“What’re you doing tonight?” he asked.
“Dinner with an old friend from high school,” I replied, wishing I was meeting her another night because if I didn’t know any better I’d think he was going to suggest we did something together.
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He nodded once, pursing his lips. “Sounds good. You not seen her in a while then?”
No, so I really can’t cancel.
“Not since New Year’s Eve. ”
“Right. Be good to catch up then,” he said.
I nodded, getting lost in his eyes again.
“Jasper?” Oakley called from her office behind reception.
His head snapped towards the door and he hopped off the desk as if he’d just been woken from a daydream.
“Coming,” he replied and walked off.
I’d never been sure when a guy liked me, so when my exes said they did it was a surprise. It was fair to say I had little experience of reading the signs, but I was getting some pretty big mixed ones from Jasper.
“Amy,” I said, giving her a hug before sitting opposite her.
“Hey, sweetie, how’re you?” she asked.
I blushed, remembering being in Jasper’s arms, his bed, last night.
“I’m good, are you?”
She grabbed the cocktail menu.
“I’m fabulous. ”
“Good. How’s Liam?”
“He’s great too. What’s going on with you? Last I heard you were going to dinner with some… Henry?”
“Harry,” I corrected. “That’s over now though. He was either full on or arctic cold. I don’t play games. ”
She turned her nose up.
“Definitely. No one wants a game-playing boyfriend, too much of a headache. So, you’re single. ”
“Yep,” I replied. “But there’s this guy. ”
Her eyes lit up. “Tell me about him, and don’t you dare skip on any details. ”
Where do I start?
“Okay, well he’s Brad’s friend. Gorgeous, light brown hair, sexy stubble, bit cocky, but he’s cheeky with it, so you don’t want to punch him. You know what I mean?”
She nodded and waved her hand, telling me to continue.
“We’ve slept together a few times. ”
Amy’s mouth hit the table. I didn’t do one-night stands, and she knew that. I was Holly the shy, good girl.
“Wow,” she breathed. “What was he like?”
“Are we really discussing that?”
“Absolutely! He’s good in bed?”
I was sure I blushed again.
“Yes,” I replied. “Not that it’s surprising, he’s had enough practice. ”
“Ah, a player?”
“Yep. He was when Brad was first hanging out with him, but then he got married. ”
Her mouth dropped again.
“You’re sleeping with a married man?” she squeaked.
“No! Of course I’m not. She cheated, and they broke up. ”
“When?”
“Um. ” I bit my tongue. “Almost two months ago. ”
“Christ, Holly!”
“I know! I don’t particularly feel good about it. He’s single though, so it’s not bad, right? I’m not doing anything wrong, am I?”
“They’re definitely separated?”
I nodded. “He’s filing for divorce. ”
“Then you’re not doing anything wrong. She cheated on him anyway, what he does now is none of the ex’s business. ”
“Yeah, I just feel bad. ”
“Of course you do. You’re too nice, sweetie. Don’t feel bad for having a little fun with a single guy. ”
She had a point. I couldn’t help worrying what people would think of me. My family probably still thought I was a virgin, and although I’d had about as much sex with Jasper as I had with my ex and Harry, I didn’t want anyone to think I was ‘easy’.
“Thanks, Ames, you always did manage to put things into perspective. ”
“I have to say, in the seven years I’ve known you, you’ve never managed to surprise me until now. ”
“Yeah, well, you ready for one more?”
Her eyes widened. “I’m not sure if I can take it!”
“I think I’m falling for him. ”
“Oh no. Babe, don’t do that. Bad, bad idea. The guy has just broken up from his wife and is about to go through a divorce. This is the worst time to fall for him. Right now he’ll just be wanting to screw the pain away. ”
I winced. Thinking about Jasper with another woman left a nasty taste in my mouth. My stomach burned with jealousy. I knew it happened, but I didn’t ever want to think about it.
“Yep, I know all that, and I agree. Falling for him is probably the worst idea I’ve ever had, but I don’t get a choice. I’d love to stop it, but I can’t. There’s something about him. At first he was just nice and funny, we got along, and there was nothing more to it. ” I shrugged. “Well I was attracted to him, but I’m not blind! Anyway, the more time we spent to together, especially at work-”
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“Wait, work?”
“Yeah, his sister owns The Centre, and he co-runs it. ”
“Oakley Farrell’s brother?” she asked.
“Oakley Benson,” I corrected. “But yeah, her brother, Jasper. ”
“Whoa. Okay, go on. ”
“We spent more time together, and he was great when Harry broke up with me, and I told him we’d never get back together. Underneath the lad exterior, he is a really nice, caring, loyal guy. ” I banged my head on the table. “I’m doomed, right?”
Amy flopped back against the booth. “Yeah, I think you are. ”
“I’m not going to act on my feelings. ”
“So next time he comes to you you’re not opening Hotel Holly and letting him get funky inside you. ”
I blinked. “What?”
She shook her head.
“My brother and his immature teen mates have been hanging around the house. It would seem their interesting vocabulary is rubbing off on me. ”
“Right. Well I’d love to be able to do that. Actually I wouldn’t. I love that he gets to me the way he does. I’ve never had that before. ”
“Oh God, Holly. ”
“I know,” I whined. “Why can’t I say no to him?”
