Everlost (The Night Watchmen Series Book 3)

by Candace Knoebel

  I look over at Cassie, whose fists are curled against the tabletop. Whose eyes are sheened in pain. I don’t think her face could be any whiter.

  “So what,” Gavin hiccups, “exactly does that mean for us?” he asks, still holding onto Cassie’s shoulders, though now it seems for balance.

  “It means hanging on to hope that it can be removed is not wise,” Evangeline says, delivering the sentence with such an articulate ease it stirs blizzards in my bones.

  I think we’re all having trouble swallowing her candor.

  Jaxen squeezes my hand so hard I think my bones might crumble into dust, and I let him, because it’s the pain that’s anchoring me to this planet at the moment. It’s the pain that’s keeping me from slipping off into an oblivion I’m sure I can never return from. My pulse beats wildly in my ears. Beats behind my cheeks and in my wrists.

  This can’t be happening. This can’t be the answer.

  “So you asked us here to tell us that we’re going to die, no matter what?” Cassie says in a horrified rasp. She’s shaking her head back and forth, like she’s struggling to form logical words. “You could have just said that earlier, rather than dragging this out! You could have just told us that the curse isn’t removable!” She drops her head in her hands as her own words leave her out of breath and quivering.

  Jaxen lets go of my hand. His fists ball against his thighs. I have to press my hands together to keep them from shaking.

  “I never said it isn’t removable,” Evangeline says calmly, holding her ground. “And I asked you here because what I do know about the curse, I think, is enough to at least try to take the steps toward removing it. I just want you all to understand that this isn’t going to be easy. If it was, it would have been removed years ago.”

  “Then you know how?” Jaxen asks, rigid with concentration.

  She nods. “Our curse has been buried under so many lies, it’s almost impossible to figure out where it first came from.” She pauses a moment… and it feels like a moment too long. Like a moment stuck stranded in a desert with no hope for an oasis. Her gaze lands on the tips of her fingers. “But your father… he was a diligent man,” she says, looking up at Jaxen and Gavin. “Like the both of you, he wouldn’t rest until he had answers. He wouldn’t accept the end would come for me.”

  Gavin grabs a chair from the living room, taking his time to drag it slowly back to the kitchen table. The sound is like nails on a chalkboard, so agitating that Chrissa has to cover her ears, and I can’t help but scold him with a stiff stare.

  But he’s only focused on Evangeline.

  “Is that the reason he pushed you away?” Gavin asks as he takes his seat between Jaxen and Cassie. He reaches for his glass and takes another sip.

  “No,” she says soft-heartedly, looking directly at him. “Despite what you may have heard him say out of anger and fear, your father never stopped loving me.”

  Gavin sets his drink down. Looks at her flatly. “It may have been years since we’ve all been under the same roof,” he stammers out, “but I have a golden memory.” His finger is in the air, waving proudly. “I remember the drinking,” he continues, “and the fighting. Him telling you he didn’t love you. Screaming that he hated you over and over and over again.” He leans forward, his crystal blue eyes almost black with anger. “A child doesn’t forget something like that.”

  Evangeline winces and looks away, her eyes dressed in shame.

  I feel like I’m drowning in the silence as she tries to form words. Suffocating in the pain and misery that has devotedly followed this family their entire life.

  “I wish there were words that could remedy this for you. For both of you,” she corrects, looking at Jaxen now. “Yes, there was fighting. Love isn’t perfect, Gavvy.”

  “Don’t,” Gavin say coldly, swatting the air at her. “I’m a little too old for pet names.”

  “Gavin,” Jaxen says quietly. There’s no threat in his tone, only concern.

  “I’ll get him some water,” Jezi says. She gets up and heads into the kitchen.

  We’re all looking at Gavin now, floored by his sudden anger. Baffled by his sudden unwinding and refusal to accept all that his mother has to offer. Cassie’s gripping his hand so tightly his skin is white where their fingers are connected. He’s staring Evangeline down. Finishes off his glass, which doesn’t seem to be helping his temper any.

  “Well?” he says challengingly, waiting for her explanation.

