Electric Don Quixote: The Definitive Story of Frank Zappa

by Neil Slaven

  With an open invitation to join the band whenever he could, Jobson returned to England, where he was offered gigs with Ian Gillan and Procol Harum. Then he was told that Roxy Music were taking an indefinite break, during which he wouldn't be paid. He rang Frank, and Frank sent him a plane ticket. He'd passed the test but even so, the matter of his origin couldn't go unnoticed; the tour programme pointed out that Jobson brought to the band "a sort of damp English charm, smothered in rosy-cheeked appeal".

  "I remember when Frank went through the law-suit," said Terry Bozzio, "he said he might not be able to pay us. We all said, 'Well, we're willing to hang in there for a few months as long as the savings hold out,' in the hopes that things would get better. Frank was really depressed at that time. It was just me and Patrick O'Hearn and Eddie Jobson. I was going to be the sort of lead singer, and do the stuff that Napoleon did. It was a very strange time, you know. Then he got Ray White."16

  Both O'Hearn and White would stay with Frank for some years, but Jobson left at the end of the tour and Bianca Odin's tenure only lasted a few weeks. Her presence in the band is commemorated on YCDTOSA 6 in her lusty singing on a version of 'Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station' from the October 29 gig at The Spectrum in Philadelphia.

  Despite little or no promotion by Warner Brothers, Zoot Allures (with cover photographs that featured Zappa, Bozzio, O'Hearn and Jobson, though the latter pair were not on the record) sold 117,000 copies in its first week of release. Speaking towards the end of November, Frank still wasn't particularly impressed with his record company. "They've been giving me the shits on this new album. Normally you come into town and there's the local Warners representative to take you to the local radio station. Well, so far on this tour I've seen five guys ... In New York we sold out three nights at the Felt Forum. Warner Brothers bought 15 tickets for the press."17

  Surprisingly, the song content was not preventing album tracks from being played on the radio. "It's getting played everywhere," Frank told NME, "except oddly enough in Toronto, Canada. I was doing an interview on what used to be one of the most progressive stations there when I noticed that the album had white stickers on two of the tracks, 'Black Napkins' and 'The Torture Never Stops'." Frank proceeded to have an argument about censorship on air with the station manager. "What it amounted to was that he didn't understand the lyrics. All he knew was that they made him hot so he thought they must be bad!"18 How an instrumental could arouse a station manager's ardour was never revealed.

  At Cobo Hall in Detroit on November 19, Flo & Eddie appeared as the opening act and returned to jam with their old boss, along with bass player Ralph Armstrong from the Mahavishnu Orchestra and drummer Don Brewer from Grand Defunct Railroad. Flo & Eddie had auditioned for Frank's latest band and he'd wanted them but their record company, Columbia, wanted them to go on the road with their own group, which included Bruce and Walt Fowler, to promote their new album, Moving Targets. When their guitarist, Phil Reed, fell to his death from a hotel window, Frank agreed to let them join his tour.

  SUPERNAUT

  Back in April 1975, while in London for the Albert Hall case, Frank had given journalist Giovanni Dadomo a list of 'faves, raves and composers in their graves'. At the head of the list, which also included Abbey Road, The Best Of Muddy Waters, The Complete Works Of Edgard Varese, The Story Of My Life by Guitar Slim and "anything by Richard Berry", was Black Sabbath's 'Supernaut'. "I like it because I think it's prototypical of a certain musical style, and I think it's well done." A couple of years later, he'd changed his mind. He told Hugh Fielder, " 'Iron Man'. Are you kidding me? 'Iron Man'! That's a work of art. I used to like 'Supernaut' but I think 'Iron Man' is the one now."19

  Now there were plans for Frank to learn three Black Sabbath numbers so that he could jam with them at New York's Madison Square Garden on December 6. It didn't quite turn out that way. Frank had asked to go to their sound check but this never happened. When he turned up to the gig, he found a mini-wall of Marshalls set up for his use, but he refused to play without knowing what his sound would be like.

