Undeniably You

by Jewel E. Ann

  “Live-in? No. I’ve had a few that have attempted to move in.”

  “Attempted?” I cock my head to the side with a curious smirk.

  “An outfit here, a toothbrush there, then a makeup bag and an extra pair of shoes … all very much on the sly.”

  “How many girls are we talking about?”

  Dammit! The words are out and I can’t take them back.

  “Syd, you’re leaving me in five days? Does it matter?” His eyes drop to his plate.

  The laid-back feeling to our conversation has shifted. My impending permanent departure is the constant elephant in the room. The “leaving me” comment stings a bit too.

  I set my half-empty takeout box on the coffee table and take a swig of my beer.

  “It doesn’t. I—I’m sorry. I don’t know why I asked.” I stand and look around. “Where’s the bathroom? I think I’ll take a quick shower if that’s okay?”

  “Syd—”

  Shaking my head, I hold my hand up. “Don’t. It’s fine. Really. I’m just going to shower.”

  His furrowed brow and slumped posture makes me angry with myself. I’ve put him in an awkward position all for nothing. Me and my stupid questions. I grab my smaller suitcase by the door and take it with me.

  “First door on the right. Clean towels are on the shelves under the sink,” he calls out.

  “Thanks.” I close the door and lean back against it. “What the hell are you doing, Sydney? Jeez, five freakin’ days until you’re on a plane and now you decide to ask about his past relationships.” I look up and see the crazy girl in the mirror talking to herself—hair a mess, no makeup, utterly lost. Scanning the bathroom, I can’t help but smile. Everything is clean, yet he could not have known that I would end up here tonight.

  “Not a neat freak my ass.”

  I turn on the shower and strip down. There’s a knock at the door. I grab a towel and frantically wrap it around myself.

  “Uh … yes?”

  The door opens. “Are we good?” His voice is cautious. I expect a white flag to be waved.

  I nod feeling stupid for walking off.

  Lautner grins and steps inside shutting the door behind him. “Thought we could conserve water.” He tugs on my towel pulling it away from me. “What’s this? Shy tonight?”

  I roll my eyes. “Not everyone is as confident as the ringleader of the Jock Club.”

  “President, not ringleader,” he says with a cocky smirk as he pulls his shirt over his head.

  “How would your club have rated me?”

  He steps out of his shorts and briefs. Then brushing my hair off my shoulders he purses his lips and crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, I’d say—”

  “Wait! You have to imagine me without these.” I point to my breasts. “I didn’t have these back then. I also didn’t have long hair and remember I ate bugs and shit like that.”

  His hands shift to his hips as he shakes his head. “No boobs, Peter Pan hair, and cricket legs stuck between your teeth? You would not have made the cut.”

  My mouth drops open. “Pig!” I scowl and get in the shower.

  His naked body is pressed to the back of mine before the first drops of water make it to my feet.

  “Pig? You think I’m a pig?”

  I try to wriggle out of his iron hold but a case of the giggles robs me of all strength. “You only want me for my body. That really hurts.”

  A loud laugh escapes his chest and fills the room. He turns me toward him. Grabbing my wrists, he places them on his chest. “What do you want me for?” A single brow raise says pot calling the kettle black.

  He’s a visual orgasm, an erotic work of art. I want to photograph him, paint him, and sculpt him. He is my muse.

  “If I could take a part of you with me it would be those fucking Medusa eyes.”

  “Fucking Medusa eyes?” He chuckles. “They’re just eyes.”

  “Not to me.” I slide my hands up his chest and around his neck pulling him down to me. The water cascades over us, enveloping our bodies in intimacy and sensuality.

  His hands skim over my curves—breasts, hips, backside. I fist his erection with slow strokes. I love the moan he releases into my mouth as our tongues dance. I love that I do this to him. I love the way he worships my body with tender appreciation. I love everything about this man.

