Surviving Love (Surviving #2)

by Mrs Ada Frost

  “Louise Beaumont,” called the sonographer.

  “That’s me,” I choked out and cleared my throat. I stood and grabbed my coat and bag. I stared down the long hospital corridor towards the ward I knew Darren worked on. I was no more than twenty feet away, yet he couldn’t even make the time to see our child. The door behind us burst open, startling me. I turned to see a flustered Johan charging into the waiting area.

  “Johan?”

  “Darren left a message at home. He isn’t coming. So I came.” He bent at the waist and placed his hands on his knees, panting for breath. “God I’m a mess, remind me to start back at the gym. I had to park in the middle of nowhere, and then I couldn’t find the right place. This hospital is like a fricking maze.” He straightened.

  When I simply stood gawping at him, his cheeks reddened.

  “I don’t have to come in, I can wait here...I just didn’t want...I thought maybe you shouldn’t be alone.”

  Tears stung my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I simply held out my shaking hand to him. He smiled and let out a relieved breath, taking my hand as we walked into the dimly lit room.

  “Hop up onto the bed, Miss Beaumont, and lift your top and tuck your trousers down just above your pelvic bone for me.” She turned to Johan. “You can sit beside her in that chair.” She moved over to the sonograph machine and started pressing buttons.

  I laid down, and did as she told me, holding my breath as I waited to find out if my baby was okay.

  “The jelly may be a little cold,” she warned before placing the weird probe on my stomach. She pressed buttons and stared at the screen, all the time moving the probe around my stomach. I flinched when she pressed low on my full bladder.

  “Sorry, I know it’s a little uncomfortable. We’re almost there.” A few more minutes, what felt like hours, passed as I stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t look at the woman, I was excited yet terrified to see my baby. I felt Johan’s hand cover mine and squeeze gently.

  “You’re about sixteen weeks pregnant, so from this dating scan your baby is due around the thirteenth of March.”

  “Sixteen weeks?”

  “Yes.”

  “But I thought...I was only about twelve weeks.”

  “You’re a little further on than that.” She tapped a few more buttons, then held the probe in place and I heard the screen squeak as she moved it towards me. “Do you want to see?”

  I closed my eyes tightly and bit down on the inside of my mouth.

  “Oh my God!” I heard Johan gasp and my heart stopped. “You’re having an alien.” He chuckled and so did the nurse.

  “They do look strange at first, but that’s your baby.”

  My eyes sprang open and I turned my head towards the screen to see the most perfect sight I have ever seen. Flickering about on screen was my baby. My perfect little person. A tear rolled down my face as I looked at my baby for the first time. She turned a knob on the machine and a loud whump, whump, whump noise echoed around the room.

  “Is it...are they...healthy...is everything okay?” I choked.

  “Yes. A lovely strong heart beat, I have the necessary measurements and everything is clearly normal, and growing nicely.”

  I reached my hand out and touched the screen as my baby bobbed about. “Hey little one, it’s Mummy,” I whispered.

  “It’s amazing,” Johan said reverently. I turned to see him staring at the screen, then his warm hand gently touched my stomach, just below the probe. Just as he did the baby on the screen moved.

  “Clearly baby likes Daddy.” The nurse smiled. She removed the probe and returned her attention to the screen. I turned to Johan to apologise for her assumption but he was transfixed, staring at my stomach. His fingers stroked over my skin, causing goose bumps.

  “My little buddy is in there.” He looked up at me and gazed straight into my eyes. “He’s perfect, Lou.” He stood slowly and leaned over the bed placing and gentle kiss on my forehead. Another tear rolled down my cheek as I lost the battle to control my emotions. In that moment I couldn't have asked for more.

  ***

  We walked back through the hospital to the car park as Johan held the scan photo, glued to the image before him. “Technology is amazing,” he said reverently. “I mean, this is a real live person, growing inside you, and we’ve seen it. How fucking cool is that?” He laughed, still staring at the photo. I smiled and chuckled.

  “It was pretty amazing. I’m sorry she assumed you were the dad.”