  "What happened was that Tommy (Iommi) had some trouble with his guitar and decided to change his strings at the very last minute. The audience had already been sitting there waiting for an hour or so since Ted Nugent, and they wanted me to go out there and make an announcement and calm them down. So I did. And I introduced them and then sat by the side of the stage over by Ozzy's orange juice. I just sat there and marvelled at it. I think it's great. Especially in a place like Madison Square Garden with 20,000 people grunting and wheezing and shoving each other."20

  Five days later, the Zappa band did a 15-minute live set on Saturday Night Live, the hugely successful satirical NBC television show that had begun back in October 1975, made media stars of Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi, and won four Emmys seven months later. As well as 'Peaches En Regalia' and 'Dancin' Fool', 'The Purple Lagoon' featured Belushi as a Samurai Be-Bop Musician and 'I'm The Slime' let veteran NBC announcer Don Pardo come in front of the cameras to assume the title role. Pardo enjoyed himself so much that Frank invited him to appear with the band during its four-day residence between Christmas and New Year at the Palladium in New York City.

  "He's never been seen," he told Tim Schneckloth. "The man's been working (for NBC) for 30 years and nobody knows what he looks like. So I thought, fantastic, let's bring Don Pardo live out on stage and let the world see him. We got him a white tuxedo; he did some narration for some of the songs we were doing; we brought him out to sing 'I'm The Slime'. And the audience loved him . . . the highlight of his career." Schneckloth tried to be facetious by asking how Frank had managed to get Pardo to debase himself. "Debase himself? That's really not right. First of all, he has a good sense of humour. Second, he really enjoyed doing that. I don't think it was debasing at all. It was giving him an opportunity to expand into other realms."21

  For the Palladium gigs, Frank expanded the band to include a five-piece brass section of the Brecker Brothers, Randy and Mike, Lou Marini, Ronnie Cuber and Tom Malone. David Samuels played timpani and vibes and on assorted percussion was the indispensable Ruth Underwood. Along with John Bergamo and Ed Mann, she would also add Various humanly impossible overdubs' to certain tracks, and Louanne Neil overdubbed 'osmotic harp' (absorbing stuff). The four nights were recorded as part of the package of albums with which Frank hoped to finish his Warner Brothers contract.

  Once again, the set had changed to enhance both the vaudeville elements, with an emphasis on oral sex, and the fiendishly difficult instrumental themes. It reached back to 'Big Leg Emma', which at this stage had only appeared on a Verve single, 'Pound For A Brown' and 'Cruisin' For Burgers'. As well as 'Sofa' and 'The Purple Lagoon' (which also incorporated 'Approximate'), the band had to weave its tortuous way through 'I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth', 'Manx Needs Women' and 'The Black Page'.

  Of the latter, O'Hearn said, "The toughest chart I ever had to play with Frank was the straight version of 'The Black Page'. It's mainly difficult for the drum chair, but it's a tough chart all around. We actually worked up two arrangements of it: the straight one and the disco arrangement, which was hilarious. Terry would slip into sort of a Latin hustle beat, and I did the ubiquitous bass octaves that had been made popular by God knows how many groups of the era."22

  Having thrilled to the legend of 'The Illinois Enema Bandit', the audience could revel in 'Titties & Beer', a mountain-top encounter between Frank as a rancid biker and Terry Bozzio as the Devil, 'Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?', charting a couple's evening that climaxed in a blow job, and 'Punky's Whips'. The latter came about, as Frank told it, when Terry Bozzio "came into contact with a Japanese music magazine called Ongaku and saw in the middle of this magazine a large head shot of a guy named (Edwin) 'Punky' Meadows, who was the lead guitar player from a group called Angel, which was one of those manufactured supergroups from the people who brought you Kiss (Casablanca Records). Kiss wore black, Angel wore white.

  "Again,
nobody had ever heard of an Angel record, but here they were being promoted rather severely in Japan when we were there and to Terry, Punky looked good. He had a nice hairdo, his lips were pooched out in this pose and Terry went for it. He thought that this was something pretty sensational, so it was like one of those revelation kind of things. We gave Terry a new direction and behaviour, clothing, comportment, the whole deal. So I wrote this song about what happened to Terry as a result of seeing this picture."23

  DONG WORK FOR YUDA

  The British music press announced in December that Frank Zappa would be playing dates in England and Scotland for the first time since September 1973. As Frank commented to Miles, "I have made statements in the past that I would not come back to England until I got a personal apology from the Queen. Well one has not been forthcoming and I figured I couldn't wait forever. But there is still time. She can repent. I'll even give her a backstage pass."24

