Surviving Love (Surviving #2)

by Mrs Ada Frost

  Her jaw dropped open and she glared at Johan.

  “Because she snores, not because she...Jesus, I didn't mean that.”

  “Rule 101, my friend. Never mention or comment on a woman’s weight. She’ll either kick you in the balls or douse your pint with rat poison. Both will kill ya.” Liam winked at a dumbstruck Johan. He turned and headed to the bar. I smiled at Dyesa and winked. She covered her mouth with her hand, and her shoulders trembled as she suppressed her giggles.

  Johan returned with our drinks and refused to make eye contact with me. He chatted to the others but he wasn’t his usual charming self. He sat on a stool to my right, whilst I was sitting against a booth beside Dyesa.

  “Hi. Mind if I join you?” cooed a sickly sounding, blonde haired woman at the side of him. Despite the blonde, her roots suggested she was a natural brunette. She ran a manicured finger over Johan’s shoulder and into his hair. He pulled away, there was a flash of fear before he turned and fixed her with a scathing look.

  “No!” he snapped and even I flinched at his tone.

  “Oh come on, you know I’m more fun than these people. We had a great time last week.” She was completely hammered or she would’ve understood the fuck off vibe the rest of us were giving her.

  “Shit!” I heard Liam, at the other side of Dyesa. When I looked at him in confusion he shrugged and leaned over to whisper to me.

  “This happens a lot. Women like him, but they get absolutely nowhere and the more they try the more pissed off he gets.”

  I frowned because that really didn't seem like the Johan I knew. He was a natural flirt.

  “Johan,” I said quietly. He snapped his attention from his fascinating beer bottle to look at me.

  “Who’s this?” snapped the blonde.

  “None of your business,” Johan replied. “What’s up?” he asked me.

  “Hmm.” She snorted and stood closer to his side. “You his girlfriend? I haven’t seen you with him before.”

  Johan’s jaw ticked, but what hurt more than anything was the terror in his beautiful eyes. I never would have understood that before, but after everything he’d said to me, I knew where the pain came from. He dreaded being touched. I hated he was feeling so insecure.

  I stood up and heard a cacophony of muttered curses behind me.

  “Yes, I am his girlfriend,” I said firmly. “I’m also pregnant with his kid. You haven’t seen me because he usually leaves me tied to the bed. But my Master allowed me to come out tonight because I was extra good.” I winked at Johan and turned to the others. “Another drink, Master?”

  I didn't wait for answers. Instead I walked away with my head held high. Raucous laughter echoed behind me, and I heard Dyesa saying she’d found a new best friend.

  I stood at the bar tapping impatiently at the scarred wood. The music was thumping and I felt old with the young bodies jumping around; I was certain half the kids in this club hadn’t even left high school yet, either that or I was looking way older than twenty-four. And not to be a prude but I had knickers that covered more than some of the skirts in this place. I jumped slightly when a hand slid around my waist and a hard chest pressed against my back. His warm masculine scent wrapped around me, soothing me.

  “Why did you do that?” my favourite hunk asked.

  “Because she was making you uncomfortable and I hated that look on your face.”

  “What look?”

  “Fear. I hated it and I don’t want anyone to put that look on your face, especially not a hopeful skank.”

  “I feel ashamed,” he said into the crook of my neck.

  “Being as good looking as you are should be a sin. But you have nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, she’d have fucked off once you opened your mouth and she realised what an annoying little shit you are.”

  I felt rather than heard him chuckling behind me. “You have such an eloquent way with words.”

  “I say it how I see it. Usually anyway. I'm no blushing virgin, Johan, you’re a good looking bloke, you’re not in a relationship. So I’m pretty certain you’re free to explore the blonde. You wouldn’t be cheating on anyone, so why feel ashamed?”

  “I feel ashamed because I hate that sort of thing, I can’t...I didn't do anything with her. Last week we danced, she got touchy, her hands were every-fucking-where and I couldn't deal with it. Being a freak who can’t enjoy the comfort of a woman is something to be ashamed of.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at him. He looked off into the distance, but what he was seeing wasn’t in the club. He was far away, a place I seriously dreaded him letting me into, because the more I saw of Johan the more I realised what hidden horrors were beneath his gorgeous smile.

