by Jamie Pope
“Damn it, Cass. When your mama called me, you hadn’t been out of bed in weeks. You were ready to die. If that ain’t frail, I don’t know what the hell is.”
“You’re right.” She nodded. This time, though, when she looked him in the eye, he didn’t see that sad, empty look. He saw a little bit of determination. “Teo makes me uncomfortable,” she said softly. “He reminds me of my students. He reminds me that I not only lost my family, but I lost a job that I loved. Yeah, he bothers me. But I think it’s past time I feel bothered.”
He gripped her hand and squeezed. There was nothing he could do but agree with that.
* * *
The roar of an engine passing by distracted Cassandra from the cards in her hand as she sat at Mansi’s small kitchen table the next day. She didn’t need any distractions. She was already losing badly at rummy; her brain was sluggish and slow from not using it for so long.
“Come on, girly,” Mansi urged. “It’s your turn. You didn’t throw out.”
“I know. I’m still trying to figure out what to do.”
“Show me your hand. I’ll tell you what you should get rid of.”
Cass looked up at the older woman and frowned. “I may be depressed, old woman, but I’m not stupid.”
Mansi grinned widely at her, showing off that little gap between her front teeth. “I’m the best at this game and could beat the pants off you any day, but I do enjoy when people make it easier for me.”
“Yeah. She beats me all the time,” Teo said from the other side of the table. The little boy had mostly kept his distance since he got home from school. However, when they started to play, he pulled up a chair next to Cassandra and quietly watched them.
“You play cards with Mansi?”
“All the time. She’s good.”
“Do you ever win?” She looked from the boy to his great-grandmother.
“No. I can’t. It’s impossible. She won a lot of money at a casino once, but my mom said she can’t go there no more.”
Cassandra looked at the woman, who shrugged at her. “It was blackjack. I have a system.”
“It’s called counting cards, you crazy old thing!” They all looked up to see Nova walking in. Cass had seen the woman before, but it still struck her how beautiful Wylie’s little sister was. Her long hair was loose and wild around her shoulders. Her pretty, light brown skin looked healthy and sunbaked at the same time. She wore a thin, spaghetti-strap tank top and a denim pencil skirt on her ultracurvy figure; chunky, wedged heels covered her feet. There was nothing neat or demure about her, but she was somehow put together in a wild way. Cass admired that. Every item of clothing she had owned for the past ten years she bought because it fit an image: schoolteacher, resident of Harmony Falls, wife of Terrance, daughter-in-law of one of the most respected men in the town. She never wore anything bright or short or tight. She never wore anything solely because it made her feel good. And now as she looked at Nova, she felt dowdy, dim-looking, unpretty. She was glad that this woman was Wylie James’s sister and not the mother of his child, as she’d originally thought.
“Mommy!” Teo bounded from his chair, heading toward his mother, but stopped short before running into her arms, like some kind of invisible wall had blocked him from making contact.
“Hey, kid.” Nova gave him a quick smile and a soft pat on the head.
The exchange was awkward for Cassandra to watch, but it must have been the norm for them. Cassandra remembered her mother as being different. Always one to give long hugs and squeezes. Cassandra wanted to be the kind of mother Cora had been.
“So here you are.” Nova narrowed her eyes on Cassandra. “I’m surprised that my brother hasn’t locked you in a gilded cage. His fancy girl from Connecticut. You’re not what I pictured, that’s for sure. I imagined someone more like Gwyneth Paltrow.”
“You mean, you didn’t think I would be black? I like to think of myself as a cross between Lena Horne and Kerry Washington, only with a better butt.”
Nova stared at her for a moment and then threw back her head and laughed. “What brings you to the island?”
“Dead husband.”
Nova glanced at her son for a moment. “I got one of those, too. Come shopping with me, Miss Cassandra. My brother is going to have a shit fit when he finds out, but we need to be getting to know each other.”
