Everlost (The Night Watchmen Series Book 3)

by Candace Knoebel

  He wants to savor this moment. Swim in it. Relish it.

  I don’t want to wait for him to make the first move. I can’t. I lift my hand and press it against his thundering heart, yearning to feel its strength. And, the moment I touch him, he comes alive.

  Urgency has taken over.

  His lips are on mine again, harder this time, pulling me down into a madness I never want to come up from. A madness that consumes every one of my brain cells, and I don’t think I’ll ever be sane again. His hands are everywhere, tugging and pulling at fabric that won’t seem to disappear. Fabric that I want to just wish away so his skin can be on mine. So his heat will be my heat.

  I reach for the button of his pants, fingers fumbling nervously over one another as they desperately try to work, and he groans against my mouth with every touch, deepening his kisses as his hands find the hem of my undershirt. He’s trying so hard to pull it up… to get it off so he can finally have all of me, but neither of us wants to stop kissing. Neither of us can go a moment more without the feel of the other’s lips.

  So he rips the thin material straight down the middle.

  He pulls back. Draws in air sharply as his eyes drink me in, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so bold. So on fire as I match his gaze.

  Time, it seems, has escaped us for a little while.

  He tugs the lacy material covering my breasts down and slides his lips over my skin until my back is arched and my moans are begging him not to stop. Never to stop. His hands are electric, sparking against every inch of my bare skin he can touch, and it still isn’t enough. There’s a desperation in the way he’s kissing me, a sweet longing that takes every awful thing that’s happened and makes it seem like a nightmare that never was. A misplaced memory that belongs to someone else.

  Fog lives in my brain. Butterflies have nested in my heart.

  When he’s had his fill of teasing, he lowers himself to his knees, so slowly, filling up on my lust. I reach for him, trying to pull him back up to me, because all I can think about is his lips on mine, but then he unbuttons my pants and slides them down. Grabs the back of my thighs, holding me steady, and then presses his lips against the soft material of my underwear.

  I swear I’ll never come down from this as my fingers dig into his hair. As my knees threaten to buckle and my lungs race to keep up with the rapid pace of my heart.

  He pushes my underwear aside and takes his time teasing me. Torturing me with his lips and his tongue and his deep green eyes until I give him what he wants. Until I call out his name, begging him for more. Begging him to take everything I have to give. When I do, he looks up at me, his hungry, brazen gaze alone making my mind feel like it’s rolling off a cliff and onto a cloud that will float us up to the heavens.

  He slides my underwear all the way down, keeping his eyes on mine. Drops them next to him, along with my pants. His lips slowly trail up my legs and his velvet tongue slides over the insides of my thighs, making them quiver uncontrollably. Making every nerve ending in my body explode in a pleasure I’ve only just discovered.

  Fire lives in his eyes.

  He never leaves my gaze as he takes me past the point of no return. As he turns me into putty only he has the strength to mold. When I cry out, knees buckling, he stands up, his pants falling down to his ankles, and then enters me, lifting me up and wrapping my legs around his waist.

  “Goddamn, Faye,” he says as he holds onto me for a moment, his entire body quivering in pleasure.

  “I can’t get enough. Never,” I say, kissing his neck and his ear, and every inch of skin I can reach.

  He starts to move, slowly at first, sliding in and out, but then his pace picks up, filled with a madness I’m certain can never be quenched. I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him hard as we both slip further and further into insanity. His whole body tenses when he climbs the edge, and I hang onto him, overcome with so many emotions. So much love, satisfaction, and fulfillment.

  We stay that way for a long moment, clinging onto one another as if the world was splitting in half and if we let go, we’d never find each other again. He rests his head against my shoulder, trying to catch his breath with his hands still gripping my outer thighs and our hearts beating wildly against each other, trying to find a steady pace.

  I never want to leave this moment. Never want to leave his arms.

  But a slight chill creeps in through the window near us.

