"What are you doing?” asked Jade.
Hesper took a breath, startled.
Jade touched her head. "It’s smaller. Did you do that?”
"Your body did.” Hesper shrugged. "It might be sore later, but it looks better.”
Anise and Dulce gawked at her.
"It is common for healers in my community,” Hesper explained.
Anise raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Well, it certainly seems a helpful skill! I’d like to hear more about it sometime.” She turned to Dulce. "Let’s walk while the girls enjoy the tree.” Dulce and Anise continued on, discussing petunias.
The “girls” did enjoy the tree. Jade seemed unbothered by the hard hit, turning her face to the sky with closed eyes. Hesper felt like that whenever she got into full sunlight in the forest. Warm and friendly on her face, she could not keep herself from closing her eyes and sighing at it at least once or twice. She had never seen someone else do it, though.
"Do you miss your mama?” Hesper asked.
Jade lowered her face and turned to Hesper with a sad smile. "I try to not think of her. When I need a mother, I go to David.”
"How can David replace the woman who gave birth to you?”
Jade did not smile this time. "He doesn’t, but he's comforting and warm and listens well. He’s been through a lot of crazy stuff, but he hasn’t let it make him bitter. He let it make him . . . motherly.” She laughed. "That sounds so stupid. Especially since he also turns me on just looking at me. Motherly and sexy is a little weird. Maybe my brain is sick.” Jade’s creamy skin blanched. She puffed a breath and opened her eyes wide. "Listen, I have to go.”
"Are you well?” Hesper asked.
Jade lowered herself to the ground. "Oh, I don’t know. It comes and goes. I’m getting sick or something. I need to rest.”
If Jade’s injury was worse than expected, she might need help. "Jade!” Hesper scrambled down the tree.
"I’m fine!” Jade waved Hesper off and hurried indoors.
Hesper ran to the door and swung it open. Jade stopped.
"Really, Hesper, stay outside.” She turned around. "If I throw up, I want to be alone. It’s so gross.” Off she went and disappeared around the corner, leaving Hesper alone in the doorway.
* * *
When Hesper caught up to the women, Anise welcomed her with an arm around her shoulder. "Did you leave Jade by herself?”
"No. She needed to go inside. She felt ill.”
"I’ve noticed that. She’s sick lately. She should see a doctor, but she’s doesn’t trust them.”
"Why? What do they do?”
"She had a traumatic experience, that’s all. Doctors play a part in carrying out the law as much as they help sick people to heal and be well. The law Jade broke required Medical Justice. They had to remedy her situation. Now Jade is sensitive.”
"She really ought to toughen up. It’s a wonder she’s lasted this long.” Dulce’s soft voice came across hard.
Hesper dared not look at her, much less glare. "I need a book of the laws or something,” Hesper said. "What did she do?”
"Nothing you need to worry about. It’s not your responsibility and never will be unless you keep secrets.”
No! Enough with the hiding. "Not good enough, Anise.”
Anise’s face set into regret. "She was pregnant, Hesper. It’s not allowed.”
Hesper shook herself free from the women. "What a stupid rule! Jade told me about it. Sick, perverse people!”
Anise took Hesper by the shoulders. "Don’t say that so loudly, dear.” Her urgent whisper caught Hesper off guard. "You’ll find yourself at the law’s mercy if you do.”
Hesper challenged Anise with her eyes. When Anise did not back down, and her jaw set in an unfeminine and unexpected way, Hesper’s eyes fell. Surely Anise had seen horrors that Hesper never had. The counsel of an elder almost always held value.
Anise released Hesper’s shoulders. "Let’s walk and have a little more time to pretend that life is beautiful.”
The women walked in silence for several moments, but Hesper could not stand leaving the conversation alone. "What did they do with Jade’s baby?”
Anise sighed, exasperated. "Dulce, I need to speak with Hesper alone.” Dulce’s eyebrows twitched, but she headed back to the house without complaint. Anise’s gentle manner froze over. "They got rid of it.”
"How could they get rid of a precious baby?”
