by Zack Zombie
“Yeah, I guess you are a big Zombie now,” she said as she gave me her usual embarrassing Mom smile.
I kinda felt a little weird about not telling my Mom the truth, though.
But technically I didn’t lie; I just left out the part that I invited the whole school to come to my party.
…But then why do I still feel so weird about it?
Saturday
I went to go see my ghoulfriend Sally today.
I was kind of bummed that she couldn’t make it to my birthday party.
But she said that every year for Halloween she and her parents take a trip to the Transylvanian Biome. She said they’re supposed to have the coolest Halloween Parties over there.
The Transylvanian Biome is also where the Zombie Royal Family comes from. They’re supposed to be really special Zombies.
I think Sally said they were called Vampires.
“Hey Zombie!”
“Hey Sally. Getting ready for your trip?”
“Yeah, I can’t wait. It’s going to be so much fun running into some of the Vampires. I might even see some Werewolves and even Mummies.”
“I know what Mummies are. But what are Werewolves?”
“Oh, my Dad said that Werewolves used to be like a Vampire’s pet. But they’re highly civilized now.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah, but they have a lot of drama.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, one time I heard a story of a Werewolf named Jacob that fell in love with the girlfriend of a Vampire named Edward. And she was human, but she wanted to be a Vampire. But the Werewolf didn’t want her to be a Vampire because he wanted her to be a Werewolf, and then…”
“Wow. I think I just got dizzy.”
Man, and I thought I had a lot of drama in my life…
“So what did you decide to do for your birthday?” Sally asked. “Are you going to do the ‘My Zombie Pony’ party again this year? If you are, I can lend you my real Zombie pony and you can ride it to your party. You can make a really big entrance.”
“No way. No more Zombie ponies for me. This year I’m going to have the scariest birthday party ever. I’m doing a Harry Potter party.”
“Whoa. I had a friend that had a Harry Potter birthday party one year. It was really scary. One Zombie boy even came as the funny looking Weasley boy. It gave me nightmares for weeks. Great choice.”
“Yeah, I’m coming as Harry Potter. But I still need to figure out how to carve a lightning bolt on my…”
“SALLY DEAR, THE ZOMBIE TAXI IS HERE. WE NEED TO START HEADING OUT TO THE SCAREPORT.”
“Oh, that’s my Mom. Sorry Zombie, I have to go. But have a great birthday party. I’m going to miss you.”
Then she and her family jumped into a car to head out to the Scareport.
I was just standing there with the butler.
“Would you care for some lemonade, Mr. Zeke?”
“It’s Zack.”
Sunday
I went to see Steve today to see if he could help me prepare for my birthday party.
This time I found Steve making some weapons on his crafting table.
“Hey Steve.”
“Hey Zombie, what’s sizzling?”
“Nothing. The sun’s not up yet.”
“No, I mean what’s cooking?”
“Well, my Mom’s making some rotten Mushroom stew for dinner if you want some.”
“No, I mean what’s happening?”
“Oh, nothing much. Just getting ready for the best party ever. WHOOOOAAA!!!”
“Oh yeah, how’s that coming?”
“Really good. I invited all the cool kids at school and they’re all coming! I didn’t think they would, but whenever I invited them they laughed so hard, it looked like they were really looking forward to it.”
Steve just looked at me with that confused look he makes a lot.
“What’s up with you? What’s with all the weapons?” I asked Steve.
“Well, it seems that a lot more villagers are missing. I need to go into the forest and find out what’s going on.”
“No problem. Hey, whatever happened to that crazy villager with the pumpkin head we saw a few days ago? Did you catch him?”
“Naw. He was running too fast. Actually, I’ve never seen a villager run that fast before.”
“Yeah, I always thought that villagers didn’t have any legs,” I said. “Whenever I look at them, all I ever see is a head, a big nose, some arms and a robe.”
“Yeah, well something is going on, and I need to find out what it is,” Steve said, determined.
I was going to ask Steve to help me make decorations for my birthday party. But he was really serious about finding those missing villagers.
But that’s OK. I guess that’s what Moms are for.
Monday
Today I was trying to think of some cool Halloween games we can play at my birthday party.
Last year the Halloween games we played were sort of…well, lame.
We did the usual stuff like:
• Bobbing for Shrunken Heads
• Torch Tag
• Pin the Bone on the Skeleton—We ran out of bones, but I’m glad Skelee was there. He really saved the day.
• Spider Web Climbing
• Witch Toss—My neighbor, the witch, really didn’t appreciate that game very much.
• Enderman Bingo
• Grab the Ghost
• And Slime Bowling—Really hard game, but it was kind of fun.