  When he finally puts me down, he hands me my clothes, and then pulls his pants up. I hold my ripped-up shirt out, and we both laugh a little. After I get my underwear on and pull my pants up, I put my sweater back on and look up at him, feeling everything we just did tingle in the pit of my stomach. Feeling a calm I haven’t felt in weeks finally settle in.

  His smile bathes me in sunshine. He looks so peaceful. So happy, and then we both laugh a little as we realize how far we just went in our surroundings.

  I count the seconds between us, wishing I could catch them and keep them.

  He slides his hand over my cheek. Kisses me softly, telling me so many things without saying a single word.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  “So much,” I reply with eyes squeezed shut.

  He lifts my hand, and then his, placing them against each other, palm to palm. His hands are almost double the size of mine, fingers thick with muscle and marked with callouses. They could swallow mine whole. His fingers weave with mine as he looks down at me with so much love in his eyes. So much affection that it robs me of breath. Makes my knees turn to jelly.

  “I wish I could keep you all to myself. Forever,” he says softly.

  “I know.”

  He pulls me close to him and leans his forehead against mine, and I know that he wishes we could stay like this forever. Safe. Happy. But the world is knocking and we can’t avoid it any longer. With one last kiss, he pulls back and says, “So a bonfire?”

  I swallow away the moment and force myself back into the real world. “I thought it would be a good idea. A neutral territory.”

  He pushes the door open for me and follows me out of the shed. “I think so too. Nighttime always seems to help secrets reveal themselves.”

  “Yeah.” I kiss his cheek. “I’m just hoping that everyone will cooperate and get along.”

  He looks out into the distance, across the yard where the small cottage housing the wolves is. “This is all so crazy. In a million years, I would have never guessed that we’d be housing werewolves and a vampire. Or that my mother would be one of them.” He turns back to look at me. “I just hope there aren’t any more surprises. I’m not sure I could adjust to anything else.”

  “I don’t think it could get any worse,” I say.

  A LITTLE WHILE LATER, GAVIN finds us stacking the wood near the fire pit.

  “Hey, bro,” he says, hands in his pockets. “It’s cold as shit out here.”

  “You’re telling me,” Jaxen says, watching his breath roll out in a wisping fog. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. Just wanted to see if you want to help me walk the perimeter of the house to set volation traps where the wards didn’t reach? The higher-ups are saying that every precaution must be taken now since we can’t afford to lose any more people. Can’t say I don’t agree with them.”

  Jaxen sets a log down and stands straight. “Sure. We have enough here anyway.” He turns to me, pulling me into his arms. “You good here?”

  I nod, smiling up at him. “I’ll put the wagon back and head inside. I need a shower anyway.”

  “Okay,” he says, hugging me.

  Once he leaves, I take the wagon back to the shed and beeline for my room, locking myself in the bathroom. I make quick work of turning on the water and shucking off my clothes, anticipating that moment when the hot water meets my chilled flesh. I stand there for a while, letting the water hit the back of my head. Thinking about everything and nothing as the soap washes away the morning.

  By the time I finish, my thoughts are lik
e the steam swirling around me as I step out of the shower, moving in no particular direction… just following the pace of the breeze. After drying off, I change into a pair of jeans and an off-the-shoulder turquoise shirt. I want to look presentable but approachable tonight. Put together, but not forced together. Standing in front of the lightly misted-over mirror, I run my fingers through my hair and decide that if I want to look my best, I need someone who knows a thing or two about makeup, hairstyles, and what looks best on me. Someone like my best friend.

  Homesickness pinches off my throat.

  I steal Jaxen’s gray hoodie and throw it on, not giving myself a chance to back out or cower from doubt. Knocking once on Katie’s door, I wait, hating that I feel a little out of place. Hating that time has uprooted a concrete friendship and placed it on wooden stilts. I haven’t spoken to her since Chett’s return. Haven’t even bothered to ask how she’s doing.

  She opens the door with a smile I haven’t seen in ages. “Faye,” she says lightly, pulling me into a hug. Just like that, all of my worries and doubt evaporate from the warmth of her embrace, and I hug her back, closing my eyes as I bury my face in her hair.

