by S. Ann Cole
“Shhh,” she soothed. “You don’t have to talk about it if makes you this upset, sis. You crying? That’s…rare.”
“He’s from my past, Kels. He’d hurt me. Things are a bit scattered, but I know it was cruelly done. He…left me.”
“So you can remember?” Kelsy asked in disbelief. “Like, all he did to you?”
“I can, but it’s all so incoherent I don’t even know if could go about telling it. It’s just flashes…but the pain is so palpable. It’s so there.” I placed my hand over my heart, “It’s here, Kels. This is where I feel it.”
Kelsy encapsulated me in her arms, and I’ve never been more grateful to be held. I was torn, confused, anguished. But the one emotion that I searched for—anger—remained elusive. Seeing Nelly for the first time since he’d left me made me want to whirl myself into a vortex of thermonuclear hostility, but I couldn’t. I searched earnestly for anger, but Anger sagaciously steered clear.
“So what do you think he wants?” Kelsy asked.”Why do you think he came back?”
My body shivered. “I don’t know. To dishevel my life again, maybe. He insisted that I fall ‘helplessly’ in love with him. Just as he’d pressed me to confess my love for him seven years ago.” I sniffed again. “But he’s already broken me. Why does he think he needs to do it twice? And what’s so weird was that he wanted me to remember. Why would he want me to remember him hurting me? He’s a twisted and heartless bastard, that’s what I think.”
Kelsy sighed. “Don’t hate me for saying this, but I think you two need to meet up, somewhere public, and talk about what happened that night. Answers will palliate the pain. You two are fully grown, mature adults. Sit and have him tell you why the hell he did whatever he did to you and why on earth he came back. You don’t have to date him anymore. You just need answers. Trust me, you’ll feel a whole lot better afterward.”
“No, I don’t want to. He’s back, seven years later, and refuses to tell me who he was. Why? He wanted me to find out on my own. What did he think I was gonna do, run into his arms because I’ve found my long lost love? He left me!” my voice cracked. “Let’s not talk about him anymore. I don’t w-want to”…sniffs…”t-talk about him”…sniffs…”anymore. No more. Please,” I slashed away my tears. “It’s late and I have work in three hours.”
Cleaving myself away from Kelsy’s arms, I hopped off the bed and headed for the door.
“I’ll come stay with you,” she offered, peeling the duvet away.
“I don’t think Tev will like that very much. He was deeply worried about me keeping you up.”
“Screw Tev!” she angered.
A small smile, I afforded that much. “No, Kels. I’m good. I love you. Goodnight.”
My feet felt heavy as I plodded upstairs and chose the first bedroom in sight. Tossing my bag on the carpeted floor, I climbed unceremoniously into the bed and cried myself into darkness…
“Sadie, I told you, we don’t have to do this. We should wait.”
I tugged at Nelly’s hand, pulling him towards his bedroom in his rented flat. His abode for the weekends, to which I held the keys. It was mine during the week to do with as I pleased, my second home. “I know. But I want to. I want you,” I cajoled.
Nelly inhaled a sharp breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were blazed with lust, his tenuous reservation had raveled out. He cupped my face and plunged his tongue into my mouth, taking what was his. His minty saliva mixed with mine as our tongues tangled in a tango. Still kissing me, he stepped across the bedroom threshold and kicked the door shut. The kiss got deeper as he took small steps forward, forcing me to take small steps backwards, until I felt the bed behind me. I fell, and he fell with me, our lips never parting.
Oh God, I love him so much.
He cleaved his lips away from mine and we both gasped for air. His breathing ragged, mine parallel. Once our lungs were oxygenated, he spoke, “On one condition.”
“What?” I rasped. “Anything.”
Nelly pierced my eyes with his burning blues, and I couldn’t look away. I felt like I was nailed to him. “I want to know that you love me.”
I grew silent. My movements, thoughts and breathing stilled.
“Why won’t you tell me? You’re driving me insane, Sadie. I need to know. I need to hear the words. I sound like a bitch, I know, but I need to hear it,” he pleaded. He frowned then, and a look of horror crossed his face. “You don’t love me, do you?”
My mouth went dry, and I could only stare at him. I couldn’t command my lips to speak.
“Dammit!” he exclaimed, pounding his fist on the mattress. “I’m such an idiot!”
He pushed away to leave but I gripped his biceps and wrapped my legs around his waist.
“No, Nelly, don’t go,” I begged.
“Why the hell shouldn’t I?” he snapped.
“Because I do love you.”
Nelly’s eyes softened. “You do?”
“Yes.”
“And that’s the ultimate truth? Not just because you want me to have sex with you?”
I nodded. “It’s the truth. I love you more than air. I was just afraid to tell you because I believe once I did, everything would end. I would wake up and it would all be a dream. You are so precious to me, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what I’d do. I’d go insane if you ever left me.”
Nelly stared at me through indecipherable eyes, and I wished I knew what he was thinking. Then he spoke, “Tell me. Tell me you love me.”
This time, I didn’t hesitate. “I love you, Nelly. I really do.”