  The six-week swing through Europe ignored the Mediterranean countries this time and concentrated on Scandinavia and Germany, with no less than eight gigs in the latter. As for Britain, gigs in Stafford, Glasgow and Edinburgh were sandwiched by two stints at London's Hammersmith Odeon on February 9/10 and 16/17. By now, Frank had trenchant views on European audiences: "The audience in London is very similar to the audience in LA, which is to say, singularly boring and jaded. The audiences in some of the smaller places in Germany are more like East Coast or Midwest audiences. They have a good sense of humour, they like to make a lot of noise, but they're not obnoxious. And then you have your pseudo-intellectual audiences like in Denmark. Paris is a pretty good audience; I'd have to give Paris like a San Francisco rating."25

  The Times sent Clive Bennett along to the opening night at the Hammersmith Odeon. Although Frank had "substantial musical virtues", Bennett questioned his self-discipline. "He veers too haphazardly between unorthodox virtuosity and childlike, though not childish, silliness, and goes too far too often." All in all, "Zappa may represent a minor threat to entrenched values, but his concerts are a welcome breath of bad air."26

  Miles didn't have to stoop to enjoy himself; it was "a real Zappa concert" for him. He attended both concerts and noted their differences. "On the first night (Frank) played one totally misconceived solo there was no way that anyone could have resolved it though he did his best. The same solo spot on the second night he excelled himself, playing a solo so strong and inventive that the other guys were all laughing with him as more and more riffs appeared and were developed. Even Frank was smiling."27

  Some songs had undergone radical changes; 'Titties & Beer' had another verse augmenting the drug indulgence and regurgitation before he and his girl went on their ride 'up the Mountain of Mystery'. In London, it was also the occasion for a wicked imitation of Black Sabbath. 'Broken Hearts Are For Assholes' now segued into 'Dong Work For Yuda', an affectionate tribute to Frank's bodyguard, John Smothers. As Frank told the Hammersmith audience, "Mr Smothers purportedly speaks the English language but he speaks it in such a way as to add new dimensions to it." Sung in the style of an a cappella vocal group, Terry Bozzio as 'Bald-headed John' referred to water as HtO and saliva as salima; 'Take me to the falcum' was the order to a confused Danish cabdriver when Smothers had to get to Copenhagen's Falkoner Theatret.

  Frank found it hard to overcome his prejudice about London. As Miles noted, "He berates his audience. He called them 'stodgy, tense, neo-Victorian, hung-up, and more concerned with clothes than what's happening out in the world.' The ecstatic reception given him restored his confidence. He encored with 'Camarillo Brillo' and 'Muffin Man' on the first night, and spoke to the audience about his accident at the Rainbow and his law suit — he was genuinely moved."28

  The prejudice was fully operative once again when Chris Salewicz interviewed him for NME. It was a mean-spirited exchange which served to confirm the preconceptions of both parties. Salewicz expected 'Rent-a-Spiel' and said so; Frank shot back, "I don't pretend that anyone who ever talked to me for any one minute of my life wanted to know anything about me." When it resumed, the conversation inevitably came round to his record company.

  "I've been associated with Warners for five years and I just think it's time to go someplace else. You know, I go in the studios and I really think I'm doing something wonderful. And there are people who think it's wonderful, too. But there isn't anyone at the fuckin' record company who'd agree with that. As far as they're concerned it's a box of shoes." To underline the message, he added, "There's no way to do too many interviews when you're signed to a record company like Warners. Somebody's got to sell the records!"29

  Soon after he got home, at the beginning of March Frank took several boxes of tapes to the Warners offices. "The DiscReet contract was coming to an end," Frank said to me, "and I owed them three or four albums. Whatever it was. I had a deadline to deliver these things and the fact of the matter was, the albums were in the can. So I walked into their office and handed the master tapes to this girl about three months ahead of the deadline. And I'd spent the money out of my own bank account to make those albums."

