by S. K Munt
Hunter buried his face into his hands and turned away from her, reeling. Callie looked so vibrant! So young and gorgeous and sexy and vital! How could she be dying?
‘Hunter?’
But he shook his head, his teeth clenched so tightly against the tears that he felt like they might turn to powdered enamel that would taste as dusty as his future suddenly looked- ashes, dust- nothingness without her. He wanted to slump to the floor and weep, he wanted to smash every mirror in the room that fooled him with multiple reflections of what they looked like together, but those urges would have to wait until he was alone for fear that he’d do more damage than he already had.
‘Oh Hunter…’ Callie’s voice trembled. ‘Please… I need you to be strong for me now… ’
His chest constricted again and he nodded, swallowing back what felt like billiard balls in his throat. ‘Have you told Ryan?’ He rasped after the longest time, wiping his tears on his jeans, trying to collect himself.
‘No and I don’t want him to know. He feels things so deeply, and now that he feels that way for me, I’m afraid of what he’ll do when he realizes that...’ Her gentle voice was trembling, as was her hand on his shoulder.
That he’ll never be with her. Hunter’s mouth went dry. I’ll be mourning a best friend, a lover, a neighbor- but Ryan will be mourning what he never had because I monopolized her.
‘I’m sorry Hunter…’ Callie whispered. ‘When I returned, I didn’t know this was coming, and I didn’t dare hope that you guys could possibly still care for me so much.’ She squeezed him gently. ‘I can make my peace with it, really. I’ve had so many wonderful experiences in my life, and you and Ryan account for most of them. But I can’t hang around if you two are going to keep forcing me to choose between you. I just want to enjoy our time together while I can, like the old days, and listen to you two play me a song… together.’
Hunter turned and wrapped himself around Callie. He didn’t move to kiss her. He’d only be able to stay in heaven so long before reality began to feel like Hell in comparison. He pressed his face into her neck and inhaled her, hoping that her sweet scent would help him draw one solid breath to stave off the tears. When he felt it, he pulled back, and then took the red cap out of his bag, pulling it down over her hair.
‘I came here to give this to you,’ he croaked. ‘And to ask you to come to the gorge with us tonight for Marnie’s birthday. It could be just like the old days and I swear to God, I’ll play you a million songs if it gets you up that mountain tonight,’ he paused, ‘and the concert tomorrow night, of course.’
Callie half-laughed, half-sobbed as she adjusted the cap to how she liked it. ‘I’ll be there. At both.’ She kissed his cheek. ‘Someone’s gonna have to be ready to save your bony ass when you go off on the wrong branch, right?’
‘Right.’ Hunter was still wiping at his tears. Seeing her smile so radiantly made the fragility of her existence burn like acid through his veins. For a moment, he couldn’t be strong for her. ‘God Cal, what am I going to do without you?’
She punched him lightly in the shoulder. ‘World domination. And if you fail, I’m gonna come back and haunt your talented ass.’
‘Then there’s incentive to fail.’
‘And incentive for me to haunt you like that little girl in the exorcist, not in a wispy negligee like you’re probably thinking.’ Callie winked at him. ‘Now get out of my studio, Mr Marks, before someone reports that a teacher is behaving inappropriately with one of her students.’
Hunter stepped back, chuckling. He’d never even thought of that. ‘But Miss Clay… I’m the one schooling you.’ He winked at her. ‘Always have been.’
Callie laughed and began to shut the door. ‘If I ever get to a point where I can explain how wrong you are and why, I’m never going to stop laughing, Mr Marks.’ And then she shut the door in his face.
27.
Despite all of the heaviness of the previous few weeks, Callie felt lighter after having spoken to Hunter but faking her death was a way to get him to back off, as well as being a way out for her. She hadn’t worked out the finer details yet, but she had a vague idea of how to crush Hunter twice more before leaving him to fate. It wouldn’t be pleasant- but it wouldn’t fail either.
Marnie drummed on the wheel of the four wheel drive and babbled happily as they inched up the mountain road at the base of the Horizon range. Callie had looked forward when they’d shot through the town, not wanting to see sights that would put her in any more a sentimental frame of mind then she was already encased within.
