by Jamie Pope
If he couldn’t make things right with him, he could at least take care of Cass. He could make it up to his friend by making sure the woman they both had loved was happy and wanted for nothing. He knew Terrance would have wanted it that way.
He walked up to the door, only to find it locked. Mansi’s door was never locked. Never. The uneasiness he felt rose a few notches. He pulled out his cell phone, calling Cass. It rang so many times he was sure she wasn’t going to pick up, but she finally did, after the sixth ring.
“Hey, Wylie James.”
She sounded fine. Happy even. He exhaled. “Hey, I’m at Mansi’s house. The door is locked. Are you all okay?”
“Yes, we’re at the cultural center.”
“The cultural center? Why?”
“Because Mansi needs to get out of the house. I don’t think she should be watching TV all day. Plus I was sick of getting my butt kicked in card games. She’s now playing poker with some of the elders. I think she’s up fifty bucks.”
“I think she cheats.”
“Probably does. But she’s having a good time. Teo’s here too. He had an early release. Come down. I’ve ordered pizza for everyone. We’re going to have lunch.”
“You’ve ordered pizza for everybody?”
“Yes. It should be here soon. Hurry up.”
She hung up on him and he shook his head at the phone. She seemed to be back to the person she was before the shooting. Seemed to be. He knew from experience that you could never go completely back to who you were. Things like that changed a person. But Cass was fully alive again and she was getting bored with the routine. He had seen her in action as a teacher; she was so full of energy and life. He wondered if the little island had enough for her.
He got in his truck and drove to the cultural center. There was a little museum there for tourists, and a gift shop that sold handmade crafts, but it mostly served as a sort of senior citizens center, a place where the older folks sat, drank coffee and gossiped.
He walked in the front door. The building was big, with a gymnasium/auditorium that was used for events like proms and weddings. But he found his family in the community room. Teo was sitting with Mansi and a group of pizza-eating seniors. Cass and Nova were in the kitchen area, dishing out plates of salad to the line of people.
“Nova, you’re here too?” he asked as he walked up.
She looked at Cass, who was chatting with a pair of elderly men, both of them World War II vets. Her face was lit up. She was smiling. “I come here once a week to give haircuts, but your girl over there tricked me into staying the afternoon.”
“You do?”
“My boss used to do it, but she can’t stand on her feet much anymore, so I took over some stuff for her.”
He hadn’t known that about his sister. He didn’t know much about her at all. “Cass said you’re doing real good at your job.” When he first got here, she was just sweeping up hair. But it seemed Nova had worked her way up from shopgirl pretty fast. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “That woman right there is like an old-man magnet. You better watch out, brother. They might steal her from you.”
Cass walked over to them then, sliding her arms around Wylie and resting her head on his chest. “You came.”
He kissed her forehead, hugging her back. “You ordered me to.”
“She’s like a happy little drill sergeant. She’s been ordering people around all day, and you know what? They listen to her! She’s got me serving food to the elderly. It’s like I’m doing community service for a crime I didn’t commit.”
Cass grinned. “You love it here, you big, complaining pain in the butt. And the men love you! I heard Mr. Castle say he hopes you wear your red tank top next week. He thinks you have very nice décolletage.”
“That man is ninety-two!” Nova half shouted, but a small smile curled on her lips.
Cass hugged Wylie tighter and closed her eyes as she rested against him. “I’m glad you came. I can’t lean on anybody else like this without them getting the wrong idea.”
He smoothed his hand down her back, liking the way her warm, curvy body felt against his. “I’ve got the wrong idea. How could I not, with you hugging on me like this?”
“No, honey, you’ve got the right idea.”
“Is this your boyfriend, Cassandra?” a small elderly woman, whom Wylie didn’t know, asked her.
“Isn’t he cute?” She opened her eyes and smiled at the woman, but she didn’t let him go. “This is Wylie James. I’ve known him since I was twelve.”
“And you haven’t married her yet?” The woman frowned at him. “What’s the matter with you, boy?”
He kissed Cassandra’s forehead. “I’m a stupid, stupid man.”
“Now that Cassandra is going to be working here, you’ll have to watch out. These fellas around here may be in their golden years, but they’ve got more charm in their pinky fingers than most young men have in their entire bodies. Don’t think she’s safe from them.”
“I’ll make sure no one gets her, ma’am. Thanks for the warning.”
“Why don’t you get some food, Mrs. Haber? I’ve got dessert coming in a few minutes.”
The woman walked to Nova and started chatting with her, leaving Wylie alone with Cassandra. “You’re working here?”
“The director offered me a job. Their last person quit over a year ago when she moved off island for a higher-paying job. Did you know they don’t even have an after-school program for the kids here? We’re going to start one. We’ve got all of these people here who have so much knowledge. We can use some of them to help the little ones. There are four former teachers in this room alone. I think this is a great place to have a buddy reading program.”
“You’re right. It is.”