“Are my eyes still in place?”
“Yes,” I answered, puzzled.
“My nose still there?”
I nodded.
“My eyebrows, lips, ears?”
Another nod.
“So I am not disappearing, then?”
I giggled. “No.”
“Good. Will you promise to stop worrying? I am never going to leave you. You are my life, Sadie. God made you just for me. My life won’t mean shit without you in it.”
“I promise.” Clasping my hands around his neck, I pulled him down to kiss me.
Nelly pulled my blouse over my head and ran his teeth along my jaw. I tipped my head back exposing my neck to him, because I longed for him to kiss me there.
“I love your neck. Adore it,” he mumbled.
He spent an eon about my neck, worshiping, kissing, licking and tasting. Then he sucked at a spot on the left of my neck. When he released my flesh from his lips, he whispered, “My neck. My mark. You’re mine. Whenever you see this mark, you’ll remember me.”
Nelly, with deft fingers, unhooked my bra, then glorified each of my breasts with measured time.
“Ah…Nel…”
He meandered down my flushed, yearning, inhibited body. The cool air of the room whispered over my lambed flesh, but Nelly’s steamy kisses kept me warm.
He unzipped my denim skirt and made quick work of removing it. Then grasped my ankles and showered my shaking legs with kisses. From leg to leg, kiss for kiss, until his hot breath was between my thighs. I screwed my eyes shut, for I felt exposed and wanton. This was too intimate.
Nelly hooked his thumbs in the sides of my panties and paused. “Open your eyes, baby, look at me.”
Slowly, I did.
“I am most honored at being the first man to uncover you,” he said with a licentious smile. “And I want to be the last. Now watch me as I do it, and monumentalize my expression of pleasure.”
Inch by inch, in the most torturous manner, he pulled my lacy panties off. Then lifted his eyes to mine again and playfully said, “Tis a beautiful sight, my love.”
Bending his head, his ran his nose through my curls. “And your scent is intoxicating. An elixir for long life and happiness.”
Squirming, I covered my face with my hands and tried to close my legs, but he held them firmly apart. “Don’t,” he quieted. “Don’t be coy with me. Rem
ember, you belong to me. And I to you.”
With that, he lowered his head and I moaned when his warm tongue touched my bud.
Oh, this feeling…
It’s so alien. Unprecedented.
“Oh, Nelly…it…it feels so…ah…I love you…”
I writhed and twisted as the exotic pleasure protracted. The feelings of such worldly delight made me want to holler and beg him to stop, but no, I didn’t want him to stop. He tongued my bud like a fan blade on high speed. It’s so…so…Oh. My. God.
Something was about to happen, I knew it. I felt it coming but I wasn’t sure what it was. Of their own volition, my legs stiffened, and I involuntarily gripped the sheets to prepare myself for what was about to happen. Nelly propelled on. He just wouldn’t seize his punitive wielding.
And then…And then…my whole body began to vibrate.
Shit. I didn’t know my body could do that!
“Nelly…” I cried. “I…I…”
Soon, all consciousness was gone as the darkness behind my lids turned to light. Bright light with colorful ubiquitous stars. Then, a scream rushed through my lungs, the loudest I’ve ever heard myself. And I went smashing into a million shards. My whole body jerking like a fits attack. “I…oh god, Nelly…baby, I love you!”
Soon, the stars began to vanish, one by one. And the bright light behind my lids dimmed into a small circle, smaller and smaller until it was gone. There was only darkness and I was once again aware of where I was and with whom.
The sound of music made me open my eyes. Nelly was standing stark naked at the end of the bed, a small packet glinting in his hand, while Beyoncé’s Dangerously In Love played softly from the surround system. “You vibrate like a freakin’ cell phone when you’re about to come. That’s…sexy as hell. Exotic.”
And it was freaking amazing! Damn, I want to do that again. And again. And again.
My lips curved into a lazy smile.
“You look enervated,” he whispered. “Are you okay?”
Nodding, I stretched out my hands for him to come back to me. He grinned, obviously relieved at my answer, and mouthed, “I love you,” before climbing back onto the bed and settling between my leaden legs.
Placing his hands on either side of my head, he bent and kissed me softly, tenderly, gently, passionately. My nipples hardened at the new fire that kindled.
“Here,” Nelly held the packet out to me.
I frowned at it. But he kissed my lips once more and whispered, “I’ll show you how. I love the feel of a woman’s soft hands sliding latex over my throbbing dick.”
My throat moved in a gulp. It was only then that my eyes were drawn to his shaft. Or, should I say, riot baton. It was huge. Holy Shit! Where the hell was that going to fit?
Nelly chortled at my wide-eyed expression. “You stretch. Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you.”
Assuaged I was not, for I found that very hard to believe.
“Now, I’ll teach you how to open and remove a condom. If you ruin it, no sex. Understand?”
I nodded.
“Hold it here in the center with your thumb and index finger,” he began, demonstrating to me as if I was in a hands-on sex education class. “Using your other hand, situate your thumb and index finger right here at the corner and tear. Don’t tear it off completely, just halfway. Then remove the latex.”
