Surviving Love (Surviving #2)

by Mrs Ada Frost

  Ryan came out of the hospital and now we lived here in the pool house. He would go to college and then at weekends he came home with Will and stayed with me, even Will slept here with us. Ane would come to cook us breakfast but she didn't stay the night with us like she did when I was alone. I still hadn’t gone up to the house to see it. I was scared to leave this place, my head felt funny when I tried to go out of the main doors.

  “Jo?” Ane called up the stairs. “Breakfast is ready, sweetheart.”

  “I’m coming.”

  I used the bathroom and went downstairs. She had piled pancakes on my plate and set a place for us like always but today there was an extra place setting. I frowned then a giddy feeling hit me.

  “Are Ryan and Will coming home?” I said, pointing to the empty plate.

  She shook her head and gave me an odd smile. “No.”

  She cleared her throat and looked out the glass door towards the house. I turned to look in the same direction and saw a tall man standing there, right at the top of the pathway. At first I thought it was Will and jumped down from my stool and stood staring at him. Then I realised the man was older, he looked taller too. I looked at Ane and back at the man. My heart started pounding, she promised. Tears came to my eyes as horrible fear hit me. I couldn't move as the man stared at me, my muscles locked and I wanted to run, I wanted to hide but I couldn't do anything. I felt warmth in my pants, then it started running down my leg. I looked down to see a dark stain on the front of my pants.

  “Sweetheart. Oh sweetheart...” Ane whispered as she came up behind me and wrapped her arm around my waist and knelt beside me. “That’s my husband Will, he’s Willem’s father. He wanted to meet you. But I said he had to wait outside until you said he could come in. He promises never to come into the pool house unless you open the door.”

  I shook my head. I didn't want him to come in here.

  “I’ve told him all about you, how smart you are, how strong and brave you are. And how fantastic you are at swimming. Will used to be on the college swim team, he’s really good too. Maybe he could teach you how to swim without your wings?”

  I shook my head again, that would mean I had to go near him and let him touch me, I didn't want him to touch me. The man stood in the same spot staring at us. He never came any closer, just stood with his hands in his pockets watching us. He looked so much like Will, it was scary, because I didn't know this man.

  “He won’t come in here unless you tell me he can. I swear it. And he doesn’t want to scare you, honey.”

  I stepped toward the door and stood behind the glass. I slid the bolt across the door locking it tight. The man didn't move he just watched. I lifted my hand and placed it on the cool glass. The man smiled and waved; I frowned and looked behind me at Ane. She had her hand over her mouth watching me. “You promise he won’t come get me?”

  She nodded. “I swear it.”

  I let out a long breath and turned to watch the man. He was like a colourful statue in the driveway watching me, watch him. I pressed my head against the glass. The man took his other hand out of his pockets, pulled the material of his pants up and sat down on the ground so he was level with me.

  “See, sweetheart. He’ll wait, he won’t make you do anything you don’t want.” I jumped when she spoke because I didn't realise she was standing so close.

  “He looks like Will,” I said quietly.

  She chuckled and hugged me to her. “Yeah, it’s remarkable how alike they are.”

  “Is he nice like Will?”

  “Yes, sweetheart. He’s the kindest man I’ve ever known. He loves his son something fierce. If you like we can ask Will this weekend when he gets home.”

  “Why is he sitting there?”

  “Because he wanted to see our new boy. He wanted to meet the new addition to our family. I spoke to your grandma; she has agreed to sign custody of you over to us. Will has instructed his lawyer, dealing with the papers, to make it happen as quickly as possible.”

  “What does cus-tard-y mean?”

  She chuckled. “Custody means once your grandma signs the papers you will be mine and Will’s son. We will be your guardians or parents if you like. It means we will protect you.”

  “Why does he want me?” I nodded to the man sitting on the floor. I knew what men wanted, and they hurt me when they took what they wanted.