‘And I was like ‘That bitch! Why didn’t she call us?!’ And then they explained of course Callie and I totally get it but boy, those boys were a wreck after you left. And talk about social lepers wow! Meredith dropped Hunter straight away and like, tried to tell people he was dangerous and everything even though we all knew you were fine, wherever you were…’ There was a pause. ‘I mean, you were, right Cal? Aside from the heart murmur?’
Callie thought of the space of time that Marnie was asking about- the years between Ninety-Eight and Two Thousand which had passed in the blink of an eye for Callie in Helicon. Most of which, she’d spent with Ardos. ‘I was safe,’ she said at last. ‘There were people looking out for me, who knew how to handle my issues.’ She reached over and squeezed Marnie’s hand on the gear shift. ‘And thank you, for bailing out Ry.’
Marnie ducked her head, pleased and embarrassed. ‘He paid me back the next day. It was no big deal…’
‘It was a very big deal.’ Callie said emphatically. ‘I’m so grateful that you were there for them. I feel awful about taking so long to get back to them but I just knew I couldn’t face anyone until I got my shit together, you know?’
Marnie’s head bobbed. She didn’t wear glasses anymore, and Callie assumed that she’d gotten contacts. Her hair was perfectly cut and chemically straightened and tinted russet, and her glow was unmistakable. Life had been kind to her or rather, Imogen had been kind to her and Marnie seemed to be exactly where she needed to be. Her earrings were Tiffany, her car a luxury SUV and her smile was as warm as always. ‘I get it. I stayed away for a while, but when my books got published I was like: ‘Okay I needs to get me back to Horizon so I can strut!’ you know? I mean, I kept tabs on everyone on Myspace, so I’d know when the guy’s had gigs but I didn’t show my face until I got the boobs, the laser surgery-’ she paused and winked at Callie. ‘Had to look good, of course.’
‘And you look incredible.’ Callie sat up straighter in her seat, rolling down the window and breathing in the crisp mountain air which had dropped several degrees since they’d plunged into the tree-lined forest road and tried not to listen to the lyrics of Kelly Clarkson’s The trouble with love because it was a little too articulate for her state of mind. She turned the radio down a fraction, a rare act for her. ‘And Hunter says that your books are amazing. I plan to buy the whole lot and have a marathon as soon as I get a weekend to myself again.’
‘Well you should, cos they rock.’
Calliope giggled. She loved Marnie’s newfound confidence, and her attitude was infectious. The car twisted around a bend and then went over a cattle grate, and water shot up under the wheels of the car and sprinkled Callie’s face. And just as the cool water knocked her out of her reverie, Marnie’s next words as she steered them into the car park brought reality rushing back: ‘So… what happened with you and Hunter isn’t still gonna happen?’
Callie sighed. ‘No. It’s not.’
‘No good?’
‘Too good. Too hard. Too stressful and too…’ Callie saw the members of the band leaning all over Ryan’s yellow sports car and she stiffened reflexively, looking down at her lap and tugging her hat down a little further.
Breathe. She commanded herself. Just breathe. But then she looked up and saw Ryan and did a double take, sucking in her breath to get around the lust swelling within her. His new hair-cut, his shirtless body in his black and white board shorts… it w
as sensory overload. His deep olive skin was pulled so tautly over the rippling muscles of his abdomen and back that Callie felt a surge of ‘Slut Muse’ try and smack ‘Sweet Muse’ to the floor in her haste to get out of the car and slap herself onto Ryan’s body like a starfish.
‘Conflicted?’ Marnie supplied quietly.
Callie shot her a surprised look, and flushed guiltily. ‘Do me a favor? Gauge my eyes out of my head?’
Marnie chuckled. ‘I hear yah girlfriend.’ She rolled to a stop on the dirt road between two marked posts and pulled on the handbrake. ‘He is one fine specimen of man.’
‘Do you still like him?’
‘I’d never say no.’ Marnie said, sighing. ‘But he’ll never say yes, so that’s cured me of the obsession part. I just like to come back and bask in the musician mystique from time to time. Maybe one day he’ll be bored and throw a mercy shag my way.’