  “Sydney—” His head falls back as I slide down his body to my knees and take him in my mouth. “Jesus—” His breath catches and his stomach muscles go rigid. I can’t take all of him in my mouth, but it doesn’t seem to matter. His mouth goes slack, and his hands press against the shower wall. My gaze is fixed on his face. When his heavy lids crack open, I smile and circle my tongue over the head several times.

  “Stop … Sydney—”

  I take him as deep as I can then pull back and quickly repeat, sucking and teasing my tongue over every inch of him. Releasing him, I lick my lips.

  “Are you sure you want me to stop?”

  I know he’s coming undone before me, and I’ve never felt so sexy. His hooded eyes sear into me. He fists my hair and I think he’s going to bring my mouth back to his pulsing erection, but he gently tugs upward until I stand.

  Lautner’s control has been taken to the breaking point. I’m hiked up his body and barely able to get my legs locked around his waist before he’s driving into me. I cry out his name as the intrusion completely fills and stretches me. I need a minute to adjust, but he’s not in a patient mood right now. My back is pressed against the wall and he’s thrusting into me. My arms encircle his neck and I just hold on. His pace quickens, shoulders tense, and a warmness pours into me as he stills deep within me.

  “Sydney!” His forehead drops to my shoulder and I’m rocking my hips into him.

  “Please … don’t stop!” I’m so close, but not quite there.

  He continues with slow deep strokes, sucking my nipple into his mouth.

  “Don’t stop, right the—there.” I cling to him in desperation as he pushes me over the edge.

  “Ahh … oh God!” I yell, digging my nails into his back. I’m seeing stars and the flood of sensation is dizzying. “That was …”

  “Amazing …” He sighs, gently trailing kisses from my ear to my lips.

  I’m boneless. My legs are sore from clutching his waist, and I’m not sure if I can stand. He inches me to my feet. I keep my arms around his neck for support.

  “Okay?” he questions with a smile that captures his blue pools of infinity.

  I nod, releasing his neck, but my body slumps into his anyway.

  He chuckles, but doesn’t say anything. Kind hands work soap over my body and shampoo in my hair. Occasionally, our eyes meet and we share smiles born of complete adoration. It’s beautiful and painful, Heaven and Hell, love and sorrow.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  June 28th, 2010

  “Wake up, beautiful.”

  I crack one eye open just enough to see that it’s still dark. I must be dreaming. There’s no reason for me to rise before the sun.

  “Sexy goddess hair …”

  I hear the whisper of his voice again.

  “Perfect skin …”

  Lips ghosting across my lower back.

  “What time is it?” My sleepy voice is laced with a bit of early morning whininess.

  “Five-thirty,” he whispers over my goose bump covered flesh. “Time for breakfast.”

  “I’m not hungry,” I mumble, hiding my face in my pillow.

  “Come to breakfast with me. You can sleep all day while I’m gone.”

  He slides his hands under my body and cradles me in his arms. “I’m feeling greedy. I want every minute. You’re lucky I let you sleep at all.” He plants me into a seated position at the foot of the bed, turns on the closet light, and rummages through my suitcase.

  “As I recall, you didn’t. I think I finally passed out. Are you on Viagra or something?”

  Lautner kneels in front of me and slips on my panti
es and shorts. Then he lifts me to my feet and pulls them the rest of the way up. I reluctantly fasten them.

  “You’re my Viagra,” he whispers in my ear, nibbling my earlobe.

  I lift my arms and he pulls my shirt down over me.

  “Don’t I need a bra?” I raise my eyes in question.

  He steps back and looks at my chest. His hands cup my breasts, thumbs running over my nipples bringing them to embarrassing peaks.

  “There. Perfect.” He grins all too happy with himself.

  I roll my eyes. “Pervert.” Stepping past him, I grab a hair tie out of my purse and pull my messy locks into a ponytail. He smacks my ass and walks out of the bedroom. “I wasn’t until I met you.”

  I follow him down the hall. “Me?”