“Because you’re in lurve!”
I glared.
“Not helping. ” Was I in love already? “Anyway, tell me what’s new with you. Take my mind of Jasper. ”
Chapter Eighteen
Jasper
I pulled my zip up and waved to Courtney or Connie or Cally as I walked out of the stall.
“You’re not even going to buy me a drink?” she said.
Oh no, she’s a post casual sex drinker. No one wanted to go do anything with someone after they’d just had no strings, one-time-only sex. There were rules about this type of thing that she wasn’t following.
“Look…” I trailed off, wincing as she raised her eyebrow.
“Emma!”
“Emma,” I repeated. “Shit, I was way off. ”
And judging by the look on her face her sense of humour was seriously lacking. Can’t think why! Holding my hands up, I took a step closer to her. Now I was obligated to buy her a drink because even if one-time-only sex meant you could leave and that be it, it was still common courtesy not to forget their name to the person’s face.
“I’m sorry, Emma. I was a dick. Lemme buy you a drink to apologise. ”
“Oh, so you want to have a drink with me now?”
When did I say with?
I smiled. “Of course. I didn’t think you’d want to since this was just a bit of fun. ”
She blinked heavily, and I started to seriously regret my decision to sleep with her. Some people could casual fuck; Emma was not one of them. Eit
her she’d been hurt like me, or she was trying to prove some point to someone – her friends or another guy most likely.
Her bottom lip trembled, and my eyes widened.
“Shit. No, don’t cry. ” What do I do? What do I do? “Do you want me to go?”
Shaking her head, she pulled me back in the stall and closed the door.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, fanning her face.
I leant back against the wall I’d just banged her up against and smiled as convincingly as I could. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m embarrassed mostly. ”
“You’ve not done this much. ”
“This is the first one-night stand I’ve had, and I thought I’d be okay. It’s just sex, right?”
Kneeling down as she dropped onto the toilet seat, I replied, “It’s not just sex for everyone. ”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing, Emma. It’s fine if you can cut feelings off for sex and if you can’t. Now you know, never do it again. ” I reached out and wiped her tear before it fell. “It’s not worth feeling like this over, and waiting for a relationship is nothing to be ashamed of. ”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I’m glad this mistake was you. ”
I wasn’t sure how to take that.
“Okay,” I replied.
“Sorry, that didn’t come out right. I just mean that if it was someone else that didn’t care I would’ve felt worse. ”
“I don’t care about anything. ” Even I didn’t believe the words.
She smiled. “Sure you don’t. ”
Standing up, she walked past me.
“Take care, Jasper. ”
And I felt worse; she’d remembered my name.
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Blowing out a deep breath, I left the bathroom. Emma was nowhere around in the bar, so I assumed she’d gone home. I’d had one time fucks go wrong before – the woman that told me she was falling for me five seconds after I’d come and the one that chanted silent words as I did her against the door. To this day, I had no idea what she was mouthing.
I stumbled to the bar and leant my full weight on the wooden top.
“I’ll have another SoCo and coke, please,” I slurred, pushing my glass towards a hot barmaid.
“Coming up,” she replied.
Leaning over the bar, I checked out her arse as she made me a drink. She was slightly slimmer than Abby. I’d always loved Abby’s curves. There was something for me to grab onto.
“Ha, Brett loved her curves too,” I said to the person beside me, a bewildered looking fierce redhead.
“Okay,” she said.
“My wife is a slut. ”
“My fiancé is a slut,” she replied. “I’m Kate. ”
“Jasper. ”
“So your wife cheated. ”
“With a guy from work, yeah. You?”
“Caught him in my bed with my cousin. ”
“Shit. Okay, you win. ” I thought seeing Abby kiss another man was bad enough. I didn’t know how the fuck I’d cope with seeing more. “Want a drink?”
“Whatever you’re having, please. ”
“Make that two,” I called to the barmaid, and she nodded in reply. “So, Kate, what’re you doing with your life since it got fucked up?”
She snorted. “You sound like my family. ”
“I sound like my family. My sister is always going on about how I have so much more to offer than sleeping around and I should get myself sorted as moving on is the best revenge. ”
Kate thought for a minute. “Your sister’s right about that. ”
“I prefer getting shitfaced and getting laid. ”
“The easy option. ”
I frowned. “Wouldn’t call it that. ”
“Neither would I, but it’s easier than facing that fact that your relationship is over, you’re alone and somehow have to piece everything back together. ”
“Well aren’t we the most cheerful fuckers in the bar tonight?”
She laughed. “You need revenge. ”
“Revenge? What I need is to forget she exists and hope my divorce comes through ASAP. ”
“Hmm, I prefer revenge. ”
“How did you do that?”
The bartender put our drinks on the bar, and I paid. Kate ran her long fingernail around the edge of the glass.
“Keyed his precious car and told my aunt, uncle and Bethan’s husband that Daniel has Chlamydia so she should get tested. ”
“Does marriage mean nothing to people these days?”