Callie giggled and as she bent to pick up her handbag, she winced to see that Hunter of course, was in fine form as well. But when wasn’t he? Damn Hunter and Ardos and their boyish, golden and completely beguiling looks. Hands that begged to be held, hair that begged to be stroked. Lips that grinned and enticed kisses, and eyes that laughed.
Callie darted another look at Ryan again and was pretty sure that her womb skipped a beat- if her body even had one that worked. Hunter was the guy she wanted to curl up with and watch a movie and make-out for hours. But Ryan made her want to be tied to a bed and bred at his will. She shivered, opened the door while slinging her bag over her arm, forcing herself out of the car.
One day, one day, one day. She said in her head. Ardos, Ardos, Ardos...
‘Hey it’s the birthday girl!’ Hunter ran at Marnie and picked her up off the ground in an eager hug. It looked funny because Marnie was still taller than him, but Hunter had the strength. He spun their friend about as she squealed, winked at Callie over Marnie’s shoulder in a: We’ve got this, chill look he might not have managed if he’d been able to read Callie’s thoughts.
But: ‘Hey Cal,’ was all he said.
‘Our number one fan!’ Nick slapped his hand against Marnie’s as she was deposited back on the ground.
‘Since you were playing Silverchair almost exclusively.’ Marnie high-fived him back and stepped up to Rathe for another cuddle. As Callie watched her old friend go down the line, greeting them all with such warmth and familiarity- even the ones Callie barely knew yet, Callie felt a tug in her chest. While she’d been in Helicon with Ardos, Marnie had taken her place as the Band-Aid. What if she’d never come back? Would Marnie have eventually become more to one of them? To Ryan? Would she yet?
‘Happy twenty-fifth birthday Marnie,’ Ryan said softly, hugging Marnie briefly then patting her shoulder. ‘Loved the last book, by the way. When are you publishing your new series?’
‘December, hopefully, if my agent pulls their finger out.’ Marnie blushed at Ryan’s touch and flushed at his interest, but before she’d turned completely red, Ryan was facing Callie.
‘Hey you…’ Ryan crossed his arms across his chest and gave her a crooked, withholding smile as though he was slightly afraid of her. Callie felt the loss of his usual greeting embrace like the loss of heat. ‘How are you doing?’
‘Classes are going great.’ Callie swallowed, feeling awkward which was strange- she and Ryan weren’t the tense sort.
‘And everything else?’ Ryan’s eyes darted towards Hunter, who gave her a longing smile and headed off the mountain, talking loudly and excitedly as he popped a can of Rum and Cola. Callie wanted to weep in gratitude for how hard Hunter was trying not to kill her.
‘I’m…’ Callie pressed her lips together and began to walk up the mountain, trapping the handle of her bag over her forearm as she hugged herself. How odd she and Ryan must look, all closed-off and formal like that. She couldn’t stand it! She wanted to spend her last days as Callie Clay as their best mate, not a distantly-related telemarketer. She looked at him sideways and said: ‘Honestly?’
He looked down at her, curious. ‘Is there anything but?’
Callie laughed nervously. If only he knew just how dishonest she was! She checked the path ahead; they were already filing onto the narrow walking path up through the too-green trees, and Hunter was at least twenty meters ahead. ‘Well… I miss Hunter. I’m glad to see Marnie. I’m excited that we’re going up here again together, so excited that I feel like a little kid all over again, in fact, and I sort of want to run my fingers through your hair.’ She elbowed him with her crossed arms. ‘It looks great Ry. You look great.’
Ryan chuckled and his blue eyes were brighter when he looked down at her and said: ‘Go right ahead, but if you run your fingers through my hair, I get to return the favor.’ He extracted one hand from under his elbow and slid his fingertips down one single strand so softly that Callie’s scalp tingled deliciously, drew it across his lips like a mustache and grinned at her when he leaned close to her and said: ‘But you have a lot of hair girl. I’d end up stroking you for hours.’
Callie’s heart skipped a warning beat and that made her left foot skip an unseen ledge. She yelped when she felt herself fly forward towards the path, but then Ryan’s hand caught her upper arm and yanked her back upright and into him.