  I decided the best way to bring him back was to be sassy and blunt, usual Lou style.

  “Please, she definitely wasn’t something to get upset about. Besides, you prefer mouthy brunettes.” I pointed to myself then held up a finger. “And I can guarantee my collar and cuffs match.”

  When he frowned, not getting my meaning, I laughed and pointed to my head. “She was a bottle blonde. Down south not so much.”

  He scowled, then his dimples appeared before he burst out into deliciously deep laughter. He tugged me to him and wrapped his arms around me.

  “I think I’ve found my soul mate.”

  My stomach did a giant flip.“Oh, and who might that be?”

  “A sexy little brunette. Who’s apparently carrying my love child.” He tickled my sides and chuckled. “I’m going to try this alpha male shit all you women are going crazy for lately.” He squared his shoulders and I couldn't help but laugh.

  “Do I seriously look like a woman who would put up with that crap?”

  “You interrupted, you can’t interrupt the macho.”

  “Shut up.” I laughed.

  “Yes, dear.” His dimples sunk deep into his cheeks. I wanted to lean into him and lick them; they should come with their own health warning.

  “Don’t look at me like that, Lou.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like...” He pointed at me with his index finger. “You want to lick me like a Popsicle on a hot summer’s day.”

  My cheeks heated but I laughed. “You seriously need to work on your poetic crap.” I turned back to the bar with a huge smile on my face. My body heated to volcanic proportions.

  His hands slid around my stomach. “How’s my little buddy doing? Is he enjoying his first night out?”

  “He’s hungry. But then I suppose I need to cut down on the pregnancy munching.”

  “I didn't call you a walrus because I think your overweight, I was joking about the snoring. I swear.”

  I turned in his arms. “Is that why you’ve been sulking?”

  “I don’t sulk.”

  “I don’t snore.”

  “Yes—” I covered his mouth with my finger. He pulled at my wrist.

  “She looks stunning, how do you look that great straight after pregnancy? I look like a bloody walrus and this little one hasn’t even finished growing yet,” I said, nodding in Dyesa’s direction. I noticed a familiar, petite blonde haired woman sitting with the group.

  Johan rolled his eyes at me. “I need a pregnancy book or some advice on this crap, because tell me, is freaking out so much normal?”

  “I am not freaking out.” I huffed.

  “Yeah you are, sunbeam. Ooh, I like that one. What do you think, my little sunbeam?”

  I scrunched up my face at him. “Why do I need a nickname? What are we twelve?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Well, it’s better than neurotic-over-emotional-highly-strung-grumpy-walrus.”

  “You know how I was shocked earlier when you said you haven’t been on a date before? Not so shocking anymore.” I turned back to face the bar. Was it sick that I really enjoying our little verbal sparring matches?

  I shivered when his mouth pressed gently against the sensitive skin behind my ear.

  “Before you we
re pregnant, Louise, I imagine you were breathtakingly beautiful, but pregnant you’re radiant. And I know that sounds corny but you have this life growing inside you, and when I look at you I can’t describe how it makes me feel. I've never felt it before, but calling you beautiful isn’t enough. You are beyond that. You’re utter perfection.”

  Butterflies took flight in my entire body, even my fingertips tingled with a need to touch him.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. I don’t think he could hear me over the music but it was out there.

  His lips pressed against my neck and I closed my eyes. “So sunbeam, you see, you’re stuck with me. Because I’m not letting another man claim you. You’re mine, you may argue with me, but it won’t change anything. I’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth to be with you.”

  I turned and curled my arms around his neck. “What if I don’t want to argue?”

  His lips turned upward. “That would be a first.”

  My mouth dropped open and he laughed. He pressed his lips to mine and I forgot all about what he was saying.