  “No worries about that, it’s kind of an honour she would think you’d be with me,” he said quietly.

  I frowned and stopped walking. “What do you mean?”

  He carried on walking then looked up when he realised I’d stopped. He turned to face me and shrugged his shoulders. “You’re stunning, Lou, any guy would be a fool not to want to be your man.” He turned back around and started walking as if what he’d said was no big deal. I jogged forward to catch up to him.

  “You...you think I’m pretty?”

  “Nope,” he said, making a popping sound. “I said stunning, there’s a difference. You have the kind of beauty that’s unearthly. You’re breathtaking when you smile, like literally knock-the-bejesus-out-of-me-gorgeous. Not just pretty. See, there is a difference.”

  Was he taking the piss? He said all that as if he hadn’t just knocked the stuffing out of me.

  “Are you drunk?” I asked.

  “Nope.”

  “Why would you say something like that?”

  “Because it’s true.”

  “You can’t say that. You call me grumpy and—”

  “You are grumpy,” he replied, grinning at me.

  “No, you piss me off and make me grumpy, like now.” I tried to appear annoyed but my smile spoilt the entire effect.

  “But you’re still grumpy, but a gorgeous grump. ” He laughed. I wanted to smack him up side of the head.

  “Johan—”

  “Lou!” We both turned at the sound of my name being called. Running across the car park was Darren. My blood boiled.

  “Where were you?” I screamed as he rounded a parked car.

  “What? I phoned and left a message, something came up.” He held his hands out in a hopelessly pleading manner.

  “Nothing should be more important than today, we...no I got to see our baby. YOUR. FUCKING. BABY!” I screamed.

  “Sshh, Christ Lou, we don’t need everyone knowing about it.” He looked around conspiratorially.

  “What? What do you mean?” I paused to take in what he was saying. “You haven’t told anyone I’m pregnant, have you?”

  “They don’t need to know. It’s...you’re in the early stages yet, anything can—”

  “You’re a bastard, Darren, and I hate you right now.” I turned around and stopped dead in my tracks when I realised Johan had witnessed my utter humiliation. I hung my head in shame, hating he always saw this side of me.

  “Lou, wait. I didn’t mean...listen, I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” He pulled at my elbow. “Wait, did he go in with you? What’s his name again, Joel? So you weren’t alone. And maybe this works out better.” Darren said, pulling me round to look at him.

  “How is this better?” I asked staring at him. Really looking at him—his blond hair that I used to love running my fingers through was combed back, held in place by some styling product. His muddy coloured eyes pleaded with me to understand.

  “Well, I’m crap at this stuff. So maybe it was better I wasn’t there,” he finished.

  I could sense by the way he wouldn’t meet my eyes he was lying and something else was going on in that big thick head of his.

  I turned to walk away but he grabbed my hand. “Lou—”

  “Grow up, Darren. I’m having this baby, fucking deal with it.” I pulled my arm out of his grasp and yanked the photo out of Johan’s hands. “Here. This, although you aren’t bloody interested, is your baby.” I turned and started walking away. But Johan made me pause wh
en he quickly stepped towards Darren.

  “Sorry bud, but this is mine. You aren’t keeping it. And by the way, it was pretty fucking fantastic watching the little guy on screen.” He snatched the photo back, smoothed out the tiny wrinkles and held it to his chest protectively. He turned and walked towards me. When he got to me he leaned in and whispered, “Sorry, grumpy, but this is mine and I’m not sharing.” He held up his scan picture and shook his head. He placed his hand at the small of my back and guided me away from dickhead Darren. And I have to admit, it felt pretty amazing having his hand there.

  When we reached my car, Johan turned me to face him. “Do you have to go back to work now?”

  I nodded. He lifted my chin to meet his gaze.

  “Well, drive safely, no using your phone. And don’t let him spoil this, my little buddy is perfect. You are perfect, and you are going to make a fantastic momma.”

  “Will you come to Mum’s tonight to have dinner with Ellie and me?” I asked.

  “Can’t, sorry, I er...have plans.” His cheeks pinked and my heart fell.

