What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20

by Tina Seelig

  One of the most interesting insights comes from watching each person pull out his or her wallet at the beginning. Some of the wallets are trim and neat, some are practically exploding with papers, some are fashion statements, some carry the individual’s entire library of photos and receipts, and some consist of little more than a paper clip. Clearly, a wallet plays a different role for each of us. The interview process exposes how each person uses his or her wallet, what it represents, and the strange behaviors each person has developed to get around the wallet’s limitations. I’ve never seen a person who is completely satisfied with his or her wallet; there is always something that can be fixed. In fact, most people are walking around with wallets that drive them crazy in some way. They discuss their frustrations with the size of their wallet, their inability to find things easily, or their desire to have different types of wallets for different occasions.

  After the interview process, each person designs and builds a new wallet for the other person—his or her “customer.” The design materials include nothing more than paper, tape, markers, scissors, paper clips, and the like. They can also use whatever else they find in the room. This takes about thirty minutes. After they’ve completed the prototype, they “sell” it to their customer. Almost universally, the new wallet solves the biggest problems with which the customer was struggling. They’re thrilled with the concept and say that if that wallet were available, they would buy it. Some of the features are based on science fiction, such as a wallet that prints money on demand, but some require little more than a good designer to make them feasible right away.

  Many lessons fall out of this exercise. First, the wallet is symbolic of the fact that problems are everywhere, even in your back pocket. Second, it doesn’t take much effort to uncover these problems. In fact, people are generally happy to tell you about their problems. Third, by experimenting, you get quick-and-dirty feedback on the solutions you propose. It doesn’t take much work, many resources, or much time. And finally, if you aren’t on the right track with a solution, the sunk cost is really low. All you have to do is start over.2

  I’ve run this exercise with small groups, with large groups, with kids, with doctors, and with business executives, and I switch up the prompt from wallets to umbrellas to name tags. It works with anything. In all cases they’re surprised that there are always things that can be improved—from wallets and umbrellas to software, restaurants, gas stations, cars, clothes, coffee shops . . . the list is endless. You don’t need someone else to give you this assignment. In fact, all successful entrepreneurs do this naturally. They pay attention at home, at work, at the grocery store, in airplanes, at the beach, at the doctor’s office, or on the baseball field, and find an array of opportunities to fix things that are broken.

  The wallet exercise focuses on product design. But you can use the same approach to rethink services, experiences, and organization structures. At the d.school, the teaching teams craft projects that challenge students to completely rethink a wide range of experiences, from primary school education in the United States to irrigation of crops in rural India and management of innovative organizations. If you study each situation with an eye for improvement, you will find countless opportunities. It is then up to you to decide if you will put yourself in a position to take on that challenge.

  Some people are masters at taking on challenges and seizing leadership roles. I learned a lot about this from David Rothkopf, author and CEO of The Rothkopf Group, a Washington, DC–based international advisory firm, whose book Superclass focuses on those people in the world who have more power and influence than the rest of us.3 David studies leaders who’ve made it to the inner circle, interacting with one another in the elite World Economic Forum, which meets annually in Davos, Switzerland. I asked David what sets these people apart from the rest of us. He echoed many of the things that others in this book mentioned: people who get to the top work harder than those around them, have more energy that propels them forward, and are markedly more driven to get there. He notes that in the past people in the inner circle inherited their wealth and access. But today that isn’t the case. The majority of people who claim great success have made it happen on their own. This means that the primary barriers to success are self-imposed. The corollary to this is, as David says, “the biggest ally of superachievers is the inertia of others.”

  David actually embodies these characteristics himself, naturally seizing opportunities, as opposed to waiting for others to hand them to him. His first company was called International Media Partners, and one of their activities was organizing conferences for top CEOs. The looming question for this startup was how to get all those exclusive and elusive executives in the same room. David and his partners needed a tempting hook and decided that getting former secretary of state Henry Kissinger to speak would do the trick. But how would they get Henry Kissinger to participate? David found out how to reach Kissinger’s office and asked Kissinger’s staff if he was available to speak at the conference. No problem . . . but it would cost $50,000 and require a private airplane with two pilots and a chauffeured limousine.

  David and his team didn’t have any money, so any amount was too much—but he said, “Yes, we’ll do it.” He assumed that if he could get Henry Kissinger in the room, then the rest would fall neatly into place—and it did! Once Kissinger accepted, they were able to secure Alexander Haig, secretary of state under President Reagan; then Edmund Muskie, secretary of state under Jimmy Carter; followed by a long list of other well-known speakers. With this list of luminaries, the CEOs showed up in droves and the company was able to get sponsors that more than paid for all the speaking fees. The fact that David didn’t know Henry Kissinger and had no money didn’t get in his way. He succeeded by creatively leveraging what he did have: his energy, his willingness to work hard, and his drive to make it happen.