“Okay,” she said without thinking. It was time for her to venture out.
* * *
He was going to kill Nova. Put his hands on her shoulders and shake her till sundown, or at least until she got some common sense. He had pulled up to Mansi’s house a little after three, after spending all day away from Cass, not talking to her, not calling to check up on her. Because she was right, he had brought her here to heal, to move on. She didn’t need him hovering, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected her to go off with his sister. His sister who had disappeared for the past three hours and wasn’t picking up her cell phone.
“Why are you worried, Uncle Wylie? Mommy goes out all the time.”
Wylie glanced at Teo, who had put his small hand on his jiggling knee to calm it. “I know.” He ruffled his hair.
“She always comes back. And if she doesn’t, she calls. She’s good like that.”
“I know.” He gathered his nephew in his arms and gave him a squeeze. Teo was used to his mother taking off. It shouldn’t be something that a five-year-old was used to, but Teo was good about it, better than he should be. And it made Wylie want to shake his sister even more. “Are you busy after school tomorrow?”
“Nope. No plans.”
Wylie grinned at his nephew’s adult answer. “Well, since you have room in your schedule, why don’t we go for some ice cream?”
“Are you going to bring Miss Cass?”
“If she wants to go.”
“Oh.”
“What’s wrong?” He looked into Teo’s face. It was normally so open, but it had become unreadable. “You don’t want her to come?”
“Are you going to marry her?”
The question took him by surprise. There was a time in his life he would have answered with a “yes,” without hesitation. “I . . .”
The loud engine of Nova’s Jeep prevented him from answering. He put Teo down and made his way out the door and toward his sister and Cass.
Nova was laughing as she got out. His normally abrasive sister looked happy, but he could barely focus on her because his eyes went to Cass. She looked no worse than she did this morning when he last saw her. In fact, she looked a little better. Her cheeks had some color. Her curly hair was windblown. Her eyes didn’t look as sad, as empty, as he was used to seeing them.
“Where the hell have you been?” He directed his comment toward his sister, but his gaze went to Cass. He knew she was okay, yet he couldn’t stop himself from touching her face and looking into her eyes. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, then leaned in to kiss his cheek, lingering there for a moment. For the second time in the past few minutes, he found himself surprised. “Relax, Wylie. We just went to the store.”
“Yeah, Wylie. I can’t believe you have this woman locked up in that house with no makeup or girly things.” She walked over to him and slapped him on the back. “I had to take her to Target. You owe me a hundred bucks, by the way.”
“You took her off island! Without telling me? What the hell is your problem?”
“Of course I took her off island. Where else were we going to get this kind of stuff? What crawled up your ass anyway?” She rolled her eyes. “She’s a grown woman, and unless she is under house arrest, I don’t see why she can’t go off island.”
“Something could have happened. I didn’t know where you were. I couldn’t get in contact with you. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Nova. You can’t be so damn inconsiderate all the time.”
“Shut up, Wylie James. You’re such a controlling son of a—”
“Nova!” Mansi appeared on the porch. “You stop it right now.
Your brother is right. You should have told one of us that you were going off island. You should have picked up your phone. Not because you had Cass with you, but because you left your boy here and something could have happened to him and we wouldn’t have been able to get in contact with you. You are a mother. You need to think like one.”
“You’re my grandmother. Why do you always take his side?”
“I’ll take your side when you’re right.”
“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes, reaching into her Jeep to hand Cass some plastic bags. “I’ve got to get out of here.” She gave Cass a quick hug. “Let me know if you want to get away from the overbearing son of a bitch.”
“Mommy!” Teo called to Nova just as she was about to get back into her car. “Can I sleep at home with you tonight?”