Nelly handed the packet to me and with shaky breath and deep concentration I did as I was told, making no errors.
A kiss was my award. “Good girl.”
“Now hold it at the tip and gently roll it unto me. Don’t let go of the tip until you’ve unrolled it completely.”
My eyes darted between his shaft and the condom dubiously.
“Do it, Sadie,” he pushed.
Taking a deep breath, I gingerly did as I was told, taking note of Nelly’s sharp intake of breath in the process.
I blinked up at him when I was finished and smiled a shy smile.
“Good girl.” He awarded me another kiss, a kiss that deepened and melded into a continuum of tongue-knotting passion. I squirmed and bowed beneath him as my folds soaked with new juices.
Nelly shifted his weight to one side, supporting himself on his elbow then ran his other hand leisurely down my heated body. His fingers trailed down into my damp curls, rubbing my bud and eliciting a moan from me, as I was eager to experience that exhilarative feeling again.
He slid a finger inside me, the intrusion stung a bit. Feeling awkward, because I have never had anything inside me before, I shifted on his finger.
“Keep still…” Nelly whispered against my lips, “…you’ll hurt yourself. I want this to be as painless as possible. When you get around the feeling of having my finger inside of you, bite my lip and I’ll insert another, okay? I’m preparing you.”
I answered with a nod, trying not to focus on the pounding tattoo of my heart.
Nelly slowly moved his finger around inside me and when I felt my body begin to quicken I bit his lip. Gingerly, he slid another finger inside.
I winced. But it wasn’t all painful; it just felt strange, as though his fingers didn’t belong there. But on some level, pleasurable. Nelly moved his fingers in and out and around. And I closed my eyes to savor the exquisite feel of his fingers inside me. Knowing that they were Nelly’s. My Nelly, touching me so intimately. I felt like crying—only because I was so happy.
All too soon his fingers were out, and he shifted above me, supporting his weight on his forearms. “Ready?”
I think so. “Yes.”
His crest settled at my entrance as he brought his lips to mine and whispered, “Don’t stop kissing me.”
In reply, I moaned. Then I felt him, the tip of his crest, crowning. Slow and controlled. His mouth held mine in a kiss as inch by inch he tipped into me, and I mewled in his mouth at the burning sensation, but he ate all my cries, taking my mind away from the strange and intense pain.
Soon, Nelly was fully inside me, and my toes curled at the intrusion, my eyes screwed shut as I emitted stifled moans into Nelly’s mouth. He ate them all. Kissing away the pain.
He stayed still above me, allowing my body to acclimatize his interloping shaft. When I’d gotten around to the feeling of him being inside me, I bit his tongue.
Comprehending, Nelly began to move. Determinedly controlled, slow, steady strokes. The stinging, burning, abrasive sensation began to subside, being supplanted by euphoric pleasure. My tensed muscles relaxed into squirming need as he slid in and out of me.
Instinctively, I thrust my hips up to meet his. Shit! That was painful.
“Don’t,” he scolded through a strained voice. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
Chastened, I obeyed, closed my eyes and allowed myself be taken over by the delectation of Nelly moving inside me. And then…it was about to happen again. My body grew more excited with each stroke. I cupped Nelly’s face and demanded more of his tongue.
My eyes slammed shut and I could no longer feel the bed beneath me, could no longer feel Nelly in my hands, could no longer tell where I was. Just afloat on puffy white clouds in nirvana as my whole body vibrated, reverberating with my emergent orgasm. The clouds fell away, and I detonated. Jerking and pulsing and crying out as I came. Ripples and waves of pleasure washing over me.
But all too soon, I’d fallen back into consciousness, becoming aware of Nelly’s incremented strokes and his muffled moans. As if losing all his control, he fell unto me when his elbows gave way and he grasped my face between his palms as he flexed in and out of me, his feral moans escaping down my throat. He kissed me as though he were trying to rip my tongue from my mouth, before tipping up my chin so he could feast on my neck. In one firm stroke, his body stilled above mine and I felt him sucking hard on my neck with a winding groan as his shaft pulsated inside me.
Soon his body relaxed, and he released my flesh from betwixt his teeth. It stung. Hurt, even. Nelly’s head fell into the curve of my neck, his breath ragged as he whispered,
“Sadie… Sadie…I’m dangerously in love with you.”
But at that time my eyes were fighting a battle with sleep, and I lost.
My eyes fluttered open and I blinked into recognition of what and where. In Nelly’s bed I was, lying nude. But Nelly’s bed did not withhold him.
Nelly was absent.
Various parts of my body ached with mild pain. My neck—the love bites. Between my legs—my lost virginity. My lips—from endless kissing.
Around the dimly lit room my eyes darted. Where was Nelly?
I swung my weary limbs out of bed, and as I did I heard laughing and jeering outside the flat. Assumption was that the boys were under The Big Tree out in the yard smoking marijuana and spewing lewd jokes as usual. Maybe that’s where Nelly was.