  The story goes on from there. David’s colleague at International Media Partners, Jeffrey Garten, went on to become undersecretary of commerce during the first Clinton administration. He invited David to become deputy undersecretary of commerce for international trade. It seemed like a pretty plum position. He had a huge office and a big staff. But after two weeks David walked into Jeff’s office and quit. He couldn’t stand the bureaucratic environment. Everything was painfully slow, and David was impatient to make things happen. Jeff took David outside for a walk and told him the following joke:

  There was once a man named Goldberg who wanted nothing more than to be rich. So each day he went to the synagogue and prayed to God to win the lottery. This went on for days, weeks, months, and years, but Goldberg never won. Eventually Goldberg was at his wits’ end. Praying to God, he said, “You have really let me down.” Suddenly the silence was broken and God responded in a booming voice, “Goldberg, you’ve got to help me out here. You could at least buy a ticket!”

  Jeff reminded David of something David already knew: he wasn’t going to “win the lottery” in Washington if he didn’t engage. Nobody was going to hand him the tools to be successful. So David went back to his office and tapped into his natural instincts to make things happen, as opposed to waiting for someone to show up with a game plan. He quickly realized there were endless holes to be filled and tremendous resources at his disposal. In a wonderful finale, several years after David left the Department of Commerce he became the managing director of Kissinger Associates, Inc. He went from being a newcomer who dreamed of being in the same room with Henry Kissinger to joining him as a business partner.

  David has seen this story play out again and again in his own life and in the lives of those he studied while researching his book. Those who are successful find ways to make themselves successful. There is no recipe, no secret handshake, and no magic potion. Each person he studied has a story as unique as a fingerprint. The consistent theme is that they each pay attention to current trends and leverage their own skills to build their influence. They find ways to sway history, as opposed to waiting for history to sw
ay them.

  * * *

  There is considerable research showing that those willing to stretch the boundaries of their current skills and willing to risk trying something new are much more likely to be successful than those who believe they have a fixed skill set and innate abilities that lock them into specific roles. Carol Dweck, in Stanford’s psychology department, has written extensively about this, demonstrating that those of us with a fixed mindset about what we’re good at are much less likely to be successful in the long run than those with a growth mindset. Her work focuses on our attitude about ourselves. Those with a fixed image about what they can do are much less likely to take risks that might shake that image. But those with a growth mindset are typically open to taking risks and tend to work harder to reach their objectives. They’re willing to try new things that push their abilities, opening up entirely new arenas along the way.

  Much of this begins by setting your objective. You can start anywhere and then craft a story about how you will get to where you want to go. I came up with an exercise for my students that helps them do this. It is called a PHD—Professional Happiness Design. Essentially, it focuses on where you are, where you want to go, and how you will get there. Some of the prompts include:

  What are your core values?

  What are your priorities?

  What are your strongest skills?

  What inspires and motivates you?

  What are your short-term goals?

  What are your long-term objectives?

  What are your wildest dreams?

  Who will be on your personal advisory board?

  Who are your role models?

  What knowledge do you need to build?

  What skills do you need to learn?

  What qualities would you like to develop?

  Essentially, by understanding where you are now and setting goals for yourself, you set the stage for achieving them. This is exactly what Bonny Simi did. At the age of fourteen, inspired by a speaker who came to her school and shared his bold to-do list, she made up her own list of goals, including going to a good college, going to the Olympics, working as a TV reporter, and becoming a pilot. She did all of these things, checking them off one by one!

  Accomplishing these goals was far from obvious for Bonny. She was raised by a single mother, grew up in a rural town in California, and was on public assistance. But as she says, “You have to have a dream for that dream to come true.” She set her intentions early and then found ways to catch the wind that would take her there.

  For example, how did she get to the Olympics? She started by applying to be an Olympic torchbearer in 1980, using her college essay as the starting point, and was accepted to represent California. Since she had taken off a quarter from college to participate in the Olympics, she had a bunch of free time after the games were over. Bonny decided to take a beginning luge class that was offered for eight dollars. She found that it was a sport she could learn. So, with no experience but lots of determination, she traveled to Germany to train with some of the best luge coaches. Nobody invited her—she just showed up. Thinking she must know what she was doing, the coaches allowed her to train with the German national team. After she crashed fifty-two times in a row, she finally started to get the hang of it and improved a small amount each day. When she returned to the United States three months later, she was the best luge athlete in the country and was ultimately awarded a spot on the US national team during the 1984 Winter Olympics. Bonny used the same tools—setting a bold intention, finding a way toward it, and making tiny improvements along the way—to accomplish all of her other goals, including being a TV reporter and a commercial pilot!4

  If you want to achieve something, the key is to start moving in that direction. Give yourself permission to do so. Look around for holes in your organization, ask for what you want, find ways to leverage your skills and experiences, be willing to make the first move, and stretch beyond what you’ve done before. There are always opportunities waiting to be exploited. Instead of waiting to be asked and tiptoeing around an opportunity, seize it. It takes hard work, energy, and drive—but these are the assets that set leaders apart from those who wait for others to anoint them.