“Tell me about it,” she spat. “I’m off men now. Relationship-wise. It’s not worth the hassle and heartbreak. ”
“I’ll drink to that. ” I picked up my glass, and we clinked.
Kate and I had another three drinks together; slagging off our exes helped us bond.
“Hmm, worst thing I’ve done since the break up…” she said, trailing off to think about it. “Oh, I kissed my ex’s friend. Not a good move I admit, but it was two days after, and I was feeling shitty. What about you?”
“Well I’ve done nothing to Abby. ” She wasn’t worth my energy and I wasn’t interested in revenge. Even after hurting me as badly as she did I couldn’t do the same to her.
“But I have slept with a mate’s sister. More than once. ”
“Oh, you don’t piss on your own doorstep,” she said, and I burst out laughing. “Do you like the girl?”
I shrugged. “Sure. She’s not the girl I usually go for, but she’s cool. ”
“She’s cool?”
“Yeah. Funny, smart, beautiful, easy to get on with, blushes like crazy, has the best reactions-”
“You like her. ”
I held my hands up. “Whoa, don’t start that. I like her as a friend, sure. That’s it though. For now, I’m single and having fun. ”
Fun. That was a word to be used loosely. I was hardly having the time of my fucking life, but after all the shit with Abby it was nice not to care about anything or think of someone else. I could do whatever the hell I wanted, whoever the hell I wanted, whenever the hell I wanted.
“Doesn’t mean you don’t like her. If she showed up right now and asked you to go home with her what would you do?”
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Get my coat.
Kate grinned at my silence. “That’s what I thought. It’s fine, Jasper. Just because you like her doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship, you can just want to sleep with her. ”
“Thanks,” I replied sarcastically.
Holly was great; she really was, but I did not want a relationship with her or any other woman right now. I’d only been separated from Abby for seven and a half fucking weeks. I couldn’t even imagine being with someone in the future yet.
“Cards on the table,” Kate said. “Are you taking me back to your place or not?”
My eyebrows shot up. Yeah I’d mostly been with women that knew what they wanted, but Kate was on another level. “No feelings. No guilt. No sneaking out the next day. You give me at least six orgasms and cook me bacon in the morning. I’ll leave after that, and you’ll never see me again. ”
I blinked in shock. This was my lucky night.
“I’ll call a taxi,” I said, reaching for my phone.
Kate grabbed her bag and downed her drink and then mine. I grabbed her hand and lead her outside as I ordered a car. At half past ten, long before the bars and clubs closed, I had no doubt we’d get one within ten or fifteen minutes.
Kate leant against the brick wall of the bar as I finished the call – ten minutes to kill before we could get out of here. I slipped my phone in my pocket and stepped between her legs.
“So, Kate,” I said, running my hands over her hips. “How do you feel about PDAs?”
She hooked her leg around my waist. “I’m all for them,” she purred and offered her
mouth for a kiss.
My head was being drilled from the inside. I groaned and rolled over, squinting my eyes at the stream of light spilling in through the window.
Something moved at the end of the bed and I sprung up. A woman – Kate, I remembered – laughed and picked up her jacket from the floor.
“I’m going to ignore you forgetting I was here. ”
“Sorry,” I said, wincing.
“It’s okay, lover boy, you were quite out of it. I’m impressed you got it up to be honest. ”
“Thanks. ” I think.
“Well, I had a lovely evening, but I’ve gotta skip breakfast and run. Good luck with the ex situation, Jasper. ”
I nodded. “You too. ”
Kate left, and I dropped back on my pillows.
By the time I was feeling human again, it was almost two in the afternoon, and I’d called Oakley to find out where they were. I missed Everleigh, and I hated that me being a mess was preventing me from spending as much time with her as I wanted to.
“She’s at Mum’s. Me and Cole are Christmas shopping. ”
I stilled. “Did I hibernate the summer away? Oakley, it’s July!”
“I know, but we need a new ten-foot tall tree for The Centre and Cole found a garden centre that’s selling old stock. We figured we’d get some things done. Only decoration shopping, I’m changing the colours this year. I can’t think about presents until it’s cold. ”
I couldn’t think about any of it until it was December 20th!
“Alright, you freak. I’m gonna head over to Mum’s then. ”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, all sober now. I wouldn’t want to be near her if I was drunk. ”
“That wasn’t what I meant. ”
“Oh, well, I’m fine. ”
My conversation with my sister ended with me promising to sort my shit out, again, and then I headed to Mum’s. At least with Everleigh there I wouldn’t get a lecture.
“Hi, love,” Mum said, opening the door so I could come in.
“Hey, where’s Everleigh?”
“Sleeping on the sofa. Want a hot chocolate?”
I smiled at her over my shoulder.
“Sure. ”
I sat on the sofa and watched Everleigh sleep. She was so tiny and so innocent. She looked just like Oakley as a kid. Rubbing my forehead roughly, I tried shoving the thoughts and memories away.
Why was it that when all you wanted to do was forget something, it haunted you as much as it could? I just wanted one day when I didn’t think about it. When I didn’t feel guilt.
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