  “Okay,” I whispered and turned to get in the car.

  “What time?” he asked quickly.

  “Uh?”

  “Dinner, what time?”

  “No it’s okay, you go out, we weren’t having—”

  “What time?” he repeated.

  “Five-thirty, gives me time to wash up and get Ellie bathed before bed.”

  “I'll be there.” And with that he turned and walked away. I watched his back as he sauntered across the car park, his head dipped again as he looked at the photo of his little buddy. I smiled because I seriously liked him saying that. Shame the little one’s daddy couldn’t be as excited. And just as quickly as Johan had inflated the happy balloon, the thought of Darren burst it, scattering the fractured pieces at my feet.

  Punished by a Monster

  Chase Dermont Junior III

  7 Years Old

  Boston Massachusetts

  I hated being alive, I hated God, I hated my mom, I hated my dad and I hated this house with everything my broken body would allow. The only friend I had was taken away. Grandpa sent Ryan to college in Pittsburgh. I hated that Grandpa made him go away, but I felt happy that he couldn’t hurt Ryan anymore. One day I could escape like that; I had eleven years to go. Ryan had argued with Grandpa about college, and said he wouldn’t leave, he even started skipping football practise and drinking so much with his friends he would pass out in the driveway. But then Grandpa used his massive fists on me and said until Ryan learnt to do as he was told I would be beaten.

  I had mastered hiding like Tate and Gray had gotten good at sneaking Grandpa’s liquor; we were awesome at it. There had only been a couple of times he had found me, or should I say caught me before I had time to run away. I didn’t go to school anymore, the kids started beating on me and saying things about me that Grandpa Chase didn’t like. So he pulled me from school and every day I had a tutor come teach me stuff. I liked reading, and I liked math but everything else pretty much sucked. Miss McKenzie was really nice, she sometimes brought me candy if I completed my work. We didn’t tell Grandpa Chase or Grandma Violet because they made her take them away.

  “Chase!” called Grandpa. I curled tighter into the ball and tried to melt into the metal. “Chase!” His voice came closer; this was a hiding place I had found which he had yet to discover. “Where is that damn boy?” He cursed. I saw his large legs stride past the glass. I knew he was still in the room because there wasn’t another way out. I waited until he came back again. A loud thump above me startled me but I bit down hard on my lip to stop from making any noise. Slowly his legs came into view.

  “I know you’re here somewhere, boy. Coming to me now will be better for you,” he said angrily. I knew why he was looking for me. It was the same every time Grandma Violet went to play bridge with her friends. I didn’t want to go to the boathouse; I didn’t care if he put me in the basement again. I didn’t want to go there. It hurt and made me feel sick when he made me go there.

  “Boy. Come. Out! Now!” He roared like an angry lion. His hand thumped down on the top of the dryer again but I didn’t move. I prayed in my head, I begged for Ryan to come home, come get me and take me away with him.

  His legs disappeared from view and I sighed, letting out the breath I was holding. I tasted metal in my mouth and realised I was bleeding from biting my lip so hard.

  I stayed inside the dryer until I knew the others were home. When I heard Tate throw his gym kit in the laundry hamper I knew I was time to come out. Grandpa would ride my hide but he wouldn’t take me to the boathouse. I crawled out and stretched my cramping legs. I hadn’t grown much so finding places to hide was easier because I could curl into a small space. Other kids teased me for being so small but I was happy I didn’t grow to be a giant like Ryan; I wouldn’t be able to hide if I was as big as him.

  I’d learnt to walk silently through the house too; it was easy to stay invisible when no one wanted to see me anyway. I was a ghost because no one cared enough to release me, I was trapped between hell and nothingness. What was there other than pain and sadness?

  “Chase?” Kyle said as he walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich and glass of milk.

  I forced a smile and carried on walking.

  “Hold up,” he said, catching up. He pushed me into his room and closed the door. My body stiffened, I hated when people did that. Kyle had been nice to me, he didn’t hurt me and sometimes helped me hide. He said Ryan told him to be nice or he’d beat his ass.

  “Ryan’s coming home for you,” he whispered.