  Jezi sets the water in front of him, but he pushes the glass away.

  “Arguments arise, especially when pressure is applied,” Evangeline pushes out, her eyes welded shut. “Every relationship experiences it. Your father said things he didn’t mean out of anger and fear, thinking those words would be enough to stop the curse from happening. But words are hollow and empty when it comes to what the heart feels. You’re remembering only the bad, when there was so much good. So much happiness. Your father never stopped loving me. You have to know this.”

  “I know that I was left taking care of Jaxen!” Gavin says, pointing to his chest.

  His voice is raw, aching, and Cassie reaches for him, trying to pull him back to her, but he rips away from her touch, lost in an emotional war I don’t think he’s really ever confronted before.

  “I know that I’ve had to watch my brother torture himself day in and day out over the damage you both left behind,” he admits, running a shaky hand through his hair. “I know I’m sick of lying to myself. Sick of pretending everything is okay just to keep the peace.”

  Evangeline looks up at Chrissa, who looks like she wants to hide. She takes Chrissa’s hand. Squeezes.

  “Explain the curse, Angie,” Gavin snaps, his voice hoarse, cracked from grief and rage. “That’s what we’re here for. Save the rest for someone who believes you.” He reaches behind him for the bottle of liquor resting on the makeshift bar. Takes his time pouring his glass. Sipping on it. Cassie tries to push it away from his lips, but he brushes her off, still staring at Evangeline.

  Jaxen’s looking between the both of them like he’s trying to decide which side he wants to take. Like he can’t decide. Just when he finally healed… finally let all the hate go…

  “I don’t understand, Gavin. Where is this coming from?” Evangeline says, trying to reach for him.

  “You want to know?” he says angrily, emotionally. “It’s from living the past twelve years of my life learning how to accept that Father lied to us when he said he’d never let anything happen to our family.” Tears fill his eyes as he yanks away from her. “Accepting that he was weak and that’s why everything fell apart. That’s why he died and you had to go away. And now you’re telling me I was wrong. That he loved you, even when he was screaming in your face? Even when he let you get bit?” He slams his drink down, liquid sloshing over onto the table. “I don’t buy it. I won’t. I’m stronger than he was. I never treated my woman like that, and I sure as hell would never let anything happen to her. I opened my heart and never blamed her for it. Worked damn hard to help Jaxen do the same, and I won’t for a second let you come in here and take that away from me. I’ll be damned if you take my heart away from me.”

  “Gavin, please,” Jaxen says desperately, taking the bottle of liquor away from him. He hands him the glass of water, locking eyes with him. “Just drink this and calm down.”

  Gavin finally relents, pressing the glass to his lips to drink, and it’s then that I realize just what he’s truly upset about. It’s not his dad dying. Not even his mom being bit.

  It’s Cassie.

  He did allow his heart to open. Let her love him just as much as he loves her and, now, Evangeline is telling us that this will be the reason Cassie dies. That a man filled with so many principles and so much honor made the wrong choice by choosing to love. That we may never find a way to break the curse, and he only has himself to blame. Only has his love to blame.

  And I think it’s tearing him apart from the inside out.

&n
bsp; Evangeline drops her gaze as she dabs at her eyes. Looks to the kitchen, inhaling deeply to stuff away her emotions. “I don’t want to take anything away from you, my son,” she says, her voice barely held together. “What you did for your brother… how you stepped up to the plate and took over… words cannot express how grateful I am. How awful I feel that you even had to do it. But I had to, Gavvy. I couldn’t bring you into the werewolf world where you didn’t belong, and it’s because of your strength that I knew you could handle it. I knew you could raise Jaxen.”

  She reaches across the table, grabbing both of their hands without invitation. Gavin flinches from the gesture, but he doesn’t yank away, and I think I could cry a million tears. I think my heart can take no more.

  “I know it must have been hard for you both, but your father did love me. He loved us all so very much. Always. And it’s because of this that he died. To protect me. To start the ball rolling.”

  “The ball rolling?” Jaxen asks. His voice gives no emotion. He’s treading carefully, not yet determining how he should feel about any of this.