  He grabs his bag and keys. Opening the door for me, he sucks in his bottom lip and nods. “Mmm hmm, the things I want to do to you.”

  I hurry down the stairs to the exit because between last night’s sex marathon, his comment, and that predatory look, I’m feeling like the stalked prey. The physical intensity between us over the past twenty-four hours has been off the charts and out of this world. We can’t get close enough to each other. Last night it felt like he was trying to physically consume me with his entire body.

  Lautner, always the gentleman, hurries past me to the car door, opening it for me.

  “Chivalrous … so chivalrous.” I wink and hop in.

  He leans in and kisses me. It’s soft, slow, patient, and filled with something I just won’t acknowledge.

  Releasing my lips, he looks at me, as in, really looks at me. Fucking blue irises striping me to my very core.

  “I love you.”

  Ouch!

  Why do those three words cut so deep?

  I swallow the lump of emotion in my throat. No matter how loud the words scream in my head … and heart, I can’t say them. Blinking to hold in the teary sentiment of the moment, all I can do is nod.

  The sad smile on his face magnifies the pain. His gaze falters as the smile fades. He closes my door and we drive in silence to the café. We order our standard cherry-almond galettes—still warm—coffee for him, tea for me. The beautiful sunrise graces us as we sit by the window.

  “Still glad you chose pediatrics?” I break the uncomfortable silence.

  He sips his hot coffee. “Absolutely. The attending physicians I’m working with are great. You hear about the nightmares of the first year of residency, but so far I feel like part of the team. It’s a lot to take in, but I love it. It’s not crying kids all day or anything like that. I could have ten difficult patients, but the one that I make a connection with, the one whose trust I gain, makes everything else disappear.”

  Of course I love Lautner. If he hadn’t already stolen my heart, locked it up, and thrown away the key, then those words all on their own would have done it. I’m either immeasurably ambitious or monumentally stupid for walking away from him.

  I smile. “I could listen to you talk like that all day.”

  He looks at his watch. “I’d love nothing more than to spend the day with you, but …”

  I finish the last bite of my pastry and grab my purse and tea. “But you need to take care of some kids who need you.”

  Standing, he pulls me into his side and we walk out to his 4-Runner.

  After taking me back to his apartment and giving me a key, he leaves me with a kiss that I will be feeling on my lips for the rest of the day.

  *

  I call Elizabeth. After receiving her text last night, I know they made it home and she’s dying to talk. A little after one o’clock, she picks me up from Lautner’s and takes me to lunch. She’s older than my dad by ten years, but she’s very hip and open-minded. On the way to the restaurant we do a quick run-through of how things went around the house and with Swarley while they were gone. But the moment we’re seated and handed menus, Elizabeth has only one thing she wants to talk about.

  “Spill it, young lady.”

  I smile and shrug nonchalantly while pretending to read my menu. “Spill what?”

  She grabs my menu and pulls it away from my face. “This ‘friend’ you’re staying with. A he I presume?”

  “Yeah, the pool guy.”

  She tilts her head to the side and squints. I can’t keep it in any longer. The story really is a great one, all except the ending which has yet to be written, but I know where it’s going. I tell her everything, almost. By the time I’m done, she looks shocked.

  “Sydney Ann Montgomery, please tell me you’re going to marry this guy.”

  I fail to maintain eye contact. My nervous fingers twirl and knot in my hair. “I’m leaving for Paris in a few days.”

  “So. It’s not like you’re moving there.”

  “True. But I’m going to continue housesitting for the next year which will have me traveling every month or so, and then I’m starting grad school next fall. Lautner’s just …”

  Elizabeth pushes her plate out of the way and rests her arms on the table leaning forward. “Just what?”

  Shaking my head, I trace the pattern of the tablecloth with my fingernail. “The right guy at the wrong time.”

  “So, you’re just going to leave. Walk away because the timing isn’t perfect?”

