not any more, my health is what matters to me most of all,’ Maria told her.

  Fern bit her lip. She didn’t know whether or not to remind Maria that several times in the past Maria had hinted that she hoped in time that she would take over the business.

  ‘I might be able to help you out with money,’ Glanmor offered. ‘I’ve saved up quite a bit while I’ve been at sea.’

  ‘And you are going to need every penny of it to meet your expenses now that you’re going to have to look after Fern as well as yourself. No, I don’t want either of you worrying about me. Giving up the stall and, if I’m lucky, possibly managing to sell the business, will bring in enough to cover all I owe,’ Maria assured him.

  ‘I feel terrible about going away and leaving you with so much to deal with on your own when you are still not well,’ Fern murmured.

  ‘Well, there’s no need to be concerned, cariad. In fact, it’s solved my biggest headache of all knowing what you’re planning to do. I hated the thought of having to tell you that you’d have to find another job and now you’ve saved me the trouble.‘

  Fern wasn’t altogether sure if Maria was telling the truth. She knew how much the flowers meant to her; it had been the one thing she’d worried about when she’d been in hospital.

  Perhaps if she talked to Rhodri about it he would be able to suggest a way of helping Maria to keep the stall going even if she wasn’t there. Then she remembered about all the debts Maria said she had and how selling up would take care of them and she felt even more bemused than before.

  The SS Saturn was due to sail in less than a week and Glanmor had said that if she was going with him then he wanted her belongings ready a couple of days before they sailed so that he could stow them away on board. Over the next few days she would have to decide what to take with her and what to leave at Maria’s until they came back. It meant that she hadn’t very much time to talk to Rhodri about the situation or to go into it further with Maria.

  Glanmor brought along a kitbag for her to pack her things in. Once she’d done this and he had taken them back to the ship she really felt as though the die was cast and she was virtually on her way.

  Saying goodbye to Maria was a tearful affair. The older woman tried to remain stoic but her wrinkled cheeks were wet with tears as were Fern’s as they hugged and kissed before they parted.

  ‘Now mind you take good care of Fern,’ Maria told Glanmor as he hugged her and said goodbye. ‘Remember this time to write and let me know how you are both getting on.’

  It was a bitterly cold night and Fern shivered as damp mist swirled around them as they made their way to where the ship was berthed. For one brief moment Fern wished she was still sitting in front of the fire, drinking tea with Maria.

  As they walked down Bute Street towards the Pier Head Glanmor seemed to be so much on edge that Fern wondered if he was having second thoughts about taking her with him.

  ‘I’m freezing,’ she whispered as she slipped her arm though his and snuggled up to his side.

  He said nothing and he seemed so tense that it was almost as if he was rejecting her. ‘Is something wrong? Would you sooner I wasn’t coming with you?’

  �
��Heaven’s no!’ He stopped and took her in his arms and kissed her. ‘Of course I’m pleased that you are coming with me but there is a slight problem,’ he murmured.

  ‘Go on. Tell me. I don’t like it when you are in such a pensive mood like this.’

  ‘I’m not in a mood,’ he told her gruffly as he released her and, tucking her arm though his again, began to walk quickly. ‘I’m a bit worried though.’

  ‘What about?’

  Again he was silent and seemed withdrawn. Then, as the Pier Head came in view he headed towards a Milk Bar. ‘Come on, let’s stop and have a hot drink to warm you up and I’ll try and explain things while we’re drinking it.’

  He found a secluded corner seat but he remained silent until their drinks were served. Then, avoiding her gaze, he said in a hard, flat voice, ‘I’m not sure how you are going to take this. You see, the Saturn doesn’t carry passengers.’

  ‘Yes, I know that. It’s a cargo vessel,’ she murmured as she sipped her drink.

  ‘That’s the point. Cargo and crew – that’s all. No passengers whatsoever.’

  ‘What are you trying to tell me? Are you saying I can’t come with you?’

  He stared down into his mug of steaming hot cocoa. ‘Not openly, you can’t.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’ Fern frowned. ‘You’ve already taken all my things on board.’

  ‘Yes, I know that, but no one knows they’re your things; they think I have another kitbag of stuff. I’m going to have to smuggle you aboard and you will have to stay hidden in my cabin for the whole of the journey,’ he said gruffly.

  ‘You mean that no one at all must know I’m travelling on the ship?’ Fern exclaimed in a shocked voice. ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me this before?’

  His hand sought hers and squeezed it. ‘I was afraid you wouldn’t come,’ he told her.

  ‘So however am I going to get on board?’ she asked, bemused.

  ‘I’m planning to smuggle you aboard somehow and into my cabin. And then you must stay there. Like I’ve said, no one must know you are on board.’

  ‘I don’t see how you can keep me hidden for the whole of the voyage,’ Fern argued worriedly. ‘That could be two years.’

  ‘I don’t either, but once we are well on our way I’ll own up that you are on board. We don’t put into port until we reach Russia so there’s no possibility of the captain ordering you off the ship.’

  ‘What about you, though. Will you be punished?’

  ‘I probably will be, but I’m not worried about that because it will be worth it.’

  ‘So what kind of punishment do you think you are likely to get?’ Fern persisted.

  ‘I don’t know.’ He shrugged. ‘I’ll have to wait and see what the captain decides on.’

  ‘You won’t be given the cat-o’-nine-tails, will you, Glanmor?’ she shuddered.

  He laughed. ‘No, I wouldn’t think so. That used to be one of the punishments in the Royal Navy in the olden days but I don’t think they use it any more.’

  ‘If they take you away and put you in irons or shut you up in isolation somewhere, then I will be on my own and I could even starve to death.’