  She turns to him. Looks at him like she’s grateful for the safe haven he’s providing. For the ear he’s giving her. “Yes. The last mission we were on before everything took a turn for the worst involved Bael,” she says. “We were investigating a plastic surgeon who we suspected was supplying vamps with unconscious patients to feed from. Turns out, the surgeon was a demon. He tried to talk us out of killing him, like they all do, by offering us information about our curse. Oldest and most used trick in the book. But this time, he dropped a name that didn’t sit well with your father.”

  “What name?” Jaxen asks, barely breathing. He’s hanging off every word.

  “Starria Luminar.”

  “Luminar?” Jezi says, her face scrunched. “I know that name from somewhere.”

  “If you’ve attended the Academy, then you all should know the name,” Evangeline says, looking at everyone except Gavin. I think she’s afraid to.

  Vines of regret wrap around my heart and constrict. My short time spent at the Academy doesn’t constitute the right to claim that I attended. In reality, my time spent there was as long as it takes to blink. Therefore, I wouldn’t know what they all know. I didn’t have a chance to take all the classes.

  Gavin’s jaw drops so hard and so fast, I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to pick it up. “No way.”

  “What?” Cassie says, watching every inch of his face. Taking in an unsteady breath.

  “Isn’t that the affair child?” he says, still looking at his mother as pieces of the puzzle click in his eyes.

  She nods once.

  “Affair child?” Jaxen repeats, looking between his mother and brother.

  “Yeah, the two Divine Hunters, Alesteria and Wistar, who had an affair, thus creating the holocaust of the century,” Gavin says, his eyes wide and his words bursting with shock.

  Panic wrenches my eyes wide. I feel unsteady, rocky, like I’m about to tip over this boat we’re all treading in. Alesteria’s face fills my eyes as memories of Whiskey Hallow replay. She was the Divine Witch I saw. The one who helped me find the other piece of the Dagger of Retribution.

  “Wait… you actually retained something in school?” Jezi says disbelievingly. She grabs his cup and heads back to the sink, filling it with more water.

  “What?” he calls after her with a small shrug. “It was an interesting story. Who doesn’t like a good scandal?”

  My spine stiffens until I’m sitting ramrod straight.

  Jezi shakes her head as she sets the glass back in front of him and takes her seat.

  Gavin ignores them both and looks up at Evangeline, forehead scrunched. “So what does that affair have to do with our curse?”

  Evangeline folds her hands across the table. “Well, legend has it that after Alesteria admitted to her husband Mourdyn about her deceit and the fact that she was carrying Wistar’s unborn child, Mourdyn killed Owen, who was Wistar’s partner, thusly leaving Wistar a powerless Divine. But that wasn’t enough for him. When Alesteria left him, he cursed their unborn child to a life without love. To a life where if they chose to love, they would feel the pain and loss he had felt. They would suffer again and again, with no end in sight.”

  I think I feel my ribs cracking, splintering, jabbing into my heart. I’m stunned silent. It can’t be. It’s not possible.

  “Okay… but we’re Gramms. How does that affect us?” Jaxen asks, fear attaching itself to his tone.

  She smiles sadly at him, her face cracked in pain. “A curse can’t be tethered to a name, son. Only to a bloodline.”

  An audible gasp circles around the table. I look to Jaxen. Watch as his face clears when the startling truth shocks him awake.

  “We’re descendants of the affair, aren’t we?” Gavin asks incredulously.

  THE SOUND OF GAVIN’S HAND slapping the table gunshots around us.

  I jump in my seat. Reach for Jaxen’s hand, who still hasn’t said a word.

  “Holy shit,” Gavin says, leaning back in his seat with both hands gripping his head. “And here I thought I’ve heard it all.”

  “Somewhere in your bloodline there was an adoption,” Evangeline hurriedly adds. “Your father and I weren’t able to obtain the records, but we were able to secure the name. William Gramm.”

  Her words shock me back to life. The missing pictures in Jaxen’s family tree on the wall along the staircase. They must have been removed. Must have been hidden to cover up who the Gramms really are.