‘Tread carefully tonight…’ Ryan teased. His hand slid down her arm and then the smoothest, warmest fingers she’d ever felt laced through hers. His lips brushed her ear when he whispered: ‘I am just itching for an excuse to catch you off balance.’
Electricity seemed to explode like a burst conductor where their hands touched, and then she did the worst possible thing- she looked up into his eyes. The appreciation of beauty stilled her everything. She remembered their dinner date, Ryan’s promise- to catch her hand and hold it. Then to take her up to the rock, lay down a blanket… her eyes went to the guitar strap across his chest and her knees almost buckled.
Ryan wet his lips, not even bothering to mask his triumph at having stunned her silent. ‘Got any requests?’ He asked. ‘Or am I gonna help you play, like we discussed?’ Callie almost moaned as heat ripped through her. She wanted to nibble on his eyebrow ring and then work her way down. Ryan’s face began to tilt toward hers, his soft gaze on her lips. ‘Or maybe I should just…’ Callie mewled softly, wantonly, and that sound seemed to buoy Ryan because his spare hand took hold of her jaw and gently angled her face to his, making her skin tingle. Callie’s fingernails dug into his guitar strap and tugged him closer, but just when she could practically taste his sweet spearmint breath on her lips, he went stiff.
Callie’s eyes opened, alerting her to the fact that she’d started to close them, and she looked woozily into Ryan’s face, bewildered that such a powerful moment could be broken.
‘What?’ She whispered, self-conscious.
Ryan smiled. ‘Just committing this moment to memory.’
‘What moment?’Callie asked dreamily. As far as she was concerned, the moment hadn’t happened yet! Her lips felt bruised from the rough kisses her mind was imagining and yet frustrated by the lack of any actual touch- she wanted him so much! She thought of the song he’d wanted her to sing to him, Chains, by Tina Arena, and shivered to realise how eloquently the lyrics described her feelngs for Ryan Weaver.
Ryan’s thumb ran over her lips gently. ‘The moment we both realized that I was going to sink between your perfect little legs within a few hours.’ Callie hummed when his hand slid over her shoulder and down the back of her T-shirt, fondling her ass roughly, bringing their bodies together. She could feel him from her navel to the top of her thigh, a long, thick bulge that promised to remind Callie of how fun her obligations to making music could be. She quivered, aching for him, feeling hollow where he needed to be, where he’d sworn to be. She groaned, almost blacking out as the blood rushed to her head. ‘Ryan we shouldn’t… I only just broke up with-’
‘And yet, we will.’ Ryan smacked her backside playfully and then began to walk again, tugging her by the hand he
still hadn’t dropped, seeming to have wits about him that Callie couldn’t recall ever having. ‘So?’ He glanced back at her and the hair flopping across his face wished back to touch where it flicked up beneath his ears, smiling devilishly. ‘You like the hair, huh?’ Callie gave him a dirty look and said nothing. She’d never been so hard up in her life. Not in a million lives. ‘I know right?’ Ryan winked at her and pulled her closer, tightening his grip. ‘Welcome to my world Callie Clay.’
When Callie growled and nipped his bare shoulder, he only laughed.
*
Marnie let out a cry of surprise when Hunter planted his hands against her broad shoulders and shoved her into the deep beyond. When she landed with an ungraceful splash, Hunter yelled out a: ‘Geronimo!’ and cannonballed in after her.
The water hit him like an icy-nightmare, but it was so cold that almost immediately, his skin went numb. Hunter unfurled and kicked towards the surface quickly. He’d never admit it to anybody but Ryan, but Hunter hated sinking too low in the gorge. No one seemed to know how deep it was exactly, and his imagination couldn’t help but wonder what the hell might exist unseen down there. In fact it had inspired one of his latest songs, Darkened Spaces. Hunter gasped in a breath when he broke the surface, the chill on his skin invigorated by the kiss of the late-winter night air. Swimming in the gorge was usually a non-event between April and August but Marnie’s birthday was July- so they were freezing on her behalf and doing so with a smile.