  The albums constituted the bulk of recordings made of material written since his enforced lay-off during 1972. Two were live recordings; Live In New York was a double album taken from the Palladium shows during Christmas week, 1976; Orchestral Favorites came from the September 1975 concerts recorded at Royce Hall, Los Angeles. Studio Tan and parts of Sleep Dirt used studio sessions from Spring 1974, with George Duke, Bruce and Tom Fowler, Ruth Underwood and Chester Thompson. The balance of Skep Dirt consisted of hybrid tracks begun with the 1974 band and overdubbed later, with the aforementioned 'The Ocean Is The Only Solution' and 'Filthy Habits', an instrumental from the 1976 Record Plant sessions that Frank had originally intended to include on the double album version of Zoot Allures.

  The contract stipulated that Frank should receive $60,000 advance for each album. No money was forthcoming and from that moment yet another law suit was inevitable. At this point, Frank had no effective management, the litigation with Herb Cohen was ongoing, with no resolution in sight, and his record company was refusing to release the albums he'd already made. Anyone of a nervous disposition would have become a Child of God or moved to Oregon and bought the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh a couple of Rolls Royces. Instead, Frank embodied Hunter S. Thompson's dictum: "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

  No suit was left untended. The May 7 NME carried a news item: "Zappa sues previous licensees of Rainbow". Frank "and two US companies" were claiming $250,000 damages from Sundancer, which might prove difficult to obtain since the company had gone into voluntary liquidation. "Zappa and the two companies with exclusive rights to his services are now claiming for loss of earnings during that period. No date has been set for the hearing."30 It was also reported that he'd entered an appeal against the 1975 Albert Hall judgement, which was due to be heard shortly.

  THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT NOTHING

  Throughout the summer, Frank concentrated on assembling an almost totally new band, which would significantly increase the quality and extent of what could be realised on stage. Retaining Patrick O'Hearn and Terry Bozzio, he recruited percussionist Ed Mann, keyboard players Tommy Mars and Peter Wolf, and guitarist Adrian Belew. For what Frank wanted to achieve, it was important that as many of the band as possible could read music. Adrian Belew was the one exception.

  Frank had seen Belew playing in a Top 40 cover band in Nashville the previous November. The band, Sweetheart, was the favourite of Frank's chauffeur that night, so when Frank asked to be taken to hear some music after his own show, he and John Smothers were driven down to Fanny's, the bar where Sweetheart were appearing. "I saw him walk in from the back and just watch us, which made me a little nervous," Belew told H.P. Newquist. "In the middle of playing 'Gimme Shelter', he came up to the side of the stage and reached over and shook my hand. Later, he got my name and number from the chauffeur, and not too long after that he gave me a call to come audition for him.
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  "We began three months of rehearsal, and it was pretty tough. Ten hours a day, five days a week. I'd spend my weekends with Frank, and he'd prep me before the next week's rehearsals so that I was ready when we went to play with everybody else. During those weekends I'd watch him arrange pieces of music and it was just amazing. For those three months it was just a joy being around him because I picked up so many things."31

  Peter Wolf received a Conservatory training for ten years in his native Austria, before forming a rock band, Gypsy Love, with Carl Ratzer and Lalomie Washburn. He'd been in Los Angeles for two weeks, playing keyboards on Washburn's album sessions. Through her, he met Andre Lewis, who passed his phone number on to Frank. "The next day at nine in the morning I got a call from Frank. 'This is Frank Zappa; I'm looking for a keyboard player. Do you want to audition?'"

  After listening to some tapes of Zappa In New York, Wolf was put through his sight-reading paces, after which Frank said, "Play me something."

  "I took a piano solo. Patrick O'Hearn was there and he whipped out his acoustic bass. Finally, Frank said, 'Well, what do you think, Pat, you want to play with this guy?' And Pat said, 'Yeah.' So Frank turned around and said, 'You're hired.' That was it."32

  Tommy Mars had had a more chequered career before becoming a band member. He graduated from Hart College of Music in West Hartford, Connecticut in 1972; by 1976, "I was working in this revolving organ bar in Kodiak, Alaska, with Japanese and Russian fishermen kicking me in the back if I couldn't play an ethnic folk song to their drunken satisfaction."33 He was living in Santa Barbara, working as a choirmaster, organist and occasional jazz pianist, when he got a call from Ed Mann.