"It’s nothing to worry about.” The frozen look disappeared, and a false, almost-convincing smile took its place. "Look at me, child. Jade tried to keep it a secret, but the law required David to bring her to the Kyrios when he learned of her condition. Considering the fact she withheld the information, they were merciful.” Anise nodded as if trying to convince herself. "Cole stood up for her and managed to talk them into a less severe consequence.
"When you and David are married, he will be responsible for pregnancy prevention. You will be responsible for telling him if you think you may be pregnant. It’s unlikely.” She turned toward the house. "You’re better off pretending you don’t know this. It was unfortunate, but it was Jade, not you. Don’t let worry get to you. None of us can afford worry.”
Could they afford loyalty and sympathy? Were those too costly? "I am not worried. I am disgusted.”
Anise laughed under her breath. "I understand, dear. There’s even less room for that. I’ve had enough of the outside for now.”
Hesper glowered as Anise walked away and entered the house. She grabbed and ripped a fistful of larkspur from its stem and threw it on the ground. Riding on indignation, she assessed her circumstance with a few quick glances. David’s garden came to an end about four yards away. After that, open, mowed grass reached all the way to the fence in the back. A forest waited just beyond.
David’s home appeared to be the westernmost of a long row of large houses. All the roads, people, and businesses carried on in front of the row. Besides a few guards, no one could see behind David’s house. The ladies were inside. David occupied himself with his brother.
Interesting. A timely opportunity.
She was just mad enough to try for the impossible. Yards away and facing east, the guard would give her enough time to make for the fence without being seen. She hiked up her dress and sprinted to the edge of the property where she grabbed the sun-warmed metal fence. The small rhodonite necklace and her betrothal token hung with equal weight against her collarbone. You took this chance, and now you stop? Hesper! Go! Go!
Adahy had said she inspired him to open his heart. She did not fully understand that until now. Love bound her to this place as much as it called her away. Her heart opened so wide to fit everyone into it, it broke. It is breaking. Right now.
She vented a growling, frustrated scream. The fence shook with a metallic rattle when she spun around and threw herself back against it and slid to the ground.
Unless Jade went with her, Hesper’s plans meant nothing. Jade’s wound needed to be healed, and it would never be healed here. Hesper turned to press her face against the fence. Only a dash away from freedom. The clean air blew through the forest’s leaves. They still whispered.
She and Jade might become a community of their own.
Rising, she wiped tears away and brushed off her dress. Hopefully, no one noticed her, so she could sit somewhere and stare into nothing for a while, rather than face scolding or punishment. She traipsed back to the garden path, toward the house, heavy in mind.
Smoke. She sniffed. Not wood smoke this time. Tobacco smoke.
Few people in her community smoked tobacco. Cigarettes cost a good deal of money. They sometimes smoked mullein, skullcap, or lobelia, but the odor of tobacco still lingered in her memory.
David’s voice came from the direction of the apple tree. He stood beside it, cigarette in hand. "A little flushed?”
Hesper’s legs weakened. Finally, a benefit to these impractical dresses: hiding the infernal knee-shaking that started back when s
he saw Joram in a Meros uniform. Though, she had been around David enough to know he was quite astute, with an eye for details. If he saw her knees shaking, she’d never regain her confidence.
"I was—”
"Trying to escape?” he asked, amused. "You know that’s frowned upon, right?” His eyes laughed at her as he brought the cigarette to his lips and took a long drag, waiting for her reaction.
"Is stealing people frowned upon?” She gasped and looked at the ground, fidgeting with her hands.
"Yes, it is. Unless you’re a Gen—Unified.” He chuckled. "Let’s go inside.” With a final puff, he dropped the cigarette and ground it under the ball of his foot. He held his hand out. She had to go with him but was most certainly not going to be friendly. It would be hypocritical for her to accept kindness from him after trying to escape.
"I’m not trying to get fresh with you. I figured you needed support. I startled you.”
Why!? Why does he see everything? "I can walk.”
David smiled. "Okay.” He extended his arm behind her and escorted her inside the house without a touch or word about her slowness.