  “Because...he has a big heart, Jo, and there was a space that needed filling by a brave little boy who has no family, but deserves all the love in the world.”

  I didn't believe Ane, it made me sad not to believe her.

  “I wet my pants.”

  “I know, sweetheart, shall we go change them?”

  I nodded and tried the lock again to make sure it was secure.

  “Would I have to call you momma?” I asked as we walked through the pool house.

  She smiled and shook her head. “No, not if you didn't want to. Ane is fine.”

  “I think it would make my momma sad if I called you momma, even if she doesn’t like me anymore.”

  “Oh honey, your mom loved you very much. She didn't leave you through choice, bad things happened and she was taken from you.”

  I nodded but I didn't really know what the difference was. She tightened her hold on my hand and paused in front of the bathroom.

  “What about mama-Anesu.”

  “Mamanansu.” I frowned because that didn't sound right.

  She laughed. “Maybe that’s a mouthful for you.”

  “Mama-su,” I whispered and she stopped laughing. Her eyes watered again.

  “That’s perfect, Jo.” She hugged me.

  ***

  Four times Will and Ryan had been to see me. That’s four weeks, Ane has been teaching me time and the days of the week. Every day she would come down to the pool house and bring more books and for hours we would learn different things. Every day Will’s dad sat outside and I locked the door. Some days he would sit on the driveway, sometimes he would come a little closer. When he wasn’t there Ane said he was at work.

  Today Will’s dad sat outside on the porch beside the door, instead of on the gravel pathway. He huddled down into his coat; it was cold and rainy outside. I waved to him from the table while we ate pancakes and bacon. I felt real sad inside that he was out in the cold, I felt wretched for being cruel. I got down from the table and padded across the floor to the door. He was watching me but he didn't move. I sat and pressed my hand against the glass. He smiled, looked over my shoulder and then looked at my hand. He slowly lifted his and touched the glass, pressing his palm against mine on the other side.

  “Hi,” I said and smiled.

  “Hi, I’m Will.” He had the same smile and green eyes as Will. He had crinkles near his eyes though, and his top front tooth was a little crooked. His hair was the same golden yellow as Will’s but shorter and had grey bits in front.

  We sat against the glass watching each other for a while. Then I stood up and turned to look at Mama-su who was watching us. She had a hand to her chest and one covering her mouth. I turned to look back at Will’s dad and he looked sad that I had moved away. I took a deep breath and walked back to the kitchen. Mama-su lifted her shoulders and shrugged to Will’s dad and smiled sadly at him. I took out a plate and a glass. I climbed up on the table and filled it with milk and put some pancakes on the plate. Mama-su sat down and loaded her plate up. I jumped down from my seat and walked slowly to the door. I watched Will’s dad sitting on the floor and waved again.

  I reached for the bolt and twisted the handle. Mama-su gasped behind me and the man quickly got to his feet. He was so much taller than Will. He stepped towards me and I stepped back. He stopped and stared at me.

  “Hi. I’m Will,” he said, I hadn’t heard his voice properly before. It was deep and friendly.

  “Hi, I’m Jo. We’re having pancakes.” I pointed towards the table.

  “They smell mighty fine.”

  “They’re the best, Mama-su made them.”<
br />
  He looked up at her and smiled. “Yeah, son, they are the best.”

  “I got you some milk,” I said. He stepped forward slowly.

  We sat at the table and Mama-su poured him some coffee, but he shook his head. “Jo got me some milk.”

  I smiled, proud he wanted the milk I’d poured for him.

  ***

  A few weeks later Ryan and I moved into the big house. We were allowed to share a room, so when he came home at the weekends, I would get to spend all weekend with him. He would spend all his holidays here too.