But this year, I want to do some really scary games that will give some mob kids nightmares.
Steve told me about some games that he played when he was a kid. When he told me about them I got so scared I couldn’t sleep for days.
But they sounded like the kind of terrifying games I want to have at my party.
Games like:
• Duck, Duck, Goose—This one creeped me out…
• Pin the Tail on the Donkey—I’m still trying to figure out why they would take the tail off of a donkey just to put it back on. So strange…but cool!
• Twister—Just thinking of human kids twisted up in strange positions makes me want to hurl. Awesome!
• 3-Legged Race—This one doesn’t seem so scary, especially since there’s a 3-legged kid in my school that would probably win every time.
• Origami—I was too scared to even ask Steve what this was…
So with these games, I’m all set for my party.
My favorite one is the ‘Origami’ game. I don’t know what it is, but it sounds exotic…and deadly.
Man, these games are going to give the kids that come to my party a scare they’ll never forget.
Sweet!
I was thinking about bringing Steve’s Plants Vs Zombies game to my party too.
But maybe I shouldn’t.
Last time we showed it, one of the kids at the party lost his head.
Poor guy. Haven’t heard from him in a long time.
He was a real talker too.
He doesn’t say much nowadays.
Naah, I think I’ll just keep it real simple.
But it’s still going to be the best birthday party ever!
Tuesday
When I was walking home from school today I noticed that people in the neighborhood were putting up Halloween decorations around their houses.
One of my neighbors put up a scene of some human kids playing in the park.
It was terrifying.
Another one of my neighbors put up a scene of a group of humans having a barbecue.
It was so scary that I felt the maggots on the back of my neck stand up.
But the most disturbing one was on the
lawn of Ms. Ursula, the witch.
She actually had a life-sized human clown on her yard!
It looked like it wanted to just jump out and eat your brains or something.
So wrong…
But man, I wonder if I can borrow that clown for my birthday party. That thing will scare the maggots right out of the kids!
I wanted to walk up to Ms. Ursula’s house to ask her to borrow it. But I was too scared to walk in front of that clown monster. I just kept imaging it jumping out and eating my brain.
Man, I don’t think I’ll be able to get that clown’s face out of my head.
So wrong…
Wednesday
They had a special mob school assembly today and gathered all the mobs from all over the school together in the auditorium.
Then they showed us a film about what to do in case of a Zombie Apocalypse.
I didn’t understand why they were showing it. It’s not like we’re going to have a Zombie Apocalypse any time soon.
Plus, I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. I kind of think that if Zombies were to take over the world, it would really improve our social status.
“Now you may be asking yourself what all the Zombie Apocalypse fuss is about…” the movie said.
Wow, I was just thinking that…
“You might even be thinking that a Zombie Apocalypse would probably improve your social status…”
Hey, how’d they do that?
“But in a true Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies go stark, raving mad and revert back to their primitive instincts. That means the end of Zombie civilization as we know it…which means no more video games and no more cake!”
Whoa! That’s crazy.
“Just…BRAINS!”
A bunch of the kids in the auditorium gasped. Another bunch of kids hurled. All the Endermen kids teleported. Some of Creeper kids started hissing and flashing. Even the Ghast kids started floating and wailing.
The whole auditorium went crazy!
The principal had to stop the assembly and send all of the kids back to their classrooms.
“Hey Skelee, what was all that about?”
“Well, they said it was supposed to be some kind of school Mob History Appreciation event,” he said.
“Guys, I have a bad feeling about this,” Creepy said.
“Do you think that we’re going to have another Zombie Apocalypse?” Slimey asked.
Then we all looked at each other…
“PPFFFFFTTT!!! No way. There hasn’t been a Zombie Apocalypse in like 500 years,” I said.
Then we all started laughing and went back to class.
Thursday
After school today, I went to go see Steve, to see how he was doing.
I went to our usual hangout spot, but for some reason he wasn’t there.
Then I looked in all of the places that he usually hangs out, but I couldn’t find him there either.
I ran into Alex, who was out punching trees.
Human girl Alex
“Hey Alex. Have you seen Steve anywhere?”
“Oh, hey Zombie. No, I haven’t seen him in a few days.”
PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH.
“Do you know where he went?” I asked her.
“Well, he said that he was going to go find some missing villagers, but I haven’t seen him since.”
PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH.
Maybe he’s still out searching, I thought.
“Oh OK. If you see him tell him I said hi,” I said.
“Will do, Zombie dude,” Alex said as she went back to punching her tree.
PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. POP!
“Yeah!” Alex said.