  “That’s our grandfather,” Jaxen says, scratching the back of his head.

  “And also the son of Lavinia and Julian Luminar. Julian was a descendant of Starria’s only child. They died during a horrible fire at the Academy over on the west coast, which is believed to have been caused by the Darkyn Rebels targeting them. A way to avenge the imprisonment of Mourdyn. Though Mourdyn has been gone for ages, the hate he left behind for Hunters and for that bloodline remained. Lavinia and Julian were teachers there, as were the great-grandparents you know of, who were also William’s godparents. They took him in after Lavinia and Julian’s death. Adopted him. Changed his last name and transferred to the Academy here to try and give him a fresh start. They buried every tie they could to the Luminar bloodline to prevent any further attacks from Darkyns… and they succeeded.

  “But what they couldn’t protect him against was the curse—something not many knew about. As time went on, William grew into the man you both knew. An excellent Hunter who married your grandmother and had two boys, your father and his brother Chris.”

  “Wait… Dad had a brother?” Gavin says.

  Evangeline looks down at the table. Plays with the ends of the tablecloth. “He was a Defect,” she says quietly. “Your father never really got over losing his brother. Having to let him go was one of the hardest things he ever experienced. And, a little while later, after your grandmother died from the curse, the curse began to show signs in me. He all but lost it. He was desperate.”

  “What signs?” I ask, trying to sound calm even though I think my mind and heart has forgotten what that means. “You never explained the signs.”

  Evangeline looks to me, and then to Cassie. Her expression smoothes out into forced bravery. “Have you ever known anyone who’s been in a bad relationship? One filled with poisonous love?”

  “No,” Cassie says, sounding like she’s not sure where Evangeline is going with this.

  “Well, I have. When I was a novice, there was this girl who stayed across from me. Her name was Pippa Lovegrove. She wasn’t what you’d call naturally beautiful. She was awkward. Covered in pimples. But she had the kindest heart. She always offered her help to any student who was failing. Always had kind words to say, even about those who were less than kind to her.

  “One day, she was assigned to help a boy through herbology. She fell in love with that boy and, to my astonishment, he fell in love with her too. At first, I was happy for Pippa. Happy sh
e could find someone who appreciated and loved her. It wasn’t until a year later that the signs of abuse began to show. The bruises. The missing smiles. The forgetfulness. The excuses about the days she would miss class due to having to heal.

  “Little by little, Pippa began to disappear. She began to change. She grew quiet. Solemn. Her grades started to slip. It was like she was decaying from the inside out… withering away by his love. You see, the boy she fell for was a Carter, and she was a Witch. A Witch with an affinity partner who was her best friend. The Carter boy was jealous of their friendship. He wanted her all for himself and, when her partner finally stepped in, trying to help Pippa because she refused to leave the Carter boy, he murdered them both and fled. She died because of that boy. Died because of the poisonous love shared between them.”

  She stops, the candlelight shimmering in her eyes as her gaze returns to Cassie.

  “That is what the curse is like. A slow, poisonous, treacherous relationship. It eats you from the inside out. It takes everything that is good and pure in you, and twists it into something awful until finally, you fall asleep and never wake up.”

  My stomach twists and twists until I want to gag. I’m doused in cold sweats. Soaked in a dark future I can’t get clean from.

  “It starts with faltering magic,” Evangeline continues, digging our graves deeper and deeper for us. “Then forgetfulness. Mood swings. And then it turns into long-term illness. Tiredness. Until you want to lie in bed and never get back out.” She looks to Cassie. “I saw you the other day, during practice. Saw the simple spell you performed that fizzled out.”

  Winter settles into Gavin’s stiffened features.

  Cassie scoots back in her chair. Stands up, backing away from the table.

  “You’re forgetting things, aren’t you? Up and down in your emotions. I, too, experienced this,” Evangeline continues, looking like she might split clean in two from having to admit this. “The curse is beginning to take hold.”

  Jezi’s hands are covering her mouth, stifling the very same sob that’s wedged inside my throat.