  Will or my new dad, he said I could call him that, was real nice too. He never shouted or hit Mama-su, he didn't call her names or make her cry. He did kiss her a lot, and cuddle her, and made her smile a lot. Daddy Will never cussed at us or hit Ryan, Will, or me. He played football and taught me to swim without water wings. He owned a big company that made medicines in the city. He worked away sometimes and I missed him when he wasn’t at home; he said when I wanted to leave the house, Mama-su and I could travel with him. But I liked it at the house, I never left the house. When he did come home the first thing he would do was run into the house to cuddle Mama-su and me. He always said he missed us something fierce.

  Ryan said they were good people and so far they really were. Dad had made sure Grandpa Chase stayed away. And Grandma Violet wasn’t allowed to come visit me either. Kyle and Jace had been to see us; a lady always came with them and we had to stay in the same room with her. They didn't live with Grandma anymore, neither did the twins. I wasn’t allowed to know where they lived. They all had new mommas except Kyle, he said he lived in a group home, I don’t know what that meant but he didn't get to have a new momma. He said he liked coming to see us and sometimes we were all allowed in the pool.

  I still had nightmares, they were less and less and no longer every night. But when they did happen Ryan, Will, or Mama-su would be there to hold me and make the monsters go away. I felt safe and loved. I didn't want anything to take this away.

  Chapter 8

  Louise

  York, England

  “So I need to ask you something. But you can say no if you want to, it’s not a big deal. I just thought it would be fun and maybe it would cheer you up and we could have—”

  “Johan, you’re rambling.” I chuckled. He rubbed his hand over his brow nervously.

  “So we have this company function, it’s a pretty big deal. Partners from international firms come and it’s pretty formal, so I have to get a tux and shit. I can buy you a dress, I don’t mind footing the bill.”

  “Johan!”

  He was so adorable when he was nervous.

  “Yeah, sorry. I’ve never asked anyone on a date before. It’s harder than I thought it would be,” he muttered almost to himself. My laughter died and my expression sobered.

  “You’ve never been on a date?” I asked incredulously. When his gaze snapped to mine I offered an apologetic shrug.

  “No.” He shook his head then laughed humourlessly. “Pretty lame isn’t it?” His cheeks pinked, and rather than wanting to run in the opposite direction I wanted to kiss the blush from his cheeks.

  “I think it’s perfect. I would love to accompany you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep, as long as you don’t mind being seen with a beached whale.” I laughed, but truthfully my stomach was growing at a rapid rate, or at least it felt that way. My jeans and I were not on speaking terms right now, and don’t even get me started on my bra.

  He came and sat beside me on the sofa, placing his hand on my stomach. It was something he liked to do regularly now that we were more than friends. We were definitely more tactile with one another, my favourite was sitting on the sofa at night watching TV and linking our pinkies. We kissed nothing passionate or life-altering but friendly little pecks on my cheek or forehead, nothing beyond that. I felt a little frustrated by it but he seemed scared to take it any further. Sometimes I wondered if I should just take the lead and grab a hold of him and plant a smacker right on his lips, but something deep within told me that would be the worst thing I could do.

  “Lou?”

  “Hmm?”

  “You zoned out on me.” He tucked my hair behind my ear.

  “Why won’t you kiss me?” I asked, then covered my mouth. Why was I cursed with the lack of keeping my gob shut?

  “Erm...”

  “Forget I said that, it’s stupid. I just...we don’t have to.”

  He placed his finger against my lips to silence me.

  “I want to. I’m desperate to kiss you Lou, it’s just...complicated. I don’t want to spoil you.”

  “Is this about Ryan and what you told me?” I asked. When he flinched and pulled away slightly, I followed and pulled his hand back to my stomach. “You won’t spoil me, maybe for other men. But that’s a good thing.”

  “I’m...Lou, you don’t know. There are things you don’t know.”

  “Are you married?”

  He frowned and shook his head.

  “Are you secretly a woman?”

  He snorted a laugh and shook his head.

  “Are you a criminal mastermind trying to use me to take over the world?”

  He laughed loudly. “No. Now you’re being ridiculous.”

  “Will you break my heart?”

  He swallowed hard and shook his head. “That’s the last thing I would ever want to do.”