I still don’t understand why humans make such a fuss about punching trees.
So weird.
Friday
The coolest thing happened today!
When I was walking home from school, I noticed that Old Man Jenkins was dusting his old Zombie horse.
As I walked by I saw Mr. Jenkins bend over to pick up his brush.
All of a sudden I heard, “CRRAACCK!”
“OUCH!”
“Mr. Jenkins, are you alright?”
“Oh, it’s just my old bones acting up again. But I could use a hand.”
So I tried to help him straighten up when suddenly I heard, “CRRAACCKK, POP! THUMP!”
Uh oh.
Old Man Jenkins just broke into two pieces and his top half fell to the floor.
“Don’t just stand there, get me up,” Mr. Jenkins said.
So I helped get Mr. Jenkin’s top half on his legs that were still standing.
“This is a young Zombie’s game,” he said looking at me. “Hey Zombie, how would you like a job?”
“A job? That’s awesome!”
I was so happy I jumped up for joy, and Mr. Jenkins’ top half fell to the floor again.
“THUMP!”
“Oh, sorry Mr. Jenkins,” I said.
I helped Mr. Jenkins get his top half back on his legs that were still standing, again.
“Don’t worry about it, Zombie. But I could sure use your help in taking care of my Zombie horse, Ed.”
Ed the Zombie Horse
“Whoa, that would be great,” I yelled as I threw my hands up in excitement.
“THUMP!”
Down went Old Man Jenkins again.
“Oh, I’m really sorry, Mr. Jenkins.”
“Err... That’s OK, Zombie.”
I went to go pick him up again.
“No, no…err…That’s OK, Zombie, I’ll stay right here,” Mr. Jenkins said as he leaned against his still standing legs.
“So whatdya say? Can you help an old Zombie take care of his Zombie horse?”
“Yes I can!” I said.
Wow, I’m going to have a job, which means that I’m finally going to make some real money.
Mr. Jenkins said I could start right away too. That means that I can make enough money to buy my Harry Potter costume for my birthday party.
Sweet!
Maybe I can even buy that life-sized clown from Ms. Ursula the witch, I thought.
Oh man, life couldn’t get any better.
Saturday
“I’m sorry, son, but the answer is no.”
“Waaaaahhhhh!!!”
“Zombie, taking care of a Zombie horse is a big responsibility. We just feel like you’re too young for that right now.”
“But you promised that I could get a job! Waaaaahhhhh!!!”
“Yes, but we meant something small, like cleaning the yard or delivering some mob newspapers.”
“That’s not fair!” I said as I ran to my room.
I don’t know what my parents are talking about. I can take care of a Zombie horse. It’s not like I haven’t taken care of a pet before.
I mean, if my pet squid was still alive, I know I could’ve taken good care of it. How hard can a Zombie horse be?
Man, what am I going to do? I need a job quick so I can make enough money to buy my Harry Potter costume.
Hmmm. Maybe I can prove to my parents that I can take care of a Zombie horse after all.
I’ll just make believe that I’m going to visit some friends, and go see Mr. Jenkins instead. And after taking care of Ed the Zombie horse for a few days, my parents will see that I can do it. They’re going to have to say it’s OK.
But man, I really hate lying to my parents.
Well, I guess it’s not lying if I just tell them that I’m going to hang out with my friend Ed. Zombie horses can be friends too, I guess.
I still feel a little weird about it though.
I think I’m gonna take a nap.
Sunday<
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“Authorities are puzzled over the sudden disappearance of some of the residents of Mob Village. Some believe that the residents are just visiting their relatives in other biomes. Others think they are just hibernating for the winter. While some even believe that they have been abducted by aliens to be probed and experimented on…”
That’s all I heard as I came down from my room this morning.
“What are they talking about, Mom?”
“Well, it seems that some of the residents of Mob Village have disappeared.”
“That’s strange. Is it anybody we know?” my Dad asked.
“Well, Ms. Ursula the witch hasn’t been seen since she put that hideous clown in front of her yard,” my Mom said.
Ms Ursula, the Witch
“Well, maybe the clown got her,” Dad said laughing.
All of a sudden my little brother Wesley burst out crying.
“WAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!”
“Ooooh dear,” was all Dad could say as he tried to calm Wesley down.
“Honey, you shouldn’t have said that. You know how scared Wesley is of C—L—O—W—N—S,” Mom said.
“Da clown is gung to get me!” Wesley cried.
“WAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!”
I took my bowl of Booger Flakes and went to my room.
It’s weird that people are missing from our village. What’s even weirder is that’s what was happening in Steve’s village.