  Johan

  Can you become addicted to people? Or in particular, a tiny, chestnut haired, crazy woman? Because I couldn't get enough of her, I wanted to touch her constantly. When I heard her say she thought I called her a Walrus because I thought she was fat, she may as well have taken the fucking butcher’s knife to my chest. I never thought Lou would be sensitive about her weight or how she looked. I guess I expected a woman as drop dead gorgeous as her to know it. But she really doesn’t. Is that the appeal? I don’t freaking know. I wasn’t lying when I said I’d never asked a girl on a date before. I was socially fucking backward until my late teens and even then I didn't have the balls to ask a girl out.

  I don’t enjoy the idea of sex. Yeah, my dick works, it’s my mind that’s fucking broken. I have far too much baggage to handle the emotion associated with making love. I don’t think I’m capable of that. Which fucking terrifies me, because I have a feeling that’s what will happen if things progress with Lou. I couldn't just fuck her and leave, I’d need more. She deserves more. The blonde from earlier terrified me; I thought she was okay looking last week after a few beers. We danced, but then she started pressing against me and her hands were everywhere. She was all over my junk, my ass, and she didn't stop when I smacked her hands away. She just kept on going.

  Then the dance floor filled and I couldn't breathe. So like usual I started to freak out and panic like the pussy I am. I’m supposed to be up for random sex, I’m a young single guy who should be living life, taking what’s offered, and not giving a fuck. But I can’t stand to be touched. Not like that, not by them. It messes with my head that I crave Lou’s touch, it’s like a drug. When she puts her arms around me or leans against me, it’s like fire licking my skin. I want more, but why? Why can she touch me and I want it, when I can’t let anyone else do it? Lou isn’t going to want me when I think this way. I mean, who would want someone who’s scared of intimacy?

  I once really liked this girl at college, and we got talking and stuff, and she seemed really into me. Anyway one day at the library we were talking and she had my favourite sweater on that fell off her shoulder and exposed quite a bit of skin. Like I say, I’m not dead from the waist down, my head just doesn’t like how my body reacts. When she leaned forward I could see down her top. Shitty move, but I was an eighteen year old guy who hadn’t even kissed anyone. She caught me looking and smiled, then touched my thigh and I jumped through the fucking roof. I freaked out and ran away like a fucking muppet. After that I couldn't face her so I avoided her. I gave up trying to get close to girls. When I tried to lose my virginity it was a disaster. I got so worked up that I freaked out and scared the girl shitless; she ran away telling her friends I was some kind of deviant freak. I’ve never tried again, partly because I became known as the loser freak at college. No one wanted to talk to me and girls avoided me like I had the plague.

  I screwed my eyes tight and pulled my hands into fists. I didn't want to lose her but how could I keep her?

  She pulled away from me and looked up at me with those chocolate eyes and God did I want to confess every asshole thing that’s happened.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head and looked over my shoulder at the guys. Emily had joined them since we were at the bar. She’s a bit like Eve, she knows the score. I flirt, I joke, but it’s on my terms.

  Lou’s hand cupped my cheek and turned me to look at her. “Johan, talk to me.”

  I clenched my jaw and stared down at her. What did I ever do to deserve her in my life? I should push her away, protect her from the fucked up shit that follows me.

  “I can’t have sex with you.” I blurted it out before I meant to. Her eyes widened. Then she offered me one of her sassy little smiles.

  “I didn't realise asking for a packet of salted nuts came with sex. But seeing as it’s bothering you, why?”

  I let out an embarrassed sigh, trying my hardest to will the red in my cheeks to dissipate.

  “I’ve never...I don’t...with everything that happened when I was a kid...I know it’s no excuse...I just...can’t.” I stepped back away from her to put some distance between us, but she moved forward and wrapped her arms around my waist.

  “Do you want to?” When I frowned, she added, “Have sex? With me I mean?”

  I swallowed and nodded my head. “You’re every guy’s fantasy. Obviously I want to.”

  She nodded her head to the side and pursed her lips in cocky agreement; I relaxed because I knew she was doing it to make me feel better.

  “So let’s not rush it.” She shrugged. “I’m not ready for that either, let’s not stress about it and just see what happens.”

  “So I can still kiss you?”