"Have a seat.” A short echo of his voice reverberated off the walls and ceiling of the dining room.
She obeyed, and he sat near her at the table. "Did you . . . Did you have any traumatic experiences with the Meros before this, Hesper?”
“Why?”
“Just curious. I’m sorry if I cause you fear that makes you shake. That’s pretty intense. I’ll try to be more considerate.” He gave her a double take. "Do you realize your face is remarkably expressive? It’s lovel—strong. Quite strong. Not lovely. I have no idea what I’m talking about.”
His sassy simper almost snuffed out Hesper’s fear. He would not be silly if he were mad at her, would he?
"I enjoy giving gifts in person sometimes, instead of sticking everything in a box, so I ha—” His eyes narrowed. "What? Are you expecting me to go off on you? Yell? Punish you? Force you into your room and lock you in?”
Hesper’s head buzzed with a nod. "Yes,” she whispered.
He smiled. "Don’t do it again. It’s fine. Rather endearing. Quite the scream you have. It may have been better than the one you delivered to my face when we met. Quick feet, too. I’ll have to remember.” He pulled an item from his uniform pocket, wrapped in smooth paper and crinkling with his touch. He set it on the table and pushed it toward her. "It’s chocolate. Ground with stone and shipped in from overseas. Hard to get! They say it’s worth the money and effort, though. Cole loves it—especially when it’s spicy. Strange man.” He leaned back, resting his elbows on the arms of his chair. "Have you heard of it? Chocolate, I mean.”
"Heard of it. Hunters brought it in occasionally. I have never tasted any.” She touched it, then regarded the colorful metal pieces on David’s coat. "Am I not in trouble?”
"No.” His mouth twisted as he frowned. "I see you don’t believe me. I don’t think you’ll do it again, so I’m not overly concerned.” He stood and set to unbuttoning his uniform coat. "Besides, I’m not sure I would have had it any other way. There has to be at least one escape attempt. After that, you’ll fall madly in love with me and never want to leave my side.” He put the coat on the back of his chair and sat. "So, we’re on to the more pleasant part now, hm?”
She scowled. "Are you being funny?”
"Apparently not!” The golden laugh appeared, far shinier than his buttons would ever be. His young, sensitive eyes danced often, and he had a boyish way about him, though he was certainly far beyond boyhood.
He tugged the white cloth out from under his sleeve and dropped it on the tabletop. With a few deft motions, like a sleight-of-hand-trick, he removed gold coin-like somethings from his cuffs and let them clatter on the table.
Hesper wrinkled her face. "Why are you fidgeting with your clothes so much?”
"Is that how it looks to you?” He tipped his head and smiled.
"Yes, sir.”
"I’m just getting comfortable. These uniforms are stiff as northern absinthe.” He undid the top button of his shirt. More relaxed now, he leaned back and crossed his ankle over his knee. "I imagine they’re not your favorite thing, either.”
David was a handsome man with a pleasing neck and strong forearms with smooth skin, and his hands . . .
She caught herself staring and closed her mouth. They were just eyes. Just arms. Dangerous ones. They belonged to a dangerous man, and she had to shut this out and be stronger than her impulses.
David leaned in. "Are you all right?” He touched her.
This time, new feelings awoke with his touch, filling her with wide-eyed, trembling hope. Hope for what? She moved away and clenched her hands and teeth against the pleasurable sensation.
You are weak, Hesper.
"We need to talk about all of this.” The chair creaked as he leaned back. "What are you feeling?”
"Nothing,” she said much too fast.
He squinted an eye at her and placed his hands on the table, palms up. "I’m pressing this matter. You are far too direct a person to feel whatever you’re feeling with no outlet. Hesper, take my hands.”
She shook her head.
"Why not?” He smiled. The window permitted sunlight to streak across the upper half of his face. His mouth spoke in the shadow. "Does it matter anymore? The first touch has passed, and now we move on. Let’s move on, sweetheart.”
"Why do you want to hold my hands?”
His fingernails were so clean.