  She smells like home. Like warm summer days and late-night ice cream.

  “What’s up?” she says as she steps back.

  “Can you maybe braid my hair? You’re so good at it, and I just—”

  “Shut up and come in,” she says, brushing away the awkwardness with her laughter. “Of course I can.” She pulls me in her room and shuts the door, walking me over to the bed that sits in front of the tall window.

  I’m surprised by how lived-in her room is compared to mine. Clothes hang over the foot of the bed and the opened doors on the armoire. Pictures and posters that were once in her room are now pinned to the walls, covering the ghastly floral wallpaper. Shoes are scattered on the floor. Pillows are tossed in the corner with a couple of books laying on them.

  Unlike me, she’s never had a hard time adjusting to things. She’s a chameleon.

  I take a seat on the floor and watch as she grabs a brush and some clips off her dresser. “You know I love doing your hair,” she says as she climbs up on the bed behind me, just like she used to. “And braids always look so good on you. But me, I can’t get my layers to stay put even if I try.”

  I smile, playing with the ends of my shirt. “You’re a nerd. They make gel for that,” I say, laughing.

  She slides the brush through my hair, making the parts she needs. “Yeah, well, braids are your thing.”

  It’s quiet for a moment, and I’m glad for it. Glad that I can finally sit in silence with her and not feel awkward.

  “So, how is everything?” I ask as she begins weaving my hair.

  “Better now,” she says, her voice lighter than it’s been in a while. “How about you?”

  “Same.”

  “I see you took my advice and totally snagged Jaxen. Are you guys like… serious?”

  Roses paint my cheeks as thoughts of Jaxen, his words and his hands, and what happened this morning in the shed cloud my mind and twist my tongue.

  “Oh my,” she says, tying off the end of the braid and spinning me around. Her mouth is hanging open. Her eyes are twinkling with curiosity and disbelief.

  “What?” I ask, feeling like the sun is scorching my skin.

  “Did you—” she pauses, eyes scanning over me like a mother checking for bodily harm. Her hand flies up to her mouth as her eyes growing wider, and then she leans closer to me, dropping her voice a couple of octaves. “Did you have sex, Faye Hadley Middleton?”

  I look down at the floor, cursing my lips for betraying me because they can’t help but point toward the heavens as thoughts of Jaxen bloom in my cheeks.

  She gasps. “You totally did, didn’t you!” she says, grabbing my hands with more giddiness than I can digest. “I knew it! I knew you looked different… more luminous or whatever. I just… I can’t believe this! And you didn’t tell me! Oh my Goddess! I can’t believe you actually finally did it! And with a Gramm! You have to share all the juicy details with me!”

  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wash away the shades of red staining my cheeks and ears.

  “Calm down,” I say, looking over my shoulder at the door. Feeling like every ear in the house is pressed up against it. “You don’t have to tell the whole house!”

  She stops. Sits back down on the bed, trying to tuck her uncontrollable smile away. “Sorry,” she forces out, her face lit like an arena despite the labored frown. “I just… I can’t… was it good?”

  I palm my forehead, inhaling for some sanity. Wishing my hair was undone so I could pull it over my face and hide.

  She laughs, shaking her head. “It totally was, wasn’t it?” She pulls me into a hug. “So, how many times? Is this a new development? Was it planned or spur-of-the-moment? Did you use protection? Is he, you know…” She holds her hands out like a ruler.

  Her questions are like shovels, digging my hole of embarrassment deeper and deeper. I put my fingers against my neck, checking for my pulse because I’m pretty sure I just died.

  “Hello?” she says, waving her hands in front of my face. “I’m dying here!”

  I’m not going to be able to leave this room without dishing out whatever it is she wants to hear. I never have been able to. If I don’t tell her now, she’ll just find other ways and times to ask me about it. And the thing is… I want to tell her. I want to share everything just like I used to. And it feels good to have her back, asking, pushing, and prodding for the answers.