  “What?”

  He put his sandwich down and came over to kneel before me, Kyle was almost as tall as grandpa.

  “He has a plan to get you out of this shithole,” he whispered then looked over his shoulder as if we’re going to be heard. “When you go to bed tonight, keep your clothes on under your pyjamas. I will come get you so don’t freak out, okay?”

  I nodded.

  “I’ll take you to him, but we have to be quiet.”

  Again I nodded. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. Kyle and the others always received beatings if they helped me or Ryan when grandpa punished us. He didn’t like when people interfered with his special boys.

  That night I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I leaned forward and spat into the sink. When I straightened, Grandpa was standing behind me. His reflection took up the entire mirror.

  “Where were you today, boy?”

  “I...” I couldn't think. “I went down by the lake, I wanted to...see the...to watch the fish,” I stammered.

  “Hmm. What have I told you about going near the water? It’s dangerous when you can’t swim,” He placed his large hand on my shoulder. “Tomorrow we are going for a walk. You will not avoid me again, boy, do you understand?”

  I nodded and swallowed the sick feeling.

  “Good. Now say your prayers and get to bed.” He let go of me and walked out of the bathroom.

  I stared at the empty doorway before looking myself in the eye. Prayers? Who do I Pray to? No one answers my prayers. I was a forgotten boy in hell.

  ***

  I felt someone shaking me. I hadn’t fallen asleep, I felt too excited at hopefully seeing Ryan. I rolled over and faced Kyle. He motioned for me to get out of bed. We crept out into the hallway and through the house. My heart beat so loudly I was sure Grandpa would hear it.

  The cold night air hit me like a slap in the face.

  “This way,” Kyle whispered and pointed towards the woods. I shook my head because I knew what was in that direction.

  “Chase, buddy, come on. Ryan is waiting.” He grabbed for my hand and started pulling me towards the woods near the lake. But beyond the woods was the boathouse. I dug my feet into the dirt and pulled against his hold. “Chase, listen we don’t have time for this.”

  I scratched at his hand and fought against him.

  “Chase—�
�� He paused when the porch light came on. He grabbed me round the waist, covered my mouth with his hand and started to run with me towards the woods. Tears broke from my eyes and fear clawed out of me. He was taking me there, to the dark place I hated. To the place men liked to visit and do things I hated.

  “I’m not going to hurt you, I swear.” He promised, but I had heard that so many times. ‘If you relax it won’t hurt.’ But it did hurt, it hurt a lot.

  “Look.” He whispered as we neared the water. I opened my eyes and standing by the water were two giant figures. “I told you he was coming for you.” Kyle put me on the ground and carried on walking. The biggest of the two shadows started walking towards me. When the moonlight broke from behind the clouds it was like the sun coming out on a rainy day. Because it brightened the night and let me see that Ryan had come for me. He was walking towards me with a big smile on his face.

  “Hey little buddy,” he whispered. I ran at him and jumped into his arms, squeezing as tight as I could.

  “You came.” I cried.

  “I promised I would. I promised,” he said, squeezing me back. “I will always come for you. Never doubt that.”

  I wrapped my arms and legs around him like a tiny monkey and clung to him.

  The other shadow came towards us and I saw that it was Will, Ryan’s friend from across the lake.

  Ryan turned us to face him as he stood staring at us. “Will, this is my little buddy Jo.” Ryan started calling me Jo because he said I didn’t deserve to be named after such an evil...he said a cuss word but I don’t say those, so I will say evil man. He said I was like my momma so he called me Jo, her name was Johanna. He said it was a curse to be named after my father and grandfather.

  “Hey Jo,” he said, and his voice was incredibly deep. He was tall like Ryan and had really wide shoulders.

  “Will is going to help us get you away from here,” Ryan said and I looked at him in shock. “But we can’t tell no one you hear?”

  I nodded.

  “I have to go back to college so that when you disappear no one thinks it was me. Kyle will be in school. No one will suspect Will because he don’t come round here.” Ryan chucked me under the chin. “Do you think you can be a big man and listen to our plan and do exactly what we say?”