  “Then I see no problem. Your past is there for a reason, to make you the man you are today. But it is the past, gone, not forgotten but it isn’t the future. Don’t let it chase you around. Embrace what happened, it made you into this incredible man before me.” I traced his bottom lip with my finger. “So if I kiss you, you’re not going to push me away?”

  “You can’t kiss me,” he whispered, and my heart hurt. I let out a defeated sigh and turned away from him. He placed his hand in mine. I heard him swallow and take a deep breath. “I should kiss you first. I need to take the lead with our first...second...okay, first official kiss.”

  I laughed at his mumbling. “You’re adorable when you ramble.”

  “Hmm.” He huffed in annoyance. “Okay, pucker up woman, here I come.”

  I laughed loudly and threw my head back, covering my face with my hands.

  He laughed beside me, pressing his forehead to my shoulder.

  “This has to be the most surreal second-first-official-kiss ever!” I joked.

  “But memorable right?” He cocked his head to one side.

  “Touché.”

  Johan’s smile slipped from his face. “You promise me, I won’t spoil you,” he whispered.

  I didn't answer because I lost the use of speech when his large hand cupped my cheek, his thumb rubbed across my bottom lip, heat scorched my lips making them pucker in desperate need. Slowly he came toward me, his eyes intent on my mouth. His scent of spice and delicious male engulfed me, I melted into him and my eyes closed savouring the intensity as his mouth pressed gently against mine. Tentative at first, his lips rested gently against my mouth, a soft testing pressure before he pressed harder, asserting more delicious power. His hands slid into my hair, tilting my head to fit our mouths more perfectly. I couldn't help the moan slipping from my lips when his tongue slid along the seam of my mouth; I submitted to him willingly. He devoured me, pulling at me, tasting and nipping with his teeth. Johan was a starved man and it was amazingly perfect to be his.

  His tongue dipped into my mouth teasing my own, lapping at me. I clung to him, gripping at his shirt, pulling him to me. Somehow we ended up with me laying flat on my back and him hovering above me. His muscled thigh pressed against the sensitive peek between my legs.

  I moaned loudly when he pressed against my sensitised core. I threw my head back, dislodging our mouths. His mouth traced soft arousing kisses down my jaw to my neck, kissing and sucking. I was lost, cast out into a sea of lust and I loved every minute.

  I pushed my fingers in his thick brown hair and tugged
to bring his mouth back to mine.

  “You’re perfect,” he whispered before plunging his tongue into my waiting mouth.

  When he finally pulled away I laid on the sofa, a mess of heavy breathing and sexual arousal.

  “Was that okay?” He asked, peppering kisses across my lips and jaw.

  I garbled some kind of response making him chuckle.

  Johan moved us so we were facing one another on the sofa. Our legs twisted together. His hands were moving across my body, touching my bump, my collar bone, my lips, my hair, he was marking me, mapping my skin with his wonderfully large hands.

  “You’re incredible.”

  “I know,” I quipped and laughed when he tickled my side. “Takes two to make it that amazing. You were there too, buddy.”

  Quickly his attention focused on my face. His eyes turned an icy blue as he regarded me, he had the look of an injured puppy damaged by hurtful words.

  “What is it?” I asked, stroking my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against my chest.

  “Ryan and Will used to call me that.” He snorted. “For some reason you keep reminding me of him.”

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  “Honestly?” He paused. “I don’t know.”

  “I hope he didn't kiss you that way, I can’t compete with another sexy Senior.” I smiled, but at his bleak expression I swallowed. “Do you want to tell me about him?” I didn't think he would, in fact I was certain he’d refuse and my silly questioning would end this moment between us, so I was surprised when he shifted to lie on his back and pulled me across his chest.

  “He was my uncle. But I never called him that. I never thought of him in that sense, if I’m honest I thought of his as my brother. Will and Anesu are my adoptive parents, I was eight when they took me in. Will is their son, Ryan was my real family. ”