She looked up at him. “Is that all you’re going to say? You don’t have a dozen questions. You’re not going to ask about the hours or the pay, or try to talk me out of it?”
“You want to do this, right?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “I feel like I need to do something more.”
He knew that. She was alive again. She had to live life. He just wanted her to live it with him. “Then I’m good with it. I’m more concerned with how you’re feeling. You’ve been quiet since we talked about Terrance. I think we need to talk about it more.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about that. I told you I wasn’t mad at you.”
“But you have to be feeling something, Cass.”
“I’ve been tired the past couple of days. Like run-down. I think I’m getting a little cold.” She sounded convincing, but Wylie knew there had to be more to it than that. Terrance might not be in Harmony Falls anymore, but she still had a life there, a family, unfinished business. She couldn’t leave everything unsettled for much longer. It was going to catch up to her soon.
“Come eat.” She pulled away from him and grabbed his hand. “I’ve got a sausage pizza in the back. Nova, you’ve dished out enough salad. Come eat too.”
* * *
It was a little before nine when Cassandra climbed into bed that next night. She was exhausted, but in a good way. She hadn’t worked in over a year. She hadn’t done anything meaningful. She had simply just existed, but she was done with that now.
“When I was young, staying up all night was cool, but now getting into bed at nine is like damn near heaven,” Wylie said as he walked into the room. He eased beneath the covers next to her and took her hand. “You all right?” He stroked his thumb over the backs of her fingers.
“Yes.” She turned on her side to look at him. “I’m fine. I’m good, actually. How are you?”
He looked at her for a long moment. She thought he wanted to say something to her, but the words never came.
“What is it?”
“I want to know . . . ,” he started, but then he stopped himself.
“Tell me.”
“I want to know if things get too much for you
, okay?”
“I didn’t do much today. I just talked to the director about some ideas that he had. He’s a good guy. He’s been applying for grants for a year and he just landed a big one that’s going to bring some more programs to the center. Exercise and nutrition help for seniors, as well as the after-school program. He’s even looking to start adult-education classes there. It’s a lot, and right now they are just ideas, but I’m excited to help him with some of them. I need to feel useful.”
“I know, baby,” he said softly. “But making yourself busy doesn’t make the pain go away completely, it just masks it for a while.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s okay to still miss him. It’s okay to still feel sad or hurt or whatever it is you want to feel. It’s only been two months since you’ve left Harmony Falls. Maybe things are happening too soon.”
“They aren’t. I’m happy.”
He nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. “I just don’t want you to run yourself ragged, trying to escape—”
Her cell phone rang then, stopping the rest of his words. She glanced at it, ready to ignore it, but she saw that it was her mother calling. She had to pick up. She hadn’t spoken to her in over a week.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, sweetheart. I hope it’s not too late to call you.”
“Wylie and I were just lying here, talking.”
“Oh.” Her mother fell silent for a moment. “You don’t have to answer this, if you don’t want to, Cassandra, but are you and Wylie sharing a room?”
She looked at Wylie, who was lying next to her, his eyes closed. “Yes. I like being here.”
“I know your father had some strong feelings about him, but I’ve always liked him and I’m glad you’re happy there.”
“I got a job, Mom. At the cultural center. It’s only part-time right now, but I like it.”
“Oh, you got a job. That’s wonderful, honey, but are you sure you’re up for it?”
“You sound like Wylie.”
“Worried? I am, and he’s smart to be. I thought that going away from here might be good for you, but do you think you’ll know when you are ready to come back?”
“No.” She didn’t want to think about Harmony Falls or Terrance or her own father, who told the man she loved that he wasn’t good enough for her. Her life had been built on lies there. Her marriage had been too, but she didn’t want to think about that. She didn’t want to go back there, because she knew being there would remind her of all the things she wanted to forget. “I’m not ready.”
“Okay. But you have things waiting for you here. Your house is sitting empty. Your car is here. Your things are here. People who love you are still here. They are asking about you.”
“Tell them I’m okay, Mom. I am okay. Really.”
“I need to see you. I have this image in my head of how you were, and I can’t erase it until I see you again.”
“I’ve got to fix up the house before she comes,” Wylie said, taking her hand again. “Give me a few weeks.”
She squeezed his hand. “Okay, Mom. You can come next month and stay for Thanksgiving.”
“I would like that. Your father wants to see you too.”
“He’s good enough for me. You tell him that before he comes. He was always good enough for me.”
“I know, sweetheart. I’ll call you next week.”
“Good night, Mom.”
“Good night, Cassandra.”
Wylie rolled over, burying his face in her neck as soon as she settled back in bed. “You’re staying for Thanksgiving, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t recall inviting you.” She felt him smile into her neck. “Now I’ve got to change my plans.”
“It’ll be good,” she told him and herself even as the uneasiness settled into her stomach. “Things will be good.”