  My eyes snap to hers. “Perfect? It’s not even in the same spectrum as perfect. I’m twenty-three and probably won’t be done with school and offered my first real job until I’m nearly thirty. Lautner’s going to be done with his residency in three years and ready for marriage, children … a real life. Not some long-distance relationship with a college student. He’s going to probably start his own practice, and when I’m done with school where does that leave me? Looking for a job around here? Do you know how hard it’s going to be to find my dream job if I’m willing to go anywhere, let alone restricting myself to a fifty mile radius? It’ll never work. Eventually one of us will resent the other. It’s just not … it just won’t work.”

  “Is this job you’re going back to school for really your dream.” Elizabeth’s voice is soft, hesitant, even sympathetic.

  “I love art, and being a curator at a major museum or gallery would be an amazing opportunity … a dream job.”

  “Your dream job?”

  “Of course my dream job. Why else would I go through all this work to save money for school and then put myself through the grueling studies and long hours of grad school?”

  She taps her finger on her chin. “I’m not sure. But you’re my niece and I love you like a daughter so your happiness is important to me. Sometimes we find happiness where we least expect it. I’d just hate to see you pass it by. Jobs pay the bills and provide us with a sense of accomplishment in life. But they don’t love you and comfort you. They don’t take you to the beach and bring you flowers and pastries. They don’t hold you at night and make you feel beautiful.”

  I don’t know how to respond. Her words may hold some merit, but right now they’re not comforting.

  She leaves some cash on the table and stands. “But you’re right, Sydney. You are young and making a life-changing decision after knowing a guy for one month is probably crazy.”

  I stand and grin. I know what she really means, but she’s giving me an out. An excuse to leave and not feel like such a fool.

  She drops me back off at Lautner’s and hugs me tight. “I love you, sweetie. Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision. No regrets, okay?”

  Secure in her arms, I let a few stray tears fall. There’s a whole flood of them waiting, but they’re reserved for the long flight to Paris in four days.

  *

  I spend the rest of the afternoon messing with photos on my computer. Then I respond to an email from a college friend requesting I be her photographer at her wedding in the fall. It happens to be a weekend I’m home between housesitting jobs so I agree. It’s easy money and I need to save as much as I can.

  By seven o’clock I’m hungry again but not sure whether to eat or wa
it for Lautner. I’m getting a taste of being with a doctor and it kind of sucks. Then again, he is a busy resident and I’m jobless right now. After scrounging through his kitchen cabinets, I find some granola bars and eat one to tide me over.

  My boredom turns into curiosity and I find myself in his bedroom snooping around. I open his nightstand drawer and find a few books, mystery thrillers, some loose change, and a box of condoms. An opened box of condoms. I know none of them have been used with me so now I wonder how long he’s had them and who he’s used them with. Before my brain has a chance to think rationally, I’m counting the remaining condoms. There are four left and it was a ten pack. The expiration date is out a ways so they can’t be that old.

  “Snooping?”

  A familiar female voice startles me.

  “Claire.”

  She’s in the doorway, staring at my lap. I look down and shove the condoms back in the box.

  “How did you get in here?” I put the condoms back in the drawer with shaky hands.

  She holds up a keychain with several keys dangling from it. Why the hell does Dr. Brown have a key?

  “Does Lautner know you’re snooping around?” Her lips set in a tight, firm line and the smugness mixed with the hint of warning in her voice has me feeling like an errant child.

  I stand and walk toward her. She retreats with each step I take until we’re in the living room.

  “What do you want?” I grab my phone and mess with it to look distracted and unaffected by her intrusiveness.

  “Lautner said I could borrow a few books for research.”

  “Well I don’t know where they’re at maybe—”

  She prances back toward the bedroom again. “They’re on his bookshelf in here. I’m sure I know his bedroom better than you do.”

  I’m so unprepared for this conversation. She has a key and comes in without knocking. Now she’s making subtle implications that there’s more to them than I know.

  Dr. Brown struts back out with several books in her arms. “Right where I remember them being.”

  I shake my head and scrunch my nose. “Am I missing something here?”