"Well,” he said, "because we’ll have to be married if you’re to stay with me. I’d like the opportunity to win your affection and make this a happier story than it is now.”
"You want me to like you?”
His shivelight smile whispered sunshine in dark places and bolstered the light in her mind. The light Anise told her to look for. There it was. In his mouth.
A loud affirmation. "Yes. Yes, I do. I want you to like me, Hesper. Very much. Even if we were not in this situation, I would wish for it just the same. Will you give me a chance?”
Hesper’s heart doubled its pace and became much too obvious. She couldn’t ignore it, but why? She had had a quicker heart rate before, but nothing this overwhelming. Not while feeling . . . good? She felt good? "Why do you think I must hold your hands to grow to like you?”
"Fair enough. Let’s just say that it helps, and I don’t know a soul who doesn’t enjoy it.” His soft laugh made her want to smile.
"What if I wanted a baby?”
He grew melancholy and sat back. "That can’t be. I’m sure you’ve already had that explained to you.”
"Why not?”
"It’s against the law. We’ll discuss this once we’re married.” He sounded more like the David who challenged Trinity now. Cold.
"What if I told you I am half Meros?”
"That would be worse for you. Besides, that’s a lie.”
"You deserve to be lied to if you think this is right. Do you have any natural affection for your own children?”
David’s eyes sparked with anger before his face went dead. "Who said anything about thinking it’s right?” Licking his lips, he tried for a laugh and landed on a sorrowfully amused smile. "You go straight for the jugular, I see.” Weighty silence hung over them. His shirt rustled as he shifted in his seat.
"I was harsh. Even to my enemies, I must speak with control and tolerance.”
Puffing a humorless laugh, he said, "I assure you, I’m not your enemy. You’re human, and you have concerns and passions.” Gentle eyes examined her face. "I will never deny you that. You don’t have to be a mindless stoic in my home.”
She was ashamed of herself as he gathered his coat and the other bits and pieces of his uniform and walked away. Lenient and kind as he was, interacting with David felt like trying to dam a river with her hands.
She released a sigh of relief.
David stopped.
Her breath hitched. He was coming back.
"
Hesper, will you hear me out?” He pulled a chair away from the table and turned it toward her. "I’m doing the best I can in a system that is royally screwed up.” Seating himself, he pointed. “If you tell anyone I said that, I’ll have to give you more chocolate. Up your nose or something.” He grinned. "Sorry. Trying to be funny again . . . and failing.” Fingers drumming on the table, he sighed in such a frustrated manner, he had to be angry. The drumming stopped abruptly, his palm pressed onto the table.
"If you can find the strength to open your heart to someone you don’t trust, I promise I will not make you regret it. I respect you and your feelings, and I want to approach on your terms to the best of my ability, given the circumstance. I believe the way to your heart is through here.” He touched the side of her brow. "Everything is through there, of course, though not in the way you, particularly, need. I don’t know what that courtship will look like, but I am up for the challenge.”
Slowly, her eyes drifted upward to his. "You have earned my friendship, sir.”
He smiled. "If you’re comfortable, you can call me David. Any time.”
"David.” Her face stung, so she looked away from him. I know you see it,” she said. "I blush. It is less embarrassing if I let you know that I know.”
"Why do you think you’re blushing?”
"Am I not?”
"‘Course you are,” he laughed. "Will you tell me why?”
"I do not know.”
His fingertips, like cool drops of rain on her cheek, turned her toward him again. "Aw. Yes, you do. Anger? Frustration? Embarrassment?” His smile was so like Adahy’s. David did feel more like a comrade than an enemy. Someone who sympathized and cared. Like a . . . human.
"I feel like grass,” she said, her voice hoarse. The words were a relief—almost a pleasure—that she would soon regret. The feeling painted a picture in her mind and stirred up sensations she could not describe without . . . poetry.
"Your hope that I will like you makes me feel that you are running through the grass, rousing a glittering cloud of fireflies inside of me.”
Smiling bewilderment enlivened his face as he flopped back in his chair and giggled. Traces of the giggle lingered in his voice as he said, "Who’s wooing who here?”
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