Nova froze, and for the briefest of moments a tortured look crossed her face. “Not tonight, baby.” She scooped him up and kissed him all over his face, which was unusual for her. Wylie rarely saw Nova be that openly affectionate with her son. “You’re better off here,” she said into his ear. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
* * *
Cassandra’s hands felt clammy as she listened to the phone ring for the third time. She must have called her mother thousands of times, but she couldn’t remember the last time she really spoke to her. She hadn’t felt anything but misery for so long, but now a dozen emotions ran through her. She didn’t know how to process them.
“Hello?”
“Mom? It’s me.”
“My love.” Immediately she heard the catch in her mother’s voice and it caused her eyes to tear. “How are you? Is that a stupid question? I’m just happy to hear your voice.”
“I love you.” There were so many thoughts clamoring around in her head, but the first one was that. “I feel stupid, embarrassed that it got so bad. That I let it get so bad. I’m so sorry you had to put up with it.”
“Don’t. I don’t want to hear that from you. I can’t imagine how you felt. Nobody knows what you went through, and nobody blames you for the way you felt. If you want to talk about it, I will, honey, but can we talk about something else for a little while? I just want to know what you’ve been up to.”
“I’m getting to know Wylie again. He’s got a family here and seeing them made me realize that I have a family too. I want to know how they have been.”
“Of course. Let’s start with the good stuff. Your cousin Marsha is getting married again. This makes her third trip down the aisle and I’m having the hardest time picking out a wedding gift for her.”
Cass hung up an hour later, and for a long time she sat at Wylie’s kitchen table, just thinking about her mother, how happy she sounded on the phone, how normal their conversation was. She hadn’t felt normal in so long. She hadn’t talked, slept or eaten normally for so long that doing average, ordinary things that other people did felt odd. Living life felt odd, but for once, just feeling odd was a welcomed sensation.
Wylie walked into the kitchen and pulled a frying pan out from under the counter. “I thought I’d fry up some chicken for dinner. Is that okay with you?”
“It is.” She stood up and went to him. He was still angry. He hadn’t said anything since they left Mansi’s house, but she could tell. His body was stiff; that pretty, full mouth of his was held in a tight, straight line. There was this kind of heat rolling off him as he stalked around the house that evening.
And she couldn’t help but think how damn handsome he was. She placed her hand on his shoulder, unsure of how to touch him. He touched her every night, all the time. She went to sleep with his big, hard, warm body wrapped around hers. At first he was her safety—her big, live security blanket—but now each day, as the life returned to her, she was becoming more and more aware of him. During the past two nights, instead of going to bed looking forward to sleep, she had gone to bed looking forward to feeling his hands on her body.
He turned around to face her, his intense brown gaze bore into her.
“I talked to my mother,” she said, not knowing what to say.
“I know. I heard you.” The stiffness never left his body, but he took her hand in his and slid his thumbs slowly over her palm. The touch sent tingles along her newly sensitive nerves. It made her heart beat faster and her mouth go slightly dry.
“I asked her to send me my wallet and some of my things,” she continued, trying to ignore the effects of his simple touch, trying to pretend that it didn’t feel so good. “I owe Nova money.”
“No, you don’t.” His eyes flashed.
“I do. Besides, I think I should have some of my own money. I don’t want you to have to take care of me.”
“I want to, and I give Nova more than enough to help out with Teo, so you don’t need to give her a dime. She’s making damn good money at that hair salon now. The least she could do is buy some damn lotion and mascara.”
“Did she ask you to give her money for Teo?”
He paused for a moment, his lips smoothing into that fine line again. “Not in so many words. But she asked me to help out with him. And that means paying for T-ball and summer camp, and making sure the boy has new shoes and books and the same stuff every other kid on this island has.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you do it if it makes you angry?”
“Giving to my nephew doesn’t make me angry. I want him to have everything I wanted as a kid and couldn’t have. I promised myself a long time ago that when I had a family, I would make sure none of them would want for anything. It’s my damn sister who makes me mad.”
“Because she leaves Teo with Mansi?”