  “As long as it’s my mouth then we are all good.”

  “Good thing you didn't say lips, may have been confusing.” I winked.

  Her jaw went slack and she let out a shocked laugh before slugging me in the arm. I can’t remember ever feeling this happy; it terrified me but I wasn’t letting it go. Not yet anyway, I would fight for her. I looked up to the ceiling.

  You listening up there, big man? Lou is mine and I will follow her to heaven and bring her back, she is my heaven and I’m done letting you take what’s mine. “Right, Lou and Em.” Dyesa clapped her hands and stood before shuffling past Liam. “It’s time we showed these young’uns how to twerk.” She tugged on Lou’s hand pulling her from my lap.

  “You want to use Twitter?” Alex asked, and I barked out a laugh.

  “Twerk not Tweet you bonehead,” Lou said.

  “What the bloody hell is twerking?”

  All three girls looked at each other and smirked. I shook my head because the dance floor was about to get a little sweaty especially with these three gorgeous girls shaking their asses.

  “You’ll see,” Dy said as she wiggled her fingers at Liam, who sat shaking his head with a huge grin on his face.

  “Guys, what the fuck is twerking? Some kind of stripping? I can totally get into that.”

  “My wife, dickhead! His girlfriend,” snapped Liam, but he was smiling. The fucker knew what a gorgeous woman he had and what a lucky bastard he was. I smiled because I’d just joined the smug bastard club.

  “My girlfriend?” I raised my eyebrow and smiled because I liked the sound of that.

  “Emily is free though right?” Alex asked hopefully.

  “Not a chance in hell. She is way out of your league,” Liam said. “For one thing, she has a brain.” He lifted his beer to his mouth and took a long pull. “And her brothers would decapitate you just for looking at her.”

  “Fuck off, I like intelligent women.”

  “Yeah, shame they have more sense than to like you,” Liam said. I burst out laughing when Alex threw a beer mat at him.

  “I hate this fucking song,” grumbled Alex, as “I’m a Freak” by Enrique Inglesias pumped through the speakers.

  “Wait
‘til the show starts, it’ll be the best song in the world,” Liam said, smirking. I turned to look at the dance floor, ignoring Alex’s reply.

  “Eh?”

  Three goddesses were indeed twerking, and Lou was laughing hysterically as Dyesa did a perfect pout and bent over, pushing her ass out and shaking it in such a way I’m sure the guy to her left had just swallowed his tongue.

  “Fuck me!” Alex shouted.

  “Told you,” Liam announced smugly. The bastard knew how hot his wife was.

  Lou lifted her hands above her head and shimmied her body and hips in such a way it should’ve been illegal. As the curve of her hips swayed, her ass looked amazing. Emily slowly walked towards her doing the same slow sway and they pressed together. I felt as if I’d fallen asleep having some kind of perverted dream.

  “Oh Christ!” Liam choked as we all watched, transfixed by all three women in some kind of Lou sandwich. Their bodies moved in perfect unison. I swallowed as Em ran her hands down Lou’s sides and grinned at us. I needed to stand and go get my woman, because even though it wasn’t a man touching her, I didn't want anyone touching her except me. But embarrassingly I was sporting wood and there was no way I was having the piss taken out of me.

  “I think I need to go use the men’s room because that’s better than fucking porn,” Alex said. I turned and glared at him at the same time Liam spoke.

  “I don’t give a fuck I’ve got a third leg, I’m taking Dy home now!” He stood, readjusting his junk in his pants. He stalked towards the dance floor where the girls were still gyrating against one another. Dyesa offered him a sexy little smile before he claimed her mouth. He turned and waved, pulling his wife by the hand behind him. I was sure they wouldn’t make it home before he had his way with her.

  “Ugh,” I groaned as Lou sat in my lap on my hard-on.

  Her eyes widened before she turned, a sexy little smile on her full lips, her eyes sparkling. “See something you liked?”

  “You’re a tease Louise Beaumont.” I pressed my index finger to her nose.

  “I’m tired.” She yawned despite herself. “I’m getting too old for this.” She nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck and my balls tightened.