  ‘It won’t come to that. I’ll be punished but Captain Mulligan is a pretty reasonable sort of man so I’m hoping I will be able to make him understand why I had to break all the rules and smuggle you on board. Anyway,’ he went on quickly, ‘if I’m being punished, they’ll know you are on the ship and the captain wouldn’t let you starve, so you have nothing to worry about.’

  Chapter Twenty-one

  The fine drizzle that had been falling when they’d left Maria’s had now turned to sleeting rain. As they made their way from the Pier Head through the maze of the docks to where the SS Saturn was berthed Fern was afraid of slipping into the dark murky waters on either side of her. In desperation she clung on to Glanmor’s arm.

  He was so concerned that there was no one else about that he kept looking back over his shoulder to make sure they weren’t being followed, which made her feel all the more nervous.

  When the outline of the ship came into view he stopped and whispered, ‘Don’t speak; don’t say a word now until we are on board and in my cabin. Do you understand?’

  Fern nodded and remained silent but she felt petrified, wondering what might happen next.

  Holding her arm tightly Glanmor waited until he was quite sure that there was no one about then hurried her towards the ship. The climb up the gangplank to the deck seemed to Fern to be mountainous. The steps were slippery from the rain but Glanmor’s tight hold on her arm steadied her.

  As she stumbled on to the deck she stopped to regain her breath but Glanmor looked around nervously and hurried her towards another set of steps. She found that these led down below deck and they looked far more perilous to her mind than the steps they had just negotiated.

  Without a word of explanation he twisted her round so that she was facing the gangway, with her back to the steps. Then he began to descend them and, holding her ankle he guided it on to the first rung. Keeping close behind her he helped her down to the deck below.

  Fern gasped with relief when she was on even ground again but it was by no means the end of her ordeal. Quickly he propelled her forward to another gangway and repeated the process of helping her descend to the level below.

  Once they were in the bowels of the ship he hurried her along to where his bunk was situated. It was in a very small cabin towards the prow of the ship. It was so tiny that they were barely able to close the door once the two of them were inside.

  Speaking in a whisper, Glanmor told her she must wait there while he went and reported to the first mate.

  Left alone, Fern looked round in dismay. There was no bed, only a hammock slung between two hooks, and it took up the entire width of the cabin. There was one small cupboard and a large chest which she supposed must act as a seat as well as a means of storage. On the wall above it was a small piece of mirror, positioned almost too high for her to see her reflection and so miniscule that she wondered why he bothered having it there at all.

  She shuddered at the thought that this was to be her home for the whole of their journey to Russia. She had no idea how far away that was or how long it was going to take to get there.

  She took off her wet coat and looked for somewhere to put it. The only thing she could find was a single hook high up on the wall near the chest, so she draped it on that.

  As she was doing so there was a sudden deafening noise and the cabin began shaking and rocking. She clamped her hand over her mouth to stop herself from screaming in fright; then she realised that it must be the ship’s engines being started up.

  Still trembling, she moved across the cabin with the intention of sitting in the hammock but the juddering of the ship made it impossible for her to get into it. Each time she tried to sit it seemed to tip and throw her out again. She wondered how on earth anyone could actually sleep in it. The slightest movement of the ship and they’d be out on the floor.

  The room was hot and smelled fusty and she longed for a breath of fresh air. There was a tiny porthole window so she went over to it to see if she could open it but there seemed to be no way of doing so. As far as she could make out it was simply a small circle of thick glass set into the hull. She tried to peer out through it but the glass was so obscure that she could see nothing.

  Her heart pounding, she sat down on the chest and put her head in her hands. It was like a nightmare, she thought unhappily. Taking a deep breath and pushing her hair back from her face, she tried to blank out all her fears and concentrate on thinking of other things as she waited for Glanmor to come back.

  If she had known it was going to be like this would she have come? she asked herself.

  In her heart she knew the answer was yes because more than anything else in the world she wanted to be with Glanmor. Yet, even so, at this moment she couldn’t help wishing that she was back on the flower stall in the Hayes, serving customers and
exchanging friendly banter with Rhodri.

  The wait for Glanmor seemed endless. Fern began to panic in case he never returned. When he did he was carrying a plate of food and a mug of tea.

  ‘Come on, tuck in,’ he said as he placed both of them on the chest alongside her.

  She shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry,’

  ‘Well, drink the tea while it is hot and you can eat the food later. Make the most of it, I might not get the chance to bring you any more for quite a while.’

  Fern gave him a wan smile and picked up the tin mug. The tea was sweet and almost black; so strong that she almost choked as she swallowed it.

  Hugging the mug between both her hands she enjoyed the feeling of warmth that emanated from it far more than she did the contents. In an attempt to appear grateful she picked up one of the sandwiches. The bread was very thick and coarse and the chunk of beef in between the two slices was so tough that she found she couldn’t bite into it.

  She made a pretence of eating, then put it to one side. ‘I’ll enjoy that later,’ she promised.

  Glanmor nodded. ‘Whatever you think best, but we’ll be leaving port quite soon. Have you ever been to sea before?’

  ‘You know I haven’t. Why do you ask?’

  He frowned. ‘Well, the first part of the journey can be a bit choppy. The ship might roll quite a lot.’

  ‘What has that got to do with whether I eat this now or later on?’ Fern asked.

  ‘Most seasoned sailors say you feel much better if you have some solid food inside you. They claim that it helps you to stop feeling queasy,’ he added quickly.

  ‘You mean you think I’m going to be seasick?’

  ‘It’s quite possible that you might be. I was for the first few days. I found that once the ship reached calmer waters and settled down then so did my stomach. I’m simply warning you about what to expect,’ he added with a grin.

  ‘I’m finding everything is so different and strange and nothing at all like I thought it was going to be that I don’t suppose being seasick will make all that much difference.’