He nodded. “He’s probably better off there. At least I know none of the guys she’s dating will be around him. He doesn’t need any more of her bad decisions affecting his life. She doesn’t think about anyone but herself.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“You spent three hours with her. You don’t know her.”
“You don’t know her either,” she countered. “I like Nova. I think she’s sweet.”
“And I think you’re crazy.” He let go of her hand, only to grab her waist and pull her closer to him. Her breasts settled against his chest. As his hands smoothed their way up her backside, her nipples tightened, her breath quickened and her knees went a little bit weak. She kept her face neutral; at least she tried to, because she had so many unresolved feelings about him. He walked out on her. That thought circled around in her head at night as they lay entwined in his bed. He broke her heart. No word. No reason why. No explanation.
Before, she was too devastated to be angry, but now when she thought about it, the hurt snuck up. The anger, the bitterness over having all her plans changed, came up again.
His lips settled on her cheek and he kissed her there before sliding his mouth down to her jaw, where he left a half-dozen soft, sweet kisses until he reached her ear. “You feel so much better against me,” he whispered.
She pried her eyes opened, not realizing that they had closed. She couldn’t melt in his arms like she used to when they were together. She didn’t want him to know how much his touch affected her. She had married another man. She had created life with a husband that wasn’t Wylie. She still wore that man’s ring on her hand. He was gone, for over a year now, but a little part of her felt like she was still married to him. It was as if Terrance was going to walk through the door any moment now. And that was why a part of her felt guilty for enjoying Wylie’s touch so much.
His hands slipped up the baggy, shapeless shirt she was wearing. He touched her belly, rubbed his thumb over the lumpy scar, where she was shot. She stiffened then, but he didn’t stop. She didn’t want him to stop. His hands kept traveling up her torso, stopping at the band of her serviceable white bra. She wanted him to keep going, to feel her breasts, to rub his thumbs across her nipples. But he didn’t. He stopped where he was and leaned in to kiss her. She didn’t kiss him back. She just kept her mout
h soft and open for him to invade. It was almost as though she didn’t know how to react, as if she had forgotten how, like she was sixteen years old again and this was her first kiss. But it wasn’t her first kiss. She had been kissed countless times by him, but it had been so long since she had been kissed by him like this. All those feelings rushed back, every heady moment, every explosive sensation she’d ever had, came back.
He broke the kiss, hugging her close and resting his lips on her forehead. “You want cheesy garlic mashed potatoes or ones with plain old-fashioned brown gravy?”
It took her a moment to process what he was saying, to recover from that kiss. “How about we go wild and you let me make some with bacon and cheddar?”
“You want to help me cook?”
“Yes. I do.”
* * *
Wylie woke up with a start later that night. He almost forgot where he was. He forgot he was in his bed, in his little house by the sea. He forgot Cass was there, warming him up and driving him crazy every time her body brushed his as she slept.
He’d dreamed about them again. About his unit that barely survived that rocket attack. Time had faded the intensity of the dreams. After it first happened, he couldn’t close his eyes without seeing the explosion, without smelling his friends’ burning flesh, without hearing their screams of pain. It had been a while since he dreamed about them, about the reason he had finally chosen not to reenlist. Aquinnah soothed him, being a place that was so different from Iraq, from Afghanistan. A place that had never been touched by war helped his still-fragile mind.
But tonight he dreamed about them again, and as Cass shifted herself closer to him, he knew she was the reason why. Whenever things weren’t going smoothly, or he was stressed, his dreams would return. His PTSD would sneak up on him and screw with the life he had carved out for himself.
It had gotten really bad after he found out Terrance was dead, and that Cass had been shot.
“Wylie.” Cass half moaned his name. He had inched away from her in his sleep, now on the other side of the bed. “Come back.” She reached out for him and he obeyed her call, gathering her close to him. He hardened as soon as she had come into contact with him. This was the problem. Controlling himself around her. It would be so easy to turn her on her back, slip her panties down her legs and push himself inside her.