  Chapter 5

  The Secret Sauce of Silicon Valley

  I require my students to write a failure résumé. That is, to craft a résumé that summarizes all their biggest screwups—personal, professional, and academic. For every failure, each student must describe what he or she learned from that experience. Imagine the looks of surprise this assignment inspires in students who are so used to showcasing their successes. However, after they finish their résumé, they realize that this assignment has forced them to come to terms with their mistakes and to extract lessons from those experiences. As the years go by, many former students continue to keep their failure résumé up to date, in parallel with their traditional résumé of successes.

  I borrowed this assignment from Liz Kisenwether at Penn State University. When I first heard the idea I thought it was terrific. It’s a quick way to demonstrate that failure is an important part of your learning process, especially when you’re stretching your abilities, doing things for the first time, or taking risks. People who have experience are hired not just because of their successes but also because of their failures. Failures offer learning opportunities and increase the chance that you won’t make the same mistake again. Failures are also a sign that you have taken on challenges that expand your skills. In fact, if you aren’t failing sometimes, then you aren’t taking enough risks.

  I showed an early version of this book’s manuscript to some students, and several urged me to include a sample failure résumé. I realized that it had to be mine. So, here is my own abbreviated failure résumé, showcasing some of my biggest mistakes. I wish I had kept this résumé up to date for the past forty years. It would have been fascinating to revisit and learn from all the mistakes I’ve conveniently put out of my mind.

  * * *

  TINA L. SEELIG

  PROFESSIONAL FAILURES

  NOT PAYING ATTENTION: Early in my career I naively thought I knew how organizations worked. I made judgments about corporate culture that were incorrect. I wish I had spent more time paying attention and less time making assumptions.

  QUITTING TOO EARLY: While running my own business, I hit a wall. It got incredibly hard both technically and organizationally, and it was going to take a tremendous amount of effort to find my way to a solution. I wish I had been confident enough to fully commit to finding a solution instead of selling the company way too early.

  ACADEMIC FAILURES

  NOT DOING MY BEST: The first two years of college I didn’t put my focused effort into all my courses. I missed the chance to extract the most value from the classes—a chance I can’t get back.

  MISMANAGING RELATIONSHIPS: I had a challenging relationship with my PhD advisor. I wanted to spend a lot of time teaching, and she felt I should spend most of my time in the lab. I wish I had found a way to better align our goals.

  PERSONAL FAILURES

  AVOIDING CONFLICTS: I had a boyfriend in college, and as we closed in on graduation, we were both stressed about where we were going next. Instead of dealing with the questions about our future directly, I blew up the relationship. I wish I had been able to talk honestly about what was going on.

  NOT LISTENING TO MY GUT: My uncle died in New York. I lived in California, and several people in my family urged me not to travel to the funeral since it might inconvenience them. I have always regretted it. I learned that there are some things you can’t undo. In this situation I could have let others know that I would manage my own travel arrangements to reduce the burden on others.

  * * *

  Recently, Johannes Haushofer, a prominent psychology and public affairs professor at Princeton, crafted his failure résumé to show his students that the path to success is filled with missteps and disappointments. He eventually put it online to share with a wider audienc
e. The document details all the jobs he didn’t get, rejection letters for research papers, and funding that fell through over several decades. What is his biggest failure? That his failure résumé ended up getting more attention than his entire body of academic work!1

  * * *

  Willingness to take risks and reactions to failure differ dramatically around the world. In some cultures the downside for failure is so high that individuals are allergic to taking any risks at all. These cultures associate shame with any type of failure, and from a young age people are taught to follow a prescribed path with a well-defined chance of success, as opposed to trying anything that might lead to disappointment. In some places, such as Thailand, someone who has failed repeatedly might even choose to take on a brand-new name in an attempt to reboot his or her entire life. In fact, in the 2008 Olympics, a Thai weight lifter attributed her victory to changing her name before the games.

  The Global Entrepreneurship Monitor (GEM),2 which publishes a detailed annual report on startup activity around the world, looks at cultural differences in risk-taking and comfort with failure. The GEM team has found that important factors contribute to a society’s risk profile. For example, in some countries, such as Sweden, the bankruptcy laws are designed such that once your company goes out of business you can never get out of debt. Knowing that failure has drastic, long-term consequences for you and your family is a huge disincentive to try to start a company in the first place. The culture in other countries is equally unforgiving. In some parts of the world, once you fail, your friends, neighbors, and colleagues will always view you as a failure. An article in the Wall Street Journal describes humiliating tactics used by debt collectors in several countries, including Spain.3 The collectors literally show up at individuals’ houses in bizarre costumes, with the goal of drawing attention from the neighbors and shaming the debtors. Why would anyone in these communities risk public ridicule by taking on any unnecessary risk?