Breath of Life 03 - Moments

by Sara Marion

  Still no response. Jack must have gotten a ride somewhere as he apparently was nowhere in the house. That just meant he had time to think about what he was going to say. In the back of his mind, he knew this moment was a long time coming.

  FOUR

  Duke sat down at the booth he was led to in PJ’s Bar & Grill. He blankly stared at his menu knowing Aggieville didn’t have the best food, but he needed something to eat. He decided to come out alone to clear his mind. He realized that if Ella saw him right now, acting the way he was, she would be rolling in her grave with disappointment. Over the last few months, he hadn’t been the man that she fell in love with. He was angry and bitter, but he had every right to be, but for how long could he use the secret as an excuse? He knew hanging onto this wasn’t healthy and it couldn’t go on forever. He needed to try to move forward and be the bigger person. That would mean he would need to get along with both Jack and Paxton. The latter part would be harder, but he needed to work on it. He focused in on the menu, needing to decide what to eat.

  “Hey there, Coach.”

  Duke froze at the sound of the hauntingly familiar voice. He looked up and saw Jennah standing their smiling. “Hey, how’ve you been?” He asked making polite conversation. He still felt like he was looking into the face of his dead wife. If he didn’t bury her two years ago, he would have sworn it was Ella playing a prank on him.

  “Good, how about yourself? Still celebrating the win from Friday?”

  “No, just doing some thinking. I need to start preparing for Tuesday’s game. Hopefully we will win that one as well.”

  Jennah seemed to ponder his answer before she continued on the light subject, “I think you guys will. Well, what can I get you to drink?”

  “Water for now,” he smiled.

  “Alright I will be right back.”

  Duke watched Jennah walk off. When she was a safe distance away, he let out a heavy sigh. Seeing Jennah made his chest tighten, memories he didn’t want to relive surface, and more than anything, he found himself wanting her to be Ella, but she couldn’t be. His mind reminded him once again that he buried Ella two years ago. He glanced back down at the menu, trying to figure out what he was going to order.

  “Here you go. Do you know what you want?”

  He quickly glanced over the menu to see if something would jump out at him, he still hadn’t decided and nothing had caught his attention. “I’ll take a chicken Caesar wrap and side salad with Italian dressing please.” He looked up to hand her the menu as her green eyes gazed at him. He smiled as she took the menu from him. Their hands briefly touched and he swear he felt electricity. The nerves in his hand fired off and left a tingling sensation behind. She seemed to have felt it too. Duke was sure of it.

  “Sure thing. Let me know if you need anything else,” she coyly tucking the menu under her arm.

  “Thanks,” Duke watched her walk away once more.

  Looking down, he pulled out his phone. As much as he was trying to clear his mind, he couldn’t. Jennah reminded him of Ella, of what he lost. What he lost reminded him that Paxton held that information from him. If he were going to take the high road, he would need to rewire his thinking so he could actually tolerate looking at Paxton or even being around her. Why did he have to pick the one restaurant that Jennah worked at? He could have gone somewhere else, but he didn’t. His wandering led him here and here he would stay. He rubbed his hand where Jennah touched it. The tingling sensation was long gone now, but he wanted to feel it again. It was like a breath of fresh air.

  “Duke?”

  Duke looked up and saw Jack and Paxton standing at his table. The hostess was apparently leading them to their own table but they stopped following her. “Hey Jack.”

  “How’s it going?”

  “I’ve been better but you know that, don’t you Paxton?”

  They stood silently there. Duke took another look at the hostess and gestured for her to come over. “They can join me if they want,” he told the hostess. He saw the quick, non-verbal discussion going on between Paxton and Jack. When they seemed to make up their mind, Jack smiled over at the hostess, “We’ll join him.”

  Duke gestured to the other side of the empty table. He saw Paxton look over at Jack, probably thinking that it may not be a good idea but it was too late for them to change their minds. They took their seats across from him and the hostess waited for them to get settled before handing them their menus. “I will get your server over here to get you two drinks.”

  “I just ordered, but I’m sure they can hold my food until yours is ready,” Duke filled the awkward silence.

  Jennah showed up moments later to take their drink orders. Paxton and Jack already knew what they wanted as well so they put their food order in at the same time. Duke didn’t look at Jennah but he saw the lingering looks from both Jack and Paxton. They must see the resemblance to Ella as well. When Jennah left, they both stared at him. They were probably wondering if Jennah was the reason he came here to eat, it wasn’t, but they didn’t know that. A million questions must be running through their heads, but both knew better than to ask him about it.

  “So what’s going on?” Paxton’s voice was quiet, but to the point. She hid her hands below the table. Duke noticed she looked a little nervous about sitting there with him.

  “Look,” Duke started. “I know I haven’t been the easiest person to get along with lately. I’ve been unfair to you both.”

  “Duke, an apology isn’t necess-” Jack tried interrupting.

  “Jack, I need to apologize. I’ve been a douche over the last couple of months and I said some harsh things to Paxton yesterday. She was there at the cemetery when I was there, we got into it.” Duke saw Jack look over at Paxton to see if this was true. “Paxton, nothing I said to you yesterday was fair. It was cruel and I lashed out at you. It was unfair and I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have been said.”

  “You have every right to be mad at me,” Paxton held her hand up to Duke as he tried to interrupt her this time. “I understand that you feel I betrayed you. I get it. You were only reacting to the situation that I put you in. I’m sorry, but you don’t need to apologize to us. We forgave you for anything you have done since the day I told you the secret. Grief and pain makes us lose who we are. Trust me, I know,” she gave a slight smile.

  Duke couldn’t look at her in the eyes. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. He expected them to be angry with him, dish out the anger they felt. Instead they were understanding and didn’t hold it against him.

  “Yeah man, you’re my best friend. You’ve been there for me since college. We can get through this. I’m sure I would have reacted the same way you did if the situation was reversed. I can’t imagine what you have gone through. I just can’t man.”

  “You guys aren’t supposed to make this easy. I’m really sorry you guys. Ella would be appalled at my behavior.”

  “I’m sure she would even understand,” Paxton reached out and grabbed Duke by the forearm.

  Duke didn’t feel the same electricity between himself and Paxton as he did with Jennah earlier. He looked down at her hand resting on his arm, he knew that he really wasn’t in love with Paxton. What he thought was going on between them was nothing compared to Jennah’s light touch from earlier. Duke craved for Jennah to touch him again. He wanted the electric spark between them to bring him back to life. Jennah chose that moment to make her appearance with their food. Duke looked up at her as she set down Jack and Paxton’s food. He couldn’t help but stare at her.

  “Anything else I can get y’all?” she asked. Everyone looked at each other and then they shook their heads.

  “No, I think we are fine. Thanks, Jennah,” Duke smiled. She returned it before she walked away, checking on her other tables.

  “Duke?” Paxton’s voice caught his attention. “Do you come here often?”

  “No, why?”

  “She looks an awful lot like Ella. Her voice, it’s so similar. I swear it would be E
lla if I didn’t know any better.”

  “Pax, come on. Let’s not do this here.”

  “No, it’s fine Jack. I know she isn’t Ella. I didn’t even know that Jennah worked here.”

  “You are on a first name basis. This isn’t good for you.”

  “I only know her first name because she is the aunt to one of my players. We just met at Friday’s game. I haven’t had more than five minutes of time speaking to her.”

  “I just worry that you are going to become attached.”

  “Pax, he knows it’s not Ella. We were all there at the funeral. He’s fine. Quit mothering him,” Jack warned.

  “I’m sorry it’s just that,” she sighed. She swept her hair back behind her left ear. Duke noticed the sparkle that caught his eye. He caught glimpse of the shiny ring on her finger. As he stared at it for a split second longer, then he recognized what it was. It was her wedding ring.

  “Something you two want to tell me?” Duke asked. His voice was firmer and not as friendly.

  Paxton realized what he saw and hid her hands below the table. She quickly looked at Jack for help. Duke turned his attention to Jack. He put his head in his hand. Obviously there was something more going on between Jack and Paxton and they weren’t going to let Duke in on it.

  “Seriously?” Duke sneered. He threw his napkin on the table over his uneaten food. He stood up and walked out after throwing more than enough money on the table to cover his meal and Jennah’s tip.

  “Duke wait!” Paxton called out but Duke heard Jack hush her. Duke knew he was making a scene at the moment but he didn’t care.

  Walking out the door, he couldn’t believe that Paxton and Jack were taking things a lot faster than he thought. How could she say that she loved him and cared for him then go jumping right back into Jack’s arms after everything that Jack has done? After all the nights she spent in Duke’s bed? Duke knew that he needed space. Yes, he wanted them to move forward but they were getting their lives back, he couldn’t do that. Ella was gone but Jack and Paxton were moving on like nothing happened. He knew eventually that Jack and Paxton might have gotten back to a good place, but not this soon. It was like Paxton slapped him again, only this time it was like saying that the time they spent together, the times they were together, meant nothing to her. He climbed into his truck and raced off. He just needed to get out of there.

  FIVE

  Duke arrived back at the house after he had been driving around for an hour or so. Conflicting emotions surrounding Jack and Paxton picking up where they left off swarmed in his head. He knew they were back together, he knew that this would come eventually, but so soon? Duke just couldn’t believe it. It was like everything he had with Paxton was forgotten, it never actually happened. Duke looked at the house wondering if they were inside waiting for him. He really hoped not. Climbing out of his truck, he headed into the house.

  Duke was grateful when he realized the house was empty. Needing to catch up on work, he grabbed the stack of papers sitting on his desk. The school year was just about over and playoffs were around the corner, his work would only grow if he didn’t start on it now. Duke headed back out to the living room, setting them down on the coffee table. He then walked into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee. Once he had a cup of hot coffee, he sat on the couch and just tried to clear his mind of tonight’s events and the busy weeks ahead of him. After a few more moments, he lost himself in grading the papers that he had seemed to avoid over the last week.

  Duke was just about finished with the last essay when he heard the door open. He looked up and saw Paxton walking towards him. He set the paper down on the graded stack that sat on the coffee table. He was going to get up and move to his room, knowing Jack would be right behind her. When he looked back up, he realized Jack wasn’t following her. She came alone.

  “Where’s Jack?”

  “At the cabin. I told him that we needed to talk alone.”

  “About what?”

  “Us.”

  “There is no us. There will not be another us.”

  She cast her eyes to the floor. She was obviously expecting more than Duke could give. “Listen, I know that you are still angry with me about the baby. I get that, but I was just trying to protect you.”

  “Protecting me or not, I should have known right away. She was my wife, Paxton,” Duke interrupted.

  “I know,” she sat beside Duke. Duke didn’t turn to welcome her on the couch. Instead he sat there unmoving. “Duke, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you that we were back together.”

  “I knew you guys were back together already. The weekend Jack first stayed with you, he told me what his plan was. He said he was going to ask for your forgiveness and to give him another chance. Apparently you did and so much more.”

  “It wasn’t like that. I mean, it was but,”

  “But nothing Paxton!” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He rubbed his hands together as he looked down at the floor, “How long ago did he ask you to marry him?” Duke finally looked at her. He wanted to see her face as she answered. When she didn’t answer right away he knew. He nodded his head as he stared at the floor, “The night he went to your place.”

  “Don’t be mad at Jack-”

  “I’m not mad. I’m upset, Paxton,” Duke rolled his eyes. “The moment you said yes, the moment he came crawling back, you threw us away,” he paused. “You just threw us away,” he said quieter. “You didn’t think about those nights I held you, took care of you, the nights we made love, the nights Jack wasn’t there for you.”

  “Stop it,” her voice quivered. Duke looked at the tears forming in her eyes. No doubt she was remembering.

  “No, Paxton. How many different times are you going to lie to me, keep things from me? What else haven’t told me?”

  “Nothing!” She screamed. Tears fell down her face.

  “I’ve heard that before,” he muttered. He looked back up at her. “You know I used to think that we had a future together. That somehow Ella wanted us to be together. I never intended to walk away from you, never. You forced my hand though Paxton. You forced it when you kept my baby a secret. I had no other choice but to walk out that door, away from you and the future I was just started to dream about. You forced me to walk away.” Sobs escaped from Paxton but Duke couldn’t let up. His emotions were driving him down this angry, hurt road again. “So, go back to Jack.”

  “I can’t leave you,” she cried.

  “Go back to Jack, where you belong. I am no longer you concern Paxton. You made your bed, now sleep in it.”

  They stared at each other for a few moments before she stood and walked out the door. Duke sighed as the door clicked closed. He didn’t mean to get that hateful but seeing that ring on her finger after everything that has happened, just twisted something inside of him. It was like someone pulling off a scab that was just starting to heal. Duke shook his head and grabbed the essay he hadn’t finished. He stared at it for a while after Paxton left but he couldn’t concentrate on it. All he could think about was the hole he dug for himself. He found himself wanting to run after Paxton and apologize but he knew that Paxton needed to know nothing would ever be the same between them, no matter how much his heart was yearning for her.

  SIX

  Duke found himself at the ball field once more. The game was well underway but he couldn’t concentrate. He had been in a fog since Paxton’s visit a few days ago. Today in the bleachers, Jack and Paxton were there cheering on the team. To make matters worse, about halfway through the game, Jennah showed up as well. Between the three of them, Duke’s head was everywhere else rather than where it should be, which is in the game. He tried to block them out but it was no use. Their cheers seemed like they were being funneled straight towards him. No amount of concentration could block them out.

  Duke looked over at the scoreboard and they were losing by three runs. There was still one more inning to go. Things were definitely not looking good. Duke’s assistant
coach sat beside him and leaned in closer to him, “Duke, we need to take Ryan out. He’s tired.”

  Duke looked up and watched Ryan deliver another pitch. Another walk. Duke sighed. His star pitcher was done for the day. Duke had yet to call in a relief pitcher. Ryan was good and he never tired, but he was definitely off today, much like Duke himself. Duke went to the edge of the dugout, “Time ump!”

  Duke walked out to the pitcher’s mound. Ryan’s face filled with relief but yet a hint of sadness, as he knew he was getting pulled.

  “Coach, I’m sorry,” he said as Duke approached.

  “It’s okay. We just need to get a fresh arm in here. You need some rest,” Duke smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “Chase!”

  Chase came running up to the mound, “You’re in buddy. Get warmed up.”

  Duke watched as Chase warmed up. His assistant was right. Duke should have pulled Ryan a long time ago. Duke watched as each one sailed right down the plate. He sat back down on the bench as the game resumed. He tried focusing on the game once more, but failed. He was watching it yes, but he couldn’t tell you what just happened.

  “Duke,” Jack’s voice was suddenly beside him.

  Duke turned and saw Jack standing on the other side of the fence that formed the dugout area. He already knew what Jack was going to ask. “I’m fine,” he said before Jack voiced his questioned.

  “You sure? I hear the voice. I know that she sounds like Ella. I can see your head is out of the game.”

  “I’m fine,” Duke barked. It caused a few stares to come from the parents sitting nearby. He lowered his voice before continuing, “Besides this isn’t the place to talk about it.”

  Jack took the hint and went back to the stands. He and Paxton left a few moments later. Duke huffed knowing that he shouldn’t have reacted like that. Jack was just trying to be a friend. They were here to support him and the team. Jennah was here to support her nephew. Duke just needed to man up and get his head in the game. He turned to see Chase strike a batter out. “Alright Chase, keep it up!” he yelled out to the mound.