  It feels good to share my secrets.

  I lick my lips. Take a breath for composure, and then close my eyes. “It was… amazing,” I say, feeling like my heart is going to break through my chest. “Being with him isn’t anything like I’d imagine a relationship to be. We don’t have standards or boundaries. We just are.”

  “Do you love him?” she asks, listening intently.

  “Yes,” I say whole-heartedly. “With every part of me.”

  “So, when did it happen?”

  “In Ethryeal City, a couple of months ago. We just… I don’t know. We have this crazy chemistry, Kat. I mean, all I have to do is look at him and I melt. He’s just… he’s all-consuming. And hot. And his hands…” I pause, trying not to get carried away. “He’s just… he’s so patient. And curious. And giving. He wanted to take me on a date first, but the way our lives are right now, it’s kind of like asking for a blizzard in Florida. And putting us in a room is like mixing chemicals that explode when put together. So I guess it was spur-of-the-moment.”

  “That sounds so perfect. I’m so happy for you. You deserve someone like that, Faye. I’m so happy to hear that he treats you good.”

  “What about you and Chett?” I ask, catching her off-guard.

  It’s her turn to blush.

  “Have you sealed the deal yet?”

  She looks away, her smile fading.

  “Kat?”

  “Once,” she says, “but that’s it.”

  “Kat, look at me,” I say, my heart clenching.

  Mist hovers in her eyes. “I’m fine. I’m sorry. It’s just the stress of everything that’s happened that’s getting to me, I think.”

  I stare at her, waiting for the truth.

  She sighs, relenting. “He’s not like how you described Jaxen to be, but it wasn’t bad. He’s just… aggressive, I guess?”

  A contradicting mixture of heat and cold rolls down my body. “Aggressive how?”

  “Oh no,” she says, sitting straight up, “not like that, Faye. He’s not like that anymore. It just… it was quick and I don’t know. Impersonal? Maybe he was just nervous.”

  I don’t say anything. I don’t know what to say. What to think.

  There’s a moment of silence, and then she adds, “And anyway, I wanted to say thank you for rescuing me and everyone else.”

  “Don’t thank me… thank Weldon, Gavin, Cassie, and Jaxen,” I say, trying to move on
to another subject with her even though I want to press her further. “They’re pretty great, huh?”

  “If by great, you mean kick-ass, then yeah. I never really understood why my dad admired them so much until now.”

  I get to my feet. Take a seat next to her on the bed.

  She grabs her arm and looks down at the ground. “I know you have your reservations about Chett.”

  I swallow thickly. “As long as you’re happy. I know it’s none of my business.”

  She looks up at me, her brown eyes pleading for me to understand. “I want it to be your business though. You’re like my sister.”

  I exhale slowly, knowing that if we’re ever going to find that place between us again, where we can be completely honest and open, then I have to be willing to be honest with her. I have to try. I want to try.

  “He’s a Carter, Katie,” I say quietly, meeting her gaze. “Of course I have my reservations. He hurt you. Physically and emotionally.” I reach for her hand and squeeze it, hoping that she knows this is coming from a place of concern because I love her, and not because I hate him. “And if I’m being totally honest, it scares me to think that he could just change overnight, because people don’t change like that, Kat. At least, not naturally.”

  Her eyes harden at first, and then slowly relent. She lets go of her arm and looks off to the side, a swell of emotions swirling around her.

  I think I’ve hurt her again. Think I should have kept my mouth shut. I think so many things… wonder why I can’t just be who I was with her before all of this happened, when she finally says, “I know.”

  I turn to her.

  “You’re right,” she says with a half-hearted shrug. “It isn’t normal, and I’ve thought about it over and over, but what can I do, Faye? Be powerless for the rest of my life? Give up on my only chance at being a Watchman?” She pulls her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs, and says, “I have to believe that he’s changed, Faye. He’s my affinity partner and, until someone finds a way to change that bond, he’s all I have. He’s my only access to my powers. I need him.”