* * *
“I’m glad I don’t work Fridays,” Cass said to him as they drove toward Teo’s school. It was their weekend to take him and his class pet for a sleepover, and Cassandra had spent all morning making sure things were ready for him. “Four days a week is just enough for me. I have time to do all the things I need to do.” He glanced over at her, noticing the slightly higher pitch to her voice. Her face was turned away from him, staring out the window, but he could see her hands. They were clenched into tight little fists in her lap. “What color were you thinking about painting the bathroom? I hope not white. White walls seem so sterile.”
“We can paint it whatever color you want.” He reached over and grabbed her hand. He ran his thumb over the backs of her knuckles, causing her to loosen her hand. His slid his fingers through hers, only to find her palm hot and clammy. “What’s the matter, baby?”
“He’s never slept over at your house before,” she went on. “He told me yesterday. He’s excited. He wants to build a bonfire on the beach and make s’mores. He said he saw it on TV.” She swallowed so hard that he heard it.
“He’s going to have fun, Cass. He’s five. It really doesn’t take much to entertain him.”
“Maybe we should invite Nova and Tanner over for the bonfire. Nova said she was happy to send him away for the weekend, but I think she’s lying. She seemed sad this morning when I went over there to get his bag. She’s been giving him a choice, you know.”
“A choice for what?” he asked softly, feeling her nervousness spike as they drove on.
“If he wants to stay at Mansi’s or sleep at home. The past few nights he said he wanted to stay with Mansi. She lets him, but she calls him every night. They talk on the phone for a long time. Teo tells me she’s good to talk to on the phone. He says it’s better to talk to her on the phone than in person, because she pays attention to him more. I taught kids his age my whole career. He’s too bright.” She swallowed again, squeezing his hand. “Part of him is still a baby, but most of him is an old soul. He’s really special.”
“I know.” He pulled into the parking lot, slipping his hand from hers so he could park. They were a little early. Some classes were still on the playground for afternoon recess, but there were other parents waiting in their cars to pick up their kids. Wylie and she were going to have to go inside, though, to get the pet and talk to the teacher about how to take care of it. He turned to look at her just as the warning bell rang.
She had pressed herself to the back of her seat, her fingers digging so hard into her legs they were shaking. Her forehead was shiny with sweat and her eyes were closed tightly, but there were tears streaming out of them.
“Cass . . .” He felt choked, helpless. “Tell me.”
“I—I . . . ,” she wheezed out in a breath. “I can’t go in there. Go get him. Please go get him.”
“No.” He threw the car into drive. “I’ll call Nova.”
“No!” She grabbed his hand. She was crying almost uncontrollably now, her chest heaving. Her face was covered in sweat and tears. “If you pull away from here, I’ll never forgive you. I promised him. I just can’t go in. Please, please, please just go inside and get him.”
“I can’t let him see you like this, baby.”
“I’ll stop.” She tried to drag in a slower breath. “I’ll be fine when you come back. I promise, Wylie James. I’ve never broken a promise to you.”
He put his truck back in park, not at all sure he was doing the right thing. He didn’t want to leave her—he was afraid to leave her—but he knew it was important to her that he did. “Okay.” He leaned over to kiss her wet face and she grabbed him, wrapping her arms around him in a tight, crushing grip.
“Come back soon.”
“I’m coming back.”
* * *
She had woken up in the morning, feeling off. She had been feeling off for the past few days, but she ignored the feeling, because she was feeling. After having felt nothing but despair or numbness for so long, she was grateful to feel anything other than that. She thought maybe she was getting sick, or that she was worrie
d about her parents coming up for a visit. That was probably it. She was anxious after not seeing them for so long because she knew they wanted her to go back to Harmony Falls.
They told her she had a life waiting for her in Harmony Falls.
Neither one of them seemed to realize that being there would kill her: going back to that house, seeing his things, seeing signs of the marriage that probably never should have happened, seeing those people and that goddamn GOD BLESS FARNSWORTH. GOD BLESS HARMONY FALLS sign.
They couldn’t make her go back there. And as long as she got to stay here with Wylie and the ocean and the soothing balm that was Martha’s Vineyard, she would be okay.
She thought she would be okay. But as the time got closer to three o’clock, and the knowledge that she was actually going to a school to get him hit her, the uneasiness spike, the nausea, rolled in her belly. Her heart raced.
It’s a school, she told herself. A different school. Not your school.
But she hadn’t set foot in a school since the day of the shooting. She had avoided driving past the ones in her town when she was still driving after she got out of the hospital.
But as they got closer, the rational thoughts disappeared and Terrance’s face kept flashing in her mind. The way his arm hung limply where he had been shot, a crazy contrast to the sweet surroundings of an elementary school, with all of its positive signs and brightly colored bulletin boards. That was supposed to be a safe place.
Their safe place.
She tried to push the invasive, nasty memories from her head, but she kept hearing the gunman’s crazed, desperate voice. She kept seeing Terrance’s eyes. She kept seeing that he was scared